Summer Journal

THE CARAVAN—TATE'S HOLIDAY PARK

AUGUST 2, 2010

This morning, Frankie and I were by the pool with our books and she said: that was fun, right? In the woods?

Yeah, I said. Even though last night I had bad dreams.

Then she leaned over and tapped my book and went: you're reading Jilly Cooper for the sex, right? That's why I read Polo.

And I was like, er... maybe. Then she turned to me with her face so close I could smell her Juicy Tube gloss and went: you have had sex, right? Omigod (like she could tell from my face I've only kissed one boy) you haven't! Babe! We need to get on that. Slim fucking pickings round here, though.

I nearly told her about the guy with the toffee-colored hair from the day I found the fossil. I see him sometimes when I walk the cliff path. He has an orange paddleboard but I'd spot him without it. His body's Heat torso-of-the-week amazing. He and his mates swim out to The Giant's Hand and jump off sometimes. He does it like it doesn't scare him at all. Not in a show-off way, just super casual. The other evening he looked up and spotted me and waved and last night I thought about the line of his hips above the waistband of his green board shorts and back in my room alone I ___________________

Mum if you're reading this PUT IT DOWN.

Didn't tell Frankie about him in the end. She can be funny about locals. And also, maybe I want to keep him to myself?

AUGUST 3, 2010

Saw that Shrimp kid again this eve. There's a caravan that's a little away from the others, dirtier and older and looks like someone actually lives there—washing line, old pot plants and that. He was sitting there crouched on the caravan steps.

He was playing with this box of matches, lighting one after another, watching the flame all the way down till it must have been burning his fingers. You know how there's always a kid at school who gets picked on for being weird/poor/wearing hand-me-down clothes? Yeah, you could tell that was him. I felt bad for him.

I said hi and he mumbled something. And then I was like, it's Shrimp, right? And he just muttered: what's it to you? I mean, whatever. I was only trying to be nice.

Heard the match first, this SCRIIITCH sound that made me jump. Then I looked closer and saw the flame and his face lit up by it. Super creepy.

AUGUST 4, 2010

Two things happened today. Two bad things.

There was a storm last night. Proper electrical storm with lightning out to sea. But it was hot again this morning so me and Frankie went to the pool. The cover had a load of leaves and stuff on top of it. There was this bulge under it too... thought maybe one of the floaties had got trapped there. Frankie started winding it open and when it got halfway back I saw this thing poking out from under the plastic, like a little cluster of twigs. Then I saw it was a bird's claw. Frankie just kept winding until the whole thing appeared, all broken and mangled looking. It was so gross. It seemed huge. I didn't realize they were that big. They look much smaller in the sky.

Must have got blown in by the storm, I said.

Yeah, Frankie said. She stared at me. But then how did it get trapped under the cover?

I asked what she meant.

I think it's them, she said. The Birds. Maybe we did summon them after all. Go get the net, Sparrow. Pool house.

The pool house gives me the creeps. It's musty and dark and probably full of spiders. It seemed so dark in there, cos it was so bright outside. The light-switch doesn't work and I couldn't see the net anywhere. Just random stuff: broken jugs, empty plant pots, garden twine, dusty old paperbacks.

Then I saw it leaning in the corner. Stepped forward to grab it. That's when I felt hands on my waist. I made this sound, like our cat Widget does when you step on his tail. For a second I didn't know if I was excited or scared. Then he laughed and pushed me back into the corner. I was scared then. How much stronger he was as he spun me round to face him. I crossed my arms over my tummy but I couldn't cover all of myself and he was pressing himself against me. He was blocking out the light and all I could see was that white streak of hair and all I could smell was Lynx Africa and sweat. He shoved his tongue in my mouth and I gagged on Cool Original flavor Doritos and weed. Then his fingers were in my bikini bottoms. I pulled back, managed to say: let me out.

He went: don't give me that. I see the way you look at me. Parading round in your bikini. Dirty little prick-tease. Was doing you a favor. Not gonna get many guys coming on to you with a chest that flat.

When I came out I felt blinded it was so bright. Back at the pool Frankie pushed her sunglasses down her nose like a movie star and looked at me over the top of them. Oh, there you are, she said. Found what you were looking for?

AUGUST 5, 2010

Don't want to make the pool house a thing. Don't want to think about it too much. Don't want it to spoil The Manor for me. I went back today cos I want to pretend everything's normal. But I keep playing it over in my head. Keep remembering Hugo's tongue pushing into my mouth. Woke up this morning feeling like I couldn't breathe.

Maybe it's not that bad? Maybe I did give him the wrong idea? Maybe if I just keep my distance from him it'll be OK.

Just wish I could stop thinking about it. The things he said about my body. The word he used. Dirty.

Luckily he totally ignored me today. He was having this big fight with Oscar instead, something about a tracksuit. Hugo kept saying Oscar had nicked his but Oscar was like, it's got my fucking nametag in you bellend. Look!

Ugh, they're pissing me off so much, Frankie said. They've nicked half my stash of pills so now I've only got a handful to last me the summer.

Haven't told Frankie about it. Like, what if I do and she gets weird about it? Sees me differently, thinks I asked for it? Worse... what if I look at her face and see she already knows?

AUGUST 6, 2010

Frankie invited me to The Crow's Nest tonight. It's this old-worldy pub in Tome with low ceilings and wooden beams. Thought it would just be me and her but the twins were there too as they'd driven over in Oscar's lime green Golf GTI. Froze when I saw Hugo at the table. But he just went: Hi! Friendly smile like none of it happened, like he didn't do or say those horrible things or it wasn't as bad as I remember (if it wasn't, why am I still having bad dreams?). He even asked me if I wanted a drink. But the landlady wouldn't serve us cos no one had ID (even though the twins are old enough). Felt like everyone in there was staring at us.

We were about to leave when someone said, oh hey! It's you! It was Cora, from the caravan park shower block, with her Amy Winehouse hair and these leather trousers and a white vest. The twins were drooling and Frankie couldn't stop staring and I felt kind of proud that she remembered me. Cora was like, I work here—I've been painting the sign outside, look! She held up her hands and her palms were covered in gold paint. But I really need a bloody drink. When she smiled I saw the broken tooth and also the dark shadows under her eyes but they kind of suited her too.

Frankie said well, they won't serve us and she went: I'll sort you out. Asked everyone what they wanted. Hugo gave her a twenty. She came back with the drinks and said: yeah got myself a double GT, hope that's OK? Hugo just nodded like a shy little boy. She sat down with us. She got us three rounds in the end, until this woman walked past and was like, Cora. Can I have a word? When she came back she went: fucking brilliant. Alcohol for minors, apparently. She's been waiting to fire me, I swear. Well there goes another job. But they can't stop me finishing my drink. She seemed a bit drunk by then and went on about going to Glasto "in my old life," the others hanging on every word. I got up to go to the toilet. Asked if Frankie wanted to go. She didn't even look at me when she said no.

Coming out of the toilets I crashed into someone tall and for a moment I freaked. Sure it was Hugo, come to find me, to show the whole nice-guy thing at the table was an act. Then I saw the silver neck chain. The boy from the beach. Hey, he said, I was just going to grab some fish and chips next door. Fancy it? It's Jake, by the way.

It seemed better than going back and sitting opposite Hugo so I said yeah. We left out the back.

I was deciding on haddock or cod when I saw the person behind the counter and just kind of froze. It was the girl who came to the woods with us the night of the midnight feast.

When she went to lift the basket of chips I saw her hand shake. Oil splashed up her arm and she did this little yelp. I asked if she was OK.

She went: like you fucking care.

But now I think I know what happened to her in the treehouse. I was about to do or say something to show I got it, but Frankie and the twins came in. Frankie went, what the hell, Sparrow? If you want a lift we're going now. When I looked back at the counter the door behind it was swinging shut and the girl had gone. I glanced at Jake about to make a lame apology but he just smiled and shrugged, said: another time?

In the car, Frankie said: who was that boy? I said, super casual, oh, Jake? I've just bumped into him a few times. But I think my voice went a bit funny. She wrinkled her nose. But you don't actually LIKE him, do you?

I asked why and she shrugged. Well, if you like that kind of thing. But that neck chain he wears... so tacky! And that yokel accent! Can you imagine when he comes? It would be like fucking the guy from the Ambrosia advert. Ooh arrr! Then she looked at my face and was like, babes, I'm only looking out for you, yeah? Anyway. Another midnight feast tomorrow?

When I didn't answer straight away she went: maybe if you can't make it I'll ask Cora. She's cool, isn't she?

I said I'd go.

When I got back to the caravan park Shrimp was sitting there next to the entrance playing with his little box of matches. He didn't spot me and as the flame lit his face I saw him staring out of the gates up the track. His eyes looked so big and dark. And yeah he was kind of a dick to me when I tried to speak to him that time and a bit of a creep watching us from that fishing boat through his binoculars. But I felt sorry for him, cos right then he looked like a lost little boy.

AUGUST 7, 2010

Last night was...

I'm just gonna write it here.

Frankie was like, I made brownies! Proper midnight feast. We ate them on the way over to the woods. Have another, Sparrow, Frankie said, shaking the box at me. Or I'll just eat them all myself.

It was so warm we were just in T-shirts and shorts and the stars were crazy beautiful and clear. Frankie looped her arm through mine and the twins were just doing their own thing ahead. Felt better about everything. Such a magic night I could pretend the pool house never happened.

By the time we got to the treehouse I'd started to feel a bit strange, like my feet weren't touching the ground. And Frankie was like, ha, Sparrow! You ate TWO hash brownies, what did you think was going to happen?

Then she gasped, grabbed my arm. Oh my God! Look! She shone the torch up at the treehouse. I actually stopped breathing. There were all these symbols painted over it. Hundreds of them. The color, a dark red... it looked like blood. I'll try and draw one here:

Holy shit, Hugo said.

And Frankie went: oh my God, I know what that is. I saw it in the Legends of Tome book. It's their mark. See how it looks like a bird? She was gripping my arm so tight it hurt. Sparrow! Shit... do you think we summoned them? I didn't think that would actually work...

Could tell the twins were as scared as we were: Hugo was all quiet and he's never quiet and Oscar was muttering something about getting out of there.

Then Frankie shouted: look in the tree! She pointed the torch up at the branches of the tree that held the treehouse. I saw these "nests" there, about ten of them. But they didn't look like any birds' nests I'd ever seen, cos they were so big and all ragged and they looked like they were tied together with black string. And wouldn't we have seen them if they were there the other night?

Let's look in the treehouse, Frankie said.

Hell no, Hugo said.

And she went: chicken.

He told her to fuck off and I guess to prove they weren't chicken he and Oscar went first. Frankie and I followed. Didn't want to go up there but really didn't want to be left on my own on the ground.

Before I even saw what was inside I heard Hugo mutter: what the fuck. He sounded properly scared then. And I saw what he was staring at.

There was a body in there. Just lying there, this big dark shape slumped against the back wall. I almost legged it there and then, but Frankie shone her torch on it fully and you could see it was like a Bonfire Night guy: some clothes stuffed with straw.

That's my fucking tracksuit, said Hugo, his voice all strangled.

Look at the face, Oscar said.

Frankie shone the torch there and screamed.

It had the head of a bird. A huge beak and what looked like real feathers and these big blank staring eye holes.

Hugo turned to Oscar and was like, you fucking joker, I knew you'd stolen my tracksuit and you could tell he was trying to kind of duke it out, and he shoved Oscar who was like, it wasn't me, I swear it wasn't me. Fuck's sake. He sounded scared. He went, do you think it's because... do you think she...

Hugo shouted: just shut up. Shut up. It's nothing. It's just some stupid party shop mask, look. He picked up the whole thing and shoved it out of the treehouse and it landed with this horrible FLUMP on the ground outside. It was hard to remember it wasn't an actual body.

And then Frankie shouted: wait. There's something there... look. She went to pick it up. It was a note where the body had been. This freakish, jagged handwriting. I said: THE BIRDS ARE WATCHING.