Chapter 11

Bryson

It took me hours to fall asleep last night. I spent most of it staring at the ceiling. When that didn't work, I went for a walk. I finally gave up around five and got ready for the day. There was no gig tonight, so hopefully I could get some rest later.

I drove from my hotel to Cool Beans to grab coffee and pastries for Penny and me, and then headed toward her apartment. I had no idea if she was home or even awake, but I knew I needed to see her. I parked a few blocks away on the street. As I walked toward her building, there were neighbors out collecting their morning papers, waving good morning, and watering plants om their balconies and front stoops. It was like a scene right out of a movie. One gentleman was even wearing a smoking jacket.

I didn't know which apartment she lived in, only the building, so when I reached the front steps, I sat down. A few residents waved as they used their cards to get into the front door. I sipped my coffee and waited. I think I was there about an hour when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and smiled when Penny's goofy face stared back at me. I haven't updated her profile picture in my phone since we were freshmen. She stole my phone one day and was taking selfies, making goofy faces. I teased her and told her that I was keeping that as her profile, and I just can't bring myself to change it.

"Hello?" I answered.

"You know you can come up. I think you might be scaring the neighbors with your stalking."

"I wasn't sure which one was yours." I glanced around to see if anyone was staring at me.

"It's the buzzer that says ‘Vaughn' beside it," she deadpanned.

"Ok, smartass. Just for that, I'm going to eat your fritter." I opened the bag and heard her gasp on the other end of the line.

"You wouldn't."

"Try me." I made a crinkling sound with the bag. I had no intention of eating the treats I bought for her, but I could still tease her about it.

"Ugh, just come up," she whined as I stood and heaved open the outer door. I pushed the button beside her name, and then heard the inner door click. "I'm hanging up now." I grinned as I shoved my phone back in my pocket before taking the steps two at a time. When I reached the second floor, I moved down the inner hallway until I came to the door labeled C. I raised my hand and started to knock, but the door opened before I could.

"Hey." She kicked at the ground with her bare foot.

"Hey yourself." I smiled.

"You wanna come in?" She stepped back and motioned into the apartment. "It's kinda messy. I've been working a lot lately."

I stepped inside and she closed the door behind me. "You never were a neat freak, Pen. I know you, remember?" I ginned at her. "Brought you some breakfast." I held out the coffee cup and the bag with the fritter in it.

"Thanks." She smiled sweetly before walking into the kitchen. She sipped the coffee, and then opened the bag. I watched her eyes get big as she lifted the fritter to her lips. "It smells so good." She sighed as she took a big bite.

"I remembered that those used to be your favorite." I rocked on my heels. I wasn't sure what to do. I had no plan. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd even get past the front door.

"Wanna sit down?" She pointed to the couch across the room. "I was watching SNL reruns."

"Works for me." I moved across the room, taking in her place as I went. This apartment was definitely larger than her last one. She had an actual bedroom and bathroom here. "I like your place." I sat down. "I don't remember most of this stuff though."

"It belonged to my parents. They left me everything. I took a few pieces of what I wanted and sold the rest." She sat down beside me, fritter and coffee in hand. "My mom loved this couch. She said it felt like you were sitting on a cloud." She smiled softly as the words left her lips. A lost look came over her face. It was as if she was trying not to feel anything but couldn't stop it. The tables are older than me. Mom and Dad got them when they first married." The lost look came back to her eyes. "And then, I don't need to explain the rest." Her eyes darted over to the piano in the corner. I have no idea how the movers got that thing up here, but it looks as if she's never touched it.

"Do you still play it?" I turned slightly, my knees bumping into her legs.

"I haven't played since the funeral." She pressed her lips together and looked away.

"Why? Penny, it's who you are." I gasped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Not anymore." There was no emotion in her voice. The light that used to come from her smile was gone. It was like her whole being had just up and left. "I don't want to talk about it. Please stop," she warned.

"Ok, fine. I have the whole day free. Let's use it to catch up," I suggested.

"I'm busy." She finished the fritter and licked each finger clean. I watched and part of me wished I could just tell her how I felt. I needed to get her to be my friend again first though.

"Doing what?" I leaned back against the couch. My body sunk into it, and I understood what her mom meant about sitting on a cloud.

"I'm watching SNL." She motioned to the TV and then turned the volume up.

"Ok, I'm down for that." I slipped my shoes off and put my feet up before turning my head in her direction. "What's your favorite skit?" I grinned. She knew mine, we talked about it all the time.

"I'm kinda partial to the Spartan Cheerleaders." She tried really hard, but her lips started to turn up in a smile.

"Really? Do they practice in a van down by the river?" I belted out. We both erupted in laughter, so much so that I was grabbing my belly as we fell back on the couch. Penny started hiccupping, and that made us laugh more. "I'll have whatever you're drinking." I chuckled as another hiccup came out.

"You brought the coffee." She giggled. "I haven't laughed like this in forever." She sighed as we both turned our attention back to the TV.

"It's good to laugh. Your soul needs it." I smiled as I tossed my arm up on the back of the couch. She leaned into my side and rested her head on my chest.

"I've missed you," she whispered. "More than I realized." She placed her palm over my heart, and her whole body relaxed. We stayed that way for a few minutes with only the sound of the TV, but then she uttered the words, "Your heart is racing." I wasn't sure how to address that. Should I tell her? Should I just try to kiss her? Should I do nothing?

"It's nothing." I brushed it away as I tried to calm myself. "Probably all the laughing." Today was not the day to tell her how I felt. I needed to plan that better. Today was a day for reconnecting and getting her to open up to me again.

Aspen

I needed this. I needed this more than I ever thought I would. All I ever did was work and hang out here alone. I didn't have what I would call friends. I mean, I had coworkers who were friendly, but we didn't do anything outside of work. They didn't know anything about me, and I was ok with that. Bryson was different though. He knew everything, well, almost everything.

I was afraid to tell him that I needed him. Years ago, on the roof at school, he almost kissed me. He almost did the one thing that would change our friendship. When he never tried again, it made me wonder if it was a mistake. I didn't know how to tell him that I liked him too, so I just let the idea go. Now though, we're in different places and I wonder if those feelings are still there.

My head's been all over the place these last few days, and I keep asking myself if I really know what I want. Am I only feeling like this because I'm looking for a distraction? Something to numb the pain I feel when I look over at Dad's piano.

"Can I ask you something?" I whispered without looking up at him. My cheek was against the soft cotton of his shirt, and I was telling myself to be brave and just spit it out.

"Sure." I could sense the uncertainty in his voice.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" I sat up and looked at him. I couldn't tell what he was feeling. His face was blank. I watched as his eyes swept over me, stopping on my face, and lingering near my lips. He sighed as his hand lifted. He pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered something to himself. "Forget it. You don't need to say anything." The word vomit started, and I couldn't stop it.

"Penny, stop!" He grabbed my wrists and gently pulled me closer. "Stop." His voice lowered. His eyes went from my lips to my eyes, and then roamed over my face as if he was searching for the right words. "I think you're beautiful. Every time I hear Mozart or Chopin, I think of you." He leaned closer and brushed a light kiss over my lips. "Pretty doesn't do you justice." He pulled back and stared into my eyes. "Pretty is like calling Rachmaninov a good composer."

His words hung in the air, just the TV in the background. I wasn't sure how to say anything after that, and not sound stupid. He smiled gently and tipped his head to the side as if to say, ‘you know I'm right'. I pressed my lips together and nodded before resuming my position. As I settled back against his chest, I murmured, "I think you're pretty too." It took all of five seconds for him to laugh. His chest vibrated against my cheek as his arms banded around me. His hand rubbed my shoulder as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I'll take it." He laughed again.

We sat there, cuddled together, watching TV all day. I think we got up to eat at some point, and that was about it. It was nice, and I didn't realize how much I needed it until now. I missed Bryson, but I hadn't let myself believe it, and now I was scared of what this new level to us might mean. He was going home in a week, and I'd be alone again. Did I want that?