Chapter 15

"WHERE'S WILLIAM?" Enrique asked as he and Garvin left the community center. They had done their bit helping with the kids' activities.

"I don't know. He said he was going to check out the carnival, and then he was going to look for me at the outhouse races. William was really fascinated by that idea." Garvin looked over the crowd in the parking area. The fun spilled out onto the lake itself, where the race course had been set up.

"It looks like it's over there and they're getting into position." Devon joined them, and he and Enrique hurried over. Garvin continued looking for William but didn't spot him.

The past week had been quietly intense. Each day that passed brought William that much closer to leaving, and while Garvin hated the idea, he didn't see anything more he could do. He consoled himself that people came to visit and left all the time, but this was different and he knew it. The thought of William leaving left him as cold as his cabin was going to be without William's warmth. Hell, even Sasha was going to miss him something terrible.

Garvin looked around and finally spied William striding out toward the lake. He hurried to catch up to him, and reached the edge of the ice as William approached one of the outhouse teams and then climbed inside the outhouse. Garvin pulled out his phone and took pictures.

The race started, and Garvin switched to video as the outhouses slid across the ice. He kept the camera on William, who grinned and seemed to be having a ball. Garvin found himself laughing as the door to William's outhouse swung closed and then came open again. William hammed it up, reaching for toilet paper as he hung on to the sides.

"Did you find him?" Devon asked from next to him.

Garvin pointed, and Devon cracked up. William looked about ready to fall out, but he caught himself as the outhouse picked up speed. His team raced toward the finish line and crossed just ahead of the others. William whooped and climbed out, nearly falling as he did.

Garvin hurried over as William and his team high-fived each other. He caught William before he lost his balance again, and hugged him tightly. "I didn't know you were taking part."

"They needed a last-minute replacement," William said, bouncing on his toes. "I can't believe we won." William hugged Garvin hard, spinning them around until Garvin was afraid they were both going to end up on the ice. "That was so much fun. Did you see it all?"

Garvin grinned, happy to his bones. "I did. You even mugged for everyone. I got pictures and video."

"Send it to me. I want to show the guys back in the city. This is the best thing ever." He whooped, and his teammates all joined him before heading up to the stage, where they were presented with their outhouse trophies. One of the men on the lake made them every year. They were outhouse birdhouses, and each one was displayed with pride outside one of the various cabins in the area. "What's next?" William asked as he showed Garvin his outhouse.

"There are more races that we can watch."

"Did you enter any?" William asked.

"Yeah, Garvin," Devon said from behind him. "What race did you enter?"

"None," Garvin groused.

"Wrong. I get my chance to beat you this year. I signed you up for the snowmobile races."

The jerk. Last year Garvin had come in first, but only because one of the other racers had engine trouble and Devon decided to hotdog it and fell off. Garvin's trophy was on a shelf in the cabin, and it made him smile to see it.

"No. You go and win. No hotdogging and shit this year."

"But—"

"I didn't win last year—you lost. Be sure to change that." He sent Devon off and slipped an arm around William, guiding him over to the course. The entrants had to race across the lake, around a cone at the end, and back. The course was about simple speed .

"Go on if you want," William told him, but Garvin tightened his hold a little more. He was fine right where he was. "Does Enrique race too?"

"You better believe it." They watched as Devon won the first heat and Enrique the final one. "This should be good," Garvin said as the four racers lined up for the final race.

"This is the one for all the marbles," the announcer said. "The winner of this race will be the king of winter!" A whoop went up, and then, with a pistol shot, the racers were off.

"Who is leading?" Garvin asked as they tore across the frozen lake. They both watched as Devon's red snowmobile seemed to make the turn first, with Enrique's black-and-yellow one right behind. The others made the turn just after, so it was anybody's race.

The engines grew louder as the racers approached the near side of the lake. "It looks like Devon is just in front." William shouted his encouragement as they drew closer.

"That was a close call, but the king of winter for this year is Enrique Salazar." He drew out the name like it was a boxing match. They all pulled to a stop, and Enrique stood, holding his hands in the air. Devon stood next to him, beaming almost as brightly as if he had won.

"Now that's love," Garvin said softly. "I remember the time I got my first teaching job. You would have thought I'd won the lottery by how happy John was. He took me out to dinner, and the two of us celebrated. It wasn't even a great job."

"But it was your first, and John understood that." William took his hand. "You celebrate along with the ones you love, because if you don't, then the bad things have a chance to overtake you."

"I know you're right, but the bad things, the mean things people say, they're so much easier to believe and harder to let go of. The good stuff seems to come and then it's gone, but the bad things, the hurts, they hang on."

"I know. But they don't have to," William said. "Look at them. They'll remember this day not because Enrique won and Devon lost, but because they were here together. Look at them. All you have to do is see them and you know they're a couple. They watch each other even when the other doesn' t know it."

"What are you going on about?" Garvin asked.

William growled at him under his breath. "Look at Devon. He smiles at Enrique even when he can't see it. It's so obvious that he loves the man."

"And I don't? Is that what you're saying? Is this some kind of smile test?" Garvin snapped, and then realized what he'd said.

"Of course not." William leaned closer. "But do you smile at me when I'm not looking?" Garvin cleared his throat. "You do, don't you? Because I know I smile just thinking about you." William lightly bumped his shoulder.

"I see." Garvin didn't know what to say—he hadn't been keeping track of his smiles—but he supposed he did. "I guess I do, because you make me happy." He sighed softly, willing this happy, contented feeling to stay around for as long as possible.

"Come on," William said. "Let's go ride the Ferris wheel. And if you're good, maybe when we reach the top, I'll give you a kiss." He tugged Garvin over and paid for two tickets, and they got in line. Once they boarded the wheel and sat in their seat, William took his hand and scooted as close as possible. "You know, I'm glad I came, even if I did nearly freeze to death."

"I really could have done without that being brought up again. You nearly scared the life out of me that night. I had no idea you were coming, and then you show up at my door, half frozen, nearly giving me a heart attack because…." He paused. "Dammit, I thought I was going to lose you." There, he'd said it. Garvin turned to William as the wheel began to move. Every time they reached the top and crested over, William leaned close and kissed him. Garvin hoped their ride went on forever.

AS MUCH as he might want it to, nothing lasted. Garvin had learned that with John, and he was getting a refresher course with William. The past few days had been great. He taught William how to use snowshoes, and they had been out on the snowmobiles again. Last night, they went to the trading post, and William had said his goodbyes to everyone. Garvin had done his best to put that inevitability out of his mind, but it had been staring him in the face since then .

A few hours ago, William had finished packing and they had loaded everything in Garvin's Jeep. Now they were on the outskirts of Anchorage as the last light disappeared from the sky. "It's going to be a cold one." Anchorage got very few clear nights, being so close to the water, but it seemed tonight was going to be one of those.

"I guess so." William turned and smiled. "The northern lights."

Garvin pulled off and parked so they could watch them dance across the sky. "It seems you're getting quite a sendoff."

He continued on, and they stopped for dinner before he took William to the airport, where he pulled up to the departures section to let William get out.

"I promise I'll be back."

Garvin nodded, his throat tight and aching. "I hope you will. Maybe this summer, and we can see all the places we went without the snow." He tried not to get too emotional, but it was becoming harder by the second.

William leaned over and kissed him. "You can always come visit me." He took Garvin's hand. "I don't want this to be the end. It can't be."

"No. Me too." What the fuck did you say at a time like this? "I don't want you to go."

"I know, and I wish I could stay, but I have commitments. But I'll always have room for you and a place for you and Sasha to stay when you want to visit." He kissed Garvin again and then they got out of the Jeep. William got his suitcases out of the back and took them to the curb. Garvin felt his gaze on him as he drew closer, and he hugged William hard. Sometimes words completely failed, and this was one of those moments. Finally, Garvin released William and hurried around to his side of the car. He got inside, buckled his seat belt, and checked the traffic around him before pulling away.

The lights of the airport flashed in the windows, and he was nearly away before he glanced at the passenger window. That was when he saw it—a simple heart drawn in frost outside. Damn it all.

He continued forward, and the light faded and darkness surrounded him. Garvin was tempted to go around the circle, park, and find William to tell him how he felt, but it was too late. Just like with so many things, Garvin had waited too damned long, and now he was out of time.