Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Ophelia sat a little uncomfortably in the open carriage, feeling slightly awkward sitting beside Edward as the carriage driver took them towards the Park. She knew she looked beautiful in her pink dress, the colour appearing fresh in the morning. Her hair had been done in yet another elegant chignon, and she looked the part.

The perfect lady of the ton.

Rosalina had even made sure that Ophelia's gowns were immaculately designed to signal her advanced tastes, which she was bound to have, having lived in France all her life. Hence, she looked beautiful. However, all that made her feel out of place was being close to Edward when she should be maintaining her distance.

"Are you feeling quite alright, Ophelia?" Edward addressed her, and she looked at him, unsure how to respond. She did want to tell him the truth, but he might not understand the feelings she was going through.

"I am," she nodded, "are you?"

"Perfectly." He continued to stare at her. "Although you look slightly disturbed."

"Do I?" She tried to act indifferent, knowing she was failing miserably at it, and just decided to stick with the truth at last. "I am just awkward since I have never done these things before, but now I am doing them with you. I did not know Rosalina was going to make us go on a carriage ride in the morning, and I was just thrown off slightly."

"I understand," he sighed. "She can be a bit demanding, but she means well. If we are not seen together once or twice during the day, no one will ever believe we are courting. It is only to solidify the ruse."

"I am aware." She smiled, looking at the scenery as the carriage finally reached the park. "She only wants what is best for you, and I am glad how she is looking out for you like any other sister would. I am sure if your own sister, Margaret, was alive, she would have done the exact same thing."

Edward stayed quiet for several seconds, making Ophelia wonder if she had done the wrong thing by mentioning Margaret's name. She felt that since Edward had talked to her about Margaret, she could mention his sister as well.

Even though she knew nothing about Edward, his life, his past, or his sister.

"Margaret would have been even more protective of me, I feel." Edward finally smiled, his rational reaction making Ophelia feel comfortable again. "She had been protective towards me since we were just little children. Despite being younger than me, she would often fight with our father if he scolded me a little too much or if my lessons were much too difficult. She had a lot of fight in her and never backed down from a cause."

"She sounds like quite the woman," Ophelia replied, smiling, "I hope Amy turns out just like her mother."

"If she does, she will have no troubles in life, I assure you." Edward sighed. "Margaret knew how to stand up and fight for herself, and she had the extreme confidence to do so."

"You really loved her, did you not?"

"I did," he replied, his words having a tinge of sadness laced in them. "Only if my love had been a little stronger and had stayed, she might have been alive today, or at least her last day could have been much better."

What does that mean?

"Death is written for each one of us, My Lord," Ophelia replied, completely ignoring the scenery before her to look at Edward instead. "She left when her time came, and no matter what you did or how different the situation would have been, she still would have passed away."

"You might be right," he replied, motioning the carriage driver to turn back around, "but it still weighs heavily on me since I could have done a lot of things much differently, yet I did not."

Ophelia noticed they were heading back, feeling a little more comfortable again as the eyes on them decreased once the park was behind them. Just as Rosalina had hoped, almost everyone present at the park had seen them ride together, and word would soon spread.

"I hope you can someday learn to let go of the guilt and allow yourself happiness. If you continue to blame yourself, it is never going to work," Ophelia reasoned.

She could see how Edward blamed himself for Margaret's death but did not have the courage to ask him why. She was certain the topic was already more than painful for him and Ophelia had no desire to bring out that pain unreasonably, making Edward feel even glummer than he already did.

They finally arrived back at the manor, Edward helping Ophelia step down from the carriage. They both noticed another carriage standing just by the door, indicating that there was a visitor. Edward treaded in carefully with Ophelia behind him as both of them stayed silent until they stood right outside the drawing room where Ophelia could clearly hear Rosalina's voice, who was conversing with Alice.

Ophelia was certain she had only called on the house to find a way to spend time with Edward as she had only appeared increasingly desperate last night.

She would go to any lengths to get Edward, and this appeared to be one such instance.

"I will be in the nursery, so Lady Alice does not recognize me," Ophelia whispered, rushing away as Edward opened the door.

Ophelia stayed on the staircase for a few seconds, hearing everyone talk in the drawing room as Alice greeted Edward warmly, and he being a perfect gentleman, greeted her back. Ophelia knew all of it was just customary, and Edward felt nothing for Alice, yet a pang of jealousy stabbed through her heart, making her feel terrible.

I need to leave.

Everything she felt regarding Edward was always intense, and Ophelia needed to distance herself. Thankfully, she had Amy to escape to. She continued to stand there as Edward asked Alice about her health, and she replied to him in her softest voice.

I should not be feeling this way. This is wrong.

Despite that, Ophelia had no control over her feelings. She simply forced herself to walk away, making her way straight to Amy, where a maid was looking after her. Ophelia hugged the little girl, stroking her to sleep, finally feeling some semblance of peace again.

‘

Her growing feelings for Edward would only ever cause her problems, and Ophelia needed to find a solution for it, even if she had to maintain distance between her and the only man she had ever felt this way for.

***

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, Edward went inside his study, finally trying to tackle himself free from Alice and Rosalina. Alice had only come to call on him and hence did not wish him to leave, while Rosalina did not want to be alone with Alice and forced him to stay with her.

He was left with no choice, even when he hated every minute of it.

"Thank you for finally getting me out of there, God," he whispered into the empty study, chuckling slightly at his own behaviour.

Although it was not his fault.

Lady Alice was as uninteresting as any person could be, and spending time in her company had never brought Edward any pleasure or happiness. In fact, she made him miserable and bored, and he always needed to maintain distance to find his sanity again. Although, he knew from experience that it was not just her fault and every woman of the ton was just as boring.

Do I really need to spend my life with one such woman? Just so I can have an heir when the time comes?

The very thought pained him.

His heart constantly kept whispering how it was entirely unnecessary, and he could just marry someone like Ophelia. Or perhaps, he could just marry Ophelia herself, but he told himself it was impossible. It was simply a thought that could never be brought to life, considering the circumstances in which they were caught up.

He shook his head, not wishing to tread down that path again.

He picked up a large pile of letters placed on his desk, quickly beginning to go through them one after the other. Almost all of them were work-related, while some of them were invitations, which Edward knew he might end up ignoring. He tore open yet another letter, beginning to read.

My darling,

I sometimes wonder what we will ever do without you or what would we have done for the future. I received the money you sent a few days ago, and I am glad to inform you that we have paid the complete fee for Sara's correspondence course, and I have a hefty amount saved up for Andrew's education as well. Things are only getting better from–

Edward stopped reading, completely confused, wondering if his suspicions were right, considering those happened to be the names of Ophelia's siblings. He picked up the envelope and noticed Ophelia's name written, realizing that a letter addressed to her had accidentally made its way onto Edward's desk.

He knew he should not have read it, considering it a huge invasion of privacy. Although, he had only done it subconsciously, simply following a routine.

But the part he had read was enough to tell him all he needed to know. Ophelia was clearly working to support her family, and Edward's heart sank, realizing the hard work she put into her work every day. She had only been kind and loving towards Amy since the first day and had been providing her with affection and love that only a mother could ever provide.

And all this time, she had been away from her own family, missing out on the love they had to give her.

It pained Edward, and he knew he needed to do something about it.

"I cannot let her efforts go to waste," he whispered to himself, unable to remove Ophelia's face from before his eyes.

She had been asking him to be better with Amy, and all of it had been out of completely unselfish reasons. She had simply wished for Amy to have a better childhood, and Edward had been nothing but distant and problematic. He had been so wound up in himself that he had refused to take care of the needs of a little girl. A child.

The daughter of his very own sister whom he loved very much.

He sighed deeply, resolving to be better as he certainly could not go on disappointing Ophelia anymore. He had to become better and work as hard as she worked since that was the only way to be. If she could make an effort, so could he. He had to.

I have to stop being this selfish.

But the only thought that troubled him was his guilt. He was surrounded by the guilt, which consumed him and forced him to stray away from Amy. Only if his guilt disappeared one way or the other, he knew he could be a better uncle to Amy.

"I will try. I will," he reassured himself, resolving to truly do it with conviction.

He quickly closed the letter, placing it back inside the envelope, knowing he had violated enough of Ophelia's privacy and no more was necessary. In fact, he simply wrote down her house address, deciding to pay his solicitor a visit regarding the matter.

He only wanted to help Ophelia, and he must find out more about her before he could go ahead with that.

Although, he knew he would find a way to help her. One way or the other.

Edward quickly wrote down the address from the letter, deciding to pay a visit to his solicitor.