37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Mia

Being back in the office is helping a bit. Throwing myself into my work helps keep my mind off of Eric. If I’m not thinking about him, then I’m not kicking myself for pushing him away. I don’t know how many times I’ve picked up my phone and almost called him, begging for him to forgive me for pushing him away.

I’m so miserable that I wonder if I even care if he doesn’t love me the way I love him. I’d rather feel the relief of talking to him right now than worry about if I lose him down the road.

If that sounds desperate, then that shows exactly where I am emotionally right now.

A voice startles me from my thoughts. “How are you doing?”

I look up and see my brother Lucas standing at my door. “I’m fine. You don’t need to ask me every single day how I’m doing with that look on your face.”

“What look?” he asks defensively.

My shoulders fall as I sigh. “The look that says that you are worried about me, wondering if I’m going to break.”

“Is it so wrong for me to be worried?” he asks as he leans against my door frame.

“No, of course not. I appreciate you worrying about me. But constantly watching me like I’m a sad little puppy isn’t going to help me get over this any faster. All it does is make me feel worse.”

I see a look of guilt cross his face. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to do that to you. I promise I’ll try to stop asking. Did you see the new account Marcus locked in?”

A smile breaks out on my face. “I did. He’s doing such a great job out there in Chicago. That’s a big client. I’m so excited to start working on how to promote their wines.”

“They said one of the reasons they wanted to work with us was seeing your portfolio. They’re excited to work with you.”

That makes me feel so proud. I love what I do. It’s so rewarding when you can make someone else’s dreams come true through creating their brand and helping them show it to the world.

After work is done, I’m so exhausted I feel like crawling to my front door. My body is still kind of banged up and definitely needs more rest than I am used to. But sitting at my house alone all day is just not an option for my mental health.

I get to my front porch and the fall cold, which in Cleveland is basically winter, makes my body shiver as it begs for warmth. Something catches my eye at the end of my porch. I turn my head and see a swing hanging at the end.

My breath catches in my throat. It’s the swing Eric made for me.

How did it get here?

I take shaky steps all the way to the end of the porch until I’m standing right in front of it.

Did he bring this here? Is he back in Cleveland?

My heart flutters at the thought. I crane my neck to see if there’s anyone around, but there’s nobody in sight. Then I see something odd installed around the roof of my porch with a cord going down to my outlet. There’s a button attached to the cord. I press it and the thing comes to life as it turns orange all around.

It’s a heater. So, I can stay warm out here in the fall and winter while still using the swing. It’s amazing. I feel it warming me up already.

I don’t know what to do. Am I supposed to text him back? But if he wanted to talk to me, wouldn’t he have called and told me about this. I don’t think he would have snuck in and installed it while I was at work if he wanted to see me.

My vision clouds with emotion. That’s what kind of man he is. He arranged to have this set up for me or did it himself all because he knows how much I wanted it. Even after I pushed him away from me and asked him to leave.

I bet he hates me right now.

How did we both manage to hurt each other while claiming to love each other?

I guess that’s why we are both single. We clearly both have issues.

I walk into my house and instantly change into comfy clothes before I reheat some food, take pain medication, and fall asleep with my phone in my hand as I tried to think of what to text him.

The next morning when I get into my office, I get a weird feeling. Something seems different but I don’t quite know what it is. I look around but don’t immediately spot anything different.

I don’t know how many times I’ve grabbed my phone to text him before lunch, but it's borderline driving me insane. There’s always something stopping me. This nagging voice in my head telling me that if he wanted to see or talk to me, he would have done it by now.

I throw my phone down on my desk. With my elbow on my desk, I plop my head in my hand. Then I spot it, a picture hanging on my wall across the room.

My vision sucks. I can see it’s a man in jeans with no shirt on, but I can’t really make out any details. Is this some prank from my brothers? Kind of weird if you ask me.

Maybe one of my sisters-in-law thinks I needed a little pick me up.

I stand up from my desk and as I get closer to it, my jaw hits the floor. I grab it off of the wall and try to process what I’m holding.

It’s a calendar. Not just any calendar. One with Eric on the front posing without a shirt on in his barn. He’s bending over his workspace as he cuts a piece of wood.

I recall what I said to him one time when I was watching him work in his barn. I told him how much I would enjoy a calendar of just sexy pictures of him in his barn with no shirt on. A smile spreads across my face when I realize what he did.

I walk over to my desk and take a seat then I flip it open. The January picture is of him cutting a log in his backyard. The muscles in his arms are bulging from the strength of him holding his ax over his shoulder.

My body instantly reacts to the picture. I almost forgot just how insanely gorgeous this man is. I flip the page to February where he seems to be cutting out a piece of wood in the shape of a heart.

He’s wearing a red and black button-down shirt with the shirt opened for me to have the perfect view of his abs. Each page that I flip to makes me laugh with delight. I can’t believe he did this. I wonder who he talked into taking these pictures.

I wish it was me.

A sting of jealousy hits me with who got to be behind that lens. What if he hired a woman?

When I get to December, the thought of who was behind the lens is gone, replaced with sheer joy. He is in his classic jeans, low cut with no shirt but wearing a Santa hat. This time he is in the woods cutting down a tree, but the sexy look he gives the camera makes me shiver.

The rest of the day, I’m a mess. I can’t figure out what all of this means. First the swing, now this calendar. The swing was sweet, the calendar hilarious, but there’s no notes or anything along with them for me to understand what they mean.

It’s driving me crazy and I’m about at my breaking point. I want to call him and scream at him! It’s not fair. I’m not strong enough to feel so close to him throughout these gestures and yet so far away.

The entire drive home I’m convincing myself that if I do call him, I need to be calm and rational. I can’t go off on him for being so damn confusing even though that’s exactly what I want to do. But when I pull into my driveway, my heart sinks into my stomach.

There’s a rental car sitting in my driveway. I park my car behind it and slowly get out of my car. As I walk past the car, I peek through the window but no one is inside. Then I hear someone clear their throat.

I turn my head and spot him sitting on my new swing. His eyes remain glued to me as I walk up the driveway. My body hums with excitement and shakes with nerves. It’s an odd combination.

When I approach, the warmth of the heaters actually makes it bearable to stay outside. He’s in dark jeans and a hoodie with a backwards hat on. I think it’s my new obsession seeing him dressed like this. My heart flutters at just how handsome he is.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I don’t know what to say.

A small smirk crosses his face, like he can tell I’m at a loss for words. “Hi, Mia.”

Well, I guess I could have started with a hello. But I’m too startled to think clearly. “Hi,” I say as my voice breaks.

“How are you?” he asks like this is just a casual conversation. Like this is normal. Nothing about this is normal.

“Umm, I’m fine.”

His head falls to the side. “Aren’t you going to ask how I’m doing?”

I take a deep breath, willing myself to say what I want. “Actually, I’m more curious as to what you’re doing here.”

He nods his head. “That’s fair. Care to take this conversation inside?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” I say as I realize I haven’t invited him in yet. “Come on in.”

I reach for my key, hoping he doesn’t notice my shaky hand as I open my front door. I take a step inside and turn on my lights then kick off my shoes and take off my coat. I lead him into the family room and take a seat on my couch.

I expect him to sit on the other couch or one of the chairs, but he takes a seat right next to me like it’s the most natural thing in the world. The suspense of all of this is killing me. He rests one arm on the back of the couch, and I have to remind myself not to fall into the crook of his arm like I used to. But the physical urge to do so is powerful.

“Where do I start?” he says as he looks at me softly.

I tuck a hair behind my ear nervously. “I don’t know, Eric,” I say as my voice cracks with emotion. “I just…”

“Hey,” he says gently as he places his hand on top of mine, which is resting on my thigh. “I’m sorry. Let me just start from the beginning.” He takes a deep breath, and only then do I recognize his own nerves.

“That night that you left,” he starts.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, but he holds up his hand.

“Please, don’t apologize for a single thing. I’m the one who owes the apology. That night, I had just gotten back from work and was already on edge because I had just realized how much I hated my job. It was an effort to get through the workday when all I wanted to do was come home to you. That scared me. I knew deep down I was already in love with you, and I felt out of control. So, when I came home, and you were there to give me that business proposal, I was already in a terrible headspace.”

Well, that sounds like shitty timing. I wish I had known that.

“It’s no excuse as to how I acted,” he continues. “But I just wanted you to have some context. I was jealous of how much you loved your job, but I kept telling myself that not everyone gets to do what they love. For the longest time, I’ve contributed money to being worthy. But the second I thought something could have happened to you. It was like everything fell into place. I realized it didn’t matter the amount of money I had sitting in the bank if the woman I loved was gone.”

I inhale a shaky breath. Hearing him say he loves me again when I’m not lying in a hospital bed feels different. Can this be real? It’s everything I want to hear.

Why do I still feel so scared?

“But I was a fool. I came to you and unloaded all of this on you when you were weak and hurt. And I expected you to believe it after just one moment of declaration. For that, I’m sorry.”

He lifts his hand and glides his thumb across my cheek. Only now do I realize that I’m crying.

“When you told me to leave, I shouldn’t have taken that as an ending to our story. But I was scared,” he says as I see emotion cloud his eyes as well. “You were in that hospital because of an ex who didn’t listen to your demand to leave you alone. I didn’t want to be another ex who didn’t honor your request.”

I can’t believe I never thought about it like that. I stare back at this man. This amazing man who just wanted to make sure I never felt pressured again, and I suddenly can’t stay away. I throw myself into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck as I cry into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I was just so scared of getting hurt,” I cry.

His arms snake around my waist and he pulls me into him. Everything already feels exactly like it should again. I’m so crazy for this man.

When I pull away, I sit back down but this time our bodies are touching. I don’t want to feel any distance between us again.

“I understand, Mia. But I owe you the apology. None of this would have happened if I was just able to pull my head out of my ass for a second to realize that I was the one afraid of getting hurt again. But I should have known from the moment I met you that you were different.”

He pauses and smiles down at me. “I quit my job.”

“What?” I gasp. “You quit? When?”

“The second Layla called to tell me you were in the hospital. I was already being told that my bosses thought I was slacking off when I started working normal hours. Then when I knew I had to get to you, explaining why I needed to leave just pissed me off. So, I quit.”

“And…how do you feel about that now?” I ask cautiously.

I hope he doesn’t regret it. I would feel awful.

He smiles. “I feel great about it. You know the crazy part? I told my colleague to tell them I quit, and they haven’t even called me since I left. They never gave a shit about me. But then I found your business proposal for my company. Mia, it was amazing.”

“You think so?”

He cups my cheek tenderly. “I have already bought the LLC and worked with a bank to get it all setup. I even made a sign for my barn. Do you want to see it?” he asks.

“Of course I do,” I say with excitement.

He pulls out his phone and shows me a picture. The sign has the logo that I designed burned into it. “Eric, it’s stunning. I love it. I can’t believe this. I’m so proud of you.”

I look up into his eyes and the way he is looking at me has my heart skipping a beat. “You saw me, Mia. The real me. The one who always dreamed of this but never knew it was possible. I’m so crazy about you. I…I love you.”

“You do?” I ask as my heart thunders in my chest.

He nods his head. “Of course I do. And I’m willing to do anything to be with you. Have you move to South Carolina and live with me or move up here to be with you. Whatever it takes. You are my forever. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my entire life.”

“You would move here for me?”

His finger runs along my jaw as I swallow heavily. “I would do anything for you, Mia. The only time I have ever felt loved and accepted for who I am, has been with you. You are my world now, and nothing will stop me from making sure we are together.”

All these years I’ve wondered if there was someone out there who would go to the ends of the earth to be with me. I never thought it would happen. Even when I thought I was running away from the scariest time of my life, it was leading me to my happy ever after.

“Eric,” I say through a cloud of emotion. “I love you too.”

He smiles as he leans down and presses his lips to mine. Every worry, every fear that I’ve had melts away as he deepens the kiss. When we pull away, I’m panting with desire, and my brain conjures up all the pictures on my calendar, and I laugh.

“What’s so funny?” he asks.

“I’m just thinking about the calendar you made,” I laugh.

He chuckles to himself. “I just wanted you to laugh. You have Liam to thank for that. He told me to tell you that he is personally scarred for life and will never be the same.”

I throw my head back and laugh. This man. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m going to soak up all of the love and laughter that I know he has inside of him. He just needed to feel safe enough to give it to someone. I will never take for granted that I am the lucky recipient of it all.

Life has been crazy up to this point. But I have a feeling that the only time I will look back at my past, is to see how far I have come.

The End