Summer Journal

THE CARAVAN—TATE'S HOLIDAY PARK

JULY 31, 2010

Super hot today. Lay by the pool with Frankie and we listened to The Cure on Frankie's pink iPod plugged into little portable speakers. Frankie flipped over to sun her back. Midnight feast tomorrow, Sparrow! You excited?

Um, yeah, I said, even though I haven't been to a midnight feast since I was about ten.

Frankie went back to reading Legends of Tome, which she got from this weird little local bookshop. I've got a Jilly Cooper, Bella, that I found on the lending shelf at the caravan park.

That cover's so shit, Frankie said. (It's this woman with horrendous bouffant seventies hair and turquoise eye shadow.) Bella's a cool name though, she said, tapping my book's cover. You could call yourself that.

I asked: what's wrong with Alison?

She went: it's just a bit... where're you from again?

I said Streatham and she shrugged: just saying Bella's a cool name, that's all.

Next second she jumped up, pointed out to sea.

See that boat? One of the fishermen's looking right at us, perve—see his binoculars glinting? She ran inside and got Grandfa's telescope, looked through it and was like: oh, it's just some kid and handed it to me. It was that dark-haired boy from the beach, Shrimp. She grinned and went: I'm gonna give him something to look at. Pulled up her bikini top and flashed him. Just like that.

This is why I like hanging out with her. You never know what she's going to do next. The thrill. Just scared she's going to work out I'm not cool enough, get bored of me. Wish I could be more like the girl I met in the shower block here at the caravan park doing her make-up. Older than me... definitely cooler. Maybe late twenties, tiny wrinkles round her eyes. Amy Winehouse dark hair piled up on her head, lots of delicate tattoos on her hands and arms, bangles on her wrists. She must have caught me staring cos she grinned and I saw one of her teeth was broken in half which on most people would look minging but on her was kind of cool, cos she's so pretty I guess.

Hey, she said. I'm Cora. You staying here?

I said yeah. She drew some liner on the inner rim of her eyes which made her look like a beautiful cat.

I can't do that without it smudging everywhere, I told her.

Want me to do it for you? she asked. I said yeah and as she did it my eyes went all watery and this Celtic knot ring on her finger bumped cold against my cheek. Her breath smelt of fags and spearmint gum and she was like: suits you and I looked in the mirror and I felt like a different person.

What's your name? she asked.

Bella, I said.

AUGUST 1, 2010

Set my alarm for 11:30 tonight and snuck out of the caravan with some Skips and Dairy Milk (from Mum's stash of beach snacks). It was spooky walking along the cliff path on my own in the moonlight with the big drop on one side. When I looked at the dark sea I thought about Graham Tate's story about those horses being led over the cliffs one night.

I got a shock when I looked back at the path and saw three tall guys coming in the other direction. But then one of them was, like, oh hey, it's you, and I realized it was the guy from the beach, the one with the toffee-colored hair. He asked if I was OK or lost and I told him I was going to meet my mate.

From The Manor? He pulled this face.

Those posh wankers, said one of the blokes with him. And he went: shut up Nate. Then he said to me, well, if you ever get bored of that place, come down to the beach sometime, yeah? We could hang out? I was glad it was dark so he couldn't see my face. But I kept thinking about it the whole way to The Manor and grinning to myself like a total loser.

Frankie met me at the gates. The twins were there, too. They had this girl with them in a Kappa tracksuit, with the poppers down the side. When I asked Frankie her name she was like, oh, just some local skank. The twins were both larking about, showing off, trying to make her laugh.

We're going into the woods, Frankie said. Come on.

She had this little beaded bag over one arm and was carrying the fossil I found in the rockpool. I showed her the food I'd nicked from the caravan and she was like: ohmigod, Sparrow, you crack me up! It's not that kind of midnight feast but I guess we could use some snacks.

We walked into the woods. Never been anywhere so quiet. There was less moonlight as the trees are so close together but Frankie had a torch. I was trying not to think about Blair Witch. First we passed this dead white tree with two forked branches.

That's the Wishbone, Frankie said. This way. The twins followed us—showing off, doing wolf howls and stuff. It's weird though cos even though they're older Frankie is definitely the leader. I could hear that girl giggling. She kept going: what are we doing? But no one answered her.

Frankie led us through the trees to this clearing where all these stones were arranged in a circle around a tree. It reminded me of going to see Stonehenge with Mum and Dad, but a mini version.

We shouldn't be here, the tracksuit girl said. This is where they come.

Frankie was like: who? And the girl went: the birds, but the way she said it made it sound like: The Birds. I thought about Graham Tate's story. Started to feel a bit scared. Kind of giggly, excited too. But mainly scared.

Frankie just laughed and shone her torch up at the tree in the middle of the stones. It had all these weird shapes in the bark, hundreds of them. I was trying to think what they reminded me of when the tracksuit girl went: it's called the Tree with a Hundred Eyes. And yeah it did look like that, like all these eyes, all different shapes and sizes, staring out in all directions.

Frankie stuck out her hand. Look at this, she said, pointing to a long narrow slot in the tree. It made me think of a postbox or a mouth. She turned to me and went: dare you to put your hand in there.

I laughed. Said I didn't want to.

Go on, Frankie said. Do it.

So finally I did and I know it sounds stupid but I had this feeling like I might never get it back out again. And then the girl went: you're not meant to touch the tree unless you're going to use it.

Frankie turned to her. Use it?

Yeah. The girl sounded a bit embarrassed. You can, like, leave messages for them in the tree.

Messages?

If you want them to do something for you. Like, for revenge.

Frankie shone her torch right in the girl's face. Cute! You actually believe that stuff, don't you? And she laughed.

The girl laughed too but I don't think she found it that funny.

After that we walked to the old treehouse. I could see a rickety ladder going up into the tree and a dark shape kind of squatting in the branches. It was so dark up in there and smelt of old rotting wood and the floor was damp under my bum. The five of us hardly fit inside. Then Frankie opened her little bag and shone her torch inside.

Nice work sis, Hugo said. Oscar laughed. Fuck me you've cleaned her out. Frankie rattled the bag at me. This is our feast, she said. My mum's a cow but she's useful for something. Imagine her face when she gets to St. Trop with her toyboy and realizes she doesn't have her stash of chill pills. Serves her right for dumping us here every summer.

I kind of panicked. I've never taken drugs... only even been drunk once. I took one and put it in my mouth but when Frankie wasn't looking I spat it out so I only swallowed the coating.

The twins took theirs. So did the girl. Then Hugo leaned over and said something to Frankie and she grabbed my arm and was like, come on, let's leave them to it.

We walked back to the clearing. Frankie took all these little tealights out of her pockets, laid them down in the space between the stones before she lit them. She put the fossil in the middle. This can be our summoning tool, she said.

I asked what we were summoning. My voice had gone all wobbly. I could hear scrabbling in the bushes nearby. Told myself it was just a rabbit.

Frankie went: the Birds, silly. Thing is, what we really need is a human sacrifice.

I went totally cold.

She laughed at me. I'm joking! Ohmigod, you're so gullible, Sparrow.

She made me lie back down on the old dead leaves on the ground with her and it was damp and cold but she took my hand and hers was warm and dry.

Maybe I swallowed more of the pill than I thought cos I couldn't really feel the ground under my back and it was a bit like I was floating and I could feel my heart beating like crazy, couldn't breathe properly.

Then there was this sound, like a scream. And then Frankie was going ow, fuck's sake Sparrow, my hand! Hadn't realized how hard I was gripping.

What was that? I asked. Did you hear? And Frankie was like, ooh, I don't know. Maybe it worked. Maybe it was the Birds! Then she laughed and was like, it's probably a fox. They sound horrendous when they're having sex. But I had a bad feeling. Glanced at the treehouse.

The twins joined us after. The girl had gone home, they said. Then just before I left Frankie gave me a big hug and was like, that was fun right? And I said yeah, because it was kind of fun. In a creepy way. Then she said: but next time swallow the pill, Sparrow. It's no fun if you don't. It's kind of a letdown? I hate it when people let me down.