Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Liam

T he subway car jolted as it swayed around a curve, slamming me into Jack’s shoulder for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. Neither of us had slept much; I could tell by the dark shadows under his eyes, and I could feel it in the way my own eyelids dragged.

Cleaning up the place after the cops trashed it wasn’t exactly how I’d imagined spending our weekend, but here we were. In the crush of bodies on the packed train, Jack pressed so close to me I could feel the warmth of his arm, the slight shift of his shoulder, even the weight of his breath.

It was…distracting. Way too distracting.

Every inch of me was aware of him. And not just because I’d spent half the night tossing and turning, unable to get that damned sexy dream about Jack out of my head. I’d been able to brush it off as a fluke, random nonsense that slips into your brain when you’re exhausted and emotionally wrecked. But when I woke up this morning, still hot and bothered and way too aware of Jack in the next room, I realized this was becoming a serious problem.

I shouldn’t have been thinking about him like this. He was my best friend, for God’s sake. The fact that he was attractive shouldn’t have even registered with me. But it was starting to register. And I was noticing it…a lot.

The train screeched to a stop at Canal Street, and the crowd jostled, bodies pressing even closer. Jack’s shoulder bumped mine again, and I focused on a poster plastered on the door in front of us, trying to ignore the sharp spark of heat running up my spine. But I couldn’t ignore the fact that I liked the feel of his body against mine, or the way his eyes caught the light when he looked over, giving me a small, tired smile.

“You doing okay?”

I nodded, giving him a half-smile. “Yeah. Just…thinking.”

“About?” He cocked his head, curious, his eyes a little too focused.

“Just, you know…everything. This weekend, the cops, money.” The last word came out tight, the lie pressing hard against my chest. I wasn’t working today, at least not in the usual sense. I was meeting someone—someone who might give me the answers I desperately needed, though I wasn’t sure I would like them.

We got off at Fulton Street, and the morning rush swept us up in its wake, the flood of commuters and tourists pushing us along. We said our goodbyes, and I turned down a side street toward the stock exchange, trying to shake off the guilt gnawing at my gut. Jack had been there for me every step of the way, and now I was sneaking around behind his back, looking into things I knew he wouldn’t understand. I could only imagine what he’d say if he found out what I was considering.

Pickles Deli was a block away, and I spotted Laura as soon as I stepped inside. She was perched on a stool at the lunch counter, scrolling on her phone. She looked…well, not like someone who’d gotten into the adult film industry. With her thick glasses and brown hair in a simple ponytail, she looked more like the TA from one of my coding classes than someone who filmed herself in, well, compromising positions. If anything, she reminded me of a librarian. Or maybe a kindergarten teacher.

She looked up and waved, her eyes lighting up with recognition. I felt a little jolt of nerves as I approached, the reality of what I was here to talk about settling over me. Laura grinned as I slid onto the stool next to her.

“Hey, Liam,” she said, her voice warm and familiar. “Did you guys get the trouble with the cops sorted out?”

“Yeah.” I managed a smile, but I felt like I was walking a tightrope. I had no idea how to approach this conversation, no idea what I was even supposed to say. So, I went with the truth—or at least, as close to the truth as I could get without feeling like a total idiot.

“Thanks for meeting me,” I said, trying to keep my voice casual. “I, uh… I wanted to ask you about what you mentioned at the party.”

Her expression softened, and she gave me a knowing nod. “Ah. So, you’re curious?”

“Curious…and kind of desperate,” I admitted, running a hand over the back of my neck. “I didn’t want to bring it up there, but…yeah. Things have been rough. I really need to make money. Oh, and Jack doesn’t know about this, so if you see him, say nada.”

She set down her mug, leaning in. “You’d be surprised how many people are in the same boat, Liam. It’s not easy out there, especially with the way rent keeps climbing. And the pay for creating content, if you’re good, can be…well, better than anything you’ll find at some desk job.”

She studied me for a moment, as if trying to gauge how serious I was. And for the first time, I let myself really think about it, about what I was actually considering. It was crazy and risky, and if Jack ever found out…I didn’t even want to think about what he’d say.

But then again, he didn’t need to know.

“I need to make a ton of cash, fast.”

Laura nodded like she understood, her expression softening a little. “Well, then, let’s get you started with the basics.” She looked me up and down, all business. “What kind of phone do you have?”

I held up my iPhone Pro, and she gave a pleased nod.

“Perfect. That’ll do just fine for filming to start.” She tapped her chin, thinking. “Do you have a ring light?”

I shook my head, feeling a little embarrassed, but she just shrugged it off. “No worries—they’re pretty cheap. I actually just upgraded to panel lights myself, so if you want, I can give you my old ring light.”

“Really?” I was relieved, grateful even, but the rush of gratitude died with her next question.

“So, what kind of content are you thinking about making?”

I stared at her, completely blank, and then felt my face burning. Truthfully, I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I’d just been focused on getting in the door, not on what I’d do once I was actually there.

Laura burst out laughing, covering her mouth. “Oh my god, Liam, you’re blushing. That’s so cute.”

I tried to shrug it off, scratching the back of my neck. “I guess I haven’t exactly planned that part yet, and well, I don’t have a ton of, you know, experience.”

She gave me a sympathetic grin. “Well, there’s time to figure it out. It’s all about finding your niche. Trust me, there’s a market for just about anything.”

I gulped, wondering what that meant. But before I could dwell on it, she asked, “You ever think about what you’d do if your family found out?”

It was a damn good question. Honestly, I didn’t know if I could go through with any of this if I thought it might end up on my mom’s radar.

“No, do your folks know about…”

Laura shook her head, unconcerned. “I told my parents I freelance for political campaigns,” she said with a wink. “It’s great. They can’t fact-check that stuff. They think I’m some backroom fixer pulling strings. So, no—I’m not worried.”

She leaned forward, squinting at me with a curious look. “But before anything else, you need a stage name. Gotta keep real life and FantasyFans life separate. You…you kind of look like a sexy Italian guy.”

The first name that popped out of my mouth was, “Lucien Steel.”

She snapped her fingers, laughing. “Lucien Steel. Perfect.”

I swallowed, wondering what kind of guy “Lucien Steel” would even be. It sounded like someone who knew what he was doing, someone…sexier than me. A character. I could live with that.

Laura leaned in, giving me a conspiratorial look. “Let me tell you how I started. I started by setting up my social media. Instagram, X, Reddit—all that.”

“But…why?” I asked. “It’s not like you can get naked on Instagram.”

“Oh, honey,” she said, eyes gleaming. “You most definitely can get naked on X and Reddit. As for Instagram, that’s just to lure them in with thirst traps—tease them, you know? Then they’ll find the link to your FantasyFans profile and see the real you. Or, uh, the real Lucien Steel.”

The way she said it made it all sound so easy, but there was something electric in her tone, like she was letting me in on a secret club. And weirdly, I felt like I was just daring enough to want to be part of it.

Laura leaned in, giving me a serious look. “Listen, starting out with no content is tough. You need to build up a backlog of stuff you can post right away. I’d plan on taking a ton of pictures, at the very least. Get comfortable in front of the camera, you know, doing…whatever it is you’re planning on doing.”

I felt my cheeks heat up again. I wasn’t exactly used to thinking of myself as, well, doing anything in front of an audience, even a camera. Laura just smirked.

“So, do you have someone to film you, or…?” She raised an eyebrow, trying to keep a straight face.

“No,” I stammered, the embarrassment creeping up to my ears. “I, uh…I don’t think I could handle anyone else seeing…that. Not yet, anyway.” The idea of even one person watching me was mortifying.

Just then, an older waitress bustled over, her hair a startling shade of red that almost matched her lipstick. She gave us both a no-nonsense look, a pad and pen ready.

“What’ll it be?” she asked, her voice as abrupt as her expression. She obviously didn’t have time to waste.

“Iced tea and a bowl of matzo ball soup,” Laura said, not missing a beat.

I nodded, scrambling to catch up. “Same for me, please.”

The waitress gave us a brisk nod and headed off. I turned back to Laura, trying to shake off the embarrassment. “How do you even come up with ideas for videos? I mean, how do you keep it…interesting?”

Laura grinned. “There’s only so many scenarios you can act out on film. Trust me, it gets repetitive fast. So, I started using a holiday calendar to keep things fresh.” She pulled out her phone and flipped to a calendar app, scrolling for a second before handing it over. “Take October, for example.”

I glanced down and saw a note at the top: National Kink Month. My stomach did a weird flip at that.

“October is perfect for all the kinky stuff—light bondage, roleplay, maybe a little leather if you’re feeling brave,” she said, tapping the screen. “Keeps things exciting. And hey, it keeps them guessing, too.”

“Uh…my birthday’s October 13th,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Laura lit up, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Oh, you should definitely plan on something naughty with a birthday cake. Trust me, they’ll love it. Think along the lines of that movie American Pie. You know, where that guy fucks a pie.”

Once again, my face burned, which only made her laugh.

“Liam, you’d better get used to this kind of talk if you’re gonna make this work,” she said, shaking her head. “This is nothing. Just wait until you start taking requests.”

I could barely even imagine that. But then the waitress reappeared with our iced teas and two steaming bowls of soup, dropping them off with a quick “Enjoy,” before hurrying off to another customer.

Laura lifted her spoon and dug into her soup with enthusiasm, blowing on it a little before taking a sip. Meanwhile, I just stared down at mine, my appetite stalled by this strange, buzzing mix of nerves and excitement. I was tempted to leave and go back to my “normal life,” but then the desperate feeling returned, reminding me why I had reached out to her.

Laura looked up, eyebrows raised as she caught me just sitting there. “Liam, tell me something—do you ever look at porn?”

I nearly choked on my iced tea. “Yeah, of course I do.” I knew I sounded defensive, but it was the best I could manage under her knowing stare.

She gave me a skeptical look. “Uh-huh. And what are you into?”

I shifted, embarrassed again. “I mean, my tastes are…pretty vanilla.” Which felt pathetic to admit to someone like Laura, who seemed to have this whole thing so well figured out. But it was the truth. I didn’t go for anything too wild.

Laura smirked, a little twinkle in her eye as she took another spoonful of soup. I could almost see the wheels turning, and then, suddenly, her face lit up, like someone had flipped a switch.

She set down her spoon, leaning in with a mischievous glint in her eye. “Would you like to watch me film a scene after this?”