9. Declan

Whoever came up with the saying hot as balls was dead on. Balls do indeed get toasty on a sweaty, humid, hotter-than-one-hundred-degree day.

I toss a glance to Holden as we make our way from the hotel to the ballpark, walking under the sweltering summer sky in balls-hot Houston. "Let's make a deal," I say.

"Is this another of your dinner-is-on-you-if-I'm-better-than-you bets? Because the answer is yes. I accept."

I flip him the bird. "The deal is this," I say, tugging at my T-shirt. "If the retractable roof is down, we bail. Are you in or out on the plan?"

"I'm in. I will bolt if the AC isn't on." My teammate offers a fist for knocking, and I knock back, sealing our getaway plan.

As we turn onto the block with the ballpark, Holden rubs a hand across the back of his neck, clears his throat. "So, are you ready for the media crush? You know they're going to be all over you and G, right?"

Holden's a good guy, and since I joined the team in a late May trade, he's looked out for me. He's younger than I am by a few years, but we've got a bit of a brothers-who-watch-out-for-each-other vibe. It's kind of sweet, especially since I don't have siblings.

"Yep. I'm good with it," I say. That's all true. When Grant and I came out as a couple on social media, our respective teams' publicists—Nikki for him, Owen for me—took us out for lunch together, asking if they could do anything to help. It's been great to have our employers in our corner. "So is Owen. He's supposed to meet me any second."

Holden laughs. "Speak of the devil."

The team's social media and PR manager rounds the corner, his phone pressed to his ear while he chats with his usual smooth confidence. He stops when he sees us, then says loudly, "Look who I just found wandering the streets of Houston. It's my shortstop and second baseman. Ciao, Angie," he says, then stabs the end button. "My cat sitter. She says Goldilocks is doing great and enjoying her duck and tuna pate. I ask you, what else is there in life?"

"A retractable roof at the ballpark?" Holden suggests.

Owen winks. "I've got you, guys. I made it clear to the league that all the players will look better on social without the scowls this Texas heat will put on the face of literally any living being." The Clark Kent lookalike pushes his black glasses up his nose and flashes a big smile at us. "Now, how are you two doing on home run derby day? Do you need anything? Anything at all, either today or on game day tomorrow?"

"If you're making AC happen, then you're officially my hero," I tell him as we head to the players' entrance.

"Just give me a cape, then."

Holden brings us back on topic. "So, Owen, is my bud Declan going to face the inquisition today?" I get where Holden is coming from. He grappled with the press earlier this year when he joined the team, having been burned by the media in the past. But he worked with Reese and changed his surly tune. "You'll be there the whole time, right?"

"Of course," Owen says. "Just like I've been from the start. And today, we've got Erin Madison from KRGO," he continues as we push through the door to the stadium. "She wants to do a quick video package about the two of you, since you're the heart of the lineup and the best double play combo in the majors, and don't even try to deny it." I love how clearly he loves his job and believes in his players. What more could you ask for from a PR guy?

"As if either one of us would deny that," I say.

"And, Declan, she'd also like to get a short bite for social on you and Grant as a couple. She's great, though, so I expect you'll get a direct how is it going and is it serious type of question. Are you good with that?"

"As long as she also asks Holden how things are going with the coach's daughter," I say, giving my teammate the side-eye.

"Bring it on." Holden says. "Reese is fucking awesome. And it's serious with us too."

As Holden and Owen walk a few feet ahead, I noodle on how to answer Erin's expected relationship-status questions.

Are Grant and I serious?

That's a question I would have answered only one way until the dance club.

Fuck, yes.

But now, there's the issue of our differences, and it's nagging at me. What if we have different visions for the life we want?

The contrast between our public lives and our private one is starker than I thought.

I understand why Grant does the hard work of living by example—he makes it possible for men like us to be media darlings rather than a circus sideshow. But I want a quieter life. He wants a bigger one.

Do we want the same things for our future?

I know precisely what I want for us. I've known it since I moved in with him. It becomes clearer every day.

I want to marry him.

I want to spend the rest of my life with Grant Blackwood.

But I also want to be able to make him happy for the rest of our lives, and I'm not entirely convinced I can anymore.

When we reach the locker room, Erin waits outside, her mic and camera set up, her brown hair falling neatly along her shoulders. She says hello to the three of us and checks that we're ready to shoot, then turns on a mic and positions herself in front of her tripod-mounted camera. "I'm here with Declan Steele and Holden Kingsley, who both joined the Dragons earlier this year. After the team's World Series wins were tainted by the signal-stealing scandal, the Dragons continue to rebuild, and these two players are key. Do you feel you've helped turn things around?"

She offers the mic to Holden first.

"It's been a good run so far this year, and we need to keep playing well and playing honestly the rest of the season."

"And your thoughts, Declan, as the newest Dragon?"

"What he said," I say with a wiseass smile.

Erin laughs.

"But seriously," I add, "we have a great manager, terrific new talent, and every man on the team is looking ahead rather than behind."

She fires off a few more questions about our upcoming series against the New York Minotaurs once the All-Star game is over, then she asks Holden about Reese. He answers as he'd said he would—without the f-bomb but with love in his eyes and sincerity in his tone.

It's my turn next. "Declan, how is everything going with Grant Blackwood? Is it serious with the two of you?"

Yeah.

I want to marry him.

But I'm not going to say that to the camera before even I tell the man I love.

With those thoughts swirling in my mind, I give Erin an answer that's true enough. "We're living together, so I'd say it's serious."

And I seriously hope I'm not off-base thinking Grant wants the same thing.