Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

GEMMA

E very time I had to share that my husband had come out as gay while being in what I had thought of as a happy marriage with me, I was flooded by immediate embarrassment. While I knew that it hadn’t had anything to do with me, it was still hard to admit and harder yet because I hadn’t suspected anything until he’d told me.

All along, I’d known that I would have to tell Noah at some point. I’d just been hoping that I would have more time to figure out exactly what to say. This was the first stab I was taking at a relationship since the divorce, and I hadn’t told any of the men I’d gone out with casually what had happened. It was the first time my heart was on the line as well as the first time I was telling a real romantic interest about it.

Noah seeing us together today had opened a can of worms though, and there was no way to shut it except for being honest. I might’ve tried to get around it somehow, but I really didn’t want him to think that I’d been playing him this whole time. I desperately didn’t want to lose him because an innocent lie was mistaken for a guilty one.

If this budding romance had just withered on the branch, then at least I wanted to know that I’d tried. That I’d been honest and done the hard thing instead of compounding my mistakes.

“The guy you saw me with today was Dave,” I started quietly and slowly, pushing past the humiliation. I stared at Noah’s hardened jaw and tight shoulders. He wasn’t looking at me, but I supposed I didn’t blame him. “On Thanksgiving, I told you he was a friend, and he is, but he’s also my ex-husband.”

I saw Noah do a double-take, but he still didn’t even glance my way. “What the fuck, Gemma? If things aren’t over with him, why the hell would you?—”

“He’s gay,” I interrupted, feeling the familiar wave of shame wash over me as I said the words. My heart pounded and my neck, cheeks, and chest burst into flame. “I didn’t know until he told me. I had no idea, actually, which made going through the divorce even harder. If there had been trouble in our marriage, then fine, but we never even fought.”

I sucked in a deep breath. “I lost my best friend as well as the guy I’d thought would be my partner for the rest of my life. It sucked, and I know I should’ve told you earlier, but it’s really not easy for me to talk about and I didn’t want you thinking that I’m still hung up on him. There’s nothing to be hung up on.”

Noah finally turned on the bench to look at me, his eyes wide and his jaw slack. “Shit, Gemma. I’m so sorry. I had no idea he was your ex. I also didn’t know… I mean, not that you can tell…”

“I know.” I managed a smile. “Dave is tricky that way. He’s not a stereotype, and like I said, I didn’t see it coming at all either, so I definitely don’t blame you for not realizing.”

“But he was staring at you constantly on Thanksgiving.”

I laughed. “Because of you . It turns out that Brandon is his celebrity crush, but he also thinks you’re pretty hot. I think his exact words might’ve been something along the lines of ‘the hottest guy in the world.’”

Noah blinked hard. “He was staring so much because of me ?”

“Yep. He couldn’t believe you were my date.”

“Shit.”

“I know.” I scooted closer and reached for his hand, taking it in both of mine. He looked into my eyes and I gave him a small smile. “For what it’s worth, the divorce was especially hard, but not because I’m in love with Dave. This isn’t a case where someone is still in love with an ex who doesn’t want them anymore. It was hard because it was such a shock, and because I felt like an idiot for not knowing sooner.”

“You’re not an idiot, Gem.”

“Yeah, so I’ve been told.” I inhaled deeply through my nostrils and held his gaze. “It’s just that he was my best friend, you know? Even when we got married, neither of us did it out of romantic love. We were just safe and secure in our relationship, and we figured marriage was the next logical step.”

“I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “Don’t be. He’s happy now and so am I. When he first told me, it hurt. Badly. Here was this guy who I thought I knew inside out, better than I knew even the palm of my own hand. Realizing that wasn’t true and that I didn’t know him the way he let me believe I did was painful. Especially when I’d let him in one hundred percent of the way. There wasn’t anything I didn’t tell him, so…”

“So you felt betrayed.” Noah let out a dry chuckle. “I know that feeling all too well.”

“I’m just sorry you probably felt it earlier today because of me,” I said honestly. “I’m so, so sorry that I didn’t tell you who he was at Thanksgiving. I guess I just didn’t really know how and it’s all still so new between us and?—”

“It’s okay, Gem.” He brought his free hand to my face to brush his fingertips against my cheek. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Should we just agree right now to always talk about stuff we might see or hear about each other before we get pissed off about it?”

I smiled. “I’d love that.”

“Good, because chances are that at some point, you are going to read or see something about me that might make you question how I feel about you.”

“How do you feel about me?” I whispered, my heart suddenly fluttering in my chest and an almost overwhelming urge to crawl into his lap spreading through my insides.

One corner of his lips twitched up into a playful half-grin. “I like you.”

“I like you, too,” I admitted, my voice coming out just barely above a whisper. Apparently, I was unable to speak properly as emotion overtook me. I even cleared my throat, but it didn’t work. “I like you a lot, and I would never cheat on you. I know we haven’t talked about being exclusive or?—”

“We’re exclusive,” he said suddenly, blue eyes capturing my gaze and holding it intently. “I’m not seeing anyone else and I don’t want to.”

“Same.”

He grinned. “We’re in agreement, then?”

My heart rate skyrocketed. “We’re in agreement.”

Warmth flooded my senses as he pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “We’re okay, Gem. I am sorry that I doubted you, though.”

“I’m sorry I gave you reason to.” I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me, closing my eyes for a moment before pulling away. “The meeting I told you about earlier was for an event I’m doing for Dave’s company. He was in a terrible mood the whole time, and when I called him out on it, he asked if he could buy me an apology lunch. It turns out he’s having some issues with his boyfriend and I think he just needed to talk. Get some stuff off his chest.”

Noah gazed down into my eyes. “You’re still really good friends, then?”

I nodded. “We always have been. Once I got over the initial shock, I realized that we could still be. Just because we weren’t married anymore didn’t mean I absolutely had to lose him as one of my closest friends.”

Noah inhaled sharply. Groaning, he lowered his forehead to mine. “Okay, well, it’s going to take some getting used to that you’re friends with a guy who’s seen you naked. Presumably a lot, but I can live with it.”

“Does it help that he’d rather see you naked?” I teased lightly, knowing that I probably wouldn’t have liked him being friends with a girl who’d seen him naked either. Even if I knew she wasn’t in love with him.

He chuckled softly. “No, that doesn’t really help because you’ve already told me that Brandon is his favorite. Dave has great taste in wives but terrible taste in men. Brandon doesn’t even work out.”

I laughed. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’m used to it,” he joked. “As long as I’m your favorite, I’ll get over Brandon being everyone else’s.”

I raked my fingers through the hair around his ears. Holding the sides of his head, I looked up into his eyes. “You’re definitely my favorite. Who even is Brandon? Hit the gym, am I right?”

“Good girl,” he said with a slightly lopsided smile, pulling me back into his arms for another hug. “Have we officially made up yet?”

“We have,” I murmured, breathing him in. I let go and nodded at the picnic basket I’d brought along. “Let’s have something to eat. Then I thought we could take a walk to see the Christmas lights.”

“They’re already up? It was just Thanksgiving.”

“Yep, but it always starts looking like Christmas around here straight after. There are a few spots that are amazing for the lights and I’d like to show you. If you like Christmas, that is. Do you?”

“Do I like Christmas?” He frowned, looking like he was about to say something before he shut his mouth again. After thinking it over for a beat, he finally shrugged. “No one has ever asked me that before, but I’ve just decided that I do like Christmas. I suppose I just don’t have the best memories of it so far.”

“Neither do I,” I admitted. “My parents have always traveled a lot, so they often weren’t around for the day. I was surprised they even made it to Thanksgiving at Deb’s this year, but it remains to be seen if they’ll be around for Christmas.”

“Will you be around for Christmas?” he asked as I picked up the basket and started unpacking it. “What I mean is, do you have any plans yet?”

“I’ll probably be at Deb’s,” I said. “That’s our usual tradition, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you want to join us if you’re going to be in town.”

“Thanks. I’m not actually sure where I’m going to be just yet.”

My insides rebelled against the possibility that he might not be here for the holidays, but I gave him a tight nod instead of begging him to come to Austin. “Earlier, you said you were only here for one more day. Are you really leaving tomorrow?”

“I am,” he said. “I had a crazy idea this afternoon, though.”

“You did? Was it before or after you saw me with Dave?”

“Before.” He suddenly looked a tiny bit nervous as he licked his lips, glancing at the pond and then the starry night sky before he brought his gaze back to mine. “What are your plans for the next few days?”

“Um, I have a girls’ trip to Gatlinburg coming up this weekend. Mariam, Laurel, and I go every year. We weren’t sure we were going to make it this year since Mariam’s only just moved, but apparently, she’s going to be able to fly out to Nashville to meet us there.”

“This weekend, huh?” He pursed his lips. “What are your plans between now and then?”

I frowned. “I don’t think I have any. Outside of work, of course. Why?”

“Could you work from Nashville?” he asked. “If you’d like to come with me for a few days before you meet up with them for the trip, that is?”

“Would I like to? Of course. Absolutely. I’ll clear my schedule if I have to, but I don’t think I have any big meetings coming up.” I beamed at him. “Are you sure?”

“Of course.” He grinned, repeating my words back to me. “Absolutely. I have a show, but I’ll get you a backstage pass so you can come with me. It’ll be fun.”

My heart raced and my mouth refused to quit grinning for the rest of the night. Noah and I had our moonlit picnic, talking about all our favorite spots in Tennessee while we ate. Once we were done, we stowed the picnic basket in my car and strolled around looking at the Christmas lights together. I was floating on a cloud the entire time. The only drawback was that we both had to go back to our own places to pack instead of spending the night together.

Noah gave me the sweetest kiss goodbye though, promising that he would see me bright and early before we went our separate ways. With my heart still racing and the grin still firmly on my face, I tossed a suitcase on my bed once I got home and Facetimed with the girls while I packed.

“You won’t believe what happened today,” I said once they’d both accepted the call. “I had a 911 with Dave because he’s having issues with his boyfriend, and Noah saw us having lunch together. He was so upset, guys.”

“See!” Laurel said immediately. “There’s no way anyone can tell that he’s gay. It wasn’t just you, Gem.”

Mariam voiced her agreement, and I smiled. Ever since the divorce, my friends were constantly trying to reassure me, doing their best to convince me that it was time to forgive myself for being oblivious to the truth for so long. I still felt like I should’ve known, but I appreciated their effort.

“So you finally told him?” Laurel asked. “Please tell me that you didn’t stick to the story about him just being a friend.”

I shook my head. “To be honest, I thought about sticking to it, but in the end, I was too scared that he wouldn’t believe me or that he’d still think there was something going on, so I told him the truth.”

My friends let out cheers and whoops, and I chuckled, proceeding to tell them all about the rest of the night and finally getting to the reason I’d called. “He asked me to go to Nashville with him for a few days before we go to Gatlinburg. Can you believe it? I’m going to Tennessee with a popstar I’ve just agreed to be exclusive with and he’s getting me a backstage pass for the City Lights concert they’re doing while they’re in town.”

Mariam squealed. “That’s amazing, Gem! Wow.”

“Jeez. What a way to ramp up the excitement in your life,” Laurel said, though she wasn’t quite as enthusiastic.

I assumed it was about Leif, but I knew she’d tell us about it once we were all together. After Thanksgiving, he’d planned to go and see her in Franklin, but he lived in Denver and he had a business there, so I wasn’t sure how long he’d been able to stay.

Leif and Laurel were going to have a lot to figure out with the long-distance thing, but if anyone could do it, it was those two. They were meant to be. The rest was just logistics.

As the girls chatted back and forth about my trip to Nashville, I debated telling them that I’d finally found out Noah’s age, but I was still feeling a little bit too insecure about it to bring it up. My friends would never outright judge me, but I was a little bit afraid that deep down they would. Or worse, that they would think I was creepy for seeing a younger guy.

The age gap could cause some tension for sure, so I decided to keep it to myself. Maybe I’d tell them in Gatlinburg. Or maybe not.

I sighed, letting it go and catching up a little bit on their lives before I let them get back to it. What Noah and I had was so natural and so real, and yet, a seven-year age difference definitely was not ideal. We had watched totally different cartoons growing up. He had only voted in one election. We weren’t starting on common ground. But we had formed a connection anyway.

He and I might’ve agreed not to let the age thing stand in our way, but that didn’t mean that everyone was going to be accepting of it. Noah and the band had thousands of fans, and I was willing to bet that a lot of them wouldn’t be supportive.

Plus, the press might just eat me alive. Outside of all that, I honestly didn’t know yet if Noah realized just exactly how intense the media storm might become once news of our relationship hit the airwaves. I didn’t know whether he and I would be able to weather it.

While we were doing wonderfully in our little bubble where it was just us and our nearest and dearest, I shuddered to think what was going to happen once the bubble popped. Because it was a story I’d seen time and time again when it came to celebrity relationships.

The public could make or break them, and with Noah being so young, I had a feeling I knew which way it was going to go for us. And it wasn’t where I wanted it to go at all.