Chapter 49

It was strange to realize that I could recognize each of my friends by the sounds of their footsteps. Caitriona's long, quick strides, Olwen's light steps, Neve's hurried pace.

"Tamsin?" Caitriona began, sitting on the large boulder beside me. Her voice was as raspy and deep as it always was, but the tension in her face had softened into something that might have been serene. In Avalon, in all our time in the mortal world, she had always seemed older than she was. Maybe it was the uncertainty in her face now that made her look her age.

"Is it … finished?" she asked.

"Is it ever really finished?" I asked, rubbing my arms for warmth.

A short distance away, Olwen drank in the sight of the forest. A look of peace crested over her expression as she closed her eyes and turned her face up to the soft moonlight. Neve stood just behind her, hugging her arms to her chest as she looked down at Excalibur in the moss and snow.

"I'm sorry," Caitriona said. "For leaving you and the others. I just … I told myself that only I was strong enough to see this through, but some part of me was so ashamed of how badly I wished him dead that I couldn't bear for any of you to witness the act."

"I understand," I told her, because I did. It was unbearable to expose the ugliest part of yourself to others and risk losing them. "We were only worried about you."

I ran a comforting hand down her arm. Relief broke across her face. We huddled together in the darkness, breathing in the sweet perfume of the nearby roses.

"Are you all right?" I asked her.

"I am not," she said. "Are you?"

"Not even a little."

To my eternal relief, we both left it there. Some things just defied explanation, anyway. Caitriona stood, then reached down to help me up. I clasped her hand and she smiled at the sight of our braided bracelets, still knotted tightly around our wrists.

"He let us go," Caitriona said, looking into the dark heart of the wood. "Cabell. He could have stopped us hours ago, when he caught me freeing Olwen from the house they'd held her in. But he didn't."

I nodded, grateful to know for sure. "How did you guys find me?"

"The same way Neve did, I assume," Caitriona said, inclining her head in the sorceress's direction. "Madrigal left the Vein at Summerland House open. I truly think she believed she'd return victorious."

Eventually, Olwen drifted farther away from us and the clearing. She worked quickly, burning Children's remains to ash one by one.

Neve seemed to decide something, and with a little nod to herself, bent to retrieve Excalibur. The sword pulsed with power in her hand. A short distance away, the other shards glowed in answer, allowing her to find them.

Caitriona's eyes met mine, searching.

"She's the descendant of the first Lady of the Lake," I said. "The first priestess of Avalon. The sword's magic only works for her bloodline. "

"Excalibur didn't fail because it found me unworthy?" Caitriona asked. The ache of her words bit at me.

"No," I said sharply. "Just because the stupid fire sword works that way, it doesn't mean all of them do."

We watched as Neve finally bent and retrieved the shattered pieces of Excalibur, rolling them into her coat for safekeeping.

"Neve," Caitriona called quietly, her feet already moving her toward the sorceress. At the sound of her name, Neve set the remains of the sword down and crossed the rest of the distance between them. For a moment, Neve and Caitriona stood there, a breath apart from one another, saying nothing.

Olwen hooked her arm through mine, huddling closer for warmth as we watched.

The taller girl looked down, as if afraid of what she might find in Neve's expression. The sorceress gripped her wrists, drawing them closer to her chest. Only then, when her hands were pressed against Neve's heart, did Caitriona look up.

"You're okay," Neve said softly. "I've been so worried about you."

"I am," Caitriona said.

Neve gave her an imploring look. "Cait, where have you been?"

Caitriona let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry. I never should have left."

"No, you shouldn't have," Neve agreed tartly.

Caitriona's expression turned pained. "I was frightened. Not just of what happened to you, but of what I was becoming. I wanted to protect you, but all along, I know I was the one who hurt you most. The things I've said to you … I could die of shame."

"But you understand now, don't you," Neve said. "The choice Morgan and the others made in seeking their revenge."

Caitriona swallowed thickly and nodded.

"Could you …," she began again uncertainly. "Could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? "

"Oh, Cait," Neve said, her face shining with happiness. "Forgive you? How could I not?"

Caitriona's gaze shot up, meeting Neve's again.

"Here's the thing, the really inconvenient, bewildering, wonderful thing," Neve said. "I love you and I don't want to be apart from you. Not just because you are noble and beautiful and so many other wonderful things, but because you make me brave, and you make me want to be stronger, so I can fight alongside you."

She continued on breathlessly, not allowing herself to back down now that she'd begun. "It's not the love of a sister, and it's more than the love of a friend, just to be clear. And you don't have to feel the same way, not ever, but I wanted you to know."

A single leaf would have knocked Caitriona off her feet. Her face flushed with color—with awe.

Neve truly was the bravest person I knew; the way she could stand there, open herself up to whatever answer might come next. To hand someone her love, and not fear it being returned, shattered.

Olwen looked between them, delighted. I felt it too, but the effervescence wasn't enough to drive out the sharp pain lodged in my chest. My mind drew up images of Emrys in the dark, his slow smile as he bent his head over mine.

But all of it fell away, leaving only those last moments. I'd stay.

I felt him here, all around us—somehow I felt him.

"So … yeah," Neve finished. "That's what I wanted to tell you. That's what I promised myself I'd tell you when I found you. If we survived this. I would love it if you said something right about now, because otherwise I'm just going to keep nervously talking—"

"You …," Caitriona said hoarsely. She seemed stunned. It was another moment before she could collect herself. "You have stolen into my waking dreams and been the keeper of my heart from the moment I laid eyes upon you."

The apprehension faded from Neve's face, and her smile was radiant with joy. "Oh, well, if that's the case—would you mind terribly if I kissed you?"

Caitriona freed her hands, only so that she could take Neve's face between them. As she leaned down, brushing their lips together softly, I realized I was staring and quickly turned around, offering them a moment of privacy, then forced Olwen to turn too.

A moment became two, and then many, and soon my toes were frozen in my boots.

"Sorry," I said through chattering teeth, " really hate to interrupt. But could we maybe continue this somewhere it's not freezing?"

As they separated, Neve let out a slightly delirious laugh. She shot Caitriona a look that turned the other girl scarlet. "To be continued."

"We should go," Olwen began. "We can use the Vein." She looked to Caitriona suddenly, her head tilting. "In all of this, I never thought to wonder how you found me there, at that house."

"I now owe a favor to the Bonecutter," Caitriona said, scowling slightly at the memory. "And I had to pluck nearly all my eyelashes to get Rosydd to open the portal there."

Olwen's exhale might have been a laugh. "Rosydd … ? You mean the Hag of the Bogs?"

"Moors," Caitriona, Neve, and I corrected.

"We'll catch you up," I promised.

Olwen nodded. Glancing back over the clearing, she asked, "Wherever shall we go now?"

"Summerland House?" Neve suggested. "The Council of Sistren is there cleaning it out."

Nausea rose in me, swift and cruel. "Not there."

Neve, as always, understood. "Name the place, I'll open the Vein."

Home, my heart begged. Home.

But I didn't know where that was anymore.

"The Bonecutter wants to see you," Caitriona said to me. Her brows rose as she looked to Olwen. "And you as well."

I relaxed .

"All right," I said. "Then that's where we'll go."

Olwen looped her arms in ours, guiding us through the wild thicket of the forest, to the moors that lay beyond it. But each of us looked back, stealing one final glance, at the flowers that grew amid the snow, rising from death to begin again.