Chapter 6

Trailing Nurse Marley, who’s still holding Isa, I’m halfway down the hall to our bedroom when a realization hits me.

“Nurse Marley!” I call out, trying hard to keep up with her. “We left Isa’s bassinet in the living room.”

She slows slightly. “No worries. Isa is going to sleep in her crib tonight. I assume she has a nursery?”

“Y-yes,” I stutter. “It’s the room across from our bedroom.” An unsettling feeling falls over me. This will be the first night my baby’s going to sleep apart from me.

Is she ready?

Am I ready?

Moments later, we’re in Isa’s shoebox-size nursery. It was originally meant to be another walk-in closet to store the cold-weather garments Ned uses for winter business trips to the East Coast and Europe as well as for ski trips.

As small as it is, it’s functional and charming. The only room in this house I decorated. Even as a child, I’d always fantasized what I wanted a nursery to look like for my little girl if I ever had one. Just like the one in my Barbie Dreamhouse. Once I found out, to my delight, I was having a girl, I ordered most of the furnishings online. Mostly pink and white, it’s like out of a fairy tale. A frilly canopy crib, a cottage-white armoire with hand-painted roses, a rocker with pink-and-white gingham cushions that match the wallpaper along with a changing table and diaper disposal. Best of all is the corner bookshelf filled with children’s books that Ned’s business partner and best friend, Gabriel Lucas, gifted us.

Sweet Gabe.

Nurse Marley’s amethyst eyes survey the windowless room. “This is lovely, Ava. Perfect.”

“But she’s used to sleeping in her bassinet in our room.”

She laughs. “Hon, it would be extremely awkward for me to invade the bedroom you and your husband share in the middle of the night. Besides, the sooner babies get used to their cribs, the better they sleep.”

I watch as she carefully lowers my tiny sleeping beauty into her bed and covers her with the lightweight pink cashmere blanket that’s folded at the base, tossing aside the sweet teddy bear perched by the headboard. “Remember, Ava, infants should only sleep on their backs. Otherwise, they run the risk of SIDS. Sudden infant death syndrome.”

I nod. “My obstetrician drilled that into me.” The thought of losing Isa sends a chill down my spine. I shimmy it away and stare at my baby.

She looks so tiny and frail in her new bed. I worry how I will get through the night not having her next to me. Given that she slept nine months in my womb, she’s like a part of me. I yearn to kiss my baby, but there’s no way I can bend over the raised crib railings with my cesarean incision. Things are bad enough. I can’t afford to rip open the sutures.

“Where are you going to sleep?” I instead ask our new night nanny, not having given this much thought.

“In the rocking chair.”

“Are you sure? I could set you up in the guest room until my mother arrives at the end of the week.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m used to them. Plus, it’s unlikely I’ll doze off.”

“You’re going to stay up all night?”

“Don’t worry. I’m a night owl. And I have my iPad with me to keep me busy.” She stops to smile. “I’m writing a movie.”

“Wow!” My brows shoot up. “What’s it about?”

“It’s inspired by a true crime story…” Her voice trails off.

She doesn’t seem to want to give details, so I don’t press her. “That sounds fascinating. If you ever want a sounding board, let me know. I love thrillers and sometimes I read scripts for Ned.”

“I’ll take you up on your offer.” She peers into the crib and checks on Isa. “She looks perfectly contented. I’m going to go back to the living room and grab my duffel. I’ll be right back.”

She returns quickly and sets the big black bag on the floor. I watch as she once again unzips it and retrieves a few things. The baby monitor. A couple of tiny diapers along with some baby wipes.

“I have more diapers if you need them.”

“These should do for tonight. I’m not going to change her until she wakes up…which will likely be when she wants another feeding. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to monitor her feeding and napping patterns so that I can work with you to put her on a schedule.”

“A schedule?”

“Yes. It’s important. Babies need designated times when to eat, nap, go for a walk, bathe, and go down for the night. Routines are very important for their well-being and development.”

I’m wowed again. Nurse Marley really has a handle on child development. She’s more than a caregiver. “Are you sure I can’t get you something to eat or drink?”

“Thanks, but I’m fine. If I get hungry or thirsty, I know where the kitchen is. And of course, I’ll take the portable monitor with me.”

She settles into the rocker and tries it out. A smile appears. “I like it. It’s very comfortable.” Silently, she continues to rock back and forth, pumping it with the soles of her shoes.

And suddenly, I feel like three’s a crowd. That I don’t belong in my own baby’s room.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” My voice sounds forlorn. Maybe I just need to get used to having someone taking care of my baby.

Still smiling, Nurse Marley looks up at me. “I suggest you take a couple of Advil, get a good night’s rest, and sleep as late as you can. You’re going to need all the strength you have in the weeks to come.”

I head toward the door. “Do you want me to turn out the lights?”

“No need. I’ll do it later and keep the night-light on.”

My eyes flit to the sweet ballerina light while she slides out her iPad from the duffel.

“Goodnight, Ava. See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight.” I will myself to leave, and as I do, Nurse Marley calls out to me.

“And, hon, please don’t worry. Your baby is safe with me. I’m going to take care of her like she’s my own.”