Chapter 31

31

T he seconds for which Phoebe was forced to wait before returning to Nicholas’s bedchamber stretched by like an eternity. First , the physician arrived, his visit lasting longer than she knew an examination could take. Then , the dowager insisted on a private word, and no one, Phoebe included, had felt the inclination to gainsay her. Instead , Phoebe paced the drawing room in anticipation—an activity she was becoming regrettably familiar with of late.

When , at last, word came from Flynt that Lord Rockliffe was alone and wished to speak with her, she sprinted nearly the entire way upstairs, ladylike footsteps and reserve be hanged. However , in the final few paces leading to his bedchamber door, she slowed, all the long seconds suddenly seeming to speed up and race by.

Although perhaps the racing was actually the rapid thrum of her heart. The frenzied pulse in her head as she tried to sort everything she needed to say to him. As she thought of what she hoped for. And of what she feared.

She took a breath as she stepped into the doorway. Placed a hand on the skirt she’d been wearing far too long.

Nicholas was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting, a light flashing through his eyes as they fell upon her.

And in that moment, every inhibition melted away. She ran, crashing onto the bed beside him, casting her arms about his neck. It felt so good to bury her face against his shoulder, to breathe him in, to have his quiet exhale brush through her hair.

And then, when his arms reached out to encircle her waist, drawing her close—she couldn’t describe that feeling as good. It was heaven .

“ Phoebe .” He murmured her name in the shell of her ear. The best sound, the best sensation. However , it lasted only a moment before he pulled back, and although he kept his voice low, urgency crept into his tone. “ You need to tell me everything that happened over the past four days. Am I correct in thinking that my man of business sent you news?”

She nodded hurriedly, trying to shake the feeling of his touch long enough to focus. After her days of sitting in this room in agonizing silence, waiting for things that may or may not come to pass, so much was happening all at once, overwhelming yet wonderful. “ Mr . Clare returned from Suffolk and came to me here at Rockliffe House earlier today.”

He sucked in an audible breath, his fingers sinking into her shoulder. “ And ?”

“ He found her.” She repeated the words she’d sobbed to him while he lay unconscious. Words that had since had a little more time to percolate, although the feeling they evoked in her chest remained airy enough to seem surreal. “ She remained in Suffolk this whole time. First with a family and then, at a school in Bury St Edmunds , where it seems Eugenia was paying her tuition. She’s in good health, he said, and …” She stuttered, a familiar lump rising in her throat. “ Her name is Mary Anne .”

“ Phoebe .” Again , he murmured the sound that did strange things to her insides. He pulled her into another embrace, and when he drew away this time, he gifted her with something she’d so seldom seen upon his features, that transformed his whole countenance: a smile. “ You can go to her, then.”

“ Yes .” She smiled in return, even as tears threatened from the powerful surge of emotion shooting through her veins. The joyful anticipation of reuniting with her daughter grew all the time. She couldn’t stop envisioning the first moment she laid eyes on her, the moment she held the girl in her arms. But even so, it didn’t negate the ache that came when she thought of leaving Beaumont Manor permanently and never seeing Nicholas or Emily again.

“ Whatever assistance you need—whenever you need it—is yours.” He pushed a tangled strand of hair behind her ear, then hesitated, a small vee forming between his brows as he studied her. “ Only … don’t travel to Suffolk as Miss Phoebe Windham . Go as the Marchioness of Rockliffe instead.”

Phoebe’s mouth dropped open, all the air in her lungs escaping in a single short gasp. “ But …” She clenched her fingers against the counterpane, refusing to let her heart soar beyond the depths of reality. Beyond the awful facts she couldn’t ignore. “ I’ve brought nothing but trouble upon you. Your association with me could have cost you your li?—”

“ Listen to me.” His strong hand cupped her jaw, and he leaned in, forcing their gazes to lock. “ My life before you was rife with trouble. You are the one who made it bright again. You are the one who made me realize what it is to fall in love. A duel is a small price to pay, and I would do it a thousand times over if, in the end, I had you at my side.”

Love . He … he loved her? If only he could see how the admission filled her heart, how every word he spoke was what she dreamed of, too. Having Nicholas not as someone she longed for from afar but as the man—the husband—beside her. The person for whom she would go to the ends of the earth. Whom she would love for all eternity.

“ But … I cannot be a proper marchioness.” Again , doubts churned in her stomach like a pestilence. Everything she wished for was in front of her, dangling on a string. However , the words that had become ingrained in her over the past years held her captive, clamping tight to her chest and swirling through her head until she couldn’t hold them in. “ I’m scandalous and shameful and?—”

“ No .” The set of his jaw turned hard, his blue eyes ready to pierce her. “ I never want to hear those words spoken about you again, even if they come from your own mouth. Anyone who ever made you think that is both wrong and insignificant, as is anyone who chances to voice that opinion in the future. To me, you’re perfect, and I don’t want you any way other than exactly as you are. For that’s the essence of it: I want you, Phoebe . As a wife. As a mother to my daughter. Just as I hope you want Emily and me to be family to you. And to Mary Anne .”

With that came her undoing. A moment when something inside her broke loose and the concealed tears began slipping through her lashes. “ I want that, too,” she whispered, making the thumb he used to wipe moisture from her cheek suddenly halt.

The admission was frightening, like she still reached for something she wasn’t supposed to have. Yet perhaps it was time to let go of the trepidation and believe in second chances. To believe in herself. To believe in love.

Hope rose within her, a blossoming swell, and this time, she didn’t try to tamp it down. It grew, the buoyant sensation spreading through her limbs until she felt like she could float to the ceiling. Until her chest unknotted, and all that remained was the truth, ready to burst free. “ I want you . I’ve thought of you ever since I took that silly dare to swim in the Beaumont lake, never imagining an association between us would be possible. Now that it has been possible … I love you, Nicholas . For your strength and loyalty. For making me feel desired, accepted, supported. For staying with me in my darkest moment and finding a way to make the world right again.”

More droplets ran down her face, and his hands stayed there, holding her close, brushing the tears away. He looked as though he scarcely dared to breathe.

“ I want to do that for you as well,” she said. “ To make you always feel like the world is good and full and forgiving. Like you’re supported and loved. Because while you can be remarkably aggravating at times”—she couldn’t resist throwing in the playful jab, giving him a light tap on the nape of his neck—“ I , too, think you’re perfect just as you are, and I have no greater wish than to become your wife. Emily’s mother. For —the four of us to be a family.”

How wonderful it felt to say that. To let herself well and truly imagine without inhibition. To believe that all her dreams really could come true.

And then, he sealed it with a kiss, his mouth falling against hers with a pressure that made her dizzy.

Was it possible to expire from too much happiness? Warmth and lightness inundated her senses, a stream of bliss she never wanted to end. She reveled in the embrace, savoring each caress of his fingers, each motion of his lips.

It was no easy feat to eventually pull away. Yet as much as she lamented the loss of his mouth on hers, she was greeted with the sight of peerless blue eyes boring into her as if she were the stars and moon. With another smile that was hers alone to claim.

This was her future: passion, and joy, and love more potent than she’d known could exist.

The kiss was only the beginning of their happiness.