Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Emma paced the length of her living room. She was going to wear a path through the carpet at this rate. She had never thought she was the type of person who would wring her hands and fret, but here she was with fingers almost as sore as her heart.

Lachlan was gone. She had driven him away. And instead of that making her feel safe or happy, she was miserable and terrified—frightened in a way that was so much worse than any insubstantial fear of the Fae she had been blinded by before.

What if he never comes back? What if I never see him again?

Wasn’t that what she wanted, though? To be free of her links to the Fae?

Lachlan was making her question everything she thought she knew about them. About herself even. She didn’t want to be the kind of person who couldn’t change their mind when presented with new evidence. She didn’t want to let one experience cloud her judgment or define her perception of him. But that was just what she’d done.

And all because of what? One interaction with a fairy. It wasn’t even an isolated encounter. She and Junebug had had one negative interaction. Granted, it was a huge one, and Emma had been so young at the time it had been formative. She hadn’t known how to process it. Any time she tried to get help with that, things only became worse. The adults she reached out to said there was something wrong with her, tried to convince her that she didn’t know what she had seen. They hadn’t intended to gaslight her, but that was exactly what they had done. So she had gone to the only source of support that she could find—books.

Books didn’t judge her. They didn’t tell her she needed therapy or imply that there was something wrong with her. In fact, the stories she read confirmed that she was right. She had needed to hear that so desperately as a child, needed support, validation and guidance. Now that she was an adult, she could make up her own mind, listen to her own heart. And her heart was yearning for Lachlan.

Energy was flowing out from her in a steady stream. She visualized it as a golden light that sank harmlessly into the earth. Except the longer he was gone, the more she worried that he would never come back. If she let her thoughts spiral, she had no idea what that would do. Hayden and Finn were busy preparing for the Feast of Beltane. Emma wasn’t ready to call them for help… yet.

She needed air. She hurried out to the front porch. At least if she paced there, she could enjoy the spring breeze and maybe some sunshine. The pale blue boards creaked beneath her feet. Spring blossoms filled the air with their perfume. Closing her eyes, she took slow, deep breaths, calming herself. Lachlan was connected to her. She would have a chance to see him again. And when she did… She didn’t know what she would do. Didn’t know what she wanted.

Another lie.

Fine. She wanted him. She just didn’t know how to get past her fear so that they could be together. A shiver flowed over her skin, the fine hairs standing on end. She opened her eyes to see one of her neighbors, Amelia, staring at Emma’s front yard.

“Hi.” Emma waved.

Amelia waved back. “You really have a magic touch.”

“Why do you say that?” Emma asked warily.

“The beds… I walked by here this morning on my way to work, and I swear everything was just sprouting then.” She laughed, then added, “I must have had too much ice cream at the parlor.”

Emma’s heartbeat picked up. She carefully looked over her yard, her mouth dropping open. Vines spilled over the sides of the beds, huge gourds ripening along them. The tomatoes were taller than their cages with plump red fruit weighing down their stems. All of her garden beds looked as if they had been growing for months.

“I’m jealous,” Amelia said. “It’s like it’s already summer for them. I must have been daydreaming not to notice how far along they are. Whatever you’re using for fertilizer is amazing.”

“Yeah. Fertilizer.”

It had to be her magic. Emma had to be more careful.

“Have a good evening,” Amelia said, her voice cheerful and bright.

“You, too.” Emma waved, then leaned against the post next to the steps, staring at the plants.

Movement at the edge of her fence caught her eye. She looked up to see Lachlan standing just outside the gate, staring at her.

Her heart pounded hard, as if it was trying to escape her chest and fly to him. Her mouth went dry, her skin prickling with the need to feel his hands on her. So many things welled up in her that she wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the words.

Lachlan opened the gate that led to her yard, then looked down, smiling at something she couldn’t see. A small gray cat ran around his feet, then darted down the path. It rocketed up the steps, straight for Emma, mewling plaintively as it wove in and out around her legs.

“Junebug?” she whispered.

The cat sat back with her paws in the air, not touching Emma but staring into her eyes, and let out a long, wailing meow.

“It’s okay,” Lachlan said, his voice gentle. He stood at the foot of the stairs, keeping his distance. “She was under a gaes to protect the garden. She fought against it to keep you safe. I’ve never seen anything like it. In any case, she’s free from it now.”

Emma couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. She didn’t know what to do or how to react.

“This is what she is now,” Lachlan said. “It’ll be permanent after Beltane.”

Emma finally found her voice. “What are you talking about?”

“Junebug is bound to this form. She can’t change into the shape that frightened you, and she can’t use any magic.”

An odd anger rose within Emma. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“No, Junebug did.”

“I don’t understand.”

“She thinks the only way for you to feel safe with her is if she becomes a normal cat,” Lachlan said.

That did not sit well with Emma. “But she isn’t a normal cat. She’s a pooka. You can’t just change her into something else.”

“I can and I will. If only all of us had the luxury…”

“Luxury? You don’t get to decide—”

“I didn’t,” he said, his tone sharper. “She did. It’s her choice.”

“I…”

Emma stared down at Junebug. She was still on her haunches, paws clasped in front of her chest as if begging for something. Begging to be with Emma? For things to be as they were before?

That could never be. Emma had grown up. She was a different person than the naive girl who idealized magic as a child. She knew things now that she couldn’t unlearn.

Maybe I can learn something new.

“She loves you,” Lachlan said, his voice gentle again. “And she’s sorry that you were swept up in something that hurt you. Something I very much understand.”

Was he only talking about the second part or the first? The way her heart beat even faster, she knew which she wished was the truth. She hadn’t thought fairies were capable of love. But if Junebug was willing to give up being a pooka, if she wanted to become a cat just so that she could be with Emma… Junebug’s willingness to change was one of the greatest loves that Emma had ever experienced. However, it was something Emma absolutely could not let Junebug do.

Though her hands were shaking, Emma knelt down and opened her arms. The little cat leapt into them. Emma caught her up against her chest, burying her face in Junebug’s soft fur. Junebug rubbed her face against Emma’s, purring louder than Emma had ever heard a cat purr before.

“Oh, Junebug,” she whispered. “I missed you, too.”

“So, you’ll accept her?”

There was a rough edge to Lachlan’s voice that made Emma look up at him. He was staring past her, not quite looking at her directly. She wished he would meet her eyes, that he would rush up the stairs the way Junebug had, and sweep her into his arms.

“I will,” Emma said.

He let out a little breath and nodded, glancing away from the pair. She wanted to tell him that she accepted him, too. That neither of them had to change to be with her. Before she could speak, he quickly went on.

“It will be done at the Feast of Beltane,” Lachlan said. “When I retrieve the magic of the Wheel of the Year and free you from all of this.”

“But—”

A breeze picked up, filled with petals. She shielded her eyes with one arm, cuddling Junebug close with the other. The gust swept past her, swirling so forcefully that she could barely keep her feet. As quickly as it had begun, it vanished, and with it Lachlan.

She ran down the steps, turning in a circle, hoping she would see him somewhere. But he was gone.

“This isn’t right. None of this is right.” She hugged Junebug closer and shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. Junebug stretched her neck so that she could lick Emma’s face. Her little body trembled in Emma’s arms as if she was frightened.

“You don’t have to do this for me,” Emma said. “This isn’t right.”

Junebug shook her head, then let out a soft meow.

“I mean it.”

The pooka reached out and gently brushed Emma’s cheek with a paw, then meowed again.

Was this really the monster who had traumatized Emma so badly against the Fae? Junebug was being as sweet as Emma remembered. They had spent so much time together like this—most of their time. Emma had been too quick to discount their history after that final encounter. Had that terrible experience really all been due to a spell and totally outside of Junebug’s control?

The thought had never occurred to Emma. The only information she could find about fairies told her that they were capricious and did whatever they wanted just because it was in their nature. A nature that did not include love. If Emma had been able to find someone who understood such things, someone who would listen to her with an open mind instead of berating her for letting her imagination get the better of her, she might have been able to see another possibility. One where it was just a set of unfortunate circumstances.

Her heart sank. She should have had more faith in her friend.

Lachlan had called being able to change a luxury. Did that mean he wanted to change for Emma? Would he become human for her if he could? Did she even want that?

She had already been changed. She was a member of the Fae now. When it had happened, she hadn’t wanted it. But after meeting Lachlan and getting to know him, after seeing this incredible gesture and feeling the love that Junebug was sharing with her…

Emma hadchanged. A deeper change than one brought on by any fairy’s magic.

Shaking her head, she wiped her cheeks dry and stood straighter. “I’m going to make it right.”