Chapter 10

Chapter

Ten

brOKEN WING

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.

Virginia Woolf

S am fiddled with my hair, securing an elastic around a long braid over my shoulder. When she noticed I was watching her she jumped as if she'd seen a ghost. Maybe I was a ghost. I felt like a half alive, half dead, sort of thing.

My sister's eyes were red and puffy. "You're awake, thank god."

The words tumbled from my throat in a low, dry scratch that sounded as pitiful as I felt. "He's gone, isn't he?"

Sam took my hand, careful not to tug at the IV port, and squeezed it softly before nodding. "Brandon? Yes, he died. You know who always hated him?—"

"No! I'm not talking about Brandon. You know who I'm talking about."

She swallowed, and her voice cracked. "Yes, he's gone. I'm so sorry, Lucy. I know these past few months have been so hard without him. I'm sorry if I'm not taking care of you well enough?—"

I choked on a sob and reached for my sister like I did when we were kids and I'd fallen off my bike. In moments the smell of her cherry blossom shampoo invaded my senses as she wrapped me in a soft hug. "It's all my fault," I wept.

She shook her head into my shoulder. "It's nobody's fault. What he did… he saved you both. You know that, right? I know you don't want to talk about it or remember, but he died a hero, Lucy."

"He shouldn't have. It should have been me."

A voice gruffed from the doorway, and I thought I was dreaming when I looked up.

"No, it should have been me," my dad replied, holding a bouquet of daisies next to his cane. "Lucy, please forgive me."

Sam sniffled, handing me a tissue and helping me dry my eyes. Usually, I hated it when she babied me, but at that moment, I didn't mind. My dad slowly approached and sat on the edge of the bed, placing a firm but loving hand on my ankle. "I can go if it upsets you. I know you don't want to see me. But I couldn't not come see my littlest girl in the hospital," he choked on the last word, holding back tears.

"It's okay," I whispered. Though I hadn't seen him since the accident. I'd avoided him. I'd pretended it was him that was gone… how horrible is that? To pretend like your own father died and not…

My dad patted my leg. "We move forward, Lu. One day at a time, sometimes one breath at a time. It's what he would have wanted for you."

I knew what else he wanted, too.

He'd told me.

It was time to go visit him.