Chapter Two

"Now." Lady Davenport stood tall and looked Amelia straight in the eye. "You know what is expected this evening and you will do as you are asked."

Amelia sighed inwardly and looked across the ballroom. "Mama, we have been attending events for some time now and still, there has been no success. You know very well that I will continue to be as I have always been these last few weeks and no number of demands or expectations will force me to change my mind."

"All the same, I will ask it of you." Lady Davenport blinked furiously as Amelia's heart twisted. She did not like seeing her mother upset and yet, her stance in this situation was doing nothing other than causing her mother a good deal of injury. Amelia fully understood that it was Lady Davenport's idea to have all of her daughters wed – and married well at that – but Amelia could not bring herself to even consider any of the gentlemen here. She did not, could not, trust any of them to be as they portrayed. This was nothing but a show, nothing but a pretence from them all and Amelia could not let herself believe that a single person here was who they appeared to be. Lord Sherridan had proven that to her.

"Please, Amelia." Lady Davenport took her hand and pressed it, her eyes searching Amelia's face. "Please do not be as cold and as distant as you have been. I know that is not who you truly are and if the gentlemen of the ton could see that, then they might very well – "

"I do not want the gentlemen of the ton to see that, Mama!" Frustrated, Amelia pulled her hand out of her mother's gentle grip. "Do you not understand? I have no interest in being pursued by anyone! I want to be unattached! The thought of being wed to a gentleman whose character I do not truly know and who my entire happiness – or unhappiness – depends on is a thought I cannot even bear to truly consider! Please do not ask me to be as I am not, Mama but rather permit me to do as I please."

She waited, hoping that there would be some sympathy there, that there would come a flash of understanding but instead, all there came was a hardness to her mother's eyes and a setting of her jaw. Clearly, Lady Davenport was not about to give in to all that Amelia hoped for.

"You will find yourself married regardless, Amelia." Lady Davenport lifted her chin and surveyed the room. "Even now, your father is in search of a gentleman to marry you. You will have no choice but to do as you are told, given that you are still under your father's authority."

A slight panic caught the edge of Amelia's heart. "I – I will not say the vows."

"Yes, you will." Her mother threw her a glance. "You do not truly believe that your father will simply accept your demand to become a spinster, do you?"

A knot tied itself in Amelia's stomach. "I am still my own person. I can choose what I will say and what I will not say."

"That is very true," her mother agreed, gently, "and though I do not say this to harm you, I tell you it because you must understand what consequences your choices will bring."

The knot grew tighter. "What do you mean?"

Her mother shrugged. "If you choose to continue on this course, where you refuse every gentleman that is suggested, keeping yourself cold and cruel towards them, then your father will make an arrangement instead. You have said that you will not say the vows, which then means that you will be left entirely on your own. You will have chosen to step away from your father's care and, in doing so, will be given nothing but what you have asked for: your independence."

Not understanding what her mother meant, Amelia blinked and then passed one hand over her eyes, aware of the tension between her mother and herself. "Yes, that is what I want. My independence."

"And so you shall have it. You will no longer have a place with us at the estate. You will have nothing but whatever coin you have at the present moment. Nothing will be granted to you, for you are clearly quite determined to do just as you please. You will have to make your own way in this world, just as any other spinster might do. I do hope that you do understand that, Amelia."

Amelia blinked furiously, the panic she had felt at the beginning now spreading out across her chest. "I – I do not… " Her world began to fall away, the hopes she had for her future beginning to shatter. She had never clearly thought about what it would be like to be a spinster, save for the fact that she had been quite sure of her own freedom.

But that freedom came with a heavy price.

"I do hope that you see I do not mean to upset you with this," her mother continued, still speaking in a very calm, quiet manner as though Amelia ought to be quite at ease with all that had been said. "You must understand what will happen should you continue on in this way. I think it is only right and fair for your father to grant you what it is you have asked for, since you appear to be so very determined."

"You… you would truly cast me from the house? From the estate?" Amelia whispered, her throat aching suddenly as tears burned in her eyes. "You would throw me aside as though I meant nothing?"

Her mother searched her face. "We would be giving you what you asked for, Amelia. You talk of independence, of freedom and of living this life just as you please. You cannot do that while still living at the estate. You must go out into the world and make your own way, whether that be as a governess or as a teacher of some sort. I am sure there are schools who require such people."

Amelia dashed one hand over her eyes, her chest so tight, it was painful. Why had she never considered this? Why had she always believed that her father would permit her to continue to live with him at the manor house, as she had always done? Yes, she had thought that the time might come when she would have to move from the house, but Amelia had simply thought that one of her siblings might accept – mayhap even be grateful for – her presence with them.

That all shattered in an instant. Amelia quickly realized that she could not merely expect such things. Her sisters might not be willing to have her live with them for a prolonged period. Her brother also might reject her. If her father told them all that what Amelia was searching for was an independent way of living, then they would have every right to encourage that by refusing her requests.

It felt as though the room were growing smaller, as though she were being hemmed in on every side. Amelia looked around, breathing quickly as she swallowed against the ache in her throat, one hand pressing to her heart.

Did she truly have no other choice but to wed?

"I – I will not refuse to marry," she said hoarsely, betraying herself as she did so and hating every word that sprang to her lips, "but I must have a husband who will not press me down into being whatever it is he desires. I must have a husband who is willing to permit me to live with as much freedom as possible."

Her mother clicked her tongue. "Goodness, Amelia, are you truly so foolish? Do you believe that any gentleman here in London wishes for a wife like that? No, indeed not! The gentlemen of society seek a bride who will do just as he asks, who will maintain their home with great consideration to his requirements. This freedom you speak of is nothing more than a dream."

"But all the same, that is what I desire," Amelia stated, her voice quavering but her unwillingness to back away from this statement growing by the second. She had already conceded too much in saying that she would not refuse marriage but what other choice was there for her? If she refused that, then she would be left with nothing but her wits and gentlemen far worse than Lord Sherridan could easily be lying in wait. She shuddered lightly and closed her eyes. "Please tell father what I have said, Mama. It is important to me."

"I will tell him but I cannot guarantee that he will either be able to do as you ask or will even listen to me express your desires to him," her mother answered, quietly. "I do hope you realise just how disrespectful you have been to your father and I, even if you have not done so deliberately."

With that, she turned and made her way through the crowd, leaving Amelia to stumble after her, her heart beating frantically as fear began to clutch at her heart. In all of her thoughts, in all of her deliberations, she had never once considered the fact that her parents might be unwilling to permit her to remain at home, should she pursue her efforts as a spinster. If she were to be entirely reasoned, she might think that this was nothing more than a threat, nothing more than a determination to force her hand but Amelia could not let herself push her father in this matter. There was too much for her to lose, too much to be taken from her, should she let it.

It seemed now that, despite her best intentions and the true hopes in her heart, she was to find herself wed after all.