56. Tammy

CHAPTER 56

TAMMY

I hear his tears before I see him.

Rushing into the walk-in closet, I flick on the lights, the hangers screeching against the railing as I push my coats aside in a rush.

"Hey." I drop to my knees beside him, taking in his tear-streaked face and heaving chest. He's doing these little hiccupping sobs as he clutches my phone. "What's up, kiddo? Why are you hiding in here? Why have you got my phone?"

Oh God, I hope he wasn't calling the police or something.

"Who'd you call, baby?"

"I want to go home," he wails, a fresh wave of sobs taking him out as he wraps his arms around my neck and crawls onto my lap.

I rub his back, desperate to comfort him and find out what the hell is going on.

"You are home, sweetie."

"No!" he whines. "I want to go back to Nolan! I miss Fezzik and I want to play hockey and I need a Casey hug and I want to paint with Baxter." His words are infused with sobbing tears, making it hard to understand everything he's saying, but I get the gist, and it feels like a wrecking ball through my back.

Leaning away from him, I hold his face, brushing tears away with my thumbs and trying to smile at him. Who knows what the hell my lips are doing. They feel wobbly and out of control… much like my voice does.

"You miss them, huh?"

Kai nods. "It was fun there. And the noise was happy. Happy yelling. Not angry… sad… scary yelling." He's hiccupping between each word, his chest shuddering as fresh tears pop out of his eyes.

I can't deny my own, and they trail down my cheeks as I try to apologize. "I'm sorry that I scared you. I was talking with Daddy, and I got mad. I didn't mean to frighten you." I kiss his forehead and hug him close. "And I really would love to take you back to Nolan, but there's some stuff we have to work out first."

"What stuff?"

"You know… um…" My voice shakes. "When you'll see Daddy, and when you'll see me, and?—"

"I have to be with you." Kai jerks back. "You're my mommy. You have to look after me."

"I'm going to, kiddo," I assure him, forcing a smile I'm far from feeling. "I'm not gonna leave you. You're my favorite."

My words calm him a little, but he's still tense when I pull him back to my chest.

He's going to want to know what stuff I'm talking about, and he's too young to understand court mandates and lawyers and custody battles.

I hate that I'm going to have to put him through this, and I'm close to bending. To giving in and sentencing myself to a loveless marriage.

But I can't do that.

Somehow, Hudson and I need to find a way through this… for all our sakes.

Rocking Kai against me, I hold him close until he goes soft and pliable in my arms. He always falls asleep so quickly, this one, and I can't help a smile as I cradle him against me and stand.

Walking back out into the master bedroom, I'm intent on settling my son back to bed but stop short when I spot Hudson.

He's sitting on the bed, the bourbon bottle resting on his knees, his eyes glassy as he glares at me. "He wants to go home, huh?"

I bite my lips together, lightly resting my cheek on Kai's head. "We'll keep explaining how this all works to him. He's young and confused and scared by our yelling. We need to really work on keeping things light and friendly around him, okay? We can't scare him like this again."

Hudson's lips purse, and he sniffs, resting his hand on his knee.

"How many guys were you staying with, Tammy?" His voice is bitter. "Sounds like you had quite the harem going on there."

I hope my look is scathing enough as I tip my head and glare at him. "The house was full of people. Baxter lives with a bunch of wonderful friends, and they were very kind to Kai."

"Especially Baxter?" he spits.

"Yeah." I nod, boldly meeting his glare head-on. "Baxter's amazing with him. He's amazing with me and…" I let out a soft sigh, licking my lips and looking away from Hudson. "I know this hurts you, and I'm sorry about that. But I love him. I think I always loved him; I just didn't see it until it was too late." My voice catches when I glance back at him.

Hudson's expression gets a shade darker, his mouth set in a thin line as he absorbs that information. Shit, maybe I shouldn't have told him.

Am I just making things harder for myself?

He sniffs and scoffs, looking away from me. "I always knew he was my biggest threat."

"What?" I whisper.

"Get out." He tips his head toward the door.

I stay where I am, my eyes bulging in surprise.

"Both of you. I want you gone," he snaps. "You don't want to be here with me? Then go. I don't want you." He swigs the bourbon, wiping the back of his mouth and growling when he notices that I still haven't moved.

"Hudson."

"Go!" He stands, pointing at the door behind me. "Get out!"

Kai groans in his sleep, and I shift him to rest his head on my shoulder. His legs dangle by my sides as I gape at his father.

"I don't understand what?—"

"I wanted to fight for you. I wanted to try and keep this family together, but I see that it's pointless now. So just go. Get out of my life."

"But Kai's your son. He?—"

"He means nothing without you." His voice is curt and rough and… he is so going to regret saying that one day.

The words burn, slapping me in the heart. He doesn't want his own son. He doesn't…

I stumble back, shaking my head and feeling sick as he barks me out of the house.

"Just go! Go be with your new man and forget about me! I don't need you anymore. I can have any woman I want!"

Hudson's shouting wakes Kai, and he starts to cry.

"It's okay." I rub his back, running into his room and grabbing a few essentials while Hudson continues his drunken rant.

"Fuck you, Tammy! I don't need you!"

"What's happening, Mommy?" Kai wails.

"Grab your blanket and Mr. Beans," I tell him.

"Where are we going?"

I stare down at his cute little face and whisper, "Home."