Chapter 30

The year was written in numerals. I couldn"t read them to save my life but I was sure it had number seven in it. It would make sense if it did, as that would bring it to 2017… six years ago.

"This was dated quite some time ago." I whispered, but he didn"t respond. So, the voice from the lake was real? I hadn"t imagined it, and I wasn"t going mad. I turned the page, clearing my throat to read another.

‘Siren'

"I heard her voice again.

I think it was a she. Or an it. I don't understand what or who she is.

It"s always a high before I hear her, intoxication. I need more.

She said it knew the past was eating away at me.

She said she could make it all go away.

I asked what it wanted from me.

At first, it said nothing. But the more it spoke to me the more it asked for.

It said to meet it where the darkness and water gathered and it would all go away, the pain, the guilt,

the regret, the memories. But only if I gave my all. My soul, my flesh, my blood, my bones, my everything.

It wants me to die. I guess, anything is better than the way I feel, I have already lost it all.

I am scared, but I want it all to end."

I frowned, my head wandered with theories but didn"t come up with anything that resembled reality. Did this mean he had planned to offer himself, to the voice? A sacrifice of some sort? I read another with great speed, becoming very intent on learning more about this man. And myself.

‘Assimilate'

"I understand her now. I want her to take me. I know she can, she told me she can.

She makes me feel good. Until I wake up.

I cannot stand the dry inhale, I cannot stand the rain pounding on my skin anymore. The guilt. The pain.

My scars will always be my constant reminder of what was, and what could have been.

My punishment. Left ugly from the lacerations and the bitter eternal rest I cannot undo.

A lesson, to never love again. She said I am not worthy of love. I am broken.

I am afraid, I am lost. But I don't want to feel anymore. Every feeling I have reminds me of Samantha.

I just want it to all go away. I don't want to wake up anymore."

My heart tightened, remorse striking me without warning. Left ugly... the man was riddled with scars, but it wasn"t just physical, my assumption was that he knew his heart grew to become ugly too. I am not worthy of love, I am broken. Reading seemed to both heal and rile him equally. His tears began to roll out under his mask, I could honestly say that I didn't know if it was from the song, or because I was losing myself in his letters and my thoughts. I soon felt the darkness in his letters, and his pain.

"Do you want me to stop?" I breathed. Though I wasn"t asking for him. He shook his head. "No." He croaked through a tear. His body was tense, unwilling to let out a fitful amount of tears in a release.

The next page I could read was torn and I recalled the shape of the tear on the side, knowing for sure it would align with one of the letters that I had found in the car. The suicide note.

Who took me from you? I will find her and destroy her. And anyone who looks like her. Unease reared its ugly head. Because we were finally getting somewhere deeper into his fucked up past. And I expected I would soon learn why I had so much to do with it.I turned through some more pages of scribbles… aggressive scribbles.

"DEBT"

"SLEEP"

"What is sleep?" I questioned with a great amount of confusion. "A place…"

"A place where…?" I pushed. "A place where it all goes away. Light, sound, pain. Everything." He said dryly. My brows furrowed, was it always this hard to get answers from these fucking people? "You mentioned a high before you see… her. Do you mean drugs?" He didn"t reply instantly, taking a moment to swap between melodies. "I guess you could see it that way. Keep reading."

"FIND HER"

"brING HER TO ME"

My eyes cracked wide open, the realisation hit me like a ton of brings and I gasped so loud that I coughed. These quotes were identical to the ones I had heard at the lake when we were… having sexual… relations. The voice had also said "mine." I scratched at my head and swallowed the lump that was growing in my throat. Holy fucking Jesus-Mary-and-Joseph… these were about me.

‘Her time to die'

‘It happened again, the voice. She"s mad. Very mad.

Controlling my every thought since seeing the girl in my head, the night I tried to find eternal rest.

I cannot choke the shadow down anymore. It is too strong. It is not how it was, how she appeared.

It said to me, "Aren't you forgetting something? The debt you owe to me.

You, are mine. And yet, you are not here. And why is that?

It is her fault, you know that don't you?

I told you to give her to me. And your debt will be paid.

Only I can pull you out of this. You want it to go away, don't you?

At the beginning of the ritual, you promised me your all.

You belong to me. I kept my oath, my blood for you.

But you did not come to me, did you?

You went to her.

My blood runs through you, you can feel all that I feel, and I you.

It is getting harder to ignore me, isn't it? The longer you take, the louder I get.

I can take your pain away. And I can give it.

That wreckage, is a constant reminder, isn't it?

Don't you want me to take it all away? I can if you do what I asked. Give her to me.

My shadows run through your veins like thick tar, I can feel your pain.

Aren't you forgetting something?

The debt you owe to me, you are not paying.

I offered you the freedom you so desperately desired, and she took that from you.

She took you from me.

You want to see the other side, don't you?

Your debt.

Her.

Bequeath.

Bequeathed."

"Oh my God." I breathed. He snuffed and I saw another stream of tears coming down from under his mask. "Close… but no, pet." He muttered. What? This was so confusing. His breath was becoming more shallow, but he continued playing the piano through his tears. The tunes somehow getting more beautiful, eerie and heart-wrenching. He was unravelling. I read another journal entry, mirroring his tears and sympathising with his pain.

‘Something Unholy'

"I brought a girl into the lake today, and I took her life, like the voice told me to. At least… I thought it was the right girl, the one that pulled me from my demise.

It looked like her. Black hair, freckles, green eyes.

I did what it told me to do. I did things I never thought I would. Now the blood is on my hands for my debt.

I watched a girl"s life drain away... for my own selfish needs.

The voice told me it would end for me if I did. And I would go to sleep. But I am still breathing.

I killed for the voice, like she asked, but is it not enough?

When will I be pain free again?"

I continued through my cries, droplets landing over the ink of the pages. The numerals noted somewhere around 2019 maybe 2020, and the next 2022.

‘Hunter. Hunted'

"I need to hide my true self. For I no longer recognise who I am anymore. I am a monster.

I know I must become like her. A shadow. Careless. Soulless.

I need to become the mask I hide behind.

I need to become what hunts me.

The hunted, becomes the hunter."

‘The Debt

"I search and search. I need to find her.

She is the offering. My offering.

For my freedom.

I will not stop until I find her."

My breath hitched and my throat narrowed more than the last, my throat was hurting from reading and crying. I turned the pages of scribbles, finding another entry that was dated this year.

‘Her'

"I found her. After all my years of searching, I finally found her.

Esmeralda Jane Pierce. I knew it was her the first time I laid my eyes on her.

She is responsible for pulling me from my demise.

She has no idea I have been watching her, the way she paces her room in those jeans. In class, walking home, having coffee with that black girl, drawing those butterflies in her room, sleeping, showering.

Stupid girl, she has no idea the carnage I will bring to her.

I cannot wait to watch her life drain away for me.

Then I will finally be free."

I trembled. "So you do think I did it? You think I pulled you out of your suicide frenzy?" I muttered, feeling a sense of anger. He has lost his marbles. I had never met this man in my life, I don"t think… if only I could say for certain because I have never seen his face. But I knew for certain that I had never saved anyone.

"I"ve never saved anyone in my life, this is not me. You have the wrong person." I bellowed. "No. I don"t. Keep going." I demanded. My stomach knotted and bile threatened to flow. "You're a monster."

"Read the fucking note, Esme!" He scowled and I continued reading with another sob.

‘Dissolving?'

"I tried to take her life tonight. I took her to where the water met the dark, like every other offering for the last six years.

But, her touch. It"s so… cleansing. I do not understand.

I have waited so long for her. To kill her. The taste of my freedom, now chained to my bed.

She stares at me, I stare at her. Both of us trying to work out what the fuck is going on.

But now I can't say for certain if she is part of this twisted game, or something more.

I relished splitting through her skin to make her bleed, like I always do. I offered her blood in the water, like I always do.

But to submerge her for the final offering, like I always do?To clear my debt. To be without the pain from the wreckage I caused… almost a distant memory when I am near her?

I could not.

Something has changed. She… is changing me.

She is altering me into something… or someone I once was."

I gulped, hard and loud. This was the journal entry from the night he took me to the lake. And when he had said to touch him, and I did because it was as though it healed him. It was very clear, that I had him in a chokehold in ways that he couldn"t understand. "Are you… Falling in love with me?" I shuddered. He didn"t say anything, there was another letter. The last one.

‘A crossroad…'

"How is it I have the instinct to love her but I am hardwired to kill her?

Her touch, her lips… There is more. She is more.

Esmeralda. My pet. My nemesis. My rain. "

I shivered, and he held the last note of the melody with his foot on the pedal. "I need you to understand something. Because maybe if you do, I will understand it too. I saw your face a million times in my head the night I had tried to take my own life. Your face, and only your face became my every breath, every thought, every sound, and every feel. A fucking nightmare on loop, purgatory. You are the offering, for my freedom. I had waited for so long. And yet, you"re like a flame and I"m the moth. I can"t sleep. I can"t breathe. And I cannot leave this fucked up world I live until…" I cut him off.

"Until I do." My voice croaked. He nodded. "Yes. But I can"t."

My stalker, my kidnapper, my killer… just told me in his own way, that he was in love with me. My heart pounded out of my rib cage. How the fuck was I supposed to process this? I propped myself off the stool and shook my hands out vigorously as if to throw away all my illicit thoughts. Telling myself that there was no fucking way on God"s green earth that I felt the same way.

I shifted behind him and he turned around to face me. I didn't think it through, acting completely on lust-filled adrenaline I dropped my sheet. It puddled on the floor around my feet and a pleasured groan formed from his chest, taking in all of me. Willingly at his disposal, for reasons I couldn"t fathom. Without hesitation, he bent down and scooped me up. I wrapped my legs around him, and he lowered me onto the piano once more.

My feet landed on the keys of the piano, playing a misaligned melody. A breathy moan fled from my lips as he squeezed his warm fingers behind my ass and gave me a slight tug, scooping me in closer to the edge of the piano. He kicked away the stool and with hastey speed, he pried my legs apart. Heat pooled between my legs and in an instant, his fingers met the slit of my pussy, pushing between them carefully but with great hunger.

"Fuck." He hissed, drawing in a gasp through his teeth.

There was no denying how much I wanted him right here and now. I wanted him to claim me, but he stilled. As though he was processing. But what for? I leant forward and trailed my finger down his neck, tracing along each of his shadows as the candle flickered on his black skin. Feeling the scars that penetrated his skin. I followed each muscle down to where the V of his hips sang against his jeans.

He rolled his neck back from the sensation of my soft touch. I shifted my hand back up and I curled my finger under the edge of his mask and he growled, grabbing my wrist in reflex. I flinched. Wrong move… he shook his head.

"Sorry." I muttered.

I needed him, now. I placed my hands at his old worn belt and unbuckled his jeans. They fell to the floor, freeing his cock. It stood to attention from him, proud and pumping… for me. Its veins were thick and protruding, and his piercings gleamed under the candlelight. I bit my lip in anticipation, both of us panting from our own puddles of desperation. Our want for each other split through the air.

Like lightning.I traced over his veins, feeling the cool metallic rods of his piercings, wincing from the thought of how painful they would have been. He band his finger under my chin and I met his gaze, but all I could offer him was a nibble at my lips. Unable to process a single thought, word, or movement.

He collided with my pussy again and I cried out. "Wait" I panted the words. He stopped, barely able to soothe his own breath.

"If I"m not allowed to see you. Can I at least know your name?" I couldn"t hide my sadness. All I wanted was to kiss him... to look into his eyes, his soul, to feel him, and to… shit. Love him. He sighed deeply as if he hadn't told anyone his name for a very long time. Like he said, he needed to become the mask he hid behind.

"Huxley. My name is Huxley."

Huxley... Huxley. H. The heat between us was truly undeniable. I felt as though in this moment right now, I was glowing on the inside. Buzzing. And he was weakening, to me. I twirled my tongue at my lips where I wished he was and tipped my pelvis. He noted the invitation and shoved himself inside me, hard.

The air thinned and I folded for him in an instant. Would he always be able to do that? It was like magic. I crashed in waves as my pussy tightened around him, gripping him so hard that he couldn't move. His hand moved to the small of my back and he squeezed hard, pushing even deeper into me. I could feel the piercings on the head of his cock penetrate somewhere that gave a dull ache. Intensifying the stars around my head.

I screamed and howled, panted, and cried, shuddered and squirmed. I felt every inch of the orgasm as it tore through me like I had placed my hand on an electric fence. He thrust into me like I held every answer he had been longing for his entire suffering. Like I was the cure. The undoing. Waves of pleasure rippled through me, and I cum again.

"Oh, fuck. Please. More. Huxley!" I begged for him, more of him. "Shit. Say it again." He ordered, arousal pounding him. I wanted him deeper, and he delivered it. I needed everything he had even if it killed me, and saying his name out loud was a new rollercoaster of pleasure. Heat filled my core as my body responded to my desire. "Huxley." I moaned breathlessly and he pushed himself harder. I whimpered through each of his thrusts, letting him consume me and fill me entirely. I swelled around him and built his own orgasm, his body soon reacting, with one final thrust.

"Fuck, Esme. Fuck, fuck." He held himself firmly against my body and released himself, his warmth filling my pussy. I felt his seed penetrate the top of my belly with such need and desperation. Claiming me entirely. The sound of his climax only made me coil once more, our breath forming into one as did our molecules. Shit.

It was there and then. That I knew I was in love with a murderer. My murderer.

We dazed on the piano together for a moment, staring at the ceiling before I finally had a breath to speak. "Huxley?"

"Yes, my little swallowtail?"

"Are you in love with me?" Granted, I didn"t need to ask that, I already knew.

"I think you know the answer to that." That was a confirmation of my question.

Yes.