Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

GEMMA

O ur annual road trip to Gatlinburg to do some Christmas shopping was one of my favorite yearly traditions. We’d started it back in college and we hadn’t missed a year. But as I waited with Laurel for Mariam to land, I already wished Noah had joined me.

I missed him something awful even though it had only been a couple hours—and that told me I was in trouble. These last few days with him had been pure bliss.

Outside of Mariam’s heads-up, it had been so amazing that I hadn’t even gotten around to really thinking about getting my guards back up. I definitely hadn’t gotten around to putting them up around him again. In the end, I’d simply gone with what I felt, and what I felt was like I could trust him.

Reputation and all that jazz set aside, I believed that what he felt for me and the connection we had were real, and I wasn’t going to let his past or some gossip columnist change my mind about it.

Laurel glanced at me as we sipped on our iced coffees, her eyes filled with a profound sadness underneath the spark of excitement I knew was about our trip.

“What’s going on with you?” she asked before I could ask her the same question. “You’re really quiet today.”

For just a brief moment, I debated not telling her, but Laurel was slightly more open-minded than Mariam, and besides, she’d already given me her opinion of what she’d read. It might just be useful to get Laurel’s take on it.

“It’s Noah,” I started quietly. “I just miss him, I guess.”

“Preaching to the choir.” She shot me a miserable smile. “It looks like we’ll be in the same boat as far as that is concerned this weekend, but is there something else bothering you? You’re never this quiet.”

I sighed. “Do you really want to hear about all things Noah while you’re going through whatever you’re going through with Leif?”

“Yes,” she said without missing a beat. “I love you. Of course, I want to hear about it.”

“Well, I want to hear about what’s going on with Leif, too. Flip you for it?”

She chuckled. “Does Mariam already know about whatever is bothering you about Noah right now?”

“Yeah, she’s the one who told me about it.”

Her eyes widened slightly. “Oh. We’re definitely starting with you, then. First, if we start with me, you’re going to have to sit through it again when Mariam asks because I haven’t spoken to her about it yet, and second, I’m too curious to wait now.”

I thought it over before I shrugged. “Fine, but you’re catching us up in the car. I’m not waiting until we get there. I haven’t seen you look the way you do right now for years and it’s worrying.”

“Deal, but there’s nothing to worry about. I just miss him, is all. I knew long distance was going to suck. I just didn’t realize how much.”

I flinched. “Yeah, I’m staring down the barrel of the same thing and I’m really not looking forward to it.”

She crinkled her nose before flicking a finger at me. “Okay. Stop stalling. What’s going on?”

“You already know that I went to a concert of Noah’s while I was in Nashville with him,” I said. “Everything has been going so well between us that I didn’t even think twice. I just said yes and packed my bags.”

“Okay. Did you not have a good time?”

“I had a great time,” I said honestly. “Noah and I always have a great time together, and traveling together was no different. I also got to meet his friends and spend some time with them. For celebrities, they’re actually really normal and fun.”

“I’m not seeing the problem here.”

“I’m getting there.” I shut my eyes. “Being backstage and getting to watch them from there was…”

I trailed off, grappling for words.

Laurel, however, obviously had a way with them considering that was how she made a living. “You had that ‘is this really my life now’ moment, didn’t you?”

I nodded. “Exactly. I just stood there and I was in complete awe about the fact that it was really happening. It was just overall an incredible day.”

“So what happened?”

I sighed, stirring my straw through my iced coffee. The milky liquid formed a little whirlpool. I imagined it was the same thing that was happening deep inside me right then.

“There were paparazzi at the airport when we arrived,” I explained quietly. “Noah has bodyguards who were following us everywhere and they were waiting for us when we got off the plane, which was crazy enough for me as it was, but paparazzi? I really didn’t see that coming.”

Her brow furrowed. “He’s the heartthrob of the hottest boyband currently on the circuit and you didn’t see it coming?”

I shook my head. “In New York, he walked from the hotel to get a coffee and we ran into him, and there were no bodyguards then. Back in Austin, he got recognized occasionally and that was already weird for me, but then we got to Nashville and the whole picture changed. There were all these camera flashes and people were shouting these ridiculous questions at us.”

“Ah.” She smiled. “This is about the photos.”

“You know about those?” My jaw nearly dropped right off. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t realize you were freaked out about having your picture taken,” she said. “Is that what Mariam called you about? Because the paparazzi?—”

“I’m not freaked out about the pictures,” I blurted out before she could continue. “I would’ve been able to live with the paparazzi and the bodyguards, but I got a call from Mariam when we were at a party after the concert, and apparently, Noah has a reputation for being a bit of a player.”

To my surprise, Laurel didn’t seem shocked at all. “Of course, he does. He’s a stupidly hot, famous rich guy in his early twenties. What the hell else would he be doing?”

“You knew about this?”

“No, but I’m really not surprised. Were you?”

“A bit,” I admitted. “He just didn’t strike me as a man-whore, but it’s also not even that. It’s the fact that Mariam thinks he might be toying with me. She said that none of his other girlfriends lasted very long and that celebrities have a way of dining and dashing so to speak, and?—”

“Let me stop you right there,” she said gently. “Not all famous people are the same. Sure, some of them go through spouses like Kleenex, but there are plenty of others that are complete marriage goals. Look at Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. They’re awesome.”

I smiled. “They are.”

“Look, I get that it must be intimidating, but Mariam has always been very black and white. Only you know what you truly have with Noah. She’s your friend. Obviously, she’s going to be protective of you, but she doesn’t know how you feel and, more importantly in this scenario, how he feels. I’m not saying it’s going to last forever. No one knows that for sure, but just don’t let her worries become yours.”

I inhaled deeply, accepting her words as a balm to the smarting parts of my soul. “Thank you. I needed that.”

She grinned and pretended to take a bow. “At your service anytime.”

“Alright then, Ms. Guru. There is something else I’m struggling with.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

I sighed, grimacing when I finally came out with it. “I asked him how old he is.”

“And?”

“He’s only twenty-one, Laurel.” I felt my features pinching as I stared into her eyes. “That’s a seven-year age gap. I promised him I wouldn’t let it get to me, but sometimes, I feel like a dirty cougar.”

She cracked up laughing, shaking her head at me once she finally managed to get herself under control. “Why are you struggling with seven years? That’s barely anything. We weren’t even sure that he’s legal to drink, and he is. That’s a win.”

“Says the woman who’s not a dirty cougar,” I retorted. “Seven years is a lot, Laurel. It’s not nothing.”

“It’s also not really something ,” she said. “My parents had a ten-year age gap and they were happily married literally until the day death did them part. An age gap doesn’t mean anything by itself. Sure, for some people, seven years might make the other person feel too old or too young, but you said it yourself, Noah is an old soul. He’s also not some immature, overgrown teenager who still lives with his mother.”

“No, he’s definitely not that.” As I thought back to her mom and dad, and how much I’d always admired their relationship, I instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulders. “Were your parents really ten years apart?”

Laurel smiled. “Ten years, four months, and eleven days. Mom always said she’d hand-reared him for herself.”

I laughed. “Gosh, I should’ve talked to you about this a long time ago. Thanks for making me feel better. Although why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“You’re welcome, and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t realize how much it was really bothering you. You seemed pretty clear about age not being important before.” She sent me an apologetic smile. “I know that my parents’ age gap won’t necessarily make you worry any less. Your situation is definitely different with him being famous and all, but I’m just trying to say that it can work.”

“I know,” I said. “Thank you. I’m glad we had this time together.”

“So am I.” She glanced at her watch. “On that note though, Mariam’s flight should be getting in any moment now. Let’s go grab the third leg of our tripod and get out to the cabin. I’m really looking forward to this weekend.”

“Same.”

Although I was still missing the heck out of Noah, I was suddenly happier than ever that I’d come—and that he hadn’t. If he had, I wouldn’t have been able to have that conversation with Laurel, and clearly, I’d desperately needed to.

We grabbed Mariam as soon as she came into view. Then we all hopped in Laurel’s car. On the way to Gatlinburg, she got us caught up on all the news about her and Leif, her childhood love. When we got to our gorgeous A-frame chalet-style cabin, we unpacked and I made my famous Marry Me chicken.

We spent all night talking about how our Naughty Lists were going, life and the men in it, and generally having a great time. There was a reason these girls and I had been so close for so long, and despite each of us having our own things going on, I was genuinely grateful to have them in my life.

Boys were great and all, but girls needed their ride-or-die friends, and when God had been handing out those, he’d absolutely given me the very best.