Chapter 11 Daphne

Jackson is all smiles as he walks toward me. I feel like my insides have turned to ice. Meredith and I exchange a quick look and we both stand, she slightly in front of me as if to guard me. Before I can react, both girls are out of the pool and Tallulah is running toward him. Bella, however, hangs back.

"Daddy!" Tallulah squeals as she throws herself into his arms. Tears are streaming down her face, and she holds him so tightly as if she never wants to let go. Bella watches warily.

Jackson finally lets Tallulah go and looks at Bella. "Hi, sweetheart," he says, kneeling down.

"Hi, Daddy." She takes one step closer and then he pulls her toward him, still holding on to Tallulah's hand, and the three of them stay that way for what seems like an eternity. Tallulah's sobs make her shoulders shake, and a dagger pierces my heart. After a few minutes, I slowly walk toward them, and he finally releases the girls and looks atme.

"Daphne. You're looking well."

I give him a tight smile, tempering my response as Tallulah and Bella are also looking at me, while each holds one of Jackson's hands. His polo shirt and shorts are wet, but he doesn't seem to care.

"We agreed that you'd come tomorrow." I know he's appeared without warning to deliberately throw me off guard. I lived with him too long and know his gambits only too well.

"I'm sorry but I couldn't wait. Knowing that my girls were just five minutes away made me feel like I would burst. I had to see them." He kneels down and puts a hand on each of their cheeks, studying them. "You've both grown up so much. It's been so long."

Meredith leans over and whispers to me. "Do you want me to stay?"

"Yes," I half whisper to her. I'm torn in half looking at the three of them. It breaks my heart to see how hard this separation has really been on them, especially Tallulah. I don't know how I deluded myself into thinking that simply moving away and starting a new life would fill the void that his absence left. All I could think about was how his inclusion in their lives could destroy them, but the truth is that banning him from their lives could also destroy them.

"So…um, do you want to come and sit down or—"

He peels off his shirt and I can see that prison hasn't softened him at all—he's still in great shape. "I think I'll take a swim with the girls if that's okay with you. You and I can catch up after?" He looks at Meredith, unsmiling. "Hello, Meredith."

She nods at him but says nothing.

Jackson empties his pockets of his keys and cell phone and puts them on the table.

"Last one in is a rotten egg!" He bounces on the diving board and executes a perfect dive into the pool.

Tallulah jumps in after him and Bella is the last to get in. Tallulah is having the time of her life, and Bella is finally warming up, joining in the fun and laughter. It scares me to see how quickly she's thawed. She's still fragile and it worries me to think that she might let herself become vulnerable to Jackson's cruelty again.

I breathe deeply, in and out as I've learned from my therapist, and do my best to hide the fact that all I want to do is grab my daughters and run.

Hours later, Meredith has left, and the girls are finally settled in their rooms, although between the time difference and their excitement I don't expect them to be asleep for hours. I don't invite Jackson into the house, telling him I think we should sit outside on the deck where our discussion won't be overheard.

Jackson sits across from me, the amber light from the outdoor lamps highlighting his features. He hasn't lost his good looks but does appear to have aged at least five years. I suppose prison does that to a person. He glances over at the book sitting on the table next to him. It's the latest Dean Koontz. He raises an eyebrow just a hair, but enough for me to know what he's thinking. I flash back to the weekly discussions we used to have about classical literature. I have nothing against the classics, but being forced to read Don Quixote and Moby-Dick in my spare time while raising young children was not my idea of relaxing. With Jackson's near constant surveillance, my every spare moment was orchestrated by him, and lightheartedness of any kind was definitely taboo.

I take a sip from my bottle of water, composing in my head how to begin this conversation. I decide honesty is the best approach.

"This is not a good start. You weren't supposed to come here until tomorrow. If you don't accept the boundaries I've set, this isn't going to work." Sitting across from him, it's hard for me to forget the tyrannical hold he had on me all those years, and I remind myself that he can no longer control me. I sit up a little straighter and stare at him.

He holds my gaze for a moment, then looks down at his hands. When he speaks, his tone is gentle. "I'm sorry. You're right. I was just so anxious to see the girls. You can't imagine how much I miss both of them." He shrugs. "I know I don't deserve a second chance with them, but I'm grateful that you've given it to me, no matter what the reason." He takes a deep breath, tents his hands, and continues. "Daphne, I'm so sorry. I can never apologize enough for everything I put you through. I know you're only here for the girls, and that's fine, but I hope that one day you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me."

I don't recognize this Jackson—this man before me who appears humbled and contrite. And I don't for one minute believe a word he says. I know all too well what a good actor he canbe.

"You're right. I'm here for the girls. I'm not interested in rehashing the past. I've put it behind me and that's where I intend to leave it. I want to be perfectly clear about that. It's time for you to go now."

He puts his hand up. "Of course, of course." I stand and he follows suit, and I lead him around front to where he's parked. He stops before getting in the car. "Daphne. I hope you know, prison changed me. I've learned to face my mistakes, to try to make amends for those I've hurt, but I can see I've already overstepped. Tell me how I can help."

"You can help by not showing up unannounced. If it happens again, I'll be forced to take the girls home and cut this visit short."

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I should've waited until tomorrow. It won't happen again. I'm glad you're here."

"I'm warning you, one misstep, and I'll tell them everything. I've shielded them from how bad things were with you out of concern for their mental well-being. But if you get out of line…"

"I won't. Just tell me what I need to do."

"We need to attend family therapy sessions together, and you can't do anything to undermine me. No matter what you say about changing, you will not have unsupervised visits with the girls." I watch his face carefully, looking for the telltale vein that always let me know when his temper was flaring. But there's no change of expression, no evidence of suppressed rage. The old Jackson would never have abided being spoken to this way. But now that he doesn't have the upper hand, he has to appear to be okay with it. It makes me want to see how far I can push him. "I imagine your calendar is fairly open right now. You've not secured employment yet, have you?"

He laughs, a genuine laugh, amusement suffusing his face. "Still the tactful Daphne. Jailbird's not exactly on any job requirement list right now. I'll be figuring out how to start over on my own again. I'm completely at your disposal for therapy appointments, supervised visits, whatever." He turns his hands palms up. "As I said. I'm just grateful for the chance to spend some time with our daughters. All on your terms."

"Okay, then. I'll text you the name of the therapist who's been recommended to me. I'd like for us to meet with her before you have another visit with the girls."

"Whatever you say." He opens his car door and gets in then calls out to me. "Oh, by the way, I'd really like little Jax to get to know his sisters this summer. Are you okay with that?"

I immediately think of Amber and what she'll say about this, but I don't mention her name. "Of course. I know they'd both like that very much."

He smiles at me. "Good night, Daph. See you soon."

I cringe at his use of my nickname. I don't answer, but simply turn and walk to the front door. I hear a noise and look up. Tallulah's at the upstairs window and I realize she's heard the entire exchange. She shakes her head, shooting me a dirty look, and slams the window shut.