Chapter 20

Brandon falls asleep wearing only his underwear and his necklace, sated after our usual bedtime play. More and more often, once he's asleep, and in the safety of the darkened room, I have been letting myself change. I just make sure to get up early, so I'm back in my human form before he wakes.

But I always let out a sigh of relief when I can curl up behind him with my skin its true dark green/mottled gray. I wish I could be brave enough to show him who I really am.

As I lie next to him, I think about how my life is going. For the most part, I love it here at Creelin. In terms of my studies, things are going well. I am taking a composition class, and I have felt very inspired to write. Perhaps that is because of the new setting—this beautiful campus in the USA. Or perhaps it is because I am away from my father, so I have more freedom than ever before. But I know much of it is attributable to Brandon. Thanks to him, I am experiencing all sorts of emotions I have never felt before. They are uncomfortable in their newness, but they are good emotions, like joy and happiness, sexiness and lust, and even contentment.

All my life, I have been told that I am defective because I do not have a soul. Bran is starting to make me believe that I may be worthy without one.

In other words, I do not have to be like everyone else to be valid.

He shows me this every time he wraps an arm around me. Takes a selfie with me. Goes hiking with me. Sits with me in the library and studies. Watches movies with me and Clay. I am beginning to feel that I am okay as I am, even if my monster form is still not something I can share with others.

And being welcomed onto the team is amazing, too. I drift and doze through the dark hours of the night with these comforting thoughts floating in my head.

As the sky outside begins to turn gray, I shift into my human form and kiss Bran. "Ready for practice?" I ask.

He nods sleepily and tugs me closer. I never want to leave his arms.

In the locker room, the team is buzzing about the upcoming dance.

"It's gonna be wild," Clay says. "'Cause of the blood moon."

I have never felt a forced blood moon shift before, because when I am with the nokk I never have to shift. This will be the first one I've experienced when I am around humans.

"It is only if you are outside, correct?" I ask.

"Correct." Nick smiles.

"Are you gonna finally let us see your true nokk form?" Phil asks.

I shake my head. "No. I am planning on wearing a costume."

"That's cool," Nick says. "But you know we'd be good either way."

I am still anxious, and the costume Bran suggested does not cover me completely. But it is better than nothing.

Brandon slings an arm over my shoulders as we walk back to the dorm. "I wish you could believe that I'll like whatever your true form is. You don't need to hide from me."

"I hear your words, but I am scared," I admit. "Because that has not been my experience."

"Your mom," Brandon says. It's not a question.

"Yes."

"I can understand why her behavior caused you to doubt yourself, but I hope you know I'll support you in moving past it." He gives me a shy smile. "I don't want to feed your insecurities. I want you to feel comfortable. And I wanna go to the dance with you. I can't wait to see you in your costume." He gives me an exaggerated leer. "And out of it."

"Yes, that sounds good," I say.

He glances around the quad. "I have a feeling that we're going to see a lot of interesting forms on Halloween. All the werebears and hellhounds and Wampus cats and whatever else … they're gonna be having a lot of fun."

My heart seizes with a new fear. "Will you be safe?" I am now imagining my human getting attacked by dragon shifters and lindworms. And whatever else shows up on Halloween night.

"Of course. They're all registered with the OME. They wouldn't be allowed on campus if they were going to hurt humans." He kisses my cheek. "Don't worry so much."

The night of the ball, Brandon is in the bathroom, refusing to come out until he's dressed. I am already wearing my shirt and pants. I cover my hair with the black cloth, then affix the mask across my eyes. While the costume usually shows more skin, I am tying the shirtfront up when I am outside, and my mask is bigger than the one the character wore in the movie. I intend to get to the ball without Brandon seeing me fully in shifted form.

I look in the mirror and adjust my sleeves. My eyes are deep and dark as usual, but I look … happy, for once, despite my worries about shifting.

The door opens, and Brandon appears behind me. Strong arms come around my waist, and he kisses the back of my neck. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to this casual affection from him—a human. I hope I never do. I hope it's always as special as it feels now.

I turn in his arms and suck in a breath. Brandon's wearing a classic black tuxedo, the crisp white shirt popping against his tan skin and his dark hair. "Wow, you look stunning!"

Brandon smirks, his dimples appearing. "So do you. The Dread Pirate Steve!" He leans in to kiss me, and I kiss him hard. He kisses me back equally hard.

Now we're both hard, and I think we may not be going anywhere if we keep this up. I am okay with that.

Brandon seems to have realized the same thing. He pulls back, panting. "We … we really should get to the dance."

"We don't have to," I whisper.

"Yes, we do. Our friends are all going to be there. If we don't show up, they'll come looking for us."

I sigh. "I suppose." I can imagine Clay pounding on our door and barging in. I put on my gloves, finish tying the mask, and pronounce myself as good as it's going to get. I'm still in my human form, but that is not going to last much longer tonight.

We gather our phones, wallets, and keys—and my big jacket—and join hands as we walk down the hall. Before we get too far, Brandon stops short and pulls out a phone. "Let's take a selfie." I nod. He gets in the shot, and we take a photo together—me in a black mask, him with dimples and a tuxedo.

I wish I could take off the mask.

Through the windows, I see chaos. Monsters are everywhere: climbing trees, running across the lawns, flying. I can feel my body start to shift, and I'm tempted to hide, but I do not want to let Brandon go out by himself. My hands are inside my gloves. My jacket will cover my chest, and the mask covers most of my face.

I tremble slightly but take a deep breath.

We step out into the brisk October night, and I shudder. I can feel my skin changing into my true form.

So this is what a forced shift feels like.

I consider running back into the dorm, but I need to be brave.

Brandon does not hesitate to hold my gloved hand. But he will not want to see my face. It would put him off me for the rest of his life … just when I thought I had a mate.

When we step inside the building where the ball is being held, I exhale and return to my usual human form.

"You good?" Bran asks.

I nod. In truth, I am somewhat shaken up. It is one thing for me to shift by choice. It is quite another for nature to take over. I take off the bigger mask and put on the smaller one. Now I am Westley from The Princess Bride , with my all-black ensemble: billowy lace-up shirt, gloves, tight pants, boots, sash, head covering, and mask. I skipped the sword.

Inside the venue, the decor is orange and black. The banquet hall is decorated with ornate candelabras everywhere, and it has the proper spooky but fancy atmosphere. Monsters and humans alike are dancing, drinking punch, and chatting at maximum volume in order to be heard over the music.

It is fun.

I do not see anyone we know when we walk in, but Brandon tugs me to him. "Dance with me?" he murmurs, his soft lips against my cheek.

All I can do is nod.

Brandon pulls me into his strong, suited arms and walks me to the dance floor. With one hand on my hip and the fingers of his other twined with mine, he holds me close as we sway to the slow song. Being with him like this in public feels unusually intimate, energy passing between us. I kiss him, and he smiles against my lips the way he always does. When I pull back, his dimples are flashing, making my heart expand. What I wouldn't do for those dimples …

Around the room are individuals and couples, some of whom I recognize from classes or just passing by on campus. Many are unfamiliar. I think one might be a dryad, who might be dating Tanner from the coffee shop. The mummy is also here, surrounded by men. I wave to Kentley, who is across the room with a guy I don't know.

We keep dancing, and if I had a soul, I would give it to Brandon. I am ready to give him my heart.

After dancing for a few songs, we take a break and talk with Clay and Phil. Clay is sipping blood, while Phil towers over most of us dressed as Chewbacca.

"Nice," Bran says to Phil, gesturing at his getup. He turns to Clay. "You decided to go full-on classic vampire?"

Clay looks down at his black cape, white shirt with ruffles, and black trousers. His makeup highlights his cheekbones and eyebrows. "Figured it would be fun to try it."

"It's cool, dude."

"How did the forced shift go?" Clay asks me. "Are you all right?"

His gentle concern reminds me that Bran is not my only friend here. I have friends on the water polo team, too. I have friends from class, like Kentley. I have friends in town, like Kellie and Elaine. Friends who seem to watch out for me.

"I did not like the feeling," I admit. "But I am okay. This costume helps."

"You look great. Is Bran Buttercup? Or is he the Six-Fingered Man?"

"Neither, dude. I'm just hot," Bran says.

Clay chokes. "At least you're finally admitting it."

While I know Brandon is teasing Clay, no truer words could be spoken. Bran really is gorgeous in that tuxedo. And he seems to have eyes for no one but me, which I'm starting to get used to.

The song changes to one Brandon likes, and he drags me back to the dance floor. After a few more dances, he murmurs in my ear, his voice seductive, "Let's get out of here."

"Yes," I whisper, and we walk to the coatroom. I retrieve my coat, make sure my mask and gloves are on, and hold my breath. Time to be forced to shift again.

I glance out the windows. Shifters are climbing trees and slithering on the ground. Dragons are flying by, and a phoenix rises.

"Are you okay?" Brandon asks.

"I am not sure."

"Do you want to stay inside?"

I shake my head. "I just have to make it back to the dorm. That is not very far."

Bran smiles, and his dimples distract me. "We can run, if you want." Holding my hand, he pulls me outside, and my true form comes out immediately in the red moonlight.

A goblin zooms past us, cackling.

I remind myself that I am okay. My face is mostly covered by the mask, and the scarf over my hair also helps.

A centaur gallops with a minotaur, and two griffins are vaping near a grove of trees.

It is not that far to the dorms. We can make it. Brandon and I start walking toward Karloff Hall, but a werewolf, hydra, and merman appear in front of us, blocking our way. The hydra, a dragon with multiple heads, circles us while the werewolf leers at Brandon.

"You're on the water polo team," the werewolf says.

"Yeah, so?" Brandon says, a hand on his hip. But I can tell his adrenaline is surging, because mine is, too. No one threatens my mate.

The merman hisses, "You should never have won that scrimmage. Watch your back in the game. We're coming for you. One by one."

Brandon scoffs. "Whatever."

They turn to me. "Is this the nokk?" the werewolf taunts. "You look different than you did in the pool. Uglier."

"Fuck off," Brandon snaps. "Don't make fun of him."

"Why not?" The werewolf snatches the scarf from my head and the mask from my face. "He's disgusting."

Tremors hit my body as my knees weaken. My biggest fear, showing Brandon my hideous form, is coming true, and I cannot stop it. I try to hide the tears in my eyes and cover my face, but then I see the hydra cornering Brandon, who takes a step back. The hydra's jaws are snapping, and the werewolf joins him, claws out, while the merman blocks my way.

No. My muscles quiver, and I bare my teeth. My nostrils flare, and my lips curl.

They will not harm my human in any way.

No one will ever hurt him while I live.

I shove the merman to the side with my full monster strength, and he falls to the cement. He must not have been expecting me to fight, and he pauses a moment before getting up. I stalk to the werewolf and grab him by the back of his neck. He scrabbles at my arms, but I'm too quick for him, and my sharp nails make him bleed. He gets some scratches in, but my body is not processing pain for now. I feel edgy. Twitchy.

We are attracting a crowd, and a cyclops I don't know steps in to help me, keeping the merman down.

"Fuck you," the werewolf says, spitting.

"No." My pulse speeds, my heart pounding. I have tunnel vision, wanting these threats to my human to be gone. A scream escapes from me—no one will drown; we're not near water—but it still overpowers the wolf, sending him crumpling to the ground. The vibrations shatter the glass in the lamps overhead, which rains down on us, leaving only moonlight to see by.

"Get the fuck away from me," Bran snarls at the hydra.

It seems the hydra is preparing to spit venom at him. I race over and tackle Bran, putting my body between him and his attacker. There's a pounding in my ears, and my hands shake.

"Do not fucking hurt him," I growl. I gather my enchantment powers and let them loose. "Leave. Now."

The hydra freezes, finally affected by my power. With the werewolf and merman down and the hydra stabilized, I take a step back and boom, " You will leave now ."

Thankfully, the enchantment works, and all three of them scramble away. The crowd hisses at them. I put my hands on my hips, breathing heavily, watching them weave their way past the other monsters.

When my breathing stabilizes, I realize what I've done.

Brandon has seen my true form.

I cover my face with my hands and flee to the river.