Chapter 25

Chapter 25

"Are you sure you cannot stay for dinner, Randolph," Edward asked for the tenth time, desperately in need of company.

"I am afraid I cannot, my friend," he apologized, his arm locked in Rosalina's embrace as they all sat in the drawing room, "Had I not already given the time to meet my solicitor today, I would have. But I must attend to some urgent work."

"I understand."

"Besides, I am still staying with you," Rosalina chimed in, "do you not want my company? Am I beginning to bore you?"

"You can never bore me, dear cousin," Edward managed the semblance of a smile. "You are always the brightest person in the room, making everyone around you feel at home at all times."

"Precisely."

Randolph stood up, "I must take my leave now. I will see you soon, Edward."

"Come, I will see you out," Edward said, standing up, but Rosalina shook her head.

"Oh no, you go wait for me in the dining room since Mrs Connor has already told us thrice that dinner has been served. I will quickly see Randolph out and join you shortly."

Edward nodded wordlessly, understanding Rosalina's need to have a few solitary moments with her betrothed. Whenever he saw the two of them together, he could not be happier for them. The love they shared for one another was unquestionably beautiful, and Edward wished them nothing but even more happiness.

He made his way to the dining room, the silence of the house beginning to bother him once again. It had just been two days since Ophelia had left with Amy, but it already felt like two months had passed. When Rosalina had informed him of Ophelia's departure, he had been certain he would enjoy the peace now that Amy was gone.

But it had not been the case.

If anything, he hadn't felt this miserable in a very long time. Edward sat at the table, motioning the maids to wait to serve since Rosalina had still not returned. He sighed, unable to believe that Amy had become such a huge part of his life this quickly, and he missed her presence. Ophelia was an entirely different matter.

He missed her too, even if he was hesitant to accept it as the truth.

How long will I run away from myself?

"I am here now!" Edward looked up, watching Rosalina walk into the dining room, still her extremely bright self.

She sat down comfortably as the maids served them, leaving them alone in the dining room. Edward did wish to talk to Rosalina, but he was already filled with sorrow and unable to realize the cause of it. It almost felt as if something in his life was going terribly wrong, and he had no control over it. They continued eating in silence for a little longer, Edward still lost in thought when Rosalina put her fork down loud enough for Edward to turn and look at her.

"Is everything alright?"

"That is something I should be asking you," she said meaningfully, looking him straight in the eye.

"Everything is perfect."

"Lies," she said, turning her chair completely. "Now try again."

"I do not know what you mean, Rosalina."

"Edward, I am done playing around trying to talk to you. So now, I will ask you one simple question and expect one simple answer. Do you understand?"

He nodded.

"Are you in love with Ophelia?"

Edward was stunned. He had expected Rosalina to ask several questions, but this was certainly not one of them, especially since he did not even know the answer to it himself. What he felt for Ophelia was both foreign and unexplainable, something he had never felt before, but he did not know if it could be called love.

Or perhaps he was simply in denial.

"I …" He could not form words. "I do not know."

"From what I can see, you are completely in love with her and simply refusing to both understand and accept it. You have not been yourself since she has left. You are upset and easily irritable, as if something important and meaningful is missing from your life. What else is this if not love?"

"Rosalina," he sighed, pushing away his plate, "I do not know what to say."

She stood up in frustration. "I want you to tell me the truth and nothing else. Do you feel something when you look at her?"

"I do." He ran a hand through his hair, feeling cornered.

"Do you wish to converse with her, spend time with her?"

"I do."

"Then tell me, Edward, what is this if not love? You do not seem yourself, and your life completely refuses to make sense in her absence. What is this if not love?" Rosalina was shouting now, both of them worked up.

"Yes, yes, I love her!" Edward shouted back. "Happy? Yes, I do love her. I have never loved anyone or anything more than I love her, and I have no clue what to do about it. I do not know how to let go of it. I just don't."

He kept his head on the table, a weight lifted off his chest.

He did love Ophelia. No matter how much he tried to run away from it.

"So why have you not told her yet?" she asked, sitting back down.

"I am not a good man, Rosalina," Edward said, looking at her, "I have no right to love and no claim over happiness. I killed my sister. How could I live peacefully and happily after committing such a crime?"

Tears stung his eyes at the thought, but he forced himself to stay in control.

"What do you mean?" Rosalina appeared horrified. "How can you blame yourself for Margaret's death?"

"Who else is to blame, Rosalina?"

"Anyone but you, Edward!" She was beginning to appear angry again, "You were there with her from the beginning till the end. You were the one who held her when she was sobbing with pain while her useless husband was absent. You were the one who went to look for a physician in the middle of the most terrible storm when she could not give birth with the help of the midwife. You were the one who held her hand while she gave birth and the one who held her while she could not continue to live any longer. You only tried your best to save her!"

"But what if I had been there with her since that morning, or what if I had just been a little quicker in getting a physician? She might have lived if I had hurried."

"No, Edward," Rosalina sighed, "her death was written, and no matter what you had done, it would have happened. The situation was not in your control one bit, and I know you tried your best. You loved her so much; you would never let her die without trying your very best."

"I could have saved her still. The physician gave me a choice."

"Edward, the choice was never yours," Rosalina whispered, holding his hand, "Margaret kept asking you to save the baby instead of her when she heard only one of them could have been saved. It was her decision, not yours because I know if you had to decide, you would have always saved Margaret."

"Only if she hadn't asked me to do right by her and save her child, she could have been alive today."

"And she would have despised you for not listening to her. She would have despised herself for being alive while her child was dead. You made the right choice, Edward. That was what was meant to happen, and you must not blame yourself for it. Please."

"I had not even reconciled with her properly, Rosalina," he whispered, his eyes far away as if he could see that day before his eyes. "She died without ever knowing how much I still loved her."

"She knew, Edward." Rosalina smiled. "She knew that you loved her, and she could always count on you despite the fight you two had at the time of her marriage. She loved you just the same, and if she ever found out that you blame yourself for her death, she would be devastated."

"I wish I had been on time," he sighed, his heart grieving still.

"You were," Rosalina held his hand, "you must trust me when I say this. None of this is your fault. Had I known you blamed yourself for Margaret's death, I would have told this to you earlier. You reached her the moment you found out she was giving birth, and you went to look for a physician the moment the complications began. You could have done nothing about the storm, and even in those terrible conditions, you found a physician. Only a brother who loves his sister immensely would battle this way for her. Trust me."

"You really think I am faultless?"

"I know you are faultless." She smiled. "If there is someone to blame for this, it is just her husband who left her knowing how precarious her condition was and did not even inform you. He left without caring about her one bit and was never good enough for her. I wish she had never married him."

"I wish so, too. She might have been alive if she hadn't."

"Perhaps," Rosalina sighed deeply, "but we are not to think of that. We have the future to think of, and you owe it to Margaret to let go of this guilt that consumes you and find happiness for yourself.

"How?" Edward asked seriously.

"You can begin by telling Ophelia of your feelings for her. That might be a good start."

"You think she will reciprocate?"

Rosalina laughed.

"How will you know if you never tell her?"

"I will go to her at once."

Edward knew he had to go to Ophelia. Rosalina was right; nothing made sense without her.