Chapter 6

At the bonfire, I learn that I am not the only one who wants Brandon Fernandez. We pass by werewolves, vampires, incubi, gorgons, and humans, all of whom turn to stare at my roommate.

Yes, he is that beautiful. And he does not seem to be aware of it, which makes him even more attractive. As I follow Brandon and his friend through the clusters of students at the bonfire by the river, I want to growl at every single being who gets close to my human.

I want to destroy them for even looking at him, because my instincts tell me that he is mine.

Even though my brain reminds me I cannot have him. I do not want to hurt Brandon through my proximity—or tempt whatever he has triggered inside me—but I also said I would attend this event.

Has Clay told Brandon my plans to change rooms?

I do not know how to behave now—I feel helpless and stuck. And embarrassed, if Bran does know.

In short, things are awkward.

Worse, though, I am … jealous, even though I know I have no right to be.

The longing for Brandon is even greater than my desire to return to my source—to join the others who are swimming and splashing in the river. They appear to be having fun, and I am most myself when I am in the water. It is rejuvenating, reinvigorating, refreshing—and helps me get to my full powers. But all I am doing is watching everyone react to Bran.

My father has told me my entire life that I would want to drag humans to the underground world. I always thought that was him trying to explain what he did to my mother.

Now, though, I am starting to understand my father—unfortunately—because I am feeling the same urges, I think, that he did. They manifest in a desperate lust that I can barely contain.

All I think about is Brandon. All I want is him.

I need to get my head on straight.

I do not think this hunger is only a result of the gifts Brandon gave me—or our blood commingling—because it began when he first walked into the dorm room. I think it is a reaction to something intrinsic to him . His energy calls to me, and my entire being wants to answer.

But I cannot—must not—take his soul. He has a shining light, and I must not deprive him or the world of it.

We pass the crackling bonfire and head toward an area where drinks are being served. Brandon looks over his shoulder at me and smiles, and it makes the electrical circuits in my body go wiggly. Dimples . "Want something?" he calls.

You . I shake my head.

He gazes at me, as if checking to see whether he should hand me a drink anyway. I am anxious and dehydrated, yes. But I will not accept any more gifts from Brandon. Even though I want to.

I spent much of this afternoon in the shower, trying to tap into the power that water gives me. And I might have been thinking about Brandon as I gave my cock attention. He needs to never find out about that.

Clay takes a bag of blood off a table, and Bran pours himself a beer from the keg. Just then, a harpy girl comes up to them and throws her arms around Bran. Her wing almost hits me in the face, and his drink sloshes to the ground. "Bran!" she cries.

"Hey," he says, wiping his hand on his shorts. "Good to see you again."

Again?

She nods at Clay, and then they all look at me.

Bran smiles warmly and gestures between the harpy and me. "Um, this is my roommate, Steve. Steve, this is …" Bran trails off. He does not know her name. I am irrationally happy that he does not know her name.

"Savannah," the harpy says, either unfazed by or oblivious to Bran's blunder. "Nice to meet you!"

"Yes," I say, remembering my manners, even though something about her makes my temperature rise. "It is nice to meet you, too." I say the common phrase, but I wish I could say what I mean, which is: "Go away and leave my human alone."

"So when are we going to Scareoke?" Savannah asks Bran.

Wait, they are going on a date? I thought he wanted me to do karaoke for him—in payment for his gift.

"Let's go on my birthday—three weeks from tonight," Brandon chirps. "You'll be there, right?"

At first, I think he is still talking to the harpy, but then I realize he is addressing me. Something warms inside me. "Yes, I will go."

He looks pleased. But the harpy will not leave him alone. Finally, after she talks for a bit longer, she kisses him on the cheek and flies away. I want to scrape her touch off his skin.

Clay smirks and leans in close to Bran. "She wants you, dude. I told you."

Bran rolls his eyes.

"Excuse me. What did you tell Brandon?" I ask, unable to keep quiet.

"That everyone wants to get in his pants."

The vampire is correct, confirming what I had noticed earlier. Since Brandon is a beautiful ray of sunshine, he draws the attention of everyone around him. Especially monsters. Many monsters are forced by birth to be creatures of the dark, and darkness longs to know the light.

Like those creatures, nokks are the melancholy part of nature, the sadness that is ever-present. We lurk in still water, the shadows of trees, and the decay of the forest.

Light is all I have ever wanted.

So I have a decision to make. I can proceed to complete my bond to Brandon, which he does not know about and has not consented to.

I can take his soul, an outcome I am resisting with my entire being.

Or I can have as little contact with him as possible, to save him from either of those two potentially disastrous situations.

Obviously, I choose the final option.

When Bran gets in a conversation with a Sasquatch about the water polo team, I slip away without saying goodbye, intending to return to the dorm room. Before I go far, though, I collide with a human.

"Excuse me," I say.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to run into you." He smiles. "Hey, I'm Kentley."

I remember my manners. I do not want to scare this human. "It is nice to meet you, Kentley. You may call me Steve."

"It's so great to meet you, too! I'm a little out of my comfort zone, all these monsters." He looks me up and down. "Wait, what are … You're not human, are you?"

I shake my head. "No. I am a nokk. And a music student."

"Oh monster gods, I'm sorry for being speciesist."

"I understand how this could be challenging for you if you have not interacted much with monsters before."

"For what it's worth, I'm a music student, too! I play piano. Maybe we'll have some classes together. What's your schedule like?"

We compare notes. I will have class with him a few days every week. "I will see you then," I say, somewhat cheered that I may have met someone I can talk to—who is human—and who I do not want to ruin. I excuse myself.

When I get back to my room, I pick the slide of Brandon's blood up from my bookshelf and set it back down again.

Not even half an hour later, the door flies open. "Dude, where'd you go?" Bran demands, his presence seeming to take over all available space in the room.

A thrill courses through my body like the strings vibrating on an instrument. He is here.

He should not be here. I do not want him here.

But, in reality, I do. I have never felt more conflicted.

"You looked as if you were busy," I say, glancing up from my electric guitar. I had not plugged it into the amp, to allow me to practice my fingering while minimizing the noise it would make.

"It's a party. You could meet people."

I stare at his beautiful self—the wild hair, lickable skin, and soft, friendly eyes.

Bran relents, his shoulders sagging. "Hey, sorry. I don't mean to butt in. I thought knowing people might make the first few days easier." He kicks at the carpet. "Is something wrong with me? Clay told me you wanted to change rooms."

Of course he did.

I set my guitar down on the bed beside me and scrub my face. "I do not think it is best for you to room with a nokk. We can … It can … It may not be safe."

"Safe? You're not going to hurt me. I thought you were registered with the Organization of Monster Enhancement."

"I am."

"Then it's fine."

No. It is not fine. You do not know how much I want to kiss you. How much I want to complete the bond.

Or take your soul.

I huff. "I just thought it would be better," I finally mutter, not wanting him to know my thoughts, because those are surely too much.

Bran's face falls, and I want to kick myself for making him sad. I want him to never look this way again. "I wish you'd reconsider," he says quietly.

"Why?" I ask. "You do not know me."

"My last two roommate situations were … not good. One of them hated me—he thought I was annoying—and the other one had sex so much I never got to be in my own room. I was hoping this year would be different, and you seem like a cool guy. Will you at least give us a chance as roommates? Please?"

I stare at him. I should not give us a chance as anything. That is a bad idea. What choice do I have, though, with not being able to move for two weeks at least? Moreover, he will want to move soon enough, to get away from me.

And I cannot deny Brandon. Finally, against my better judgment, I nod.

"Thanks, man," Bran says, and he squeezes my shoulder with his warm hand. I want to lean into him like a flower toward the sun.

I nod. "Go back to the party. I want to go to sleep."

"Okay," he says. "If you're sure you're okay."

"I am fine."

After a moment, Bran nods and leaves.

The moment the door closes behind him, I shift into my true form, just for a breather. I am not a very good shifter—I cannot hold my human form forever. It is much more natural for me to be in my true form, and I need a few moments without pressure.

I resolve to stay away from Brandon as much as possible, even if we remain roommates.

And I do so. On Sunday, he tells me he is going to hang out on the banks of the Lin River with some friends and asks if I want to come join them.

I shake my head and instead take a long walk in the woods, away from the school and people. Away from all of the students spending time with friends on the riverbanks. I want to be by myself. I bring sheet music and scribble down the notes for a song.

Midday, Brandon texts me a series of emojis that I do not understand, so I do not respond, although I analyze every single one of them.

I manage to stay away for most of the day, but when I get back in the evening, Bran is sitting on his bed with an open laptop.

"Hey!" he says, smiling wide, patting the space next to him. It makes my heart long for things I cannot have. "Wanna watch a movie? It's the original Blade Runner ."

"No."

"Are you excited for classes to start?"

I raise an eyebrow. "I am not excited, no. But I am looking forward to it."

That is the truth. Once classes start, I will have more places to be besides this dorm room: practice rooms for music, empty classrooms. Although I believe the library is open already.

"Come sit!" Bran gestures at the desk chair. "Talk with me. What have you been doing?"

"I went for a walk."

"Oh yeah? How was it? The forest is gorgeous. I'm not used to it being all green like it is here. Back home, it's a desert. Literally."

"It is kind of like my home," I admit. "Although the mountains are taller there."

"Oh? Tell me more about Norway!"

I look at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, totally! I've never been to Europe. I'd love to go there. I'd love to go everywhere. Traveling is great."

"It is a very beautiful country," I finally say. "There are mountains, as I mentioned, and lakes and fjords, and towns of various sizes. Oslo is a big city. I live in an area that is not as populated."

"Bergen, right?"

He remembered. A smile breaks through my normal somber expression, and I feel like I might be glowing. "Yes. That is where I started university. It is the closest city to where I am from."

"I wanna see pictures," Bran says, and he starts typing on his laptop. After a moment, he says, "Whoa, is this it?" He turns the computer so I can see the screen.

"Yes, that is my home."

"So cool," he whispers, and even more want blossoms inside me. "I wanna see it sometime."

"Maybe you can," I say, before I can help myself. But the smile on Bran's face takes my breath away.

Dimples .

We click on some more photos, and I identify different places I know.

A whole series of photos showing bingo cards appears, and I cough. "What are those about?" Bran asks.

"We like bingo in Norway. nokks especially."

"Oh. Huh. Cool."

"Why do you text only emojis?" I ask, wanting—needing—to know.

He grins. "If you think about it, we don't need words to communicate. We can communicate through other means, like art, music, and emojis."

"Music?"

"Absolutely. Don't you think it's easier to say something in a song, sometimes? Like, you can show someone the lyrics—or even just the melody—and it conveys a mood or emotion better than spoken words."

I stare at Brandon. He understands . "Yes, I agree."

"Or it even happens with movies and books. There's something that the creator had to say, and it takes that long to get it all out. What they want to communicate can't be compressed into a little sound bite, you know?"

"I do know."

"So, I like to use emojis. If I send a monster or a mermaid, I'm usually thinking about the students here. If it's food, it's likely because I'm hungry. If it's a face, then it's probably what I'm feeling. Or I'm asking you what you're feeling. With all of them, I'm limited to the options on the keyboard, so sometimes it comes across a little weird."

Being around Bran makes me warm inside and out. "And you want people to figure it out?"

"That's the idea. Although if you're Phil, you just send me the middle finger emoji and call it good."

I give him a small smile. "I do understand what you are saying about words not working."

We sit for a beat, gazing at each other. Brandon, how I wish I could give you something, even if I have nothing good to give you .

I study his parted lips. I can feel his breath pass over my cheek. I want to touch him, to move closer—

"So, what's your first class tomorrow?" Brandon asks, and whatever trance we were in breaks.

"Sociology. Then performance seminar." I need to volunteer something. He has already shared so much with me. "I am told I will need to play the violin for placement in the orchestra." I sent in an audition video to get into the school, but I will still need to be placed.

"Oh, that's so cool! Do you want me to listen to you practice?"

Part of me wants to play for him. To show him who I truly am—because I can usually express myself through music.

If I do not accidentally enchant someone, of course.

That is the risk whenever a nokk plays music. And I do not want to ever enchant Brandon. In the unlikely event that he were to … be interested in me, I would want him to feel that way on his own. Not because I kidnapped him and stole his soul. Not because we completed the bonding he started by commingling our blood. Not because I forced him with my monster powers. But because he actually liked me.

He is too tempting, and I need to say no. I shake my head. "That is not necessary. I am an adequate musician."

"Then good luck! I'm sure you'll do amazing," Bran says, giving me the biggest smile anyone has ever sent my way.

The following morning, I do not "do amazing."

Sighing, I take the violin off my shoulder, set down the bow, and wait for the classroom furniture to stop dancing. I glance around at the sleeping faculty members and try not to think about how massively I am already failing in my new university.

This is not the way to make a good first impression.

The orchestra director had sent us an email telling us to bring our instruments for performance seminar. I delivered both my violin and guitar cases and my amp—along with electrical adapters for US plugs—earlier in the day so I would not have to carry them plus my school rucksack all over campus.

When it was time, I cleared my throat. "I am Steve. I am a nokk. I do not know if I will send everyone to sleep, but I am signed up to play the fiddle." Over my protest.

But as my father is overseeing my schooling, what he says goes—although he has not called or texted since I left Norway. That does not really surprise me. I am not sure how many souls he has taken, but it is more than the number of years I have been alive. He is surely busy prospecting for another human to enchant.

"I suppose we should've thought of that before we enrolled you, but it seems we didn't," Professor Lopez, the orchestra director, said gently. "Forgive us; we haven't had a nokk before. Why don't you go ahead and play? If you need to stop, then do so."

I lifted the violin to my shoulder, intending to play something light. But as soon as I started, the entire room nodded off and the desks and chairs started dancing. I had to grab the music stand before it flew to the ceiling.

I guess my performance is over.

After a few minutes, Professor Lopez blinks awake.

"Sorry, professor," I whisper. "That was an accident. When I get nervous, I slip back into our traditional music, and I had not accounted for how powerful it is, especially in an enclosed space."

And I am not presently strong enough to hold back its power. I need to go down to the river, but between finding my classes and avoiding my roommate, I have not done so and have been relying on the shower. Not being recharged has made me sluggish, and it is no wonder I accidentally played an old song.

Professor Lopez blinks and adjusts his tie under his sweater vest. "I guess you were correct." A few other strings faculty members yawn awake, glancing around as if wondering how they got to where they are.

"I am truly sorry."

Professor Lopez gives me a tight smile. "That's quite all right. We'll have to work with you to figure out how you can perform. Generally speaking, playing in a soundproof room where no one else can hear it isn't the point of music. Is there anything you can do so it isn't so … enchanting?"

"I believe that when I play a traditional nokk instrument, the effects are worse. I know I am enrolled to play the violin, but I also brought my electric guitar. May I see if that causes less of an issue?" A hopeful flutter arises in my chest. I may be able to tell my father that I am unable to study the violin and am forced to play the guitar.

That would be a dream come true.

"I'm not familiar with the traditional nokk instruments. What are they?" Professor Lopez asks.

"Fiddle, flute, and harp."

"Well, yes, let's try to avoid those until we come up with a solution." Most of the others are now awake, and the professor looks around. "Why don't you give the guitar a try."

I plug my amp into the wall and my guitar into the amp and strum an experimental chord.

All eyes are on me.

So I go for it, playing a song I heard on the radio yesterday. While I long to get lost in the music, I'm acutely aware that I need to not enchant everyone.

Even so, I enjoy myself for a few minutes, making the kind of music I love.

When I glance around, everyone is awake, which is an improvement.

Professor Lopez smiles. "That was terrific. While you are welcome to practice the violin in the soundproof rooms, what if we focus on the electric guitar for your coursework while you are at Creelin U?"

"Yes, professor," I say, smiling.

I am pleased. Studying the guitar is exactly what I wanted.

When I am done with my class, I lock up my instruments in the music building and head to the dorm. Having looked up the water polo schedule, though, I make sure to leave before I think Brandon will be coming back. Instead of going to the cafeteria, I stop by the housing office again. The zombie lady is wearing a dress with a big floppy bow at the neck and a pencil skirt, and she looks at me with concern. At least, I think it is concern.

She shakes her head the moment I get to the front of the line and moans, "No-no, Mr. Jobs. We-we are not-not ready for transfers yet."

"Thank you," I say quietly, "but that is not why I am here. I need to withdraw my request."

The zombie looks surprised. "You-you're sure? You were-were adamant before."

No, I am not sure. I wish there were a nokk here to ask. Because I do not think I am imagining the bond between Brandon and me. I felt that surge of power. Legends say mingling blood is the initial step.

But I told Bran I would not change rooms. "Please take me off the transfer list."

The zombie nods. "It-it is done."

I check my phone and realize it is time to go to my next class, so I walk as fast as I can across campus.

Brandon texts me a series of emojis that I think means he is going to the river: ocean wave, fish, beach umbrella, swim shorts, and pixelated monster. If he is at the river, I should stay away. I will take another shower. That water will give me enough strength for now.

By the time the school day is done, I am exhausted, hungry, and dehydrated. I also have not seen my roommate at all, which was my goal, so I should be pleased.

After bathing again, I crawl into bed.

When Brandon walks in after dinner, he takes one look at me and kneels down beside me on the floor.

"Hey," he says. "Are you okay?"

"I am fine," I say.

I can sense that he wants to chat, but I turn my back to him and do my best to fall asleep. I do not want to be tempted to take things I cannot have. I do not know how I am to survive sharing a room with my biggest temptation.