Chapter 27

Now

My stomach starts cramping in this cross-legged position. Is it from my PGP or my C-section…or is it from the whirling dervish of emotions wreaking havoc inside me? Guilt. Apprehension. Regret. Desire.

White-hot desire that’s burning up my flesh.

“I need to get up,” I tell Gabe. And I so need to get away from him.

Uncrossing my legs, I attempt to stand, but my body is not cooperating with my brain. A groan escapes.

“Here, let me help you.” Before I can protest, Gabe squats behind me, his arms wrapped around my torso, and easily pulls us both up to standing.

His warm breath dusts my neck, then his lips press against my scalp and he whispers, “Ava, I meant what I said on the night of your wedding.”

I love you, Ava. The words swirl around my head and send my heart into a frenzy. It thuds madly against my chest as a flutter climbs from my legs to my stomach.

I want to stay here forever in the circle of Gabriel’s arms, feel his warmth and protection. His lips pressed to my head.

I try to wriggle free from him, but his strength makes it futile. “Gabe, stop. Please stop. You know it’s impossible. I’m married to your partner. Your best friend from college.”

My mind flashes to our fifty-page prenup. Ned handed it to me last minute. I barely had the time to read it. Our wedding was the next day. I was overwhelmed and had my mother breathing down my neck, telling me to sign the damn thing.

I now wish I had my own lawyer look at it. Maybe it’s not too late.

Letting go of me, Gabe blows out a frustrated breath. “This is so messed up. Why couldn’t you have fallen into my arms?”

A profound sadness permeates every cell, every molecule, every bone of my being. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

I turn around and face him, silently mourning the impossibility of it all. A tear escapes one eye.

With a gallant hand, Gabe brushes it away, then cradles my face in his palms. “Oh, God, Ava. I love you so much…”

The same.

His eyelids growing heavy, he angles his head, and his mouth moves dangerously close to mine. So close I can taste his lips on mine.

“Ava, I thought I heard voices coming from inside here.”

A new voice. Brazen and brittle. Shit. My mother.

As she enters the room, a drink in her hand, Gabe and I quickly break away. Reflexively, I straighten my top, redo my ponytail. My hands shake; my heart thuds. What did she hear? What did she see?

She totters up to us. Drunk by noon? Scrutinizing Gabe with her glazed eyes, she takes another glug of her drink and, with a hiccup, says, “I heard a man’s voice I didn’t recognize. I was worried and thought there might be an intruder.”

“Mother, please keep your voice down. You’ll wake the baby.”

Her eyes stay on Gabe. “Who is this man?” she drawls, her voice not dropping a decibel.

I suck in a steeling breath. “Mother, this is Gabriel Lucas. Ned’s best friend and business partner. And Isa’s godfather.”

She gives a tight smile. “Of course. We met at my daughter’s wedding, correct?”

Gabe hooks his thumbs in his pockets and twitches a nervous smile. “Yes, we did. Nice to see you again…Mrs. Miller.”

“Please call me Rena.” My mother’s eyes bounce from Gabe to the dollhouse to me. A miffed sound spills from her pinched lips. “You still have that piece of junk? I thought I threw it out ages ago.”

She did, but I rescued it from the garbage and hid it in my bedroom closet.

An increasingly uncomfortable Gabe spares me from responding. “Well, I’d better get on my way. I have a meeting I can’t miss.” A pause. “Take care, Ava.”

The words hang in the air between us. Gabe’s eyes stay fixed on me. I don’t want him to leave.

“Mother, I should see him to the door.”

“I’m sure Mr. Lucas is very capable and can see himself out.” My mother imbibes her drink and glowers at me. “Ava, I’d like a word with you.”

I watch as Gabe disappears. A viselike sadness takes hold of me until my mother rips it off like a Band-Aid, exposing the tender, raw skin underneath.

“What were you doing with him?” she asks, her voice as sharp as a tack.

“He was just helping me put together the dollhouse.” I falter. “Gabe is very handy.”

“I can see that.” Her eyes narrow. “But that’s not what you were really doing.”

I play innocent. “What do you mean?”

“I have eyes, Ava.” She purses her lips. “You can’t fool me. There’s something going on between the two of you.”

I say nothing as she continues chastising me.

“You have a family now. Don’t jeopardize your marriage. Most women would kill to be married to a man like Ned.”

Caffeinated, I find the courage to stand up to her. “Are you threatening me, Mother?”

A snarl curls her lips. “No, I’m warning you.”

The ice in her voice makes the temperature in the room feel like it’s dropped ten degrees. A shiver zips through me.

I hug myself and my mother glares at my left hand, my digits curled around my right upper arm.

“Ava, where are your engagement ring and wedding band?” Her rough tone rivals an uncut diamond.

I briefly lower my eyes. “I took them off a few months ago. My fingers were very swollen from water retention and the rings were cutting off my circulation.” It was an ordeal. It took forever to get them off even after icing my finger and applying a bottleful of hand lotion. There’s still a faint scar on my finger where I finally managed to squeeze my engagement ring over my knuckle; I tore the skin.

My mother’s eyes linger on my ring finger. “Well, it doesn’t look that swollen to me.”

I gaze at my fingers again. She’s right, they look back to normal. Well, almost.

She takes a sip of her drink and I’m reminded she once wore a big rock too.

“Mother, whatever happened to your rings?” I know she pawned them but say nothing.

She flinches. “None of your business.” She takes another gulp of her drink. “If I were you, I’d put the rings back on. They might refresh your memory about whom you are married to. And they might make a statement to that nanny of yours…if she hasn’t stolen them.”

At her audacious insinuation, anger surges inside me. “I want you to apologize for that accusation. She’s been nothing but kind, helpful, and honest. Like a friend to me.”

She sniffs with contempt. “Well, I don’t trust her. I’ve had a bad feeling about her from the second I laid eyes on her. If you ask me, there’s a black heart under that white uniform. I’ve known women like her.” Her face darkening, she pauses. “How much do you know about her?”

“I vetted her and checked all her references. They were stellar.” I don’t tell her what I’ve learned about her personal life…which, while not much, is troubling.

“Well, I think there’s more than meets the eye.” She swishes her drink, the ice cubes clinking against the crystal tumbler. “I want to investigate her. Do you have her address and social?”

“Mother, there’s no need. I’m sure Ned already did.”

She takes a resigned breath. “Well, I do hope you put your rings in a safe place.”

“I did.” I hurl the words at her, not telling her where I hid them.

My mother readies to pivot on her heel. “And seriously, Ava, do consider getting rid of that hideous dollhouse.”

“Stop!” My hand shoots up like a traffic cop’s. In my head, I remember my mother raising her hand, her palm facing me, and telling me in the coldest of voices to “talk to the hand” whenever she didn’t want to hear anything more from me. And every time I begged for a Barbie doll.

Without another word, she chugs her drink and stomps out of the room. The clack of her heels rattles me to my core.