Chapter 20 Daphne

Things are going well with Jackson, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. We've been here for three weeks and other than showing up early that first day, he has been respectful of my wishes. He even took the brunt of Tallulah's scorn when she asked if they could go over to his house, the house we all used to live in, and he told her it wasn't a good idea, that she might be upset to see the changes Amber had made. I was grateful. The last thing Tallulah needs is to see that her old room has been completely redone and belongs to Jax. Especially as the girls are growing very fond of little Jax, as am I. Jackson brings him over every morning, and we've fallen into an easy routine where we spend a few hours on the beach and then have lunch by the pool. I'm not letting my guard down, naturally, because I know better than anyone what a good actor Jackson can be. But, for the sake of our children, I hold on to a small hope that maybe prison has really changed him.

"Let's get your sunscreen on and then we can go down to the beach," I call over to Bella.

Bella runs over and stands still while I lather her up. "How come Tallulah doesn't have to wear sunscreen?"

I smile. "She does, but she doesn't need Mommy's help except maybe on her back." Although to be honest, I suspect Tallulah is more concerned with her tan than with sun protection.

Bella shakes her head, her blond curls catching the sunlight. "She thinks she's so grown up. It gets on my nerves."

I laugh. "I hear you, kiddo."

"Daddy and Jax are coming, right?"

"Yep. They should be here any minute."

As if on cue, Jackson pulls up the drive in an SUV. "There they are now. Let's head outside." I open the door and let Bella out, then shut it behindme.

"What've you got there?" I ask Jackson who is pulling out a large board and two paddles from the back.

"I thought the girls would enjoy this. Have they gone paddleboarding before?"

I shake my head. "I think maybe Tallulah has, not sure."

"It's a lot of fun. Do you mind grabbing Jax so I can bring the board down?"

"Sure," I say and open the back door. Jax smiles at me, and I give him a kiss on his chubby cheek. "Hi, sweetie." I unbuckle him and pick him up. I'd forgotten how sweet babies are, how good it feels to hold one in your arms.

"Oh, I picked up some drinks. Two iced coffees for you and me, both with Bailey's creamer—I know how you like that—and lemonade for the kids. Take either one." He puts the board and paddles under one arm and grabs the drinks with his other hand.

"Thank you. That was nice." Carrying Jax, I walk down to our setup on the beach. Tallulah looks up from her book and stands up when she sees Jackson approaching.

"Hi, Dad."

He sets the paddleboard down on the beach. "I picked up a double board. I thought you and Bella would have fun taking it out."

"Cool, thanks. I've done it a few times."

"Can we go now?" Bella asks.

Jackson looks at me. "Are you okay with it? I'll go in the water, and they can stay close to the swim buoys."

I nod. "Sure, I'll watch the baby." I put Jax down in the enclosure under the umbrella with a shovel and various sand toys. He plops down happily and begins to play.

"Great."

The three of them run off and I'm filled with a strange sense of longing and melancholy. Things with Jackson and me had started with such promise all those years ago. If only he had been the man he'd pretended to be, we could have been so happy. In retrospect, maybe I should have noticed the red flags, what I now know was love bombing. I think of the gifts he showered me with, how he hired a private plane to fly me to New Hampshire when my father had his heart attack. The way he would suggest what I wear when we went out, even down to the shoes, as if I were a doll he was dressing. At the time, I let his charm and my attraction to him drown out the voice of reason. It was all too good to be true. If only it hadn't been a masquerade, we'd still be a family. My daughters wouldn't have had their world ripped apart, could have grown up in the warmth and security of our home instead of pining for a father three thousand miles away.

I've had my fill of caffeine for the day, so I pick up one of the lemonades instead and lean back in the chair watching as Jackson helps the girls onto the board and they begin to paddle horizontally to the shore. It's the most relaxed I've been in a long time. Bella struggles to stand up and get her balance, toppling into the water after a few seconds. I start to get out of my chair but sit back down when Jackson's right there to help her back up. Besides, they're only waist deep in the water. Chiding myself, I take a deep breath and finish my drink, then put the empty cup in the beach bag.

Pulling a sippy cup of water from the cooler, I hand it to Jax, and he takes it and drinks. It's hot today and despite his being under the umbrella I don't want him to get overheated. He's such a happy little boy, and I wonder what kind of mother Amber is. Even though she doesn't strike me as the maternal type, her son's happiness must mean she's good to him. Or at least I hope so. But I do find it curious that Amber doesn't seem to be objecting to Jax's daily visits with us. The sun is making me drowsy, and I'd like nothing more than to close my eyes and take a nap. I have to keep an eye on the baby, so I lean forward, trying to summon some energy, but the pull of sleep is irresistible, and I lean back in the chair. Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a minute.

Rough hands are pulling on me and I try to open my eyes, but it's like they're sewn shut. I hear voices yelling, chaos all around me. Finally, I come to and there's a police officer standing in front ofme.

"Ma'am, are you okay?"

I look around. Jax is gone from the enclosure. But then I see Amber holding him. And the girls, Bella crying, Tallulah looking angry, standing with Jackson and Amber a few feet away. My eyes keep trying to close.

"What's happening?" I can barely get the words out and I sound different to my ears.

Amber's face is red. "I'll tell you what's happening. You got high again, and your kids almost drowned. The tide took them way out and a lifeguard had to get them. And you left my baby all alone."

"That's not…No!" I struggle to stay awake but feel myself falling back into the abyss. From what seems like a great distance, I hear their voices. Snatches of conversation.

"Officer…not first time…. problem with alcohol…swore she was clean."

I open my eyes again, and Jackson is standing over me. "Did you mix your antianxiety meds with alcohol again?"

"What? What are you…"

The officer gives me a look I don't like. "We need to call DCF. The children will have to come with me."

It takes everything I have to snap out of this feeling of sinking.

"Can I come with them?" Jackson asks.

The officer shakes his head. "I'm sorry but until the Department of Children and Families clears you, they'll have to stay in my custody. You can meet us at the station if you like." He turns to me. "Ma'am, maybe you should get medical attention. It can be dangerous to mix alcohol and drugs."

Alcohol and drugs? What is he talking about? I try to stand and fall back into the chair. I call over to the girls, "Sweeties, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened." I still speak as though I have marbles in my mouth. Am I having a stroke?

Jackson stands in front of them, shielding them from me. "You need to get to the hospital. I'll go to the station and wait for DCF." He turns to the officer. "Can you arrange for someone to take her to Norwalk Hospital. I can call her friend Meredith Stanton and have her meet them there."

"Yes, I'll call someone."

I don't want to go to the hospital, but I can hardly speak. "The girls?"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything." Then he smiles at me. It's the same smile he gave me when he had me committed twelve years ago. I try to think but my brain isn't working right, and it's like I'm stuck in quicksand. My eyes close again and everything goes black.