30. Chapter 30

Ten days later

Tsaria lit the candles around their suite and dimmed some of the sconces. The last ten days had been insane, and while he knew why, it was time he accepted his life. He needed to talk to Kamir, and he was dreading it.

Kamir looked worse than he had before they’d dispatched Elainore and rescued the children, because he was now skipping meals as he was so busy. But today, the first rush of responsibilities should be over. The sand people had been allocated an area to settle in, complete with access to clean water, and they were slowly moving there.

Moxie was moving the children into their new home. Kamir had tutors sent for some and was subtly convincing the shopkeepers and tradesman to look for new apprentices amongst them. Not only did the palace undertake to pay half their wages for the first year, but those tradesmen that kept apprentices after that would be prioritized for all projects needed for the crown, which of course included all the palace buildings, road projects, stables, transport, food, weapons, clothing. The list was endless.

Tsaria had to admit there was a huge feeling of hope sweeping through Rajpur that they hadn’t had before.

Jael and Axel were both asleep. With the number of times Tsaria had caught Jael snuggled up with his chosen brother, they had stopped trying to separate them into their own beds. Jael had become fiercely protective of Axel and Axel was finally letting his guard down. Even Laronne had said love was the best medicine, and Jael undertook to make sure Axel did his prescribed leg exercises religiously. They also shared the same tutor for reading and writing.

So much had happened in so short a time.

He glanced around the suite. It was luxurious, but it simply wasn’t him. But he was going to try to make it a home…that was assuming he could ever get Kamir in here in the first place.

And his thoughts—of course—went back to how he loved Kamir so much, but he still had the niggling doubt that Kamir only needed him for his dragon. He knew it was illogical. They were bonded. Kamir loved him.

He just wasn’t sure how much he needed him.

He’d accompanied Kamir to visit the city three days ago, and much to everyone’s amazement, Kamir had insisted on visiting the two new pleasure houses that had sprung up since Ishmael had died in the throne room when Kamir first shifted into his dragon. Kamir had walked into the first with no warning and heard the screams of a girl as her “guest” had beaten her. Kamir had thrown the “guest” plus the owner of that pleasure house into one of his new cells and announced that, going forward, all pleasure houses were to be licensed and inspected.

And that was when they had their first fight.

“You want me to do what?” Tsaria asked, after Kamir casually asked Tsaria if he wanted to organize said inspections and licenses.

“Well,” Kamir stammered. “I just thought—”

“You thought because I spent the last nine summers on my back, I would have the necessary experience?”

Which was mean of Tsaria. And if Tsaria hadn’t spent the previous seven days dining alone, going to bed on his own, and waking on his own, he would have reacted better. He sighed. In a lot of ways, Kamir was right, and it was a good idea. It seemed like everyone had a part to play except him, and inspecting buildings wasn’t what he imagined doing.

Moxie was thriving in her new role. Kamir was busy being the emir everyone wanted him to be, so that left Tsaria doing what? It was as if he didn’t have a role at all. When they’d visited the city three days ago, he’d even heard some of the children shouting Dragonara—keeper of dragons—which was fine, but it wasn’t all he was. He just hadn’t found out what else he was.

Then another thought made him want to curl up. Was Kamir ashamed of him? Was that why he had asked him to sort out the pleasure houses? Keep him busy so he wouldn’t expect to be by Kamir’s side?

A tiny part of him still wanted the idea of a small cottage and a family. A baby. But they had two sons now so surely Kamir’s schedule would ease soon. Or would it?

Tsaria stared out from the huge windows in Kamir’s suite. The view was incredible. He could see the lights of Rajpur below and knew thousands of people were living what now—thanks to Kamir—would be a better life. Something curled in his belly.

In that moment, he felt more shame than he ever had all those times he had lain on his back. He needed to grow the hell up. If his role was to be in their suite when Kamir arrived, then he would make it an oasis of peace. He had even spoken to Mansala today, as he was worried over Kamir, and Mansala had promised to have Kamir delivered to their suite by the eighth bell before he joined Tam in their rooms.

Everything was ready and Tsaria, dressed in his best silks, watched the sundial as the eighth bell approached. When the bell sounded, he even gave his beautiful man a few extra moments. But when another half bell had passed, Tsaria stood. This was his life. He would spend the next forty summers waiting for Kamir, and would do so because while he loved Kamir desperately, Kamir obviously didn’t love him back.

Or not enough.

He bent to blow out the candle nearest to him and crossed to the others when he heard the door to their suite open. His eyebrows lifted as he saw not only Kamir, but Mansala and Tam as well.

Kamir came right to him and took both his hands, then pulled him close and delivered a kiss like he hadn’t done in days. Tsaria melted into the lips that claimed his own, his arms wrapping around Kamir of their own accord.

It was Kamir who broke it, but he stayed close. Tsaria quickly remembered they had an audience, and tried to step back, but Kamir caught his hand and brought it to his lips. “Will you let me show you something?”

Tsaria stilled in surprise. Of everything Kamir could have said, can I show you something? had never entered his mind. But as Tsaria stared at the eager but wary face, he knew whatever it was must be important. Unsure, but knowing he could give no other answer, he nodded, and Kamir took his hand, smiling.

Kamir looked over at Mansala and Tam, who came fully into the room. Tam grinned. “I’m your babysitter.” He waved at them as Mansala opened the door to the suite to usher them out. Tsaria glanced down at his choice of clothing, because he’d covered himself up far more in public this week, but Kamir bent and gently bit his earlobe. “You look amazing, and you set my blood on fire.”

Tsaria shivered deliciously.

They had a full complement of eight guards, which was a little startling in the palace until Tsaria realized they were heading for what Kamir called the garden exit. Tsaria knew Kamir was expecting Gerry, the dragon lily expert, and the Cadmeeran gardeners next month, as Kamir wanted a full apothecary garden. Tam was excited to give his input, and the greenhouses would be built when Gerry gave his opinion on a suitable area. Tam had received Ash’s blessing to stay in Rajpur.

Kamir paused at the door of the palace and shrugged off his tunic, handing his sash carelessly to Mansala, then draped his tunic around Tsaria’s shoulders. “In my excitement, I forgot you might be chilled,” and Tsaria’s heart did that funny, melty thing. There was no one here, so he wasn’t covering Tsaria because he was ashamed. He truly wanted Tsaria to be comfortable. They carried on down the path. Tsaria hadn’t been out this door before, so he had no idea where they were going, but Kamir walked with purpose for what seemed a long time until they came to an old house. Tsaria glanced up. It was large and two stories but some of the roof had fallen in and there was a lean-to that had no roof at all.

Kamir stopped outside it and all the guards stepped away to a respectful distance. “This was originally the head gardener’s cottage until my grandfather moved him into the servant’s quarters, as he decided he was too far away to issue daily instructions to.”

Tsaria swallowed with difficulty, dread coiling inside him. “So you’re renovating it for him?”

“No,” Kamir said softly and took Tsaria’s hand. Mansala stepped back and talked to the guards but didn’t follow them. Kamir pushed open the door and Tsaria took in the scene. There was a roaring fire. A large bed had been assembled on the floor with cushions, blankets, and furs. There was a table laden with drink and food.

Kamir let Tsaria look and then took both his hands and pulled him close. “I was hoping…” Kamir hesitated, sounding nervous, “that you would arrange this to your liking.”

Tsaria blinked. Tried to speak and had to swallow first. “I don’t understand. You’re the emir. You have to live—”

But his words were cut off when Kamir took his lips with his own and then led him to the bed. “I love you, in case I haven’t told you that today, but I want to talk to you about our life together.”

Tsaria felt a sickening drop in his stomach. This was it. Kamir was going to banish him to this cottage. Hide his embarrassment, his shame , out of the way. Would he see Jael and Axel? Or would they live in the palace and grow up as princes and never see him because he would remind them of their old lives, best forgotten? Tsaria glanced over at the seduction scene, but it wasn’t necessary. Tsaria didn’t need to be seduced. He was a sure thing. He’d been a sure thing since he was ten summers old.

“I understand,” he murmured. Maybe Kamir would visit when he wasn’t busy. “I don’t need the guards.” He didn’t. They would accompany Kamir, of course, when he visited…if he visited.

Kamir frowned and seemed to study him. Tsaria drew back and pretended to look at the cottage.

“I need you to come outside,” Kamir said after a moment, and Tsaria agreed immediately. Did he expect Tsaria to move in right away? He could sleep on the floor. They walked through the double doors at the opposite end of the room that would look so sweet if they led to a garden. Maybe he would be granted the plants to make one?

Kamir led him until they cleared the house, then let his hand go and stepped away. In an instant, Tsaria was staring at Kamir’s dragon and, helpless to stop himself, Tsaria extended his arm, and the dragon nuzzled his palm. The same feeling of love swept over him and Tsaria’s eyes smarted. If this was the only thing he would ever get, he would be content.

Kamir changed back and Tsaria smiled at him being dressed. Apart from the first time, this was how he appeared. “I wanted to show you the ease of my change. You are present now, even though we weren’t touching, but I have done this three times this week.”

Tsaria gaped. Three times? Then that meant Kamir didn’t even need him for this. Tsaria bowed, more to hide his face than anything. “Highness. I am so pleased.” Could your heart actually break? It felt like he was being ripped in two.

Kamir didn’t reply right away, and when Tsaria glanced up behind his thick lashes, Kamir’s eyes were glittering, as if he was upset. But that didn’t make sense. Kamir crossed the space between them and Tsaria was helpless not to restrain the flinch. Not that he imagined Kamir would ever hurt him. Not physically, anyway.

“Beloved,” Kamir whispered, visibly distressed, and he very gently took Tsaria’s chin in his smooth hand, tipping it up so Tsaria was forced to look at Kamir properly. He knew what Kamir would see, but he couldn’t even summon the pride to stop silently weeping. “Let us get back to the fire and I will explain.”

Heart heavy, almost numb, Tsaria let Kamir lead him back inside. He settled on the cushions and drew Tsaria’s back against his chest. “I think we need to talk.”

Here it comes, Tsaria thought, and he tried to pull away, but Kamir didn’t let go. The dragon hadn’t only given Kamir his amber eyes, the purple in his hair Tsaria had found adorable, but his newfound strength as well. “I wanted to show you that I don’t need you touching me or even present to change into my dragon.” He brushed a kiss on Tsaria’s neck.

Tsaria couldn’t help the sob that escaped his throat at the tender gesture. He knew he wasn’t needed anymore.

“Beloved,” Kamir whispered, horrified. “Of course I need you.” Tsaria hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud. “This is my fault. I didn’t mean I didn’t need you at all. I meant that I didn’t need you for my dragon. That’s so very important and I seem to be making a mess of this, but what I’m trying to say is that my dragon might not need you, but the man I am always will. I can’t breathe without you.” Another sob escaped Tsaria. “I can’t live without you,” Kamir’s voice cracked, and he tightened his arms even more as if afraid Tsaria would escape. “I can’t exist without you, but I don’t mean because of my dragon.” Kamir pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I know you were afraid of that, which is why I’ve spent so many extra hours perfecting my shift. You aren’t necessary for me to shift into my dragon. You’re necessary to keep my heart beating, because I adore you .”

Tsaria turned in Kamir’s arms and sobbed into his chest. “Beloved,” Kamir choked out.

“I’m sorry,” Tsaria wept. “I know you mean me to live here, but—”

“Tsaria,” Kamir almost shook him. “I mean for us both to live here.”

Tsaria was so shocked his tears nearly stopped. “ Both? But you can’t. The emir must live in the palace.”

Kamir smiled and gently drew a lock of Tsaria’s hair away from his eyes. “You know I was stuck in an endless meeting with the assembly today?”

Tsaria tried to smile, because of course he did. He’d felt every quarter bell.

“Well, the reason it lasted so long was because I enacted an abdication rule so old, many of them had never heard of until I produced the scrolls to prove it.”

Tsaria glanced back. “A what rule?”

Kamir smiled. “As of two bells ago I am no longer emir, and my cousin Damatrious now holds that title and honor.”

Tsaria swallowed. “I don’t understand.”

Kamir pressed kisses on Tsaria’s neck. “I never wanted to be the emir. You know that, or I think you do. I’m a historian. Damatrious knows how to lead his armies into battle.” Kamir chuckled. “I’d likely fall off my horse.” Kamir tightened his hold. “I am going to be an advisor. We haven’t worked out my exact role yet, but I want to make the people’s lives better, and Damatrious agrees. He loves being in charge of the army and our borders, while I would like to do things like open a university based on merit and not the ability to pay. Things like that.”

Tsaria knew his face was awash with tears because Kamir was gently wiping them away with his thumb. “I will still be involved, as Damatrious was the first to admit he is inexperienced in the law and diplomacy, but I will be able to be a general advisor, not the figurehead.” Kamir continued in between kisses. “I brought you here because I was hoping we could make this our home. I want Jael and Axel to move in, and I want many more babies with you, a family. But the most important thing is you. I absolutely cannot live without—”

But Tsaria cut him off with his lips. His hands became urgent, and he stripped his beloved as his beloved stripped him. He peeled off every stitch of Kamir’s clothing as they basked in the heat from the fire and the surety that they were loved. Tsaria rolled Kamir on his belly, then sucked up a mark under his ear, and Kamir moaned and trembled under him. “Please.”

“What?” Tsaria murmured, loving the sounds Kamir made.

“I want…”

Tsaria smiled. “Tell me.” But he thought he knew, and Tsaria moved down, following the ridges of Kamir’s spine with his lips. But as he got lower, he felt Kamir’s smooth skin change and he eased up, staring at the crisscross of scars on Kamir’s lower back. He hadn’t noticed them before, but he knew what they were and could imagine they came from the same man who had denied his son food. “You’re beautiful,” Tsaria murmured. And mine. No one would ever hurt this man ever again. He bent and kissed the first scar and with a sigh, Kamir relaxed some more. Tsaria carried on, smoothing the white lines with his lips. “On your knees.” Kamir moved quickly and Tsaria reached under him and stroked Kamir’s rapidly hardening shaft. Kamir groaned and let his head fall. “Bunch the cushions under your chest so you don’t have to take both our weight.”

Kamir chuckled, but it soon became a gasp. “I’m a lot stronger now.”

“I know,” Tsaria said, “but I want you comfortable when I blow your mind.” Tsaria reached for the basket of oils that perhaps he should be embarrassed had been provided, but he was just glad now. “Has anyone ever done this to you?” Tsaria murmured, slicking his fingers with oil.

Kamir shook his head. “No, but I was hoping my alpha would.”

Tsaria stilled, his throat tightening, and knew what that word meant between them. He adored that Kamir trusted him. He slid a finger down his crease and reached back under, fondling his balls and tugging gently. At the same time, he circled Kamir’s hole with the tip of his slick finger. Kamir whimpered and Tsaria felt Kamir’s cock jerk. His own was hard as well, but this time was about Kamir.

He slid his slicked finger inside Kamir’s tight hole. “Yes,” Kamir rasped. “Oh please.” Tsaria kissed his back as a reward and pushed in a little more, angling his finger. “Gods,” Kamir cried out and jerked. Tsaria moved in and out, adding more oil, rubbing that special place inside that brought such a delicious reaction. “More,” Kamir groaned out. Tsaria inserted a second finger. “Gods, please more.” He pressed his slick fingers back inside and Kamir rocked back into his hand. Tsaria’s cock was leaking badly. He took his hand away from Kamir’s cock and lined himself up.

“You’re beautiful,” Tsaria whispered again and groaned as he pressed his leaking cock to Kamir’s hole. “Touch yourself,” Tsaria said, knowing it would help.

“Don’t stop,” Kamir pleaded, clumsily reaching under himself.

“Never,” Tsaria promised and pushed in a little before stilling. Kamir was hot and tight and everything Tsaria wanted, but he would never hurt him.

Kamir tried to push back. “Don’t stop,” he repeated, a catch in his voice.

“Don’t want to hurt you,” Tsaria gasped, struggling to stay still.

“I want you to take me, to keep me,” Kamir cried as Tsaria pushed in again, knowing he didn’t just mean when they enjoyed each other’s bodies. “So good,” Kamir added. “So good, don’t stop.” Over and over, he said the same until Tsaria was fully in. Tsaria stilled again, wanting to give Kamir a moment, but Kamir pushed back himself. Tsaria pressed his lips to Kamir’s back, then pulled out a little before plunging deep.

“Yes, yes,” Kamir chanted. “I can’t stop. I need to—”

“Let go, my beloved,” Tsaria ordered. “I have you and I’m not letting go.” Tsaria held Kamir’s hips and rocked into him faster and faster. Kamir cried out but pushed back into him, chanting not to stop until he stiffened and, with a loud shout, climaxed. His channel squeezed Tsaria’s length so tightly, he followed him right over the edge.

It took Tsaria a long moment before he could move, and he did so carefully, pulling Kamir back with him so he wasn’t lying in the wet spot.

Kamir murmured something unintelligible and relaxed in Tsaria’s arms. He let his breathing return to normal and knew he needed to get up and clean them both, but he just held his beautiful man, whispering his love, until with a sigh Kamir fell asleep.

Tsaria smiled and kissed Kamir’s neck. They had many mountains to climb. Tsaria would see to the pleasure houses. But more importantly, he was going to make a home so full of love Kamir would never want to leave. He wanted that with such passion it stole his breath. From the very beginning Tsaria had ached to look after his beautiful man, and he knew he would get to do exactly that every day. Tsaria loved the weight of Kamir in his arms and just held him tight, safe.

Exactly where he’d be for the rest of their lives.