17. Sequin

17

SEQUIN

O ne thing is for certain: I am terrible at no-strings-attached sex. That sex tied up all the strings in my heart into a pretty little bow, and now all I want to do is lie here and cuddle with Slade all day. What happened to keeping things simple for Chime’s sake? I don’t want things to be simple. I want to flirt and exchange sweet nothings with a convicted murderer.

What is it about this man that makes me do stupid things every time we’re together?

His knot is still wonderfully large inside me. I wiggle a little because it creates this delicious friction that feels too good to resist.

“If you keep doing that, it will never go down,” Slade whispers in my ear.

Does he want it to? Maybe sex was all he needed to get over me. After all, we don’t know what’s going on with our connection. What if he loses interest, and I’m still hung up on him?

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask.

He presses his forehead to mine. “No. I could do this all day.”

We are never leaving this bed. I won’t have the willpower.

My phone dings. It sounds like it’s on the floor by the bed. Before I decide whether to ignore it, Slade reaches his enormous arm over the side of the bed and retrieves it. The screen has a message from Silver.

Chime says you allow her to drink caffeinated soda? That sounds suspect to me. She claims that she drinks Dr. Pepper ‘all of the time.’

Slade doesn’t even glance at the screen. He just hands me the phone. Why does he have to be perfect when he isn’t murdering people? It’s confusing.

I’m torn between ignoring the text, and therefore reducing Slade’s chance of seeing Chime’s name, or responding immediately because of course Chime doesn’t drink Dr. Pepper all of the time. That’s completely ridiculous.

I get an irrational urge to just tell Slade about Chime. He would be gentle with his own daughter, wouldn’t he? After all, he was protecting his younger brother when he killed that guy, and he seems incredibly kind, even after six years in Sciff.

Seems being the key word. I can’t risk it. Even if I really want to. It wouldn’t be fair to Chime.

He begins to shrink inside me. I’m not ready for this to be over. I bury my head in his chest, savoring the warmth of his hard body.

“We don’t have to leave yet if you don’t want to,” Slade offers. He presses a kiss to the top of my head, which doesn’t make this any easier. Because we do have to leave.

“My moms are waiting,” I remind him.

“Okay.” Slowly, he pulls out of me. I feel the loss of him straight to my core. The idea of never being with him again is overwhelming, I try not to think about it. That’s what I’ve been doing for six years, and for the most part, I’ve been able to survive without falling apart.

He brushes his lips against my forehead. “If you ever want me again… for any reason.” He leaves the rest unsaid. Technically, he isn’t going against our agreement to keep things no strings attached, but I know his words will haunt me. Every time I yearn for him, I’ll know that all I have to do is pick up my phone, and I can have him in my bed.

Except I don’t have his number. That’s good.

He walks off to the bathroom buck naked. I stare at his muscled ass as he goes, and my cock gives a half-hearted effort to perk up. His back is beautiful too. The broad muscles along his shoulders are massive. They say grizzly shifters are strong enough to bend the metal bars of a jail cell with their bare hands. That’s why they need to be incarcerated in a special prison.

I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t just punch the guy who was threatening his brother. One jab from Slade, and he would’ve been knocked out cold. Why would a man like him need a weapon unless he intended to kill someone?

I use the tissues on the nightstand to clean myself up. It’s not ideal, but if I don’t get my clothes on, we won’t be leaving this room anytime soon. I reach for my underwear, only to remember that Slade completely destroyed them. My pants are similarly ruined.

Damn it. What am I supposed to do now?

I settle for putting on my shirt and waiting for Slade on the edge of the bed. He emerges from the bathroom still naked. Which shouldn’t be surprising because he didn’t bring his clothes in there with him. But from the front he is even more glorious than he was from the back. The weird thing is, I’m not just sexually attracted to him. My inner omega yearns to curl up in his lap and stay there all day.

He stares at me with yearning in his eyes too. Maybe he also wants to cuddle. Instead, he picks up his underwear and pulls it on.

“Um. You sort of ripped my clothes,” I say.

He glances down at the ruined pants. “Right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. My aunt always keeps a change of clothes in her car. Maybe you could go out to the Jeep and get them out of the trunk. The pants probably won’t fit great, but they’ll be better than nothing.” I hold out Aunt Emerald’s keys.

He takes them from me. “Oh. It isn’t your car?”

“Um, no. My car is actually a big van that says, ‘Bandit Bakery.’ Because that’s my business. And she’s taking that van to the farmer’s market today.”

I didn’t have to tell him about Bandit Bakery, but I kind of want him to know that I run my own business. Even if that business got its start from the bakery my mom discontinued after my brothers and I graduated from high school.

Slade’s lips quirk up on one side. “Bandit Bakery, huh?”

“You know how raccoons look like they’re wearing a little bandit mask?” I say. The logo has a raccoon face, so I don’t normally have to explain.

“Yeah, I got it. Good for you, Quin.” He steps into his jeans and yanks them up. “I’ll be right back.”

He walks out the door without putting on a shirt. Which is fine. He’s allowed to be shirtless wherever he wants. I shouldn’t feel jealous that other omegas will get to look at him. I’m not a jealous person. Or I thought I wasn’t a jealous person. Maybe this thing with our unfinished bond is fucking with my head.

Whether I like it or not, this problem has become large enough that I can’t keep it to myself anymore.

I text my omega mom to let her know I’m running late. I also tell her to wait on the porch.

She responds immediately.

It’s hot as the Christian hell outside. I’m not waiting for you on my porch.

Damn it. She’s right.

Okay. Could you hide every photo of Chime, then? I’m bringing Slade.

Three dots appear on the screen. They keep going for a long time, until finally she sends a suspiciously short text.

Okay.

I get a message from my alpha mom.

Are you safe?

They’re just looking out for me. I know that. But it’s a reminder of what they really think of Slade, and who could blame them?

I send a message to both my moms, reassuring them that I’m with Slade of my own free will and he’s been a perfect gentleman. Besides ripping my jeans in half, of course, but I don’t mention that.

Slade walks in the door with the green gym bag Aunt Emerald keeps in her trunk. He shuts the door and brings it over to me, depositing on my lap.

“Your aunt is a creative dresser.”

Oh no. She’s mentioned several times that she only puts clothes in here that she won’t miss. That doesn’t bode well. I unzip the bag to find a T-shirt that says, “It’s Wine O’clock Somewhere,” several lacy thongs, and a bright pink pair of shorts that has the words, “Easy Lay” on the ass.

“These are from a dog training event,” I explain. “Get it? Easy lay? Like getting a dog to lay?”

Slade bites back a smile. “Sure.”

“We don’t slut shame in our family,” I say. “It’s against everything we believe in. These are just some extra shorts in case of an emergency.” I know I’m rambling. I also know that I need to put on these shorts, and then walk out of a seedy motel while wearing them. That part I’m having a hard time following through on.

Slade tosses me his shirt. “Here. You can wear this. It should hide the back of the shorts.”

“Oh, um,” I pause, not sure how to tell him that he can’t show up to my moms’ house without a shirt. Then again, maybe the glory of his shirtless body might help explain how I got into this mess in the first place.

“You need to wear it,” I insist, handing the shirt back to him. “I’ll be fine.”

He looks at me for a long beat, then pulls it over his head. Now he’s fully dressed, which means it’s my turn.

I stand up and get it over with. Unfortunately, the shorts are much too large. I have to roll up the elastic waist until it’s snug on my hips. By that point, they’re basically booty shorts.

Slade is still trying not to smile and failing. Damn him.

“We should get going.” I strategically hold my ruined jeans behind me, hopefully blocking the bright yellow letters on my ass.

“For what it’s worth, you make those shorts look good,” he says.

“Uh huh.” I march ahead of him, pretending that I am immune to his praise. I’m not, of course. My inner omega is very pleased.

To my intense relief, no one notices us leaving the motel. Not even the attendant at the front desk, because I completely forget to return the key. Slade is the one who realizes my mistake just as I’m about to turn on the engine. And yes, I do stare at his ass when he jogs back to the room. I also stare at it when he runs to the front office.

By the time he gets back to the car, I experience an all-too-familiar discomfort between my legs. And not because I’m sore. I want him to fuck me again, despite the fact that he knotted me less than ten minutes ago. So much for easing the sexual tension.

“You ready to go?” I ask.

He nods. “We’re going to your moms’ house, right?”

“Yes. Then I can take you wherever you want to go. Unless you don’t have anywhere to go?”

The thought had occurred to me more than once when I signed up to be his transportation out of Sciff.

“My brother has a room for me at his place. At least until I get back on my feet.”

That must be the brother he killed someone to protect. I start the engine and slowly back out of the parking space. We still have an hour until we get to my moms’ house. At least that doesn’t feel as insurmountable now. I still want to jump into bed with Slade, but I feel more comfortable with him.

A little too comfortable, probably.

“How is your brother doing?” I ask.

Slade’s face lights up. “He just finished his degree in computer science. He’s a smart guy. And he bonded to this great alpha named Stew. He’s a family man. Really close to his parents and siblings. Jake chose a good one.”

I’ve never seen Slade smile like this before. He’s unabashedly happy, like Link’s golden retriever energy when he’s on the football field.

“Jake’s pregnant too,” Slade says. “With a girl. He sends me these emails that say how big she is. Right now she’s the size of an avocado.”

He’s rambling. Since when does Slade ramble?

“They haven’t picked out a name yet, but they were thinking Hannah or Julie, after Stew’s moms. I can’t wait to see him pregnant. I asked him not come to Sciff after he told me about the pregnancy. He said it was fine, but I want him and the baby to be safe, you know?”

Guilt twists in my gut. This is the man I decided was too dangerous to meet his own child. I remind myself that Slade killed someone. But that someone was trying to hurt his family.

“Do you ever want kids?” I say, even though I should not be asking that.

He turns away from me. “I’m sure that’s not in the cards for me.”

My heart sinks. “Because you don’t want them?”

“No. Because… I’m a grizzly shifter.”

I glance his way, not sure what he means. “And grizzly shifters don’t usually have children?”

“Well, it’s like I said. We only fall in love once.” He still doesn’t look at me. “So, unless… you and I. But it’s okay. I don’t expect anything from you, Quin.”

Does Slade really love me or is our unresolved bond confusing him? If I had waited to ask him if he wanted to bond to me, like I should have, then I would know.

“If we ever bonded… I mean, I’m not saying that’s still possible. I don’t know. But if we did, would you want to have a child?” I internally cringe. Could I be any more obvious?

Slade turns his enormous body in my direction. “Yes.”

I’m surprised by how direct his answer is. I expected him to say something like, “Only if you wanted to” or “if the circumstances were right.”

“But any child we had would only be able to shift into a raccoon. That’s how it works,” I explain.

“I know.” His lips quirk up. “You’re beautiful as a raccoon.”

My cheeks grow hot. It’s hard to not be affected by all his compliments. Especially because Chime has the exact same fur pattern that I do.

I think he would love her.

Goddamn it. This is complicated.

“So you’ve been running your own business,” Slade says. “That’s great. What else have you been up to since high school?”

Being a single dad. But I can’t say that.

“I, um, help my aunt with her animal rescue. And I hang out with my brothers as much as I can. Which is fun, mostly. Link became a quarterback for the NFL last year. As you can imagine, he’s insufferable these days.”

Slade chuckles. “Even more insufferable than he was in high school?”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but yes. He does shower more though, which we all appreciate.”

We talk about our brothers the rest of the way there, which is nice. He asks about each of mine individually, and listens while I tell him about Coin’s new band, Tin’s favorite horse, and Silver’s cozy house in San Antonio. I have to stop myself from blurting out details that include Chime several times.

It feels wrong to omit her. Maybe the way I’ve handled this whole thing is wrong.

I hope my moms can help me sort out this mess.