26. Slade

26

SLADE

I pull into Jake’s driveway at ten-thirty. The porch light is the only one that’s still on, but that doesn’t stop me from storming into his bedroom.

“Slade?” Stew says with a sleepy voice.

“I need to talk with Jake.”

“It’s late, man. How about you chat tomorrow?” Stew suggests.

I hear a kissing sound, and a dark shape emerges from their bed. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Jake walks to the entrance of the room with his hand on his belly. “C’mon. We can talk outside.”

“Why? Since we’re telling secrets, we might as well tell them to everyone,” I say. I know I’m being an ass, but I’m done with his bullshit.

Jake takes my arm and pulls me out of his bedroom. His fingers are trembling. “Not right now.”

Guilt coils in my gut. I shouldn’t be waking my pregnant brother up in the middle of the night and threatening to tell his mate about something he chose to keep a secret. This isn’t who I am. I’m supposed to protect him, not make him tremble with fear.

“I’m sorry. You can go back to sleep.”

He shakes his head. “Let’s go out to my car.” He grabs his keys on the way out the door. Watching him waddle back and forth because his stomach is so big is a good reminder that I have no right to be angry with him. He was just trying to help me out. I need to calm down and explain to him how important it is that he not tell anyone what happened. That will fix it.

At least I hope it will. I have no idea if Quin believed what I said before I left.

Jake walks across his driveway in his pajamas and gets into the driver’s seat of his little sedan. I get in next to him, although I barely fit in his car. It was not made for someone of my size.

He turns on the engine and the overhead light flips on along with the air conditioner. He looks incredibly tired with a sheen of sweat on his forehead. “We don’t have to go anywhere, but it’s too hot to keep the car off.”

Maybe it’s the sweat or maybe it’s just that he’s older, but I see our omega mom in his face. It makes me realize just how fragile all of this is. Jake could start using again at any time, but here I am, waking him up in the middle of the night and saying shitty things about him to Quin. Sure, Jake lied to me plenty of times when he was younger, but that was a long time ago.

I haven’t called Jake an addict since he got clean. It’s not a word I normally use. It’s sort of like the word convict. It defines people by something they did in their past.

“Stew was right. We should talk about this tomorrow,” I say.

“No. We should talk about it now.”

Now that I’m here, I don’t know what to say. I’m angry at him, but I also don’t want to stress him out.

“You shouldn’t have told Quin.”

He sighs. “I had to.”

“No, you didn’t. We can’t take any more risks like that, okay? You could lose everything.”

He looks at me with a weariness that reminds me of our omega mom again. “What if I think it’s worth the risk?”

“What are you talking about. You have a perfect life now, Jake. You’re bonded to Stew, who is the nicest alpha I’ve ever met, and the two of you have this beautiful home. You just finished your degree. You’re pregnant. What could possibly be worth risking all of that.”

He takes a deep breath and lets out slowly. “Have you ever stopped to think about why I have a perfect life?”

“Because you got clean. You made something of yourself.”

He turns to me with tears pooling in his eyes. “I made something of myself because I had to. Otherwise, my brother would have gone to jail for nothing. I wanted to be sure that when you got out of Sciff, you would see that I was worth it—that you hadn’t given up your freedom for a junkie who would never amount to anything.” Tears slide down his cheeks. I try to put my hand on his knee, but he jerks his leg away.

“Jake, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put that kind of pressure on you.”

He leans his head back and sobs. “No. Don’t you dare apologize.”

“I expected too much of you. I just wanted you to be happy?—”

He wipes his tears away and turns to me. “I know. That was good for me, Slade. I never would have gone after someone like Stew if I wasn’t trying to prove myself to you, and I love him so much. I never would have gone to college if I wasn’t desperate to make you proud. I never would have looked into how much a down payment on a house actually was. I would’ve just assumed I couldn’t afford it. Living up to your expectations saved me. But I still regret letting you go to jail for something I did. I regret it each and every day. You didn’t deserve to do time for me. That was my responsibility.”

I can’t believe he’s saying this. “They would have tried you for capital murder.”

“You don’t know that. We’ll never know what would have happened if I had told the truth. Maybe I would have done time, or maybe they would have let me off because it was self-defense. All I know is that you did nothing wrong, and you still lost six years of your freedom. That isn’t fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” I say. “I chose to do the time for you, Jake. It was my decision.”

“I know. The whole thing was your decision. You never asked me what I wanted to do.”

I think back to that night. Jake is right. I never asked what he wanted. I took control of what was likely the most traumatic experience of his life, and I forced him to cope with it my way.

“I’m sorry. I was just trying to protect you. But I shouldn’t have… I messed it all up.”

He places his hand on my knee. “No. You did protect me. You have always protected me, and I’m so grateful. But you can’t keep making all the decisions for us, Slade. What I want should matter too. And I wanted to tell Quin the truth. For you. I wanted to give you a chance at happiness with him.”

I finally realize something that should have occurred to me a long time ago. Jake is no longer the scared boy I lied to protect six years ago. I knew that in a lot of ways. He now has a house, a mate, and a degree. Of course he isn’t a little boy anymore. But I didn’t realize that him growing up means he doesn’t need my protection anymore. He’s strong, and he has his own life now. He should be able to make his own decisions about what that life looks like.

“I’m afraid that the truth will get out, and you’ll end up at Sciff,” I say.

He nods. “I know. But I don’t think Quin will tell anyone. He is possibly the sweetest man I have ever met. He gave me a loaf of homemade bread as I was leaving his house. And it was amazing. I’ve already eaten half of it.”

I can’t help but laugh. “He is very sweet.”

“I really like him,” Jake says.

Jake’s approval of Quin is something I never worried about, but it’s still nice to have.

“Have you noticed that when it comes to dating, we basically have the same type?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Quin is exactly like Stew. Other than their size difference, of course. But he’s sweet, like Stew. Wholesome. Kind. He has a good family. I think they’ll have the best time together. They’ll probably bake cookies or something. I can’t wait.” Jake smiles at me. There was a time when he used to tease me. He hasn’t in a while, but maybe that’s because he felt like he had to be a perfect version of himself for me.

“I would think you were worth protecting, even if you never went to college and you were still using. You don’t have to prove anything to me, okay? I love you, and I always will.”

Tears well in his eyes. “Sorry. I cry at the drop of a hat now.”

I reach out and give him the best hug I can, with the center console and his big belly in the way.

This is all I’ve ever allowed myself to want. I thought if Jake was okay, that would make my life worthwhile. But now I can see the pressure that put on him. I can’t rely on him to make my life meaningful.

That’s something I need to make happen for myself.