Chapter 17

"ARE YOU sure about this?" Garvin asked. "I figured you would need to get some rest after your flight."

William hurried to the bathroom and started the shower, that tight backside bobbing so invitingly, it was all Garvin could do not to grab him and pull William back onto the bed. "Of course. If I sleep, then I'll end up all mixed up, and I have to be on the top of my game tomorrow night for a reception. So I'll clean up, and then we'll go see the sights. I know a bunch of things that you need to see." He closed the door before poking his head out once more. "Go get ready, and then we'll head out." He closed the door, and Garvin wiped himself down once more before pulling on his clothes.

True to his word, William was showered and dressed in less than fifteen minutes. "Grab a jacket. It's April, and as soon as the sun goes down, it will start to get chilly." Garvin snagged a sweatshirt from his suitcase, and then William was out the door, with Garvin following in the wake of his whirlwind.

"Where are we heading?"

"To the Metro," William answered. They went down in the elevator and out onto the street. A block later, they entered one of the Metro stations, and after getting tickets, were whisked underground to the very center of the city. They climbed the stairs at the other end and found themselves face-to-face with Notre-Dame covered in scaffolding, like a giant stone beast who'd fallen and needed to heal. "It's sad, isn't it? But the cathedral will recover. It's supposed to reopen in 2024."

"Where are you taking me?" Garvin asked. They had been on what seemed like a mad chase until they stood outside another church.

"Here." He paid the entrance fee, and William practically bounced on his heels as he held the interior door open and Garvin stepped into a chapel brimming with light and colors that seemed to fill the very air around them. "This is Sainte-Chapelle. It's a royal chapel, and all this is the largest collection of original medieval stained glass in Europe." William smiled. "I love this place. The light isn't just visual here—you can almost close your eyes and feel it."

Garvin swallowed, looking around as he took it in. Words failed to describe the space. Tall gothic windows soared toward the sky, and light of every imaginable color streamed into the space. "My God."

"Yeah," William said, taking Garvin's hand. "The last time I was here, I thought about experiencing it with someone I cared about."

"How did these survive?" Garvin asked. "It looks so fragile."

William shrugged. "I really don't know. I've been to Paris almost every year since I was twenty-two, and I always come here. It's like my welcome to the city, and it always lifts my spirits. I know it's a church, but it makes me feel like I can do anything. In this space, it's really easy to believe in God and his miracles."

Garvin nodded. They slowly wandered through the monument, taking in the light. He probably should have gotten a brochure to read about the building, but he was too enthralled to take his attention away. Standing in the center, he lifted his gaze. "I can see why they built churches like this. The building itself seems to draw your attention to God."

"That's exactly the point," William whispered. The space was huge, and yet it seemed inappropriate to talk. Garvin wandered silently through the church, taking it all in. As people entered, their chatter ceased at the door, and Garvin knew they were as affected as him.

"We should go," William whispered sometime later, guiding him toward the exit and out into the bright spring sunshine.

"That was amazing," Garvin whispered, heaving in a deep breath. "What's next?"

William took his arm. "Lots of things. We can stroll the booksellers, walk along the west bank." He continued walking, and Garvin let William take the lead. They strolled across the fancy Alexander bridge, where a hunky bronze Neptune held court over the Seine. The city of legend seemed to open herself to them, but maybe it was the other way around. Maybe it was Garvin who was finally opening up. He didn't want to hold back, and when they rounded a bend, looking back as the water flowed through the city, Garvin guided William closer and kissed him hard, his tongue slipping between his lips.

"I don't know exactly what to do," he admitted. "We live completely different lives, and yet here, none of that matters."

"Because maybe it was never all that important in the first place," William offered. "Look, I'm thirty-four, an old man in the business I'm in. The day after tomorrow, I'm going to be in a runway show, and I will be the oldest model there by nearly a decade. I'm good at what I do. And yeah, I look good and I was blessed with young genes. But it isn't going to last forever, I know that. I've worked hard for years, and you know the tiny place I have."

"But the commercials and stuff…," Garvin suggested.

"Those might last longer, for a few more years. But then someone more attractive with fewer lines and signs of aging will take over. It's the way of things. Once that happens, I'll look for a new career." He pulled Garvin nearer. "I have no idea what that will be. Maybe I can teach theater or film. I don't know."

Garvin paused. "What are you trying to tell me?"

William sighed, pausing in their stroll as the river flowed past them the way it had for thousands of years. "That things are not going to stay the way they are now. In four months, I'm booked for some shows in New York. Just a few. Arnie hasn't said anything, but I know it's getting harder and harder for him to get me work. So in a year or two, I'll be ready for a huge life change, and I want that change to be you."

Garvin tilted his head slightly. "You want me to wait for you for two years?"

"No." William looked at him like he was dumb. "I want to come to Alaska and spend time with you between jobs. And I'm hoping that you can come to New York for a few weeks in the fall. You could conduct your classes from there, maybe take your students on a virtual tour of the city. You could come to Paris with me next year, or any other place I have to go. And when this ride is over, then maybe I can find work doing commercials up in the frozen north. Can you see me doing Visit Alaska spots or something?" He smiled, and the light in Garvin's head went on.

"You're saying you'd move to Willow?" Garvin asked, his mouth going dry.

William shook his head. "I've always thought that. I know you leaving isn't an option. That's your home, and quite frankly, it felt more like a home to me than any place has ever felt. I don't know exactly how or when, but the one thing I do know is that I want to make it my home as well."

Garvin rested his head on William's shoulder. "Then I'd love to travel with you for a while, see some more of the world…." He lifted his gaze. "With you. Always with you."

William chuckled.

"I don't understand what's so funny."

William stretched his arm and swept it in front of them. "Millions of people come here every year to fall in love. It's part of what this city does. I think you and I did that in Alaska, but we had to come here to find the words to express it… to figure out a way forward." He kissed Garvin, his lips hot and soft. "You know, if I'd known, I'd have brought you to Paris a long time ago." He sighed. "There's just something about this place that stirs the heart."

Garvin snickered. "I think it's stirring something else, and my bet is that they put something in the water."

William rolled his eyes. "And what would that be exactly?"

"Love juice?" Garvin quipped.

"As I recall, you and I have never had a problem with that." William's wicked smile had Garvin wondering how quickly they could get back to the hotel. Garvin slipped his arm around William's waist, and they stood and watched the water flow past.

"I have to ask. Have you told Arnie about your plans? He seems really intense, and I know the guy works hard as hell for you."

William nodded. "He does, and I'll have to talk to him about it." He leaned closer. "I'm tired, Garvin. By the end of the week, I'm barely going to be able to move. I'll have worn dozens of sets of clothes, and some of them will have been pinned on to the point I'm lucky they don't fall off and I end up naked on the damned runway. That nearly happened five years ago. A new designer hired me for her show. The clothes looked stunning, but they weren't all ready. The pants I was supposed to wear were pinned at the waist, and halfway through the runway, the pin gave way and the pants fell right off." William began laughing, and at first Garvin thought he was kidding, but the chuckle turned nervous.

"What did you do?" Garvin asked.

"I stepped out of the pants, thankful the shirt was long, and continued walking as though that was part of the show. I even gave them a little butt shimmy as I did. The audience never knew anything different, and that designer has hired me every single year since. Last year she started an underwear line for men, and we reprised the pants drop, this time on purpose. It was a sensation. But it takes a lot of energy to be on and ready for those few minutes on the runway, and I want to go out on top rather than trying to hang on too long. You know?" William stood still.

"Do you think you'll be able to get me in to watch some of the shows? I'd like to see you work."

"Of course. Arnie is always invited, and you should be able to go with him." William guided them away from the river. "Let's go a few blocks from this section of the city, find a bistro, and have some lunch."

"I could definitely eat," Garvin said, and they left the riverfront, strolling away from the tourist areas until they found a street corner with a coffee shop on one side and a bistro with tables on the sidewalk on the other. "And afterward, can we walk through the gardens?"

"Of course, if you like. But I thought we'd go to the Orangerie first. It's in one corner of the Tuileries, and it's breathtaking in a completely different way than Sainte-Chapelle." A server approached them. William spoke briefly in French, and Garvin's eyes widened as they were shown to a table.

The bistro was busy but not full, and they settled into a quiet conversation. "I didn't know you spoke French."

"Over the years I've picked up quite a bit, and I took a few years of night classes. When I was younger, I wanted to work more here, so knowing French was important. I'm not fluent, but I can manage most casual situations, and I'm really good in restaurants and things like that because the interactions are predictable." They made their selections and were ready when the server returned.

Garvin sat back and let William speak to the server. Then they were alone, and they simply talked. It wasn't rushed or really important. Garvin spent most of the time watching William, wondering how he could have thought so little of him at one point. He had placed William in a box that made him easy to dismiss, which meant Garvin hadn't had to deal with any latent attraction. All he could do was thank God that William had come to Alaska. He had opened Garvin's heart again. But it was William's leaving that had been the real wake-up call.

"So, the Orangerie? Why is that familiar?" Garvin asked, trying to pull his thoughts back to the moment rather than letting them wander.

"The Tuileries were the gardens when the Louvre was a royal palace, so I suspect the Orangerie is where they had the hothouses for growing oranges and other tropical fruit for the palace. But today it's something very different."

"And you aren't going to tell me?" Garvin asked.

William shrugged. "You could look it up on your phone, or you can just let yourself be surprised." He cocked his eyebrows, and Garvin left his phone in his pocket. After all, they had plenty of time, and William hadn't steered him wrong yet. The dishes arrived, and Garvin hummed at the simple but amazing plate of duck. It wasn't something he normally ordered, but it tasted wonderful. William seemed content with his chicken, although he only ate part of it and his salad. Garvin kept quiet and just ate, not commenting on the fact that in Alaska, William had had a monster appetite, and now he was eating like a bird.

"I know what you're thinking, and it's because I have to get into those damned clothes in a day or two." He finished his salad, eating slowly.

There were questions Garvin wanted to ask, but he kept them to himself. How much longer did William really want to keep living this way? Watching every scrap of food he ate and wondering if the clothes were going to fit? "I understand, but…."

William shrugged. "I've been doing it so long I don't even realize it anymore."

"Except for when you were staying with me," Garvin whispered.

William nodded. "It felt good to eat whatever I wanted, but it was hell getting my appetite to shrink back down after I got home. I was hungry all the time for weeks."

"Well, if you come back in the winter, you can eat anything you want." He watched William closely for some kind of reaction. Garvin hated this sort of shit. He should just ask for what he wanted, but if William turned him down, then that was it. "Were you happy there?"

William set down his fork. "You know I was." The words came out just above a whisper.

"Then what do you want to do about it?" Garvin sighed. "Look, let's put the bull pucky aside and stop playing games. I was happy, really happy, for the first time since I lost John." He cringed, because the times he had tried running through this conversation in his head, he had said that he was not going to mention John. This had nothing to do with him. "Forget that."

"But John always seems to be there. Even when you say this isn't about him, he's right there."

Garvin nodded. "I know he is, but that's my issue, not yours. Losing John was a big event in my life. It's like Covid—everything seems to be ‘before Covid' or ‘after Covid.' Well, for me, losing John is that big event, but it's more of a time memory, not like I'm comparing the two of you. Because you and John are like apples and oranges. He was one of a kind, just like you." Garvin cleared his throat and drank from his water, trying to get this back on track before he lost the entire train of thought. "When you came to Alaska, I thought you were going to be a big pain in the ass. But you pitched right in, once you thawed out from nearly being a human popsicle. And damn it all if…." He drew a little closer, losing himself in William's eyes. "You made me fall in love with you."

William gasped softly, his eyes round and huge, like he never expected Garvin to say those words, and maybe he was right, because Garvin never anticipated that he'd use them again, but it was true.

"Then you left, and I got a good dose of just how much you had worked your way into my life. Everyone asked about you, Sasha moped, and I wanted to go to bed and not get up. The entire world seemed to have shifted, and I didn't even realize it until you were gone. I don't want that to happen again."

"Then what do you want?" William asked. He swallowed hard but said nothing more.

"What I want doesn't matter. It's what you want that counts."

William smiled and reached across the table, taking Garvin's hand. "It's what we both want." He lightly rubbed his thumb over the backs of Garvin's fingers. "I have some commitments over the next few months, but after that there isn't a great deal. And I think I'm okay with that."

"I see."

William shook his head. "No, I don't think you do. I'm going to finish my commitments and then find something else to do with my life." He grinned. "I was thinking I could become… a lumberjack or something. I can't just sit on my hands and do nothing. But I can figure that out."

"Then what's stopping you?" Garvin asked, every nerve hyperaware of William's touch. "Wait, it's me?"

William rolled his eyes. "The thing is that you say how I make you feel, but you haven't done anything about it."

Garvin's skin tingled from head to toe. Could it be that simple? "Would you move to Alaska and live with me? I know that you would need to travel and stuff, but would you make my little cabin your home… our home?" There, he'd put out there what he wanted. It felt like he had taken a huge leap when all he'd really done was ask for what his heart desired.

William grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."

He shook his head. "But what are you going to do about the deals you do have?"

"I'll finish some of them out while I close up the apartment in LA. My lease is up in a few months. A lot of the stuff there is things I've had for a while, so I'll just sell them and ship up the few things that are really important, like my grandfather's desk and some decorative things. I don't need all that much."

"I was thinking we could expand the one side of the cabin to add an office that could also be a guest room." It was time Garvin reconnected with his friends and had a place for them to stay. Also, since it was going to be more than just him, they would need some workspace. He leaned over the table. "So is that a yes?"

William nodded. "It is, yes." He squeezed Garvin's hand and then released it to pick up his fork. "Finish your lunch. I have something to show you." He checked his phone. "And we have just enough time to eat and get there."

GARVIN WASN'T sure what to expect an hour later as they walked into the Orangerie. Honestly, he was expecting a garden of some sort, maybe a glass house filled with tropical plants. Well, it was a garden of sorts, but a garden of impressionist images that took his breath away: Matisse, Cézanne, Renoir. But it was the elliptical rooms of Monet's Water Lilies that truly transported him. He stood in the center of one room and slowly turned. It was as if he were spending a year in the water garden, the light and color shifting as he turned.

"This is one of my favorite places anywhere," William said softly from next to him. "And to think Monet was nearly blind when he painted these. I like to think of this as the garden of his memories." William took his hand, and Garvin slowly turned toward him. "I used to stand here and wonder what it would feel like to see this with someone else… someone I loved." He squeezed Garvin's fingers before lightly running his fingers down his cheek. They shared a long moment. The gallery, buzzing with people, seemed to quiet, and it was just the two of them. Garvin liked that idea and wished this moment could last forever.

Garvin leaned closer, but William gently shook his head. Still holding hands, they wandered through the rest of the gallery, returning to the water lilies once more before leaving, strolling through the Tuileries as the shadows cast by the trees began to lengthen.

It was under the shade of one of those huge trees that spread its branches wide that William tugged Garvin off the path and onto the grass. "It was too public in there," William said as he stood right in front of Garvin.

"I see," Garvin said as William kissed him gently but deeply.

"I do love you," William whispered. "And I want to try to build a life together. But… you have to promise me one thing."

Garvin raised his eyebrows. "What?" he breathed, wondering what was up now.

"That you'll do your best to keep me warm during the long winter," William said softly.

Drawing close once again, Garvin pressed his lips to William's. "That's something I'll gladly do for a very long time."