Chapter 36 Daphne

Jackson's facade as a changed man cracks more and more every day. The first week he was unfailingly polite, albeit controlling and practically omniscient. The only time I have to myself is when I sleep. My joy at being reunited with my girls is the only thing mitigating the sheer agony of being with him day in and day out. We hardly ever leave the property as he insists that we need family time to bond and learn how to live together once again. Every meal is healthy, and perfectly proportioned by the cook, who apparently has a degree in nutrition. Snacks are off-limits except for some fruit in the afternoon. Mealtime discussions center around whatever educational documentary we've all watched together. There are some fun breaks, though: We swim in the pool, go kayaking, and play board games. Activities Jackson never had time for when we were actually a family. Little Jax has taken to Tallulah and Bella like he's known them all his life, and it makes me happy to witness the affection between them all. Chloe, the nanny, does most of the caretaking but I enjoy the time I have with Jax, and my heart breaks for this sweet child whose mother has abandoned him.

This second week Jackson's patience is wearing thin, as is the girls'. They miss scrolling through social media on their iPads (another thing he limits). They want to watch their favorite shows and read the books they choose, not be forced to watch documentaries and read the educational books Jackson thrusts upon them. He snapped at Bella for asking for seconds, then for looking at her iPad while we watched a show about the history of the snail. Yes, the history of the snail. Even Tallulah is getting tired of it. At first, she was so happy to have her father back that she bent over backward trying to please him. But now she's bored and frustrated. She is almost a teenager, after all, and Jackson has put the reins on too tight.

Every evening after the girls are in bed, it's our time alone. He spends this time trying to convince me that he's a good man. We drink wine, which is the only thing I look forward to, and we talk. And talk. He tells me things about his childhood that he never shared before. Things that I assume are supposed to make me more sympathetic toward him. Tonight, he veers down a different path. One that I've dreaded but have known was coming.

"Daphne, I've been patient. Given you your space, yet I don't feel you're making any effort to return my affections."

It's a beautiful night and we're sitting outside on the deck facing the water. I'm on a love seat and he's across from me in a chair. He gets up and sits next to me, so close that I can feel the hair on his arm as our flesh touches. He's wearing Creed, his signature cologne, and the smell throws me back in time. I take a deep breath, my heart racing, and try to calm myself. He puts a hand on my leg, and it takes everything I have not to push it off.

"Please tell me you feel it too," he says. "Our connection is still there."

"You have to understand, Jackson. I'm really trying but after everything that's happened, it's hard."

"Is there someone else?" His hand tightens on my thigh.

"What? No."

"Are you sure? I can't stand the thought of another man touching you. Tell me the truth. I need to know."

"Jackson, all I've been concerned about since our divorce is taking care of the girls. There's no one else."

"That's good. You're so pure. So good, Daphne." He moves his hand up and down my leg now. "All I can think about is being inside you again. Becoming one forever. I want to make love to you. I fantasize about it every night."

"Jackson, please. I'm not ready. You need—"

"I need you. That's what I need." He takes my hand and moves it to his groin. I can feel his erection. "See. That's what you do to me." His voice is gruff, and I'm afraid of what he'll do next. I scramble, trying to come up with something, anything to diffuse the situation. I feign outrage. I pull my hand away.

"You're still married, Jackson. You made your choice. You picked Amber over me and now you expect me to take you back with open arms? Do you know how much you hurt me?"

I don't know if he'll buy it. Before I left and moved to California, I admitted to tricking him into leaving me, but I'm betting that his ego will allow him to believe that I made that up to cover my hurt. He's quiet for a long time, then he speaks.

"I'm sorry. I know I hurt you. I get that you're still angry. But I don't love her. I never loved her. It was always you. You have to forgive me. We can be so happy. But you need to let me back in."

I brace myself for what I'm about to do, pretending I'm an actor in a film, and that this is not real. I lean in and kiss him. A deep kiss, full of passion and promise. Then I pull back. "It still hurts so much. I just need a little more time before I can trust you again."

He caresses my face, his eyes searching mine, and leans in for another kiss. After what seems an eternity, he releases me. "A little more time." He stands up. "Just a little." Without another word he goes into the house leaving me alone and shaken. When I hear his footsteps on the stairs, I get up and lean over the side of the deck and vomit.

Later that night, a little after two a.m., Tallulah wakes me. We rarely get time alone, as he insists the girls be in bed by ten and adhere to a strict lights-out policy. I don't turn the light on for fear of waking him just a few doors down.

"Mom, this isn't how I want to spend my summer vacation," she whispers.

"I know, honey. I tried to tell you."

"Talk to him. Get him to ease up."

"He's not going to listen to me."

"Why? I don't get it. You're getting back together so why would you do that if you're going to let him be a dictator?"

I hesitate. She still doesn't know that Jackson and Amber were the ones behind the incident at the beach that put me in this predicament. Jackson warned me that if I told them, he'd make sure I never saw them again. I know he's capable of that. In her mind, this reunion is genuine and for now I have to make sure she continues to believe that. No matter how much I want to tell her the truth, I can't risk it. Not yet anyway.

"We're all just feeling our way. Dad is trying to make up for all the time he missed with you, and he doesn't quite have the hang of parenting older kids. You know?"

"It's so stupid. I've kept my mouth shut, but I can't anymore."

"That's fine, honey. You should be honest with him. Tell him that you're not having fun. That you're not a baby. Maybe he'll lighten up."

"You think so?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

Tallulah goes back to her room, and I toss and turn the rest of the night, hoping the advice I gave her won't come back to biteme.

This morning we're all seated at the dining room table and Jackson's giving us the itinerary for the day as our breakfast is served—egg white omelets with spinach and mushrooms.

"Tallulah's told me that she's going a bit stir-crazy, and I apologize."

I look up at him in surprise, then at Tallulah who gives me a cat-that-swallowed-the-canary smile.

He continues. "I'll admit, I've been wanting to keep you all to myself after not seeing you for so long. But it's time to reassimilate into the world again." He laughs. It's the laugh reserved for clients, and it makes me cringe. As I study his face, still so handsome with his chiseled features, his cobalt blue eyes, I feel nothing but revulsion and wonder how I ever loved him. "I know you girls are bored sitting around here with us all day. I was thinking you would enjoy sailing camp at the club. You'll meet other kids your age, learn a great skill, maybe get invited to a party or two." At this he winks at Tallulah.

"That sounds awesome," Tallulah replies.

"I don't know," Bella says, her voice quiet. "Sailing sounds kind of scary."

"It's not scary at all," Jackson reassures her. "You'll take it very slow, and someone will be with you all the time. Promise. You can also both take tennis lessons. And…you'll have full access to the restaurant and snack bar."

At this Bella lights up. "Really?"

He nods. "Really. I know I need to give you both more freedom. We'll figure it out."

That must have been some talk Tallulah had with him. He seems to have sorted everything out.

He pulls something from his pocket. "One more thing. I've gotten us tickets to go see Clue this Saturday at Charterhouse Academy."

It's the school he wants the girls to attend in the fall. "How nice. Matinee or evening?" I ask.

"The two o'clock show and then we can have dinner afterward. How does that sound?"

Bella lights up. "Yay! That sounds fun."

Tallulah is not so enthusiastic. "I guess. Dad, tell Mom what else you agreed to."

"Ah yes. My darling daughter tells me I've been acting like a dinosaur in regard to the screens. No more limits on screen time. It is summer after all."

Who is this man and what has he done with Jackson? There's a spontaneous outcry of joy from both, then he puts a fingerup.

"Except mealtimes, of course. Agreed?"

They murmur their assent. Tallulah looks triumphant, believing she's got the magic touch with her father. I know it's all just more smoke and mirrors. He'll be freaking out in no time when he sees them zoned out on their electronics for more than an hour. And when he gets the bill from the club filled with ice cream and junk, that will be the end of the freedom ride. But that doesn't matter, because after Saturday we'll be gone. Jackson doesn't know it yet, but he's just given me an escape hatch.