21. Felipe

21

FELIPE

" S o, what do you think, Mr. Rojas? Could this be your new home?"

The realtor smiled at me brightly, gesturing around the spacious apartment in which we stood as if to say, All this could be yours! It was a pretty nice place, to be fair, lacking in any of the homey touches I truly craved, but it wouldn't be too hard to start to incorporate some personal touches once I moved in.

The apartment was the epitome of high-end living. Floor-to-ceiling windows offered a panoramic view of the New York City skyline, and I could imagine spending my nights here, admiring the glittering lights of Manhattan stretching out as far as the eye could see. The open-plan living area was sleek and modern, with polished hardwood floors, a state-of-the-art kitchen fitted with stainless steel appliances, a wine fridge, and a massive island that could double as a dining table. The primary bedroom had an ensuite bathroom featuring a soaking tub and a rain shower, and it was easy to picture having Lila over, exploring her body further with the help of these amenities. I walked over to the window, trying to parse out my feelings.

It was about time I bought a place. I spent enough time in New York on business that having my own place here made sense, and I'd learned to love the city in my time here, too. But if I were honest with myself, my desire to finally have a permanent New York dwelling was more personal. My growing feelings for Lila had me wanting to be closer to her, to put down roots.

"It's a beautiful place," I said, turning back to the realtor. "Certainly fits my needs. But I'm not in a rush to make a decision. I'll think about it and let you know."

"Of course, Mr. Rojas," the realtor replied with a professional smile. "Take your time. I will warn you that this apartment won't be on the market long, though. High demand and all that."

I nodded, already knowing the decision I would likely make. But I needed a moment to let it settle in my mind. I thanked the realtor and left the building, feeling optimistic about the future, a certified spring in my step.

As I walked through the bustling streets of New York, I couldn't help but smile. I was on my way to Miles' place, planning to surprise Lila with a visit. She was staying over there tonight, having finally settled a part-time living arrangement at the house for Olivia's sake, so it was the perfect opportunity to see my friend and my girl in the same place. Maybe I could even share my exciting news about the apartment.

When I arrived at Miles' brownstone, the housekeeper let me in. I stepped inside and immediately heard laughter and the sound of tiny feet pattering on the hardwood floors. I followed the sounds, drawn to the living room where I found a scene that stopped me in my tracks.

Miles and Lila were running around the spacious room, the furniture shoved to the walls to give them more space. Together, both of them were chasing Olivia, while Jamie was snugly secured in a baby sling on Lila's chest, giggling and happy to be included in the game. Miles looked happier than I'd seen him in a long time, a lightness in his expression that hadn't been there since his wife's death.

Lila, too, was practically aglow. She looked up at Miles with something in her eyes that I'd seen directed at me on the night of our date. Wonder, maybe, tinged with the blushing red cheeks that to me read as attraction.

I stood there for a moment, just watching. From the outside looking in, it was a beautiful sight, one that made my heart swell at the same time that I felt an odd jolt of jealousy. I had feelings for Lila, deep ones, but seeing her with Miles, seeing him smile and laugh like that—it stirred something confusing in me. They looked like a family, a cute little unit, and for a moment, I was more happy for Miles than I was worried about losing Lila. He deserved to find that kind of peaceful contentment again, and I knew firsthand how much joy followed Lila Dawson wherever she went.

But why wasn't I more jealous? I didn't think of myself as the possessive type, but I felt a distinct flirtatious energy between the two of them that set off sparks of recognition—memories of the times when I'd mentioned Lila to Miles and he'd frozen up, becoming more distant than usual. I should have suspected before that he might have had feelings for her, too. But even realizing that now didn't bother me as much as I'd expected. Why didn't the idea of Miles and Lila exploring feelings for each other bother me more?

Miles finally noticed me standing there when Olivia ran in my direction. His face broke into a wide grin that almost looked out of place on his usually-serious face. "Felipe! What a nice surprise!" he called out, his voice filled with genuine excitement. "Want to join our game? Olivia calls it ‘super fun tag', but it's basically the regular kind."

"Nuh-uh," Olivia contradicted her dad with the kind of attitude only a three-year-old could achieve.

I smiled at the invitation, the warm dynamic between father and daughter. But when I stepped further into the room, I noticed that Lila seemed frozen, a look of nervousness crossing her face. It was subtle, but it was there in the faint wrinkle between her brows, the thin line of her lips as she pressed them together.

"Hey," Lila said quietly, trying to mask her unease with a smile I couldn't quite believe. Concern shot through me—for her, but also for me. "I–I didn't expect to see you here today."

"I thought I'd surprise you," I replied, my tone light but my eyes searching hers for answers. "Both of you," I amended, gesturing toward Miles even as I couldn't pull my eyes from the woman I'd been seeing even in my dreams lately.

"That's… so sweet," Lila said. I watched her throat bob as she swallowed hard, a smile struggling to form on her lips. Her eyes darted to Miles and Olivia, her hand coming up to hold baby Jamie's little hand without thinking. She finally met my eyes again and asked, "Would it be okay if we talk for a minute? In private?"

I nodded and followed her out of the living room and into one of the guest rooms. Once we were alone—well, besides the baby strapped to Lila's front—the reality of her behavior started to worry me further. But I wasn't one to run from difficult conversations, so I started us off.

"What is it, mi amor ?"

Lila sighed. "Well, it's—I don't want it to be a big deal. But I just kind of wanted to clarify some things. Between us, I mean."

I nodded slowly, and she went on.

"So I know we've only been on one date, and it feels really soon to have this conversation, but recent events" —she shook her head— "I don't know. I just… I think I need us to define this. Or at least define what it could be. What we hope it'll be."

That wasn't what I expected, but it was a relief compared to what my brain was trying to cook up. My answer came to my lips easily. "I thought I made it clear on the night we spent together. I care for you, Lila, and I want you to be mine, just as I want to be yours."

She nodded, pleased with this answer but not without some complication. What exactly that complication was, I didn't know, but there was still a hesitance in her, and even Jamie seemed to pick up on the restlessness as he started to squirm against the carrier. Lila shushed him a little, then took a deep breath and went on.

"Yeah, I… I want that, too. To be your girlfriend, I mean. At least eventually, even though it's a little soon to… I don't know. Make it official." She winced. "It's just… if we're going to be together, I figure I should be honest with you about something that happened the other day. Because after our night… well, it feels like something I should tell you even though we didn't have this conversation before."

My pulse picked up in my ears. Her words seemed tailor-made just to stress me out, but I tried to remain calm. "Oh? What… what happened?"

"Well… I slept with someone. Other than you, I mean."

I blinked, unsure that I'd heard her correctly until her eyes, full of guilt and sympathy, met mine. A maelstrom of emotions, none of them pleasant, seemed to fill my head. I felt my mouth drop open, though no words attempted to form for a long time.

"Please, say something," Lila whispered when the silence became too much. It was strange to have this conversation with her while Jamie was there, watching me from just below Lila's eyeline.

I was struggling harder than I should even without Jamie's blue eyes watching me, though. There was chaos inside me, all the different parts of my head and heart struggling to make sense of how Lila had waited so long to experience sex, had given me the honor of being her first, and just days after we'd shared that magical experience, she'd given it away to someone else. I liked to think I had no problems with women expressing their sexuality, and I certainly hadn't gone into dating Lila with the intention that she would sleep with me and only me, that she'd lack any kind of romantic past. But the idea of someone else getting to feel and taste her sweet body the way I had… it had me going a little insane.

"I… I don't understand," I told her at last, the despair in my voice clear. "I thought I was your first."

"You were," she said, her tone downright miserable. "I didn't mean for–for this other guy—" She winced, stopping herself. "I mean, I let it happen. Obviously. But it wasn't intentional. It just sort of… happened."

"Who was it?" I demanded. I wasn't proud of the machismo energy I knew that gave off, but it was hard to think straight right now. Lila hesitated, clearly reluctant to tell me, so I took a guess. "Was it Miles?"

"What?" she balked. "No, of course not. It… it was Aaron Pierce."

Oh, fuck. The revelation landed like a stone in my stomach. Why did that feel so much worse all of a sudden?

"He's your boss, " I heard myself say, my tone far more scathing than I'd ever been when speaking with a woman before, my volume steadily rising without my control. "What—why would you do something so stupid?"

"It's not—he's…" Lila snapped her lips shut as if deciding against making an attempt to defend herself. I saw her chin start to tremble, her brown eyes welling up with tears. "You and I weren't—aren't—really together, Felipe. I shouldn't have to explain myself to you."

"Then why would you tell me in the first place?" I exploded.

"Because I like you, and–and I respect you, and I thought you should know," she said, and now she was actually crying. Even worse, the tension in the air, the harshness of our tones, seemed to scare baby Jamie, whose small face screwed up, turning bright red before he let out a wail. Just like that, all of the anger in me dissipated. I'd never had much of a temper, and my anger, when it did show up, was always quick to defuse. Left in its place was just a sense of disappointment and sadness that I couldn't quite process.

At the sound of the baby's cries, Miles burst into the room, eyes searching for the cause of the disturbance.

"Lila, are you alright?" he asked, seeing the tears streaming down her face. "Is Jamie?"

"Fine," Lila answered miserably. Miles rounded on me, accusation in his gaze. But before he could fire off any such guesses as to what happened here, I said my piece first.

"I'm going to leave," I told him and Lila both. Lila was bouncing Jamie, trying to soothe him, while Miles looked like he wanted to soothe her but didn't know how. "It's clear I'm not wanted here. I hope the two of you are very happy together," I snapped, regretting the petulance of it the second the words escaped me.

"Felipe—" Lila started to call after me, but I was already out the door as she asked me to wait, and in another few adrenaline-laced strides, I was out of the Kramer house entirely, calling a cab to take me back to my hotel.

I had no idea what any of this meant for Lila and me, what it meant for my own stupid heart that had clearly gotten too attached, too soon. I'd wanted to buy an apartment for this woman, and now I wasn't sure if I even knew her, or if she knew herself well enough yet to commit to something long term with me.

It was my fault, really. Always the fool for love—that was my fatal flaw. But I did feel justified in lamenting the fact that this was nothing like the fairy tale I'd always longed for in my heart, no matter how badly I'd wanted Lila to be my one true love. And before we sorted out how we'd get to our happy ending, because it wasn't in my nature to lose all hope just yet, I needed to do some thinking on my own.