Chapter Thirty Five

Pen's eyelids felt heavy but she struggled to open them anyway, blinking and then blinking again as the light hit her eyes. She yawned and stretched and had no idea how long she'd been sleeping for. It felt like years. Like she was Sleeping Beauty. The idea made her smile until she remembered about the bookshop.

Then she just wanted to close her eyes again and disappear back into sleep.

She was about to do exactly that when she registered quite a heavy weight on her right leg. Experimentally, she tried to move her leg and couldn't. Jesus. Maybe she'd broken her leg? Maybe she'd fainted and fallen and broken her leg. Then she'd never be able to help at the bake sale.

Except they really didn't need a bake sale now.

Lifting her head just slightly she managed to look up far enough to see something on top of her leg. No, not something. Someone. Someone with dark, messy hair, someone collapsed over her, her head in her arms, sleeping and maybe even… Pen strained to listen. Yes, maybe even snoring just a bit.

Pen cleared her throat.

Ash didn't move.

Pen cleared her throat again, louder this time.

"What? Who? What?" Ash said, bolting upright.

"I thought I was the patient here," Pen said, her heart filling up at the sight of Ash's face.

"You've spent all night flat on your back, I'm the one that's been slumped over your bedside," said Ash, pulling a face as she stretched. "Not a comfortable position."

Pen considered this. "Was there anything preventing you from actually getting into the bed with me?"

Ash raised an eyebrow and Pen turned to her left to see Fabio stretched out across the other side of the bed.

"I thought he might bite," said Ash. "He seems quite protective of you."

"He's a teddy bear," said Pen. She closed her eyes and opened them again, just to check that Ash was actually real and actually here, and then she again remembered all the reasons that she really wanted to go back to sleep and ignore the world again.

She turned to look at Ash. "I have to tell you something," she said.

"No," said Ash. "Enough is enough. I need you to listen to me first. There are some important things to discuss here. I know what you've been doing."

"George spilled everything, didn't he?" Pen said, shaking her head.

"Good thing he did, since we've been at cross-purposes pretty much since I left," Ash said. "Which was my mistake, by the way."

"The being at cross-purposes?" asked Pen.

"No, the leaving," Ash said. "And you're supposed to be listening to me. So listen up and listen well and we'll try and get all this business sorted efficiently so we can go back to lounging in bed and eating biscuits, or whatever you like to do when you're ill."

"I'm not actually ill," Pen began. Then she saw the look on Ash's face and she closed her mouth again.

"This cannot go on," Ash said. "In any way, shape, or form. You can't give so much of yourself that there's nothing left for you. Ever heard the saying that you can't feed the village from an empty pantry? Well, that's you. You emptied your pantry out and you paid the price for it. From now on, I want your word that you'll look after yourself in order that you are able to help look after others."

Pen thought back to the shaky feeling she'd had as she collapsed, the way the world had darkened. She nodded. "Deal."

"Right, moving on then," said Ash in a business like fashion. "I shouldn't have left. I was being stubborn and pig-headed and stuck in my ways, which I've got a tendency to be, you know? If you're going to concentrate on looking after yourself, well, those are the things I need to concentrate on to look after myself better. I shouldn't have left."

"You shouldn't?" Pen said anxiously.

"No," Ash said. She sniffed, then looked directly at Pen. "Because I love you. I think."

Pen felt the happiness brewing up inside her, felt her lips twitching into a smile. "Well, if that isn't the most romantic thing I've heard. I love you, I think."

"I'm not done yet," Ash said. She took a breath and then took both of Pen's hands in her own. "You are the kindest, most lovely person I've ever met. And for a while there I hated you for it. I hated your sunshine and I thought you were interfering and annoying and one of those people that always has to be involved."

Pen's eyes narrowed. "Are we getting to the romantic bit soon?"

Ash ignored her. "And then I realized that you were genuine. That you're actually sunshine. You don't just sit around hoping for the best, you make the best happen, Pen. And I don't know why it took my stupid, annoying, and yet strangely nice London neighbor, and a handful of crazy romance novels to realize that, but it did."

Pen struggled to sit upright, pushing herself up so that she could better see Ash.

"What I'm saying," Ash said. "Is that I want to be a part of all this. I want a little slice of sunshine. I want to be optimistic, I want to build something with you. Even if that something only lasts a little while. Because you're the best person I've ever met, Pen. And you make me better just by being with you."

"I see," Pen said, finally finding her voice, and now not knowing what she wanted to say with it.

"But I understand if you don't want to live with a grump like me," Ash said, squeezing Pen's hands tight. "I get that. Just… just maybe we can give us a real chance. I never should have left and I'm not leaving again. In fact, even if you say no, I'm still staying. Because I'll always hope that you can love me back and I'll stay here until the end of time if I have to."

Tears began to press behind Pen's eyes. "You don't have to wait, Ash. I'll love you until the end of time. There's no waiting required. You might be grumpy and snappy and irritable, but you're realistic and kind and I think maybe you just didn't learn how to let people like you, because it is a choice. Nothing would make me happier than to see you every day, to love you every day."

Ash's eyes were filling up now, the tears spilling over, until she was half-laughing with them, still clinging on to Pen's hands. "If this is so good, then why are we crying?" she sputtered.

Pen held out her arms and Ash crawled into them and they lay together, holding each other, as the morning light streamed into Pen's bedroom. Slowly, Pen started to stroke Ash's hair and she could feel Ash's heart beat next to her.

She sighed.

"This is all I've ever wanted," she said.

"Is it?" Ash asked, looking up at her. She grinned. "It's nothing that I've ever wanted at all. At least until right now, that is. But change is a good thing, right?"

Pen smiled back. "It'll have to be. There's a lot of changes to come." She paused and hugged Ash close to her. "Do you really think you can get used to living in this small space with another person?"

"Oh shit." Ash pulled out of the cuddle, sitting upright, and Pen's heart started to hammer in her chest. Had Ash really not considered any of the consequences of living in Tetherington, of them sharing the bakery?

"Ash, we don't have to stay here, I suppose. I mean, I'd love to, but what, with the bakery being so small and the bookshop being sold already, I can see how it might not be ideal."

Ash was grinning like a maniac. "I didn't mean ‘oh shit, I have to live in a small space with you.' I meant ‘oh shit, I haven't told you.'"

"Told me what?" asked Pen, Ash's grin was becoming infectious.

"The bookshop's sold because I bought it," Ash said.

"You… you what?" asked Pen.

"You heard me."

"But… but you don't know the first thing about selling books," Pen said.

Ash shrugged. "George will teach me. I'll learn. Change is a good thing."

And Pen was reaching up for her, pulling her in, and then hands were too busy moving and lips were too busy kissing and hearts were too busy beating for any conversation to happen for a long, long time.

IT WAS MID-MORNING by the time they both came down the stairs. Pen, who had been expecting a cold, dark kitchen, was surprised to see all the lights on. An alarm went off on one of the ovens and Lucy bustled in. Pen could hear voices out in the shop.

"Ah, there you are," Lucy said, pulling a tray of croissants out of the oven. "Wondered when you'd get around to getting up." She looked at Ash. "You two get everything sorted out then? All loved up?"

Ash smirked and Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Thought we'd better open for you," Lucy said to Pen. "George is running the till, and, well, things are a bit busy out there."

"They are?" asked Pen, because the bakery really shouldn't be busy at half past ten on a Thursday morning.

Lucy nodded through the doorway, and Pen and Ash walked through, only to be greeted by what looked like half the town. When they saw Pen there was a flurry of conversation and a smattering of applause. Pen found herself being hugged and doted upon and only escaped when Ash pulled her away to the counter.

"What's all this?" Pen asked George.

"They were worried about you," he said. "And I told them that if they wanted to help, the best thing they could do was support your business, so that's what they're doing. Oh, and I've got a half dozen catering orders as well."

"Hold on," said Ash.

"It's all under control," George said. "Lucy's staying on to help fill the catering orders. And I'm here behind the counter. Well, at least I am as long as my new boss doesn't turn out to be quite as grumpy as the old one."

"Hey, watch it," Ash said. "I haven't promoted you to full manager yet."

"Mmm, but you will," beamed George.

"I don't understand," said Pen. "Why were they all so worried about me?"

Ash shook her head. "Because they love you, Pen." George turned away to make coffee and Ash pulled Pen in close enough that she could whisper in her ear. "But not as much as I do."

Pen laughed and the sound lifted her heart and for the first time in a very long time she felt absolutely complete.