8. Jack

Chapter 8

Jack

A fter leaving the bar with Lief last night, I went back to the Inn and sat in my room. I’m sick of living out of hotel rooms. I’m tired of living alone. I hate coming home to nothing but quiet when I’ve had the opposite and know the love that’s out there.

Problem is, once she hears I didn’t put the papers through, she’s going to be mad and probably won’t trust me. She has every right to feel that way too. We were separated for three years, and I should have done more in that time to fix things. Instead, I just waited for something to change without putting forth any effort. So when she asked for a divorce, I shouldn't have been surprised. I had my lawyer draw up the divorce papers at her request and sent them to her. Within a week she had signed them and mailed them back. He came to my office and had me sign too. I was shocked that she did it so quickly. Right then and there, it all just hit me and I realized I had failed her. I had failed us as a couple, and I had failed us as a family. Seeing how fast she wanted this over forced me to see that I couldn’t let it end this way. I couldn’t let it end at all .

I signed them but told him to hold off on filing. I started seeing our life come together again, but each time I’d try to put something into action, fear held me back. That was almost ten months ago. What does it say about me that I still couldn’t drop everything right then and there and come to her, convince her I needed her?

I tossed and turned, and at six in the morning, I sent her a text.

Me: When is the last day before break?

Courtney: Today

Me: Can I pick him up and go to the library for a while?

Courtney: That’s fine. Will you be here on time, or do I need to bring him to my classroom first?

Me: I’ll be there.

And I am. At ten after three, I am waiting by the door.

“There’s my dad! Bye, Mrs. Lattner!”

“Joey, wait. Let me walk with you.” I watch as Joey and his teacher approach; him with a huge smile, and her with a reluctant gaze.

She puts her hand out in a formal way and introduces herself.

“Hi, I’m Jack, Joey’s dad.”

“Yes, Miss Becker let me know you’d be picking him up today.”

I roll my lips inward and bounce on my toes when she doesn’t offer any other information. I always feel like I'm under a microscope here in this town. “ Okay, great. So that’s everything? Joe, do you need to bring anything home?”

“Nope! I'm all set.” He swings his backpack from his arm and pats it. “Got my Christmas gifts for you and Mom in here!”

“That’s great, pal. We can wrap them later.” I look back to the woman who is still watching me with narrowed eyes. “Have a wonderful break, Mrs. Lattner.”

I grab Joey’s hand and we walk back out to where Larry is waiting for us.

“Alright!” He pumps his fist in the air. “I love seeing Larry!” He runs ahead, and I laugh at his exuberance as he skids to a stop in front of the truck. I open the door and help him in. “Hi, Mr. Larry! This is so cool! Thanks for picking us up!”

“My pleasure, Joey. How was the last day of school?”

“It was good! We watched The Grinch !”

I climb in behind him and shut the door.

“Oh yeah? I love that movie. Bet your dad does too.” I connect eyes with Larry in the rearview, and his are twinkling with laughter. I raise a brow but my lips twist. This Larry character is something else.

“It’s because I’m green, isn’t it?” I point at Larry and recite the line from the movie. He lets out a boisterous laugh and Joey cackles along with him.

“Where to, boys?”

“Can you take us to the library?” I look at Joey. “Let’s hang out there until your mom finishes up and then I’ll bring you home.”

“Yeah! They have lots of board games.”

“Okay, let’s do it.”

We take off through the streets that are continuously plowed at this time of year, and within minutes arrive at the Wintervale Public Library. We enter and the woman behind the desk greets Joey but doesn’t acknowledge me. I just shake my head and follow his lead to the section with the board games.

He rifles through all the games while I grab a table. “How about Sorry? He calls from the other side of the room.

“Sure, bring it on over.”

We set the game up and play for a few minutes. I’m really needing this one-on-one time with him. I miss him more and more each day.

“Do you really have to go back to New York, dad?”

“I do, bud. But you’re coming with me. We’re going to have fun.”

“But it’s only for a week. Then I won’t see you again for a whole year.” His eyes are downcast, and he plops his chin on his fist looking at the board.

“I’m sorry.”

Joey shrugs and rolls the dice, but he still won’t look at me. “I like having you here.”

He’s killing me today. And it’s making me want to throw it all away and just stay here with them. I just need to convince Courtney to give me another chance first. Joey is already needing me, I know that, but if I come back here, I want it all.

“Can I tell you something?”

“What, Dad?”

“I miss being with you all the time too.”

“So come back.”

“I want to.”

“You do?” His eyes light up and he sits straight up in his chair.

“Shh. I haven’t told your mom yet. I don't know if she’ll want me here. ”

“Of course she will!”

“I don’t know, pal. There is a lot of adult stuff we have to work through.”

“Just tell her you love her.”

“That doesn’t always fix things.”

“Sure it does. At school, when Mrs. Lattner gives us a day off from homework, she tells us it’s because we worked hard and she loves us. You do that. You work hard and you love us.”

“What your mom and I have is more complicated than just not giving homework.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be. You already love each other, so I don’t know what the problem is.”

I laugh at his simplicity. “How do you know we love each other?”

“You brought her caesar salad the other night. It’s her favorite. And I heard mom telling Aunt January how you still give her butterflies in her belly. So I think you should just tell her.”

I want to ask more questions, but I also know it isn’t right to put my kid under a spotlight trying to figure out if his mother likes me. I laugh to myself and say, “Isn’t it usually the other way around? Actions speak louder than words, right?”

“Exactly. But you’re already doing the things, now you need to add the words.”

This kid is smart beyond his years.

“Know what? That may just be the best idea ever. Want to help me get your mom back?”