Chapter 4

T rista agreed to let me stay the night on her sofa. Her father grumbled but allowed it. Even so, I felt so unwelcome that I wasted no time in hurrying to the library as soon as I awoke the next morning, eager to leave her father’s austere presence.

Jack was already there, poring over long lists of girls’ names and consulting his notes from the previous evening, then filling in a chart that had each girl’s name on it. To the side of each name were about a dozen columns. Jack was ticking off boxes, I assumed to indicate if each girl had passed that round or been eliminated.

“So, what is it exactly that we were all being judged on?” I asked, sliding in to sit next to him on the bench and glad that we were alone so early in the morning. His white hair seemed oddly out of place in the dark library. Snow swirled against the window, blocking out the sky’s weak light. Lit candles adorned the tables, and the flames were reflected in Jack’s vividly blue eyes. They were so captivating I couldn’t look away.

“I didn’t expect you this early,” Jack said, scooting over to make room for me at the table. “I assumed everyone would sleep in after the ball.”

“Kodiak usually wakes me up early to take him out. I guess I’m used to it, and I’m guessing it’s the same for you with your dogs.” I twisted my head to examine the chart laid out in front of him. “How did everyone do?”

Jack placed his pale hand over the paper to shield it from view. “I can’t tell you.”

“You’re going to get ink all over your hands.”

“There are worse things.”

“You are so secretive. Just tell me!”

Jack fidgeted with the paper, slightly embarrassed. “If I tell you, you can’t repeat it to anyone. Promise?”

“I promise.”

Slowly, Jack raised his hand to reveal the name Noelle written in one of the boxes. There was a checkmark on the first column, and when I raised my gaze to look at the column’s title, it said Attractiveness .

“So, last night was just a beauty pageant?”

“I mean…initial attraction is a key part of any courtship. I knew you would pass easily.”

“See here, sir,” I teased. “That was a beauty competition for the prince’s benefit, not yours.”

“I still have eyes. What do you think I was scribbling notes for all evening?”

“I honestly had no idea. So the prince has you assessing each woman based on her beauty?”

“No, not exactly. That was up to the prince and the advisors who were dancing with everyone last night. If Stephen liked someone, he would kiss her hand after being introduced, and he would bow to anyone he wasn’t interested in.”

The knowledge that I’d been danced with solely so a man could get a close-up look at my physical appearance gave me a slightly uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. “That’s unsettling.”

“I know. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, but that was what the committee came up with.”

“So, who passed me?” I scanned the list of advisors.

“I did.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t judge.”

“But I’m the one with the paper,” Jack said wickedly.

“What, so I wasn’t supposed to pass?”

“No, that wasn’t it,” he admitted grudgingly. “The prince kissed your hand and the others recommended you to pass as well. But I would have fought for you to stay if they’d tried to make you leave.” After looking around to make sure no one else had entered the library, he went on, “There wouldn’t be enough time to look for the will if you left now.”

“Thank you. I can’t believe how much you’ve done for me already. When would you be free for that ice skating lesson? I still need to pay you back for helping me. Or do you get the lucky duty of sending girls home?”

“I could try for tonight after the ball,” Jack told me. “And I’m not in charge of dismissing the girls who didn’t pass. That is Octavius’s job today, and I think he quite enjoys it. So, I’ll be available late this evening.”

“Perfect.” A thought popped into my head. “Do you know if my stepsisters Vallia and Vanessa passed?”

He scanned his notes. “Yes, they both did.” He grimaced slightly. “I know there is tension between you and them, but the prince and advisors found both of them very attractive.”

There was a slight lurch in the area behind my sternum, and I fidgeted with the quill, moodily inserting the tip into the melted candle wax then scraping it off again. “You think so too?” I asked.

“They aren’t my type,” he told me firmly.

The knot in my abdomen loosened. “How about my friend Trista? She has red hair and wore a green dress. Did she pass?”

Jack winced. “No, she didn’t. I’m so sorry.”

“She’ll be thrilled. She’s madly in love with the blacksmith’s apprentice and was hoping to be dismissed.”

Jack chortled. “That does explain a lot. Both advisors who danced with her said her manners were…lacking.”

“Quite on purpose. She’s not normally like that.” I set the quill back down, wishing I had an excuse to stay longer. “Can I help you with anything?”

“This part only I can do,” Jack said, going back to his notes. “But I appreciate the offer.”

“I’ll feed your dogs for you before I come back here to research, then. I’d take them for a run, but I don’t know how to hook up the rigging.”

“I’ll take them out later, but if you feed them, that would be very helpful.” His gaze softened as he looked at me. “I’m glad to have you for a friend.”

I loved spending time in the barn feeding and watering Jack’s team. His dogs wagged their tails so hard that their entire hindquarters shook, and they wound themselves around my legs, barking and howling their delight at the prospect of their next meal. Seeing them only reminded me that it wasn’t long until I would be able to see Kodiak again. It wasn’t too far to the village. Even if Jack was busy, I would have been able to walk to Beryl’s shop if the day was clear, but snow still swirled outside, piling up on the window panes to obscure the view. If I was caught in a blizzard, I would end up disoriented and freezing to death before I could find shelter. It wasn’t worth the risk.

Octavius scurried up to me the moment I re-entered the castle. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he scolded, then handed me a sealed envelope. “You may stay. There is another ball tonight and a feast tomorrow night at sundown.”

Beyond me, a very sour-faced girl hauled a trunk across the hall and threw an ugly look at the envelope in my hand. Apparently, rejections had already been handed out.

“Thank you very much,” I told Octavius. “I look forward to getting to know the?—”

“Yes, yes,” Octavius said dismissively. “I’m sure you do. If you’ll excuse me…” He bustled off, waddling away to attend to who knew what other business.

I hurried back up to Trista’s room only to find her parents packing furiously. Trista helped with a solemn, penitent expression on her face that I didn’t believe for a moment.

“I didn’t pass to the next round,” Trista said, maintaining her somber demeanor.

“So much for a prince. We’ll have to settle for a blacksmith’s apprentice for a son-in-law,” her father grumbled. Trista kept her eyes averted but bit her lip to hide a smile.

“All that wardrobe for nothing,” her mother sighed. “But at least Cal is a nice boy and he loves Trista.”

“Come on, then,” her father grumped, toting some of the bags to the door. “We’ll send a footman for the rest.”

Trista hung back. “Good luck,” she breathed, and with a cautious glance at her father, pressed one of the bags into my hands. “Another dress in case you need it, and your laundered dress came back. It’s hanging up in the closet.”

“I’ll get your dress back to you,” I promised, looking down at the gown I’d worn the night before, which I was still wearing.

She waved her hand to brush the matter aside. “Come to my wedding and that will be thanks enough.”

“Trista!” her father barked.

“I’m coming!” she called. “Goodbye, Noelle! I’ll send an invitation.”

“Bye.”

I watched her hurry to catch up with her parents. As they disappeared from view, a sudden thought popped into my head. With Trista gone, I would be able to have this room to myself. I busied myself with setting Trista’s family’s bag outside the door for the footman to collect, but my hope was short-lived.

Octavius came around only a few minutes later, leading a veritable army of housekeepers. “This room next,” he ordered, then spotted me. “What are you doing here?”

“I…I thought it would be all right if I used this room since Trista is?—”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Octavius jabbered. He jabbed a short finger at the ledger in his hands. “I have everything meticulously organized, and I cannot make exceptions for anyone. You are assigned to the Frost family rooms, and you need to stay in the Frost family rooms or it will throw everything off.”

“But if no one is using this one…”

Octavius’s cheeks slowly inflated. “What do you mean not using it?” he squawked. “We have dignitaries coming! We have rooms that need to be deep cleaned! We have additional?—”

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving,” I said hurriedly, retrieving my laundered dress and cloak from the closet, clutching the bag Trista had given me, and edging my way around Octavius and the housekeepers. “I’m sorry I asked. I don’t want to be a bother.”

I wished several someones would bother Octavius, I thought privately. What a nuisance. When I was small, the steward of Frostwood Estate had been a little like Octavius—so intent on following protocol that he was unable to fathom a circumstance in which a person would need an exception to the rules. It was useful at the time; he had always kept things running smoothly. It had never bothered me as a young girl, but now that I was the one needing an exception… I sighed and trudged down the hall, back to the library.

Jack was still there, but he had been joined by several other advisors, all speaking in hushed tones and pointing to different names on the list, shoulder to shoulder. Ironically, Prince Stephen was nowhere in sight. I supposed that there had been too many girls for him to remember anyway, even if he had given signals to the advisors the previous evening, but it amused me nonetheless. If it were me getting married, I would at least want to be present when it came to discussions about my future spouse.

I looked at the towering shelves loaded with books. Jack was right; there had to be something in here about the laws and regulations concerning inheritances. As I browsed the shelves, eagerly searching for anything to aid me on my quest, I pulled tome after heavy tome into my arms, loading up anything that would be remotely helpful. Finally, I barely managed to stagger to an armchair and dropped my load on the table next to it.

After a quick search of the titles, I selected a thick and dull-looking volume on laws related to the lords and the operation of their estates. It was dreadfully tedious, but I resolutely plowed on, searching for any shred of evidence I could use.

“Peculiar reading material for a young woman,” one of the scribes noted when he passed by my mountainous stack of books. Though he wore the same cap as the scribe I’d talked to before, this man had a beard and the other hadn’t. “Do you have an affinity for legal proceedings?”

“Yes, it fascinates me,” I told him, struck by sudden inspiration. “In fact, I have aspirations to be a scribe one day. I’ve heard that there is a room specifically set aside for them and hoped to get a tour.” I smiled winningly but was met with a slight frown.

“My apologies, miss. That’s reserved for scribes who have already completed their training. Perhaps one day, though.”

“Of course. I shall endeavor to study more to earn the privilege,” I told him, smiling to cover my disappointment. A glance at Jack told me that he had overheard. He caught my eye and raised his eyebrows briefly, but then refocused on his work before any of the other advisors could notice our secret exchange.

The hours dragged by as I studied volume after volume all morning, making notes any time I found anything even remotely related to inheritances, but still, discovered nothing substantial. After a brief lunch, I returned to the library to study, but this time, I became drowsy, the constant warmth from the fireplace tugging me closer to sleep the longer I stayed put. The two preceding nights of poor sleep coupled with the monotony of books made my eyes begin to slide over the words without absorbing any of the information. The low voices from the advisors blended into a pleasant hum and combined with the soothing crackle of the fire to lull me away from focusing. Each time I snapped back to attention, it was only to nod off again a few minutes later.

Some time later, I jerked awake as someone loudly cleared their throat, a heavy book open across my chest. A glance out the window told me that the snow had stopped, and the sun’s feeble rays pushed through the clouds just enough for me to determine that it was late afternoon.

“It’s unfortunate that some of the women don’t seem to care about the activities we set up or are too lazy to take part in them,” an advisor said in a voice louder than was acceptable for a library.

“Yes,” another agreed. “Can you imagine if one of the women slept during the day? She must not have any interest in the prince if she can’t even be troubled to demonstrate how she is good for the prince.”

Neither looked at me, but their staged conversation compelled me to rise from the chair I’d dozed off in. I looked down at the tome I held to realize that it was out of date; several of the laws listed had been discarded years before, and with how foggy my mind had been from lack of sleep, I hadn’t noticed when I picked it up. Frustrated with my oversight, I got up to replace it on the shelf and leave the library in a hurry.

Annoyed that I had to participate in the activities rather than continue my search, I hitched a smile onto my face and went down to where the rooms were packed with women all demonstrating their talents through singing, drawing, and playing musical instruments. I felt absurd toting around the bag Trista had given me with the spare changes of clothing. No one else had anything more than a handbag.

To my dismay, I did indeed see more advisors strolling throughout the rooms, taking notes on what all the women were doing. How was I ever supposed to find time to find the will and advocate for my school to reopen if I needed to fight simply to stay here? What was the point of being where I could find evidence if I was banned from the records room and scolded out of the library by passive aggressive advisors?

I let out a quiet stream of air, resigned to the fact that my time for that day would be eaten up without anything to show for it. At least I had ice skating with Jack to look forward to after the ball.

Determined to perform well enough to stay for another day, I participated in the activities I felt most confident in, taking particular pride in the penmanship, history recitations, and mathematics demonstrations. All that time of teaching my students was being put to great use. While many of the other girls could sing and dance, few were able to map out Nieva’s geography or list the kingdom’s major imports and exports. Jasmine, who was strumming a harp nearby, beamed at me.

Vanessa, her face frozen into a cold smile, watched as I explained how bills became laws and enumerated several recent examples of bills and the affect they had on the citizens. At the end of my recitation, the advisors nodded, clearly impressed, while Vanessa shot me a very ugly look. I met her gaze and raised a single eyebrow, silently challenging her to do better. Even if I wasn’t an accomplished painter like she was, I felt confident that my knowledge about the kingdom’s affairs would be weighted more heavily.

During the meal early in the evening, Vallia showed signs of wanting to come over to talk to me, but Vanessa dragged her away to sit with other girls. I watched them go with a twinge of regret. Vallia and I could easily have been friends if it wasn’t for Vanessa.

The majority of the girls rushed through their meal, eager to dash off to get ready, Jasmine included, but I dawdled, listening to the cacophony of cooks shouting above the din of the pots and pans rattling in the kitchens. Where was I supposed to get ready for the ball? I supposed I could try to ask Jasmine, but I didn’t know her well yet.

“I’ll be right back,” I heard Jack’s voice coming from the doorway as he entered with other advisors. “I need a drink.”

I eagerly straightened and made my way over to the drinks table set in the darkest corner, where Jack met me. “I’m so sorry about what you heard before,” he breathed. “I told them to just let you rest.”

“I needed to be awake,” I said, taking a long time to pour cider into my cup. “I just wish I’d been able to do more research.”

“I heard you impressed Trent. He was the one in charge of listening to girls discuss domestic affairs.”

“Hopefully that makes up for the bad marks I got for my laziness in the library,” I teased.

“Yes, those notes he made about some sleeping girl were accidentally dropped into a fire before I managed to record them,” Jack informed me. “It was quite a mystery as to how that happened.”

I glowed. I didn’t even need to drink my hot cider to feel warmth spreading throughout my chest. “Does that mean you’re done for tonight?” I asked him. “It’s lucky I had that nap; I’m all ready for ice skating tonight.”

Jack’s smile faded as he poured himself a drink and cast an eye at the other advisors still milling around in the dining hall’s entryway. “Actually, this is taking longer than I expected, and one of the other advisors is ill, so I was asked to fill in for him analyzing the results after the ball.”

“You could always feign some food poisoning and sneak off,” I suggested wickedly. Now that he was next to me, I found it increasingly difficult to focus on anything else.

“Very tempting.” Jack grinned. “But if the prince discovered that I blew off my responsibilities to sneak away with one of the women he might potentially marry, he might be displeased. Especially when”—he gestured at his hair—“it isn’t appropriate.”

The warmth that had spread through my chest ebbed and faded, and I couldn’t resist one more try. “We would just have to be careful not to get caught. And an ice skating lesson is a transaction, not a courtship, so we wouldn’t be breaking any laws.”

Jack shook his head slowly. “As much as I’d like that, I really can’t. Can we postpone until tomorrow night? There’s a feast for everyone and we could go after that. I didn’t expect this much work today.”

“Of course.” I worked hard not to let my disappointment show or let worry sneak in that I was pestering Jack and trying to get him to spend time with me instead of attending to his duties. Was he trying to find excuses to avoid me?

“I’ll make it up to you,” Jack promised in an undertone. “We can get Kodiak tomorrow morning then skate after the feast.”

My heart lightened. Maybe he didn’t resent me after all. I couldn’t be the only one who felt our connection. “That sounds wonderful.”

Jack returned to his companions and I left through another door, still clutching the bag that Trista left me, trying to figure out what to do next. I couldn’t spend the night in the library, could I? The scribes or maids would find me and urge me to go back to my room, but I had none. But before I could think about finding an inconspicuous place to sleep, I had to convince Prince Stephen to keep me around for another day.

I wandered back into the vacated area where the activities had been held, hoping to find an empty room to change in. One of the rooms had a display of cosmetics and hair styling tools, but was completely empty other than a very bored lady-in-waiting who sat on a tuft in front of one of the vanities.

“Hello,” I greeted her, looking around.

Eagerly, she shot up. “Did you want to get ready for the ball here?”

“Yes, I do. Where is everyone else?”

She shook her head. “Most of the other women wanted to get ready in the privacy of their own rooms. I can teach you some of the latest hairstyles and fashions.”

“Please do.” I deposited my bag with Trista’s borrowed dress on a stand and sat in front of the mirror, deciding that the dress I’d originally arrived in was sufficient for that evening now that it was freshly laundered. “I fear my own cosmetics were damaged on the journey here. I wasn’t sure what I could do, so I’m glad you’re here.”

The lady-in-waiting, whose name was Helena, gossiped away happily as she curled my hair and dabbed rouge onto my cheeks, wondering aloud why other girls would pass up such an opportunity. Shortly before the ball started, Helena put on the finishing touches and shooed me out into the hall to accompany the thirty or so other women still in the competition, all flocking toward the ballroom once more.

I didn’t even notice who I was walking behind until she looked over her shoulder. It was Vallia.

“I saw you last night and today,” she said, slowing down to walk alongside me.

“Likewise.” I wasn’t sure what to say. At least Vallia was nicer than Vanessa and my stepmother, but they had a knack for squeezing information out of Vallia so that I didn’t trust her ability to keep my confidence.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” she went on, studying her shoes. “I’m sorry about…before. You know.”

“When you left me abandoned in the middle of the forest?”

She flushed. Even embarrassed, she was prettier than almost any other girl, and I found myself hoping vehemently that Jack had been honest in saying that Vallia wasn’t his type. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I told them not to, but…”

“I know.” Part of me wanted to forgive Vallia, but the memory of nearly being attacked by wolves stayed fresh in my mind.

“Mama means well, you know. You two are actually very similar.”

All thoughts of forgiving Vallia vanished. “It’s hard to imagine that is the case when she shut down my school and nearly got me killed by a wolf,” I said coldly. “I’ve never behaved so poorly. Excuse me.” I left her looking stricken and made my way into the ballroom and over to the refreshment table, where I found only drinks and light, sugary foods.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vallia trying to force her way through the crowd to me, but Vanessa caught up to her and after one glance my way, Vallia didn’t pursue me any longer.

I was so angry with my stepfamily that I barely registered anything that happened at the ball. Prince Stephen did dance with each of us in turn, then advisors and other gentlemen invited us for additional dances. This time, Jack was dancing as well, but the girls he partnered with always kept as much distance between their bodies as possible and only touched him as long as was socially required before hastily letting go.

If only Jack had been one of the advisors to dance with me. As far as I could tell, the advisors were choosing which girls they partnered with, so why wasn’t Jack asking me to dance? Was he aware of my growing feelings for him, so he wanted to distance himself for his own job security and safety? Were his feelings different from mine and he didn’t want to encourage me? Or was he perhaps embarrassed by being seen dancing with a woman in a simple dress who didn’t even have a place to sleep that night? Suddenly, I wished I’d chosen to wear the fancier gown that Trista left me.

My hunger and fatigue did nothing to force those questions from my mind. With each passing dance, my thoughts spiraled downward until I was grateful for the chiming that signified the end of the ball.

Jack didn’t even look at me as he exited the ballroom with the other advisors, but Vallia did whisper a quick, “Good night,” as Vanessa dragged her past me, nose stuck into the air. Most of the girls went up to their rooms, kicking off their pointed shoes and carrying them, groaning in relief as their toes were allowed to spread out on the plush rugs .

I hesitated. Where would I go? Everyone else had lodging.

“—if they still have hot cocoa like last night, I won’t say no.” I overheard a girl chatting with her friend as they passed the staircase leading to the living quarters and headed toward the dining hall instead.

Deciding that my most pressing need was to satiate my snarling stomach, I followed them, eager to find something more substantial than the delicate sweets that had been available during the ball. Though there wasn’t anything hearty, I did find a creamy soup in a large tureen decorated with a pair of carved turtle doves.

Other girls were quick to eat and leave, all eager for a good night’s rest, but I dallied over my soup as I pondered my predicament. Would I be noticed if I found a corner in the servant’s living quarters? At least back home those were communal, but I was sure that the other maids would notice if someone just turned up who wasn’t hired.

Perhaps an empty room? If I could just determine which were unused without Octavius realizing what I was up to… But that idea shriveled and died. Guards patrolled the halls and often opened rooms to search the interior. A girl curled up on a settee in an alcove would be instantly noticed. Only the communal rooms, like the ballroom and the chambers where activities were hosted, were available. Each of the other contestants had a key for their private chambers, and I had nothing.

A blast of snow flurried in as the doors to the side yard blew open. Two girls drinking hot cocoa squealed and ran to avoid the frigid air and I jumped to my feet, reaching the doors at the same time as one of the guards. Together, we closed them firmly against the howling wind outside .

“Sorry about that, miss,” the guard apologized. “It isn’t even fit for dogs to be out in this foul weather.”

“Of course not.” I laughed, but the moment he returned to his post, I slurped up the rest of my soup, gathered up my bag, and hurried through the castle toward the courtyard. From there I fought my way to the dog yard, head bowed against the gale and shivering all over. My cloak’s warmth was little protection against the bitter cold. As I approached the barn, I could hear the incessant barking and howls so typical of sled dogs.

“Shhh,” I shushed them as I shut the door behind me. Each dog had its own stall, similar to horse stables, and the name of each was carved neatly into a wooden plaque. The dogs leapt up and down in their stalls, heads popping repeatedly over their stall doors as they tried to get a good look at the newcomer. “Shhh,” I hushed them again. “They’ll hear you.”

The combined heat from the dogs made the cramped space significantly warmer than the outside, and several blankets hung on the wall. I removed one of them, hung my bag on its hook, and scooped a handful of treats from a sack before turning back to the stalls. The sled dogs sobered only slightly as I fed each of them a treat. Ace in particular looked as though he would start frothing at the mouth if I didn’t let him out to run. Only Cinder sat calmly in her pen, wagging her tail politely as her tongue lolled out.

“I pick you,” I told her, quietly opening her door to let myself in. The floor was covered with clean straw for bedding. I might smell and look odd tomorrow when I showed up with straw stuck in my hair, but at least I would have another day to search, assuming my dancing or whatever else they’d assessed tonight was deemed passable. The library hadn’t yielded any results, so my best bet would be to find a way into the records room, but how? Even though the women had been told we were free to explore the castle, I was finding that all that meant was free to explore the limited unlocked rooms, which were all filled with other gossiping girls as they did embroidery or drawing. I didn’t need a hobby; I needed answers.

Cinder sniffed at me as I lay down in her stall, then curled up next to me, wagging her tail and giving my face a lick. I draped the blanket over both of us, one arm thrown around Cinder as I thought of Kodiak. It wasn’t long until I would be able to see him again.