12. Sequin

12

SEQUIN

S ix years later…

Chime scurries across my torso and curls her little furry body on top of my face. Through the corner of my eye, I look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It’s still five in the morning.

“Go back to sleep. It’s too early,” I moan, desperately wishing that I could turn on some cartoons and leave her to eat cereal in front of the TV, like my moms did on Saturday mornings when I was little.

Chime launches from my face to my chest, looking up at me with her adorable big black raccoon eyes. She’s so cute with her narrow snout and fuzzy pointed ears. The problem is that she knows it, and she wields that cuteness mercilessly, especially when her uncles are over. She once convinced Link to buy us all tickets to Disneyland, including airfare and a five-day stay at the hotel right inside the park. That’s why he’s not allowed to babysit her anymore. He has too much money and a complete inability to say no.

“Tell you what, my little wind chime. If you give Daddy thirty more minutes to sleep, I’ll take you to grandmas’ house early, and we’ll have breakfast there.”

Chime stands up on her hind legs and claps her paws together. Her grandmas will feed her cinnamon rolls and let her drink juice that isn’t watered down. Which is fine, because they’re watching her today, and they can deal with her inevitable sugar high.

She lies down on top of my chest and curls her tail around her body. All the doctors say we shouldn’t still be cosleeping like this. She’s five years old, and she has a room of her own in the little manufactured home I bought for us and set up right next to Aunt Emerald’s. But I love the warmth of her raccoon form resting on my chest every morning. She’s growing up so fast, and I want to savor every moment.

Just before I go back to sleep, I remember what today is. Normally, on Saturdays I drop Chime off at my moms’ house before I go to the farmer’s market to sell the cookies and bread I baked the day before. But today Aunt Emerald is handling the farmer’s market because I have a more pressing matter.

Slade gets out of prison today, and I’m going to pick him up.

My moms don’t know. My brothers don’t either. The only person I told was Aunt Emerald. She’s also the only person who knows that I still yearn for him, even after all these years. The ache is so painful sometimes, I’ve been tempted to write him again, even though I never received a response to my first letter. It doesn’t make sense. Our connection should have faded years ago, and maybe it has for him. That could be why he never wrote me back. But maybe it hasn’t. After all, he accepted my request to pick him up.

Either way, I have to know.

I lie there and try to get back to sleep, but it’s impossible now that Slade is on my mind. That’s how it always is when I allow myself to think about him. He’s all-consuming, even when he’s not here. I still remember in vivid detail what his lips felt like pressed against mine and how thoroughly he filled me. I even bought a dildo that looked like him, and every time I pleasure myself, I think of him.

Maybe if I see him one last time, I can finally let him go.

I finally give up on more sleep and sit up, holding Chime to my chest as I get out of bed. She wakes from the movement and crawls up my shoulders to wind herself along the back of my neck. I wince a little when her tiny claws dig into my shirt. It would be a lot easier if I could still sleep in my raccoon form, but as shifters get older, they can’t stay in their animal form for long without succumbing to their animal side completely. I can only be a raccoon for an hour or two a day now.

I walk into Chime’s bedroom and flip on the light. She jumps off my shoulders to the cat tower on the side of her bed. It’s a flat human bed, like mine. She doesn’t have any siblings to share a hammock with. That makes me feel guilty sometimes. I wish I could give her the same kind of big, bustling family I grew up with.

“I have to take a quick shower, okay? Put some clothes on and brush your teeth. We’ll leave for Grandmas’ when I’m done.”

I head back into my bedroom to the private bathroom that’s my favorite thing about this house. It’s not very big or anything. Just a small shower and pedestal sink with a toilet that has a cheap plastic lid, but it’s all mine. I always had to share growing up.

I shower as quickly as possible. Slade is scheduled to be released at ten in the morning, and it’s a two-hour drive to the prison from Moms’ house. I briefly wonder if I should have gotten some nice clothes for the occasion. I don’t have anything but plain T-shirts and ratty jeans. I probably should have at least gotten a haircut. My hair is past my ears now and uneven. I wipe the steamed-up mirror and take a look at myself. I’m certainly more of a man than I was the last time we met. Will he like that? Or will he take one look at me and wonder why he was interested in the first place?

I remind myself that it doesn’t matter. We aren’t mates. I only want to see him to figure out what’s going on with our messed-up bond.

Chime is waiting in the living room. As always, she’s wearing a brightly colored dress paired with leggings and her shoes with sequin hearts on the toe. She smiles up at me. “See? I’m wearing my daddy shoes.”

She always wears at least one article of clothing with sequins on it, and she makes sure to tell me what it is, as if I can’t see with my own two eyes. I absolutely love it.

“Are you all ready to go? Did you brush your teeth?”

She thinks about that for a moment. “Yes.”

I raise my eyebrows. “Really? Breathe on me.”

She sighs dramatically. “Never mind. I’ll go brush them.”

I glance at the clock above the oven. It’s almost seven o’clock. “Hurry, okay?”

She scampers out of the living room to her bathroom. While I wait, I pick up the stuffed animals that have migrated to the couch and put them back into the toy bins in her room. I find a lot of peace in keeping things tidy. Next, I move on to the kitchen to put a few dishes in the dishwasher—another luxury that makes me feel rich. Chime’s artwork is taped to every cupboard and hung on the fridge with magnets. One of the papers near the fridge handle has a smudge of jelly on it. Oops.

She runs back into the living room. “I’m done!”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

I almost get into the delivery van before remembering Aunt Emerald will need it to do the farmer’s market. Instead, I beeline for the red Jeep she lets me drive when I’m not on deliveries.

“We’re taking the Jeep today!” I call out.

“Why?” Chime asks, following me to where Aunt Emerald has parked it next to her trailer.

“Because Aunt Emerald is taking the van.”

“Why?”

“Because Aunt Emerald is helping me at the farmer’s market today.” That’s technically true. Not the whole truth, but close enough.

“Why?”

“Because I need help.”

“Why?”

I take a deep breath and remind myself that Chime’s curiosity is a good thing.

“Because I have an errand to run.”

We listen to her favorite playlist on the way there, which is largely comprised of Kids Bop covers of songs Coin played for her at some point and Taylor Swift. The whole time I think about Slade. What will he be like after six years in prison? Will he even want to talk to me? What if he just sits silently in the passenger’s seat until I drop him off, and I don’t get any resolution to this horrible ache inside me?

I waited a long time for him to write me back before I gave up on him. Months and months of checking the P.O Box,, only to come up empty handed. I’m worried he’s going to hurt me all over again.

When we get to my moms’ house, Coin is seated on the front porch with his guitar. Judging by the black eyeliner smudged under his eyes and his wrinkled clothes, he had a late night, but still managed to make it here early to hang out with his niece. Chime extricates herself from her seatbelt in record time and sprints toward him without bothering to close the car door.

“Uncle Coin! You have your guitar!” She squeals.

“That’s right. Do you want another lesson, little wind chime?” he asks.

“Yes!”

I climb out of the car and shut both doors. “How about breakfast first? She hasn’t eaten yet.”

Coin gives a single nod in my direction. “Okay. Food first, music later.” He stands up, and I can’t help but be worried by how thin he’s gotten. His black T-shirt and baggy pants are too big for him now.

We all file into Moms’ house. The scent of cinnamon rolls and coffee rushes at us the moment we step inside. The family room twinkles from the lights of the chandelier and reflects against the hundreds of metal picture frames, making my raccoon shifter heart fill with happiness. There’s nothing like returning home. We head to the dining room and find Silver setting the table. His long, silver hair is now shorter than mine. He had to cut it when he joined the Air Force four years ago. He waves at Chime as we walk in.

“Hey, you. Do you have room in that little belly of yours for some cinnamon rolls?” he asks her.

“Yes. Because I let Daddy sleep for longer.”

Silver smiles at me. “That sounds like a fair bargain.”

He stands up and gives me a long hug. God, it’s good to have him home. Over the last few years, he’s been stationed in Germany, Korea, and Hawaii. Even when he’s in Texas, he lives near the base in San Antonio, which is three hours from here.

Our omega mom walks into the kitchen with a pan of steaming cinnamon rolls. She grins at Chime with a joy I never saw in her until my daughter was born. “Well, look who it is! Are you ready for a day with your grandmas? And your uncles, because they never let us have you to ourselves.”

By now Coin has made it into the dining room, too. He and Silver smile at one another.

“Are Uncle Link and Uncle Tin coming?” Chime asks.

“Tin will be stopping by this afternoon, but Link can’t make it this week. He should be done with practice next week, though. Hopefully we’ll see him then.”

Link is now the quarterback of Dallas’s shifter NFL team, the Rattlesnakes. He’s the first raccoon shifter to go pro in football. Hence, the exorbitant amount of money he has to burn on Chime’s whims.

Mom sets the pan down on a hot pad at the center of the table. “How about I wrap up a cinnamon roll for you to take with you?” She gives me a hug too, which is nice with all the anxiety I’m dealing with this morning.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

Chime climbs onto one of the chairs without giving me a second glance.

“I’m going to go, okay?” I say.

“Okay. See you later, Daddy.” She turns around and holds out her arms for a hug. I crouch down to embrace her properly. She smells like the vanilla lotion I put on her skin every night and some indefinable scent that’s distinctly her. I inhale deeply and remind myself that meeting Slade today is for her sake, too.

He’s her alpha dad. I know he was convicted for murder, so he must be dangerous, but a part of me hopes there was a good reason he killed someone. That’s why I wrote him. I hoped he’d explain himself to me. I didn’t tell him about Chime in the letter. Maybe if I had, he would have responded. But I’ll get to ask him in person today.

I have to be sure he’s safe before I let him be a part of her life.

I reluctantly pull away from her. “Be good for your Grandmas, okay? And don’t ask your uncles to buy you anything.”

“I won’t,” she says, as if the idea is so far-fetched, she’s offended.

Mom returns to the dining room holding a cinnamon roll halfway wrapped in a paper towel. “Oh, hush. Let your brother buy things for his niece. When he has children, you can take revenge by spoiling his kits. It’s a time-honored tradition among raccoon shifters, you know.” She hands the cinnamon roll to me and I take it without complaint.

Truthfully, I’m grateful for my brothers’ generosity. When I was first getting my bakery started, I needed every toy and outfit my family bought for Chime. She’s never had to go without because of her uncles.

Silver slips something into my back pocket, then whispers, “For summer camp. Link’s paying the other half.”

I know I’ll find cash in my pocket. Last week, they discussed sending Chime to a horseback riding camp over the summer, even though they know I can’t afford it.

“Silver, she doesn’t need?—”

“I know she doesn’t need it. But Tin said it’s the best camp in the state, and I think she’ll have a great time.”

Chime perks up. “What camp?”

I roll my eyes. Now that she knows, there will be no going back. “Horseback riding camp.”

She claps her hands and smiles from ear to ear. “Really?”

I playfully punch Silver’s arm. “Yes, really. God, Silver. You gotta let me raise my own kid, okay?”

He holds up his hands. “Okay. I’m sorry. But don’t you remember going to camp during the summer when we were kids? We had the best time.”

“Yeah, at a cheap camp,” I remind him. “But thank you. Just this one time, though. If she goes to camp again, it will be on my dime.”

He shrugs noncommittally at that. I glance at the clock. Damn it. It’s past eight, and I still have a two-hour drive ahead of me.

“I should go. Thanks for keeping an eye on Chime for me, Mom.”

She waves me away. “She’s a joy. We’ll see you tonight, Quin. Drive safely.”

I give her one last hug and wave to Chime, before rushing out the door.