6. Emilie

SIX

Munich, Germany

From my view in the school yard, everything seems as it should be: children from the younger grade levels playing through laughter, bells dinging from the passing trolleys, and bicycle bells wavering against a bouncy ride. Even the faint perfume of the blooming flowers from a nearby garden mixed with the moisture left behind from this morning’s rain shower paint a different picture to what’s in front of me. The Germany I used to know is not the Germany I’m in.

The sun struggles to pierce through the heavy clouds, allowing only a few rays of light to leak through the trees and spill onto the grass. There are far fewer students standing around me than there were yesterday and there are distant echoes of police boots marching along cobbled roads.

It’s no secret that many Jewish children were sent home today and I’ve been waiting for Danner along with Gerty, Otto, and Felix for nearly a half hour since school ended, but there’s no sign of him anywhere.

“He might be home,” Felix says. “No one else has exited the school doors in minutes. We should get going.”

The six of us always walk home together. But not today.

As we start moving toward the sidewalk, I glance over my shoulder once more toward the school doors, seeing nothing more than a couple of papers floating around. Lost in thought, I fall behind the others, worried about what will happen to Danner if he was one of the Jewish students sent home from school. I’m not sure where he’ll go. He loves school.

Otto slows his pace and waits for me to catch up to him. “I’m sure Danner is fine,” he says.

“I hope so,” I say.

Felix waits for us to catch up and yanks on the strap of my satchel, bouncing around as if he doesn’t know what to do with his pent-up energy. “Do you think Danner was sent home?” he asks.

Felix and Danner are close, too. Their parents knew each other long before we were all born and that closeness carried over between the boys from a young age.

Gerty shuffles her feet to catch up with the three of us but meets me on my other side to avoid being knocked over by Felix. She locks arms with me and rests her cheek on my shoulder. “I don’t think he was one of the kids sent home,” she says. “But if he was, you and I will go marching right into the principal’s office tomorrow and demand they take him back.”

I’m afraid no one would listen to our demands. The decisions aren’t being made by our principal. Mama and Papa said these are new German regulations. It’s not fair to any of the kids this has happened to.

Otto shakes his head disapprovingly. “You can’t barge into the school making demands right now. Besides, aren’t you the fortune teller?” he replies. “Surely, you would have predicted that this would happen, yes?”

Gerty curls her lips and scrunches her nose. “I can’t predict everything, you ding-dong.”

Otto places his hands on his heart as if he’s been offended by her words. “Well, I saw him close to the end of the day. We ran on the track together. He seemed okay to me.”

“Did he mention anything about what happened today?” I ask.

“Not a word,” Otto says.

Gerty and I give each other a look, one we exchange when we’re both silently worrying about the same thing. “We’re almost home. Hopefully he’s already there so we can check to make sure everything is okay,” Gerty says.

“Maybe we should have waited another few minutes,” I say, feeling a twinge of guilt.

Just as we turn down our street, Otto’s mother pops her head out their front door. “There you are,” she hollers. “I was wondering what was taking you so long. You’re late.” She’s standing squarely in her doorway now, her hands on her hips, watching as we approach.

“We were waiting for Danner, but?—”

“He’s home already,” she says, whipping her dishrag off her shoulder.

I glance off to the left toward his bedroom window, curious to see if he’s peeking out, but his drapes are closed.

“I made you kids apple fritters. Come on in before they get cold.”

Still focused on Danner’s house, I spot the front door crack open. I stop walking with the others and run across the stone road to see if he’s okay. “Danner?”

When I’m close enough to catch a glimpse of the side of his face, he closes the door and secures the lock as if I’m some kind of monster chasing him.

I knock on the door, my heavy fist making a bong-bong sound. “Let him be, Emilie,” Otto’s mother, Frau Berger, shouts across the street.

“Something is wrong. I need to see if he’s okay,” I say, knocking again. Why won’t he open the door?

“Danner, it’s me. Talk to me. Frau Berger made us apple fritters. Come on…”

“I can’t, Emilie.” His words are barely audible from the other side of the door.

“But why?” I question.

“Emilie, dear,” Frau Berger hollers again. “I don’t want to let the mice in, please come along.”

“Go on, Emi. We’ll talk later. I promise,” Danner says, his voice weak and distraught from what little I can hear.

“I just need you to tell me if you’re okay. Are you?”

“I’m fine,” he says without hesitation. “Go to Frau Berger’s for the apple fritters, then come over later.”

I place my palm flat on his door, defeated he won’t tell me what’s happened. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t hurry on my account.”

Those words are unlike anything Danner would say. He’s always full of excitement and in a rush to get to wherever we’re going or do whatever we might be doing. Today is the first day he’s shied away from what’s in front of him. Something must be wrong.

I fix my satchel over my shoulder so the bag rests on my back and hurry across the street to Frau Berger’s open door, where she’s still waiting. “I was just checking on Danner,” I tell her.

“Of course,” she says. “I understand.”

Frau Berger closes the door after I step inside. Her house always smells of baked goods, mixed with a hint of tobacco from Herr Berger’s pipe that he smokes before bed. The others are scattered around the kitchen, staring at the platter of fritters. They look like they haven’t eaten in a year. I’m not hungry, though.

Frau Berger places a stack of dessert dishes down on the counter and tells everyone to help themselves. I take a seat at their long wooden table and drop my satchel between my ankles.

Otto sits down beside me with his full plate. “Why didn’t you take a plate?” he asks.

“I’m not hungry.”

Felix and Gerty sit on the opposite side of the table with servings like Otto’s. With everyone focusing on me and the fact that I didn’t grab a plate, I see that it would have been better if I had just taken a small helping and picked at it rather than calling attention to myself for avoiding it all together.

“You’re not eating,” Gerty says, reaching across the table to rest her hand on top of mine.

“I’m just not hungry. I’m fine.”

“You’re a bad liar,” Felix says, pointing at me. “And you’re a worse fortune teller.” He points at Gerty as he falls into a fit of laughter.

“It’s Danner, isn’t it?” Gerty asks, ignoring Felix’s behavior.

“I’m worried about him. I can’t imagine what he must be thinking right now, and I don’t even know what happened today.”

“Me too,” she says. “No one should be treated any differently. No one citizen should be blamed for this war.”

“What can we do to help him?” Otto asks, his mouth full. “We can’t control the Jewish laws and regulations being imposed, but I feel terrible for what he’s going through. It makes no sense. All we can do is stand by his side so he knows that no matter what happens, he will always have his friends to depend on.”

“I agree,” Felix says, his manners suddenly forgotten as well as he speaks with a full mouth.

“Yes, you’re absolutely right,” Gerty adds.

“Children,” Frau Berger interrupts while placing the dry, cleaned baking dish away. “I don’t mean to impose my opinions on the matter, but just as Otto was saying, we can’t do much to control political changes. Defying rules and laws is a dangerous act. Danner might just be abiding to the enforcement, and you should all do the same, yes?”

“What enforcement?” I ask.

“The ones of our chancellor who is trying to fix the economy of our country.”

Gerty chokes on the bite of food in her mouth, as shocked as I am to hear the words spill from Frau Berger’s mouth.

“By removing the Jewish people from our schools to ensure jobs are distributed to the right population following a higher education?” Gerty rebuts.

Gerty is always a step ahead of the rest of us when it comes to understanding the German government and their priorities, concerns, and ways of preventing another war. Most of the time I would rather be in the dark about our reality, but we’ve gotten to a point where the reality of our country is slowly enveloping all of us.

“What exactly is the right population?” Felix asks. “We were all born here, including Danner, right?”

“That’s not the point,” Frau Berger says.

“What is the point?” I recoil.

She wasn’t expecting my response but I’m not sure she understands what she’s saying. Frau Berger has always been a kind woman with a big heart, which doesn’t match the thoughts she’s sharing with us now.

“My point is that we don’t have much say against the chancellor’s decisions. If we want to stand against him and the government, we might as well be standing alone.”

Otto seems perplexed by his mother’s opposing, unbalanced thoughts, and stares at her for a long moment. “If everyone is too afraid to do what’s right, more Jewish people will be beaten and mortified on the streets like that poor lawyer, Dr. Siegel,” he says.

“Otto, what are you talking about?” Frau Berger retorts as if he’s making up a story. Except, we all heard and read about it in the newspaper.

“Dr. Siegel’s friend, the owner of the Uhlfeder department store was taken away to a concentration camp because he’s a successful businessman. Dr. Siegel was beaten then forced to walk down the street barefoot and nearly naked, holding a sign that said ‘I’m a Jew, but will never again complain to the police’. How can we watch this happen?” Otto argues.

Mama always tells me thatfear will eventually guide us all in one direction or another. I see that to be truer than ever now. The recollection of what happened to that poor doctor last month makes my stomach hurt, and thinking about Danner’s family being treated the same way.

I stand up from the table and make my way over to the apple fritters. I take a piece and place it on a scrap of parchment paper, wrap it up and make my way out of the kitchen.

“Emi, where are you going?” Otto jumps up from his seat and follows me.

“To bring Danner a piece of the apple fritter he’s missed out on because he’s being held responsible for a failing economy, and the future of what could continue being a failing economy. It makes little sense, doesn’t it?”

“I—I can bring it over there. He might be embarrassed if you?—”

“Danner wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of me,” I tell him.

“What if he isn’t here right now because he needed time alone after school? Shouldn’t we respect that?”

“No,” I say. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to deny his statement because Danner was upset at the door, but friends are supposed to be the people who are there with you even when you want to avoid the world. We are supposed to hear the quiet thoughts that would go unheard if we didn’t pay attention.

“I’ll come with you,” Otto suggests.

“You don’t have to do that. You have friends over.”

“Well, are you going to return? You’re my friend, aren’t you?” Otto takes my hand, something he’s done a few times recently. His eyelids become heavy, and he appears hurt as he stares into my eyes.

“Of course we’re friends, but Danner is?—”

Gerty clears her throat and smirks at me, forcing me to glare with a plea to stop whatever she’s about to say about Danner and me. I’ve told her what he said to me and what I said to him, but asked her to keep it just between us.

“Danner is going through a lot,” Gerty says, changing direction.

I pull my hand out of Otto’s and reach for the front door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Sure,” he says, forcing a smile. “Tell Danner I said hello.”

We live within a few steps of each other. There’s no reason for such formality when we can walk out of our houses and shout each other’s name to get a response. I guess there’s something more bothering Otto too, but the changes in our country affect us all in one way or another.

I storm across the street, eager to talk to Danner. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting me to return so soon. I rap my knuckles on his front door, a bit gentler this time in case he isn’t the one sitting right by the door like I saw earlier.

Heels clomp across the wooden floors, and I’m not surprised to see Frau Alesky answer the door. “Emilie, sweetheart, you look like something has just scared you half to death. Come in, come in. Is everything all right?”

Frau Alesky is like my mother, a second mother to all the children who live in this little block. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and leads me into their living room. “Sit down. Do you want tea or cocoa?”

I shake my head. “No, thank you. I just wanted to come check on Danner.”

“Of course. I’ll find him,” she says, pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders. Their house is much colder than Otto’s and I’m not sure why. “Have a seat, sweetheart.” She waves her hand toward the sofa.

Just as I ease down onto their floral upholstered sofa, a ruckus storms into the living room. “Emilie,” a young voice squeals as David soars in with a cape around his neck, blubbering like a jet plane. “What are you doing here?” David, the slightly smaller version of Danner, reminds me of the way he used to look and act just three years ago. It’s strange to think we’ve all grown and matured so much over a short span of time. “Something smells good. What’s in your hands? What’s in the paper? Is it for me? Can I share?”

It’s no wonder he arrives at school minutes before the rest of us do every morning. With the amount of energy he has, I can’t imagine him sitting still for long.

“Your brother will share with you,” I tell him. “How was school today?” I’m unsure if David had a similar day to Danner. I would think he might be less aware of changes if he weren’t sent home, but it’s hard to predict.

As if someone drained the energy straight out of David’s body, his shoulders slump forward and he plops down on the sofa beside me. “Today wasn’t a good day. My friends were sent home from school, and they won’t be returning. And also, my teacher moved my desk, and I can hardly see the chalkboard from where I’m sitting now. Then Danner was in a bad mood on the way home too, so I think something sweet could cheer me up,” he says, stretching his neck to peek over my arm at the paper wrapped goods.

“David,” Danner hollers from down the hallway. “Leave her alone,” Danner continues as he walks out from around the corner. “You’re already back?”

“I’ve been worried. I couldn’t stay away.”

Danner drops his head and scuffs his feet across the room to take a seat beside me. “David, go play. Emilie and I need to talk.”

“But I want to stay, and she has something sweet in her hands.”

“David,” Frau Alesky calls his name. “Come see me in the kitchen, please.”

David groans in defeat. “Fine, but save me some of what Emilie brought.”

I almost giggle, but the grave stare in Danner’s eyes steals every bit of happiness I was feeling just a second ago. “I’ve never seen you so look so upset,” I tell him.

“I’m scared,” he says, fear obvious within the croaks of his words. “The Führer hates Jewish people, and for that reason, I’m thankful I wasn’t one of the many kicked out of school today, but the empty seats around me are a reminder that I’m no different to those kids and it might not be long before I’m one of them. I feel like there’s a red flashing light on the top of my head. It’s no secret I’m Jewish. It never has been, and I can’t hide. I walked home before the rest of you today so you wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable walking with me. It’s not fair to do that to you four. This is my problem, not yours.”

I twist my position on the sofa to face Danner and grab his arm with both hands. “Don’t ever say that again,” I scold him. “You’re an amazing person and no one should ever make you think otherwise. We’re all different, and the person you are is what makes me want to spend all my free time with you. So, I need you to promise me you’ll never change. Promise you’ll always be the Danner we love.”

Danner’s bottom lip quivers and the despair riddled between his eyes breaks my heart. “But why? I don’t even want to spend all my spare time with me,” he says breaking through his visible pain with a small laugh. “Maybe I should be the one checking on you right now.”

“Stop it,” I say, shaking his arm. “You’re bigger than this. You’re better than the foolish regulations being imposed. The government is made up of mindless circus monkeys.” I squeeze my hand firmer around his arm and lean forward to kiss him on the cheek, realizing it’s the first time I’ve done that since exchanging our confessions a few days ago. My heart flutters and my stomach tightens as I think about my lips touching his cheek.

His face brightens with a scarlet hue and he pushes his sleeves up. “Emi,” he chuckles. “You really have a way with your words.”

I’m not sure it was my words that made him turn red, because mine feel like they might be on fire.

It takes me a moment to redirect my thoughts and pick up from where I left off with my comical lecture. “Well, in any case, no one, especially a mindless circus monkey will tell me who is important and who isn’t. Especially a monkey with an awful mustache who screams at the top of his lungs just to speak.”

Danner presses his hand over his eyes and laughs again. “A circus monkey?” he questions.

“I suppose that comparison is offensive to circus monkeys. But he does sound like one when he’s shouting so loudly, doesn’t he?” We both laugh so hard my stomach hurts by the time I need to stop so I can breathe.

“God, I’m not sure what I’d do without you,” he says.

“You don’t have to worry about that. And the others feel the same way. We’re not going anywhere without you. Even Frau Berger wanted to share some of the apple fritter she made.”

I never lie to my friends, but this time, it feels necessary to protect his heart.