Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“There’s a visitor for you, my Lady,” Juliette’s maid, Hannah, said, and Juliette looked up from her embroidery in surprise.

She was not expecting any visitors, and had hoped to spend the afternoon sitting in the sunshine and finishing an embroidery pattern.

“Oh, who is it? Henrietta?” Juliette asked, but the maid shook her head.

“No, my Lady - a man. He didn’t give his name. He wanted to surprise you, or so he said,” Hannah replied.

Juliette was curious, and she could only imagine what her mother would say if the visitor was who she thought it might be. Her heart skipped a beat. Surely not after all this time? She set down her embroidery and rose to her feet.

“What did he look like?” she asked, and the maid blushed.

“He’s tall, my lady - very handsome. His face is tanned, as though he’s been in the sun,” she said, and Juliette gasped.

“Where is he, Hannah?” she exclaimed, and the maid told her the gentleman had been shown into the drawing room, where he was now waiting.

Juliette was upstairs in her bedroom, and now she hurried down to the hallway, her heart beating fast at the prospect of who was waiting for her. But as she was about to burst into the drawing room, she paused, fearing what she might find - who she might find. If it was Nicholas, what would she say?

He had been away for so long - nearly two years - and all this time she had waited for him without a word. A lot had happened in two years, and her feelings towards him were confused. Juliette felt angry with herself for how easily her thoughts of anger against Nicholas were replaced by the excitement of his return, and the possibility of what he was about to say or do…

“I should be… reserved,” she thought to herself, as now she took a deep breath and opened the drawing-room door.

Nicholas was there - burnished bronze, his skin as far from the fashionable paleness of the ton as could be imagined. He looked at her and smiled - that same smile she had fallen in love with in her youth. It was as though no time had passed, and in that moment, Juliette felt every surge of emotion she had known in the past two years - longing, anger, desire, love.

“Juliette, how wonderful to see you. I’m sorry if I surprised you. I’ve only just got back,” he said, smiling at her.

For a few moments, Juliette was lost for words. To see him in front of her - in the flesh - was extraordinary. She had dreamed of this moment, imagining what it would be like to see him again, even as now she hardly knew what to say.

“You… you’ve been gone for such a long time,” she said, and he nodded.

“I know - but the things I’ve got to tell you, Juliette. Oh, it’s been… incredible. The sights I’ve seen, the people I’ve met. It’s been extraordinary,” he replied, as Juliette now bid him sit opposite her by the hearth.

“But… I haven’t heard from you,” she said, not knowing how to tell him of her upset towards him - of the pain she had felt at his being absent for so long without a word.

“Ah, yes… well, I was going to write to you. But then I never knew where I’d be from one moment to another and it seemed a futile endeavor,” Nicholas replied.

Juliette did not know what to say. She had waited for this moment - longed for this moment - and yet now it had arrived; it felt something of an anti-climax. But what had she expected? An immediate proposal? The thought was ludicrous.

Nicholas was not about to fall on one knee and propose. His life and hers had taken entirely different courses over the past two years, and to admit she had spent so long waiting for him was embarrassing. He had thought of her - or so he claimed - but those thoughts had not led to action, and in this, a gulf had opened between them.

“Yes… I suppose so,” Juliette replied.

“But tell me - what of your news? Are you betrothed? I haven’t had a chance to speak to Henrietta a great deal since my return - I wasn’t expecting to be back so soon, and she’s gone off to stay with our cousin in Bath for a few weeks,” Nicholas said.

Again, Juliette felt a surge of disappointment in his words. It was clear he had not believed she would wait for him. There had been no agreement between them - not even unofficially. It had all been in Juliette’s mind, and now she felt something of a fool for having believed there could be more.

“No… I’m not,” she said, but if this news pleased Nicholas, he did not show it.

“I’m sure your mother’s trying her best to match you,” he said, and Juliette blushed.

She did not like to admit it was the truth, but that was precisely what her mother was trying to do, and in the past few months, that attempt had only grown stronger. Men were being presented to her on an almost revolving basis - the rejection of one led to the suggestion of another, and it would not be an exaggeration to suggest the barrel was now well and truly scraped.

Her mother had gone from dukes and earls, to marquesses and barons, and as Juliette had continued to reject them, so her mother had continued to find them. Lords and knights had turned into self-made men, and clergymen, and it would surely not be long before Juliette’s mother would begin searching the artisanal classes for a suitable match - a baker would not have been out of the question, or so she had despairingly said some weeks previously.

And all because Juliette had been waiting for the man now standing in front of her - a man who showed no sign at all of making a marriage proposal.

“Yes… she is,” Juliette admitted, and Nicholas smiled.

“But surely, you can have no trouble in making a match. I imagined I’d return to find you married with a child – and perhaps another on the way,” he said, and Juliette blushed.

The very thought of it was ridiculous - from her perspective, at least.

“No… well, perhaps, but no. I haven’t… well. I haven’t,” she replied, not wishing to discuss the matter further, and certainly not wishing to admit the truth.

If anything, Juliette’s predominant feeling was now embarrassment. She had lived a fantasy, and now her fantasy had come crashing down around her. Nicholas had returned, and it was not with a proposal of marriage, or even a realization of his affections towards her, but with what could only be described as friendly indifference. He saw her as a friend and nothing else. What a fool she had been, and had it not been so serious, it might have been comical.

“You’re young. There’s plenty of time, isn’t there? It’ll happen - if it’s meant to and when it’s meant to,” he replied, smiling at her as though in complete oblivion to the heartbreak he was causing.

And yet, in a strange way, Juliette had already prepared herself for this moment. She had felt it was coming, even as she had tried to deny it, too.

“Yes, if it’s meant to,” she replied, and he continued to smile at her.

Just then, the drawing-room door opened, and Juliette’s mother and Emily entered the room. They had been shopping together, but at the sight of Nicholas Juliette’s mother stared in astonishment.

“Nicholas, we weren’t expecting you. I thought you’d remain in Europe forever. Juliette was wondering when you’d return,” she said.

Juliette knew what her mother was thinking - what she would say if Juliette made any suggestion of what she had been hoping for. But with such a possibility gone, there was really no need to continue the conversation, and once polite exchanges had been concluded, Juliette hoped Nicholas would take his leave.

They had been friends and had her feelings for him remained in terms of friendship. Perhaps they could have continued as that, rather as this. But this was no longer possible, and Juliette knew she would find it difficult to see him again. Perhaps he would return to the continent, and perhaps the time had now come for Juliette to stop being so churlish when it came to accepting her mother’s matches…

“I didn’t know myself until last week. But necessity forced my hand. We need to make arrangements for the marriage, and…” he began, and Juliette gave a start, her eyes growing wide with astonishment at the words she thought she had just heard.

“Did you say marriage?” she asked, trying to make her tone sound as disinterested as possible.

“That’s right - Lavinia. We met in Paris. She’s a delight. I’m sure you’ll get on marvelously together. She’s not had an easy life. She’s the daughter of an earl, but when he died, the title passed to her uncle - a thoroughly unpleasant man.

She was betrothed to a man named Thomas Adlington - an American from Kentucky - but he perished in a shipwreck and she was left with nothing. She and her mother had been living in Hampshire in a house provided by her uncle, but it was hardly satisfactory. Anyway, she can tell you all this herself. I should be getting back to her,” Nicholas said.

Did he realize his words had just crushed the last pieces of Juliette’s broken heart beneath his foot? She felt like one of her mother’s delicate glass ornaments, shattered into a thousand pieces. It had been one thing to realize his obvious indifference towards the idea of marriage, but quite another to come to understand why that indifference existed. Juliette faltered, hardly knowing what to say in response.

“Oh…” she began, but her mother - obviously delighted by this news - clapped her hands together in delight.

“Congratulations, Nicholas. I did wonder if your grand tour would bring you the happy fortune of marriage. How delighted we are to hear it. Aren’t we, girls?” she said, turning to Juliette and Emily and raising her eyebrows.

“Yes… delighted,” Juliette said, and Nicholas smiled.

“It all happened rather quickly… but I won’t go into the details of it. What matters is we’re happy, and she’s happy. It’s not been easy for her, but I must say, I admire her greatly for what she’s overcome,” he said.

Juliette nodded, wanting him to leave as quickly as possible. Her heart was beating fast, and tears were welling up in her eyes, even as she tried to fight them back.

“Oh, Juliette. I feel like I’m coming undone, would you mind?” Emily said, glancing towards the door.

Juliette knew what her cousin was doing, and she nodded, thanking Nicholas for calling on her as she followed her cousin out of the drawing room.

“Goodbye - I’m so pleased to see you again, all of you,” Nicholas called out, and now they left Juliette’s mother to say goodbye.

As the drawing-room door closed behind them, Juliette let out her pent-up emotions, stomping her foot angrily as tears rolled down her cheeks. Emily put her arms around her and held her.

“It’s all right, Juliette. There, there - you poor thing. I’m so sorry,” she said as Juliette wept.

It all seemed so unfair - it was unfair, even as Juliette knew she had had no right to expect anything from Nicholas. But despite having realized he was not about to return with a proposal, the news of his betrothal had come as a terrible blow. Juliette knew nothing of Lavinia, but now she could feel only animosity towards her - the rival who had won the prize she had so longed for.

“Oh, Emily, I was such a fool, wasn’t I?” Juliette exclaimed, but her cousin shook her head.

“No, not at all, Juliette. How were you supposed to know? You waited for him, but it wasn’t to be, was it? I know it feels terrible now, but… well, time heals, and you’ll find someone else, I promise,” she said, but Juliette did not want anyone else, even as she now realized her dreams were impossible.

“What am I going to do?” she exclaimed, as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.