Chapter 14

Chapter

Fourteen

Iwas a coward. If I wasn't sure about that very clear fact before Ella ran off, and even more so after, I was one hundred percent sure now.

Ella curled in on herself as she sat tucked into the guest bed. She picked at the seam of the cotton sheets.

Were the sheets too itchy for her? Too stiff?

Omegas usually were more sensitive than anyone else and had specific needs when it came to the places they felt at ease. It was why they had nests.

Did Ella have a nest? From what I saw from her apartment, I hadn't seen one other than the mound of blankets she accumulated on her bed.

Had she ever been able to have a nest?

She looked more tired than she had even said she was through the past week, pulling long hours at her job at the library on that stupid alumni project alongside picking out information for me and my pack when she had more difficult problems to figure out without me adding to it. Her eyes were ringed with dark circles and her shoulders slumped over her frame.

We'd worry about making sure she was perfectly comfortable and treated the way she should've always been soon enough. I was sure of it.

For the longest time, all my life, I was the calm and collected beta. But now something serious settled in my chest when I looked at Ella.

I"d make sure she was comfortable and taken care of.

"We really need to talk," I repeated the same words I"d said before in front of everyone. "I..."

"You don't have to– if you don't want to," Ella spoke up quickly before I could say anything. Was she… afraid? "You don"t have to teeter around what you want to say. I already know what you are going to say."

"You do?"

"It"s not like you have to break up with me now or anything like that if you feel the responsibility to," she said, continuing to keep herself busy, picking at the sheet seam. "I know that you probably hate me."

"What?" My eyes popped open wide as I stared at her.

What was she talking about? Out of everything I expected, that was not it. Completely one hundred percent, not it.

"I don't hate you, Ella."

"You don't."

"Of course I don't." I almost wanted to laugh right then and there if I hadn't noticed that confusion on her face still. "It's the opposite."

She narrowed her eyes on me. "You haven't spoken to me or anything since..."

"Since you went all omega on us?" I huffed a small laugh.

Ella blushed but didn"t chuckle with me.

She mumbled, "Yeah, I guess that is one way to put it."

I shook my head, wanting to reach out and catch her fidgeting hand. I wanted to touch her. I can't believe that I managed to keep myself away this long. Keep myself from touching her in all the ways I have always wanted to. However, there was a reason.

Of course, there was a reason.

I took a deep breath, grasping her hand in mine. I ran my thumb over her knuckles. "I don't hate you, Ella. I'm sorry if it seemed that way."

"I hadn"t seen you since everything happened back outside the club, so I just figured..."

Of course, she did. I was an idiot. But I already knew that.

"This is all just me," I started to explain, hopefully, a little better.

"Are you seriously about to pull out the whole, it's not you, it's me speech?"

"No. Seriously. I"m not breaking up with you. I swear. That's not what I'm trying to say." I corrected her.

This was not going the way it was supposed to. For one thing, I thought I was going to be able to speak my mind a lot better than I was. I usually had no problem with it whether or not it was the best for me or anyone else around me. But for her... for this gorgeous not beta, but an omega that I was already falling for way too easily, I wanted to get this just right.

"I mean, yeah," I tried again. "That is what I'm trying to say in a way... It isn't you at all that"s the problem here and why I pulled away. I was shocked. I won't say that I wasn't when I rushed out of the club to find you in Marko's arms omega-ing out. But I'm not upset with you, Ella."

She didn't seem convinced.

"I started to panic. I do that," I admitted. "Marko likes to call it my momentary breakdowns."

The corner of Ella's lip curled up almost in a smile. "Really?"

"I have a feeling another one is about to come on," I joked. Though, was I?

"I get how that feels lately," Ella whispered.

Her thumb slowly stroked the outside of my hand and I forced myself not to grin as I watched the tiny movement.

"Yeah, well. I should've been here for you more than I was when I realized what happened. When I walked out of the club and realized what was going on and that Marko was holding an omega–holding you, I should've taken responsibility for you," I said. "Instead, I... I sort of shut down."

Ella took a deep breath, meeting my gaze as I looked around and then back to her. "Why?"

"Well, I'm not exactly the guy you need any more," I told her as bluntly as I could. "I couldn't even be a man enough to take care of you over Marko who I had never seen that way over someone before. At least not since..." I shook my head. That was Marko's story to tell.

"What are you talking about?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm no alpha, Ella."

"Well, no," she whispered. "I'm no beta."

"That's become very clear." My nose screwed up as I took a deep breath of her.

"I"m confused."

"You"re an omega. I"m not an alpha..." Did I need to spell this out?

"Do I smell bad or something?" she asked.

"The opposite," I said immediately, trying not to full-on not break out into laughter now. "You smell like..."

"Like what?"

"Like the sweetest berry sundae. At least from the bit, I can tell. Again, this nose isn't an alpha's."

She giggled.

"What about me now?" I asked, unable to help myself.

"You've always smelled perfect." A flush burst on her cheeks. "At first when I met you and on our first date, I couldn't smell you. Not completely. It was just that hint of marshmallow like I told you at the rink. Now, you smell even more sweet and cozy."

I was sure I was blushing.

"That's what I mean though. You say that I don't need you?" asked Ella. She was too tired to keep the sad emotion on her face hidden.

And I had done that. It broke my heart, but I had to be honest with her.

Even if it broke my heart. "You don't. Omegas need alphas. That fact is the last natural cornerstone left in humanity. What omega wants a beta? And I don"t want to get in your way..."

"This one? I'm not... I..." Ella struggled for words.

This was it. She was trying to find a way to let me down easy now. I gave her the perfect out.

"I may not need you Cal, but I don"t need anyone. Ever. But if we"re being honest, of course, I want you. I like you. I've really more than liked you ever since you bought me coffee that day. You just feel right like you're mine, and I get that I lied and that I was terrible to you after I found out you had a pack when I had this huge secret I was keeping from you–"

"Woah woah woah," I put up a hand to stop her. "It's okay, Ella."

Tears welled in her eyes. "It's not though. I was such a hypocrite, and I knew it and I thought that maybe it could just be a date with us because I'd never been on one before. Then it turned into two and three and I didn't want it to end. I didn't want you to end. I still don't want you to."

"Even now?"

"Especially now," she said. "Why would you ever think otherwise?"

I blinked.

It was pretty common knowledge that most of the time betas weren't in packs. They definitely were rarely in packs that contained an omega. An omega was supposed to be the center of the pack. They were territorial and needed support from alphas in a way that wouldn't go well if there was a beta hanging around them.

"Well, if we're being honest..."

"I think we will get better from now on."

I barked a quiet laugh. "Me too. Well, like I said, if we're being honest, you should know something else about something that happened here in the pack..."

"What?" Any sort of softness that returned to her face fell at the somber tone my words took.

I reached to rub the back of my neck.

"You aren't the first omega that has been in the townhouse."