Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Layla

Neither one of us knew what to say or do. Gray held on to my shoulder so tightly, I was certain I’d have a bruise later.

“What are you doing here?” he snipped to Max, who straightened her spine at his tone.

“I texted you twenty minutes ago. Ella’s sitter called in sick, so I decided to bring her to the office with me. Your place is on the way, so I thought…” Max looked back and forth between us. “If this isn’t a good time, we can come back.”

Gray didn’t respond. I turned to see him staring down at Ella. The beautiful little girl stared back up at him with his same stunning green eyes. Seeing his daughter in person for the very first time seemed to have sent him into some sort of shock. When he continued to just stare and say nothing, I tried to nonchalantly take hold of his bicep and squeeze in an effort to snap him out of it before he scared Ella and his worst fear came true—she started to cry.

“Gray…”

He blinked a few times and looked at Max. His face was a mix of lost and terrified. It reminded me of a little boy who wouldn’t get off his bed, for fear there was a monster under it, so he didn’t know how to get out of his room.

Max knelt down to Ella and began to speak, while also signing with her hands. “Sweetheart, this is Mommy’s friend, Gray. Say hello.”

Ella extended her fingers and crossed her thumb in front of her palm, then made a saluting gesture from her forehead while she said, “Hello.” The motion appeared as though it might be sign language and not really a salute.

Gray looked at me, at a complete loss of what to do, how to respond. I nodded my head back toward the little girl and pointed my eyes down to her. Thankfully, he followed my muted directions.

Kneeling down to her eye level, he cleared his throat. “Hi, Ella.”

She signed something without adding the words this time.

Max prompted her, “Ella, add the words, sweetheart.”

Ella did the same sign and then said, “Park.”

Max looked at Gray. “I told her we were going to meet my friend and then the three of us would go to the park.”

Gray nodded. And then the awkwardness that had started to wane came back—at least for me anyway. Max turned in my direction. Her hard stare silently communicated that a fourth wasn’t welcome on their family outing.

She flashed me a Botox smile. “You remember, Ms. Hutton, right, Ella? She’s Mommy’s attorney.”

I heard her loud and clear.

Luckily, Gray’s driver pulled to the curb at that moment. I couldn’t wait to flee.

“There’s my ride. I should get going to work.” I smiled down at the little girl. “Bye, Ella.” Squeezing Gray’s arm, I forced half a smile. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Then I scurried to the car before anyone had a chance to say anything else.

Slamming the door shut, I let out a few panting breaths as I watched the three of them out on the street. I’d never been so glad for tinted windows before.

Ella reached her hands up toward her mother, and Max leaned down to unlatch the little girl and help her out of the stroller. I couldn’t take my eyes off the three of them, even as Al started to pull away from the curb. My neck craned to watch out the back window. We only made it a few car lengths before hitting a line of traffic, so I had plenty of time to study their interaction.

Max finished folding up the stroller, and Ella took one of her hands. Then she spoke to her daughter, who extended her other hand toward Gray. My heart broke watching him struggle with how to react. Holding your daughter’s hand should be the most natural thing in the world. Yet he looked stiff and terrified. After a few heartbeats, he took hold of her little hand. Gray couldn’t stop staring down at his daughter—which I understood completely. After a minute or two, the three of them finally started to walk in the direction of the park.

My car inched forward at a snail’s pace, with a long line of cabs in front of us waiting to make a left turn. Eventually, I no longer had to crane my neck, and the three of them passed us. Gray seemed oblivious that he’d even walked by his own town car.

I stared at their backs as they walked. With tiny little Ella in the middle holding their hands, they looked like any other family walking in New York City. The longer I watched, the more my eyes started to lose focus.

God…a family.

I’m not ready for that.

We’renot ready for that. We’d barely gotten over our own problems and started to move forward. Couples were supposed to go through stages to prepare them for being ready for a family. Even if I’d gotten pregnant, we would have had nine months to warm to the idea.

My eyes began to come into focus as they walked farther up the street, but my vision also started to play tricks on me. While Ella and Gray were crisp in my line of sight, Max began to fade away. A little at a time, I watched the woman turn into a shadow and then completely disappear. Erased from the picture, she vanished. When she came back into focus a few seconds later, I swallowed my breath. I no longer saw Max…she’d been replaced by…me. Staring, the vision seemed so real—Gray and me walking hand in hand with Ella between us.

That’s how it would be, wouldn’t it?

Fade out Max.

Fade in Layla.

I shut my eyes to get rid of the vision, only to realize it wouldn’t go away. I still saw it.

Fade out Max.

Fade in Layla.

***

I shut off my phone during the deposition. It had been difficult to focus the entire morning, and ten minutes into questioning the defendant, I realized I kept staring at my cell, waiting for something to come in from Gray. My client deserved better representation than that, and I needed to throw myself into my work to maintain my sanity today.

It was nearly five o’clock by the time I turned it back on. Messages started to flood in, the majority of them from Gray. Most had been sent within a minute of each other, capturing his stream of thoughts.

Gray: She’s incredible. So smart.

Gray: She didn’t cry.

Gray: I might’ve when I got home.

I smiled sadly at my phone, reading that one.

Gray: You were right. She’s already potty trained.

Gray: No more YouTube diaper videos. Thank God. It felt fucking weird to watch a naked baby.

Gray: She hugged me goodbye.

Gray: I didn’t want to let go.

The time on his texts had a long lapse, then…

Gray: I can’t wait for you to get to know her, too.

I’d never been a big drinker, but in that moment, I wished I kept a bottle of something in my desk. I could use a giant swig to calm my nerves.

Gray’s last text had come in about an hour ago.

Gray: Hope your day was good. Dinner tonight?

I avoided responding to that and instead scanned through my other missed texts. There was one from Quinn, one from a client, and one from Kristen…my half sister. For some odd reason, I chose to open that one, which usually I’d avoid like the plague.

Kristen: Just passed a great little Korean restaurant. Dad’s favorite. We should have dinner there all together. Talk soon!

I heard her chipper voice, even in a text.

My desk had a stack of missed call memos, so I focused on those for a little while. But by six, my phone had started buzzing again, and I really didn’t have to look at the name to know who it would be.

Gray: You read my texts an hour ago. What’s going on in that head of yours, Freckles?

I smiled.

Layla: Sorry. Deposition was all day, and then I had to return some business calls before it got too late. I’m glad everything worked out with Ella.

I watched my text turn to delivered, then read. The dots started to jump around as he responded, then stopped. A moment later, my cell rang in my hand.

Gray responded to my hello in a sexy, throaty tone. “I needed to hear your voice.”

“It sounds like you just woke up.”

“Nope. Just came back from a run.”

I’d forgotten that his run had been interrupted this morning. “Oh.”

“So were you really busy or just avoiding me?”

I answered on reflex. “I was busy.”

“Layla…”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I was avoiding you. But I am busy, too.”

I heard the gloat and smile in his voice. “Haven’t you figured out by now that you can’t avoid me? If you hadn’t responded soon, I’d be at your office checking on you. I’m not giving up on us that easily, sweetheart. I understand it’s a lot at once, and I’ll give you time to take it in if you need it. But I want to know you’re not pushing me away, and it’s just time you need.”

In the midst of his life being turned upside down, he was the levelheaded one. It felt like I should be there for him to lean on me. But I was scared. Each time I made the decision to move forward—take a chance to be all in—something else pushed back. The least I could do was be honest.

“I watched the three of you walking to the park this morning. It just hit me…you have a family now.”

“Max isn’t my family.”

“I know. I just meant…the three of you looked like a family. And I realized that being with you, meant…”

“I don’t expect you to replace Max in Ella’s life, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

I sort of was. I sighed. “It’s just hard. I’m...I’m…scared, Gray.”

“Me too, babe. Me too. But I’m more scared of losing you again than of all the other shit coming my way. We’ll figure it out.”

God, he was so sweet. “Okay.”

“Dinner tonight?”

I just wasn’t up for it. The last few days had taken a mental toll. My first instinct was to lie and say I had plans. But I went with honesty because he deserved at least that much. “I need a night at home, by myself, Gray.”

He took a minute before answering. “I understand.”

I hated the hurt in his voice. “Are you seeing Ella again soon?”

“The day after tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to fly up to Chicago for the day to meet with my partners and the CEO of a company we’re investing in. I won’t be back until late. But Max and I had a civil conversation while Ella was playing at the park. I’m going to spend as much time as I can with the two of them, so she can get to know me. Once Ella’s more comfortable, Max will drop out of the picture for my visits. I want you to get to know her, too, if you can handle that.”

“Let’s take things one step at a time. Focus on you and Ella. You don’t need to worry about me right now.”

“I can do that better if you tell me you’re not kicking my ass to the curb.”

I smiled. “I’m still with you.”

“I might make you repeat that every day, Freckles. Like a mantra.”