Chapter 6

Chapter

Six

Iknew what Rita was going to say before even a sound escaped her hesitant lips, stuttering.

Curled up on the couch, I was already three chapters into my new book and was already completely sucked in. Then the door slammed shut.

Rita had a very specific face when she felt guilty. It was as if I had kicked her puppy. Both shocked and horrified.

I tried to keep my face from crumpling.

"I'm sorry, Ella," she said.

"It's fine."

"You and I both know it isn't." Rita's forehead creased as she reached out to take my hand.

I pulled mine away, lacing my hands together for some sort of contact, but I couldn't touch her. If I touched her, I wasn't sure if I would be able to let go.

The constant desire to touch was an omega tendency, I knew. I was touch starved. The need for physical touch was one of the largest I've had to shove down. Deep down.

"I'll figure it out," I said. "It's not a big deal."

"I hate to say this..."

"Then don't." Because I also knew what she was about to say now. At this rate, I felt like we were having this conversation more and more often. Every month turned into every week.

I couldn't go a day without Rita bringing up the one thing I tried to avoid. The one thing I didn't even want to think about but was forced to every day.

Still, Rita shook her head.

"Your omega designation does not have to be the be-all and end-all," she tried to impress upon me. She wasn't going to get far. "I know you're scared."

Scared?

"You still don't get it." I looked away, shutting my book before I remembered to mark the page I left off on. I growled down at the pages.

Growled.

I was getting too comfortable, but I knew betas didn't growl. Even omegas didn't… at least not often.

Not unless they felt threatened.

Rita's light spice and floral scent was faint, but enough for me to smell clearly as she twisted her long hair to the side.

"I know." She sighed, sitting on the edge of the couch cushion. "I'm sorry for keeping on this. You know I just worry about you. I can see that you're working yourself into the ground at the library to keep up with the price of your… medication and everything else. There are more studies about the side effects of what you've been doing for the past, what, seven years, too? They all keep talking in the journals about how bad those suppressants are long term..."

"I know it isn't the best option."

But it was better than what could've been- What still could be if I didn't continue to keep myself safe.

"You're getting older, Ella. How long do you think you can keep this up? It can't be that bad. Being an omega isn't that bad. I know you said from growing up that things weren't the best for your situation, but here, everyone has options. You're safe. I'd make sure of it."

"No, Rita."

"You could go and register with the Omega Haven right in the city. They could help you find better housing and get you on a food plan to take care of yourself. Or, you're still only twenty-two. They would probably send you to school and everything until… They could even find you an alpha whether or not you ever do have a heat."

A heat.

"I know you came from a bad past when it comes to things like that. But if something was going to happen– if someone was going to ever come looking for you from the town you left over seven years ago, don't you think they would've by now? Didn't you once say that your brother got you out of there because he wanted you to live and have everything this world could offer you? You don't need the suppressants and the blockers anymore that are probably literally killing you, Ella. Omegas get opportunities. They do. They get the entire world from travel and jewels and comfort in the best cases. They get all the things they need, and I know you want but are afraid to admit to. You don't even have a proper nest!"

I flinched.

I didn't have a proper nest. I had my mattress situated on the floor surrounded by pillows I'd slowly accumulated over the years, but no, I didn't have a nest. Because I was a broken omega?

No. Because I would not be an omega at all.

"This could be your chance. Just think–"

I clenched my jaw, shaking my head. "Rita. Stop."

She shut her soft dark brown eyes as she took a breath. "It's not the best option you probably think, but at this point, it's your only option. It'll only get harder."

"STOP," I yelled before I could stop myself. My head was pounding. I whispered, shutting my eyes. "Stop."

"I know," Rita whispered as she made her way closer to me. "I'll work on it. I'm just a bitch who worries about you."

I reached for Rita's hand. I didn't like to touch anyone often. It felt like almost a step too far. One wrong move and suddenly everything around my life could collapse if I couldn't find it in myself to let go. "Thank you."

Rita looked down at my hand and grasped it in hers. "You know I got you. All I need is for my only friend to…"

She let the unknown hang in the air between us.

"You have so many friends," I said.

"Not like you, Ella."

"That would be hard to replicate," I agreed. I cracked a smile and we both gave short laughs. "I am sorry, Rita. Seriously, don't stress yourself out. I'll figure all this out."

"It isn't stressful for me to want to help you how I can."

"It is. This is why I didn't want to start to depend on you to get the pills anyway." Though I had been depending on her. So much so that I got comfortable.

For the past two years, it had been working. Rita knew more than a few people who worked in labs, specifically those who worked on suppressants and other omega-centric medical practices.

It was easy to get the pills. Safe.

"We both knew it wouldn't last forever," I said. "I'll work it out. I can get back to the last place I got them from a while back. It's no big deal."

"You'll tell me if it is though, right? I know that a lot of people are good, but some... Just promise me you won't take them from anyone you have a single question about."

"I'll be careful."

"Good." Rita took a deep breath. "I don't want to lose my best friend. I'll still keep my ear out too if anything changes and I can get them for you, okay?"

"Thank you. But I got this."

I nodded as my phone buzzed on the table in front of us.

Rita narrowed her eyes on it as I quickly reached for it before she could see the screen. "Who's that?"

Cal: I'll pick you up on Friday at 7 pm. Should I meet you at your place or the library?

It was like even from the few messages we sent back and forth he already knew me too well.

I shouldn't reply.

I should pretend that I never got the message and move on with my life. I had much bigger things to worry about than the beta I ran into at the coffee shop. Even if he did smell like marshmallows and was kind.

Kinder than anyone in a long time I didn't know.

Though that too, as Rita mentioned, was probably partially my fault for being too focused on my work and myself.

But I had to be.

Biting my lip. I hesitated, but… for the first time. I really did want.

What did I want? More.

Whether I should or not.

I typed back before I could question it.

Library, please.

Going on a date would possibly be the worst thing I could do, but for some reason the past few days instead of fear of going out at night with someone I hardly knew, I was starting to feel excited.

And well...

Cal: See you then, beautiful.

I felt beautiful.

My face heated.

"Is Ella Jones blushing?" Rita sat up and reached for the phone.

"Do not," I warned her. "You already messed with me enough tonight."

"I have to see who this is," she insisted, leaning over my shoulder father. "It certainly isn't me and I don't think you have that many other numbers on this dinosaur of a phone. Who"s Cal?"

Snatching my phone away from her. Certainly not, however, before she could see the messages with her super-fast reading eyes.

"Is that a guy, Ella? Are you seeing someone, and you didn't tell me?"

"I'm not seeing anyone?" I said though it came out as more of a question. For someone as good as I was at keeping secrets, my lying still needed some work.

At least in front of Rita.

"Yet. You're not seeing anyone yet. Oh my god," she gasped. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Everything. I need to know everything about this mysterious Cal."

"I don't know much yet," I admitted.

"Why do I think that isn't true?"

I bit the inside of my cheek.

Rita only waited patiently.

"I met him the other day after we had lunch together."

"Does he work here?"

I shook my head.

"Ella Jones, are you dating a student?" she gaped.

"No, I am not."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." I almost laughed at how relieved Rita looked.

Accidentally dating a student was a mistake I watched her make last year. I would not make it myself. It was very awkward ever looking that undergraduate in the eye again until he graduated.

"We met at the coffee shop around the corner," I told her.

"You finally got a coffee there?" Her eyes widened further than when she saw Cal's name.

"After you said you wouldn't be home right away, I wanted to so I walked by the door and sort of…ran into him."

I didn't tell her that I also almost ran into another alpha today, or an omega that may or may not have recognized my designation. That felt like weeks ago, to be honest.

"I cannot believe this. First, that you didn't tell me, and second," Rita sing-songed, "My best friend for the first in her life put off work for a boy!"

"You can stop now. I"m going out on one date with him."

My phone buzzed. Somehow, I managed to reach for it before Rita did.

Cal: Date night dress code: pants.

I narrowed my eyes.

"What did he say?" Rita asked.

"How do you know it was him?"

"Who else would it be?" She peeked over my shoulder. "Huh."

"Why would he say I need to wear pants?" I questioned.

"Maybe he just wants to get in your pants."

I rolled my eyes. At least Rita was having fun with this. I figured I would anyway. It wasn't as if I planned on wearing an evening gown out on a first date. Then again, who knew? I never really had a first date before.

Not like this.

"Maybe it is a more casual date. Or something active! Oh, I would pay to see you end up on a hike or something." Rita laughed.

"He"s not going to take me on a hike." At least, I sure hope not.

"No. Probably not. What I'd give to be a fly on the wall for this historic moment."

Before I could even consider going to bed, Rita insisted on helping me pick out an outfit for the end of the week. Clothes were spread out and around, it looked like even more of a mess I needed to clean up piece by piece.

Only then could I fully relax.

I stripped down to a loose t-shirt and underwear before I climbed into my bed. I had smooshed the plush mattress into the corner along with all of my pillows. It wasn't a glamorous life I led. Not in the least. But at this point, it was just the right amount of perfect.

Spending more time with Rita always reminded me of that.

I could do this. I was doing this.

I reached for my phone and computer. I clicked through old emails to an older link I hadn't used in a while. I hadn't needed to since the last time things got desperate.

Along with being consistent, reliable, and the one thing was absolutely for sure that I could count on...

I was also desperate.

I watched the money drain my bank account for what wouldn't be the last time to prove it.