16. Cagan

16

CAGAN

A s our magical night comes to a close, I regretfully inform Hayden that I won’t be able to see her for two days as my clan is being called away on an urgent mission. Though disappointment shadows her lovely face, she nods in understanding.

Now, two endless days later, I cannot stop thinking about her. I miss her terribly - the lilt of her voice, the melody of her laugh, the way her emerald eyes sparkle when she smiles. Her absence leaves an ache in my heart that I cannot ignore. Being apart from her has been pure anguish. I realize my feelings for Hayden go far beyond friendship. What I feel is deeper, more profound. I believe I am in love. The realization crashes over me like a wave, equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. I want nothing more than to be near her again, to tell her how I feel, but uncertainty gnaws at me.

I rush to her camp, desperate to see her radiant face again. But as I crest the mossy hill, my heart sinks like a stone in my chest. The little lean-to we had so carefully constructed together lies in ruins, its logs smashed to splinters and strewn about haphazardly on the ground. Hayden's tiny camp is utterly destroyed.

"Hayden!" I bellow in panic, my guttural voice echoing through the stillness of the trees. Sickening dread washes over me in frigid waves as I frantically search the area. She is nowhere to be found. What could have possibly happened here? Who or what could have committed this violence? Then I spot them - huge, clawed paw prints scored deep in the dirt all around the wreckage. Wolves. They must have smelled the food.

I sink to my knees, the earth trembling beneath the impact of my massive frame. Guilt and anguish ravage my insides like gnashing teeth. I was the one who had convinced her this spot was safe. But I have failed her. Cold, paralyzing fear for her safety clamps around my pounding heart like an iron vice.

With a burst of frenzied desperation I leap to my feet, turning over shattered logs and debris as I continue to search madly through the ruins. "Hayden!" I roar, whirling about frenetically. "Hayden, where are you?" My heart is hammering erratically against my ribs now. She must be here somewhere, must be unharmed!

But only the sigh of the wind through the lonely trees answers my frantic pleas. Could the wolves have dragged her off into the forest after all? Even at this very moment, might her life's blood be staining their jaws?

No! I tell myself firmly. I see no traces of blood anywhere. She must have managed to escape the attack unscathed. But then where could she have fled to? Why does she not answer my desperate cries?

With escalating panic constricting my chest, I scour every bush, peer with dread up every tree, yearning for even the smallest glimpse of her flowing golden hair.

"Hayden, forgive me!" I yell wretchedly into the empty forest. "I have failed you! I broke my solemn vow to keep you safe, and now you are lost!

"Cagan..." A longed-for voice speaks softly from just behind me.

I whip around so fast I nearly lose my balance. There, standing amidst a patch of gently dappled sunlight, whole and seemingly unharmed, is Hayden. Profound relief crashes over me at the sight of her. In an instant I rush to her, closing the distance between us. Without conscious thought, I sweep her into the embrace of my muscled arms, my entire body shaking uncontrollably.

"Hayden! You're alive, you're uninjured!" I cry out fervently as I sweep her delicate frame against my barrel-like chest. She feels so impossibly small and fragile cradled there. I tenderly stroke her long golden tresses with one trembling hand.

In this perfect moment I desire nothing more than to stand here for all eternity, sheltering this precious woman securely in my embrace. I make a solemn vow then and there to never allow harm to befall her again. She has captured my heart completely, in a way I never dreamed possible. For the first time in my life, I understand what it means to cherish something delicate and good.

But before I can think through the ramifications, primal instinct abruptly takes hold of me. Still caught up in a churning tempest of powerful emotion, I gently grasp her lovely face between my hands.

Unable to stop myself, I bring my mouth down onto her soft lips in a searing kiss. In that electrifying moment, weeks of suppressed longing, fear, and devotion surge forth explosively to overwhelm my self-control. I kiss her over and over, my actions first impassioned, then turning achingly gentle and reverent. For endless, blissful moments I am powerless to stop, intoxicated by her sweetness.

But then my conscious mind reasserts itself. What am I doing? Appalled at myself, I tear my mouth from hers, regret crashing over me in a scalding wave.

"Cagan?" Hayden questions, her voice achingly tender. The melodic sound of my name on her tongue, spoken with such warmth and concern, almost erodes my resolve entirely. But I only shake my head wordlessly, unable to meet her searching emerald gaze, so filled with care.

"Forgive me," I rasp hoarsely, stumbling back several paces to put some much-needed distance between us.

Desire still simmers hotly through my veins, making my massive hands tremble and flex with the fierce urge to reach for her again. But I clench them into tight fists at my sides. I cannot, will not give in to my own selfish appetites.

"I… I don’t know what came over me," I stammer. "I shouldn’t have been so bold.”

Hayden continues to stare at me wordlessly, her luminous emerald eyes boring into me. To my shock, I don’t see even the faintest shred of anger smoldering in their depths, but rather a heated, yearning look that makes my pulse quicken and my blood boil with anticipation.

"Cagan," she finally whispers, her voice rich with unspoken longing as she takes a deliberate step nearer, closing the small gulf still separating us.

The sound of my name upon her tongue sends an involuntary spike of raw need lancing through my core. Unconsciously, my huge hands clench into even tighter fists, my nails gouging painfully into my palms as I wage a war within myself to resist the urge to reach for her once more.

"Cagan," Hayden repeats more firmly, erasing still more of the scant distance between us.

Her heated emerald gaze flicks briefly down to my mouth before slowly returning up to meet mine. I cannot restrain a shudder of desire under the intensity of her unwavering stare. She stands mere inches away now, so close I can feel the seductive warmth radiating from her body.

My traitorous heart slams out a jagged staccato against my ribs in response. My breath catches raggedly in my throat, coming now in short, harsh pants. I realize I want this woman with a ferocity that terrifies me.

"We can’t do this," I somehow manage to grind out, though the half-hearted protest rings feeble and hollow even to my own ears. "It wouldn’t be right. Not like this."

But even as I speak the weak words, my massive arms flex and bunch with the volcanic urge to pull her to me once more. With her standing there, so temptingly near, my tenuous restraint is fraying by the second. Soon it will snap altogether, I know. And perhaps some small, secret part of me wishes it so.

An expression of fierce determination flashes across Hayden's exquisite features, her jaw set stubbornly. Then without further hesitation she decisively closes the scant remaining distance still separating us. Throwing her willowy arms about my bulky neck, she presses the length of her supple body wantonly to mine. Before I can summon the will to utter even the slightest protest, she pulls my head down and finds my mouth again with her own in a kiss that is hungry and brimming with sensual intent.

For a single, earth-shattering heartbeat I stand paralyzed, unable to respond at all. My mind reels, overwhelmed by the scent and taste of her. Then heedless instinct conquers coherent thought once more.

With a muffled groan, I grip her delicate waist, reflexively pulling her even more tightly to me as I return her ardent kiss with a fervent urgency to match her own. In this sublime moment, nothing else matters but the exquisite feel of her soft mouth moving eagerly against mine, our passion cresting then breaking over us both in waves, carrying away the last tattered remnants of my restraint.

When we finally break apart some timeless age later, both gasping harshly for breath, Hayden gifts me with a smile of such radiance it rivals the sun. "I think this makes everything right between us now," she murmurs, nuzzling against my throat in a way that unravels me entirely.

Unable to form any words in response, I simply tighten my arms around her possessively. Perhaps there are still arguments to be made for stopping this madness. But they can come later. For now, for this one perfect, stolen moment, I intend to lose myself completely in her warm and willing embrace. The rest of the world can wait for now.