51. Emilie

FIFTY-ONE

Munich, Germany

Warmth from the sun hits my cheeks, but I keep my eyes closed, wanting to avoid the day. A breeze sings through the tree limbs and bees buzz around me. I can almost hear Danner’s voice… “A honeybee’s entire purpose in life is to keep our world from falling apart. Kind of like you.”

I hear Danner’s voice often. My imagination is vivid and sometimes painful, filling me with hope I shouldn’t depend on. Despite the words playing through my mind, they still bring tears to my eyes. He would say that, but I would argue that the world still fell apart. I’m nothing like a honeybee.

A stick cracks near my outstretched feet and my eyes flash open, blinded by the darting rays of sunlight filtering in around me. I jump from the ground, enduring an ache in my back from falling asleep against the tree. I rub my eyes, trying to see through the haze. It feels like minutes have passed by the time I spot someone stepping out into a patch of shade.

“Please don’t hurt me, I—I fell asleep?—”

“Hurt you?” he asks.

I blink again, my eyes still struggling to focus. I stare at the man, my heart still pounding at my vulnerability, until I notice the scar, his eyes, his lips. I clench my fists by my side as I step closer, trying to understand, trying to make sense…am I still dreaming?

He reaches out and touches his knuckles to my cheek. “You may not recognize me…” he says, whispering through a faltering cry.

I try to react, say something, anything, tell him I recognize him, but the words lodge in my throat. I step forward and place my hands on his cheeks, breathing so heavily my head becomes heavy. “Am I dreaming?” I croak.

“If you are, then so am I,” he says.

“It doesn’t matter,” I cry out and throw my arms around him, pressing my cheek into his chest. He embraces me tightly and places a kiss on top of my head.

“If you’re not real…if this isn’t real, I can’t pretend I’m still living. I can’t live without you,” I utter.

“I’m real. I’m here because of you. Because you never gave up on me. You’re all I have left, Emi. You’re it for me,” he draws a shuddering breath.

“I’m all you have left?” I ask.

He closes his eyes and sniffles. “They—they’re all gone. David…too.” His words fall into the air, carried away with the wind.

“No, no, no,” I whisper. Please God, don’t let that be true.

Danner confirms with a nod. “I’m sure.”

I can almost hear his heart splintering as he whimpers against me. I feel like breaking too but I squeeze him harder, trying so hard to be strong for him. I gasp for air, trying to say, “I’m—I’m so—so sorry.”

“Just stay with me. Like this. I need this,” he says, trembling within my hold.

“I never wanted to leave you. I wasn’t given a choice,” I say. “I’ve been so scared—I visited Dachau days ago and helped with the bodies in the cattle cars. No one knew anything about you. I tried to find you.”

“You did find me, and look, you’ve kept the bee farm alive.”

“I—I had to capture a new swarm, using your papa’s?—”

Danner’s brow furrows and he holds his head against his chest, peering around the edges of the clearing. “You did that?”

“Without bees, there was no hope for any of us, right?”

“Without you, there’s no hope,” he corrects me, his chin trembling as he peers through the high tree-branches as he composes himself.

“Without you, nothing has been right. Nothing has been right. The only thing that has ever made sense to me is you,” I say, pressing onto my toes to kiss him. His arms loop around me and he spins me around until my back is against the tree, then presses his forehead to mine before reclaiming my lips. The side of his nose sweeps against mine as we inhale the same air and our hearts dance against each other’s.

We might both be blue in the face when he pulls back enough to look at me again.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be kissing a married woman,” he says, stealing another kiss, nonetheless.

I close my eyes and press my hands against his chest. “There’s no sin. It’s just you and me now. The rest—it’s what brought us to this moment.”

There’s perplexity written across his face, but he shakes it away as he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Whatever has been or will be, you need to know that I love you. I’ve loved you forever, and I’ll love you forever, no matter what comes next.”