36

T he balcony was a horrible choice.

The moment I heard Wesley’s voice, my stomach churned. I wasn’t supposed to be hearing the conversation they were having. “You two are running around that house after a monster.”

Before they had arrived, I wouldn’t have ever thought to use that word to describe myself.

Whatever I was wasn’t natural, but it also was not my fault. Could one be a monster if they did not do monstrous things? The thought started to eat at me. I gripped the stone bannister as they continued to argue, barely hearing Koen approach from behind.

“They’re arguing about me.” I don’t turn to look at him.

He leaned against the railing toward the house, looking into the darkness that engulfed the room he came from. His head tilted down to look at them, in each other’s faces, and he shrugged. “They argue about everything.”

When Koen’s eyes met mine, they were on fire.

A green blaze lit behind the stare that licked at my neck and made me squirm beneath my layers of clothing. He inched closer, his fingers brushing a loose piece of auburn hair behind my ear, lingering as our skin met.

His lips parted like he might say something, only to remain silent as he closed the gap between our bodies. “You shouldn’t be out here listening to them. It’s the bickering of two scared men,” he said, his accent muddled and his eyes hazy.

“I needed air and then…” I looked down over the front garden, Wesley and Clay still at each other’s throats. “Perhaps he’s right, Koen.” I shook my head. “Perhaps I am just a monster, and you were brought here by some cruel twist of fate to end my life.”

The vines around the cement bannister of the balcony constricted with my thoughts. The Manor quietly letting me know how little interest it took in my life ending.

Never.

“Do you believe that?” He asked me. I turned to look at him.

No more secrets.

“I’m starting to,” I whispered.

I flinched briefly as his hands wrapped around my face, fingers curling delicately around my jaw just below my ears, and pulled me across the gap. He was getting much more bold with his contact. He was the most outright with his physical affections of the three of them, always a pat on Wesley's back or a tousling of Clay's hair. They had all made noticeable efforts to not touch me in the first few days, which I had reciprocated out of a mixture of apprehension and caution. But, quickly, Koen’s playful and comfortable manner led to brief moments of tender contact, a hand being held, an arm around mine… My traitorous body hummed with the memory of his lips on my bare shoulder.

“What can I do to prove you otherwise?” He asked softly, so quietly that I should not have been able to hear it over the commotion below us and yet, with his hands so warm and delicate about my face, the rest of the world seemed to fall away.

Against my will, my body leaned into his touch and I closed my eyes, unsure of what I was doing but knowing full well all the same what I yearned for. Of all the little moments before, this was the most intimate. It was electric and warm, and my body craved affection after so long alone.

I couldn’t stop Koen even though my mind told me it was wrong. With two hands on his chest, I tried to coerce my body into pushing him away, but my fingers were no longer listening to me as they gripped the fabric of his shirt. His lips brushed against the hollow of my throat, and I was merely at his mercy.

“What are you doing?” A shaky breath tumbled from my lips.

Koen’s hand cupped the back of my head, fingers tangling into the haphazard twist my hair was in, and pulled it free. It cascaded down around my shoulders and his face, acting like a curtain that sheltered us from the world. He inhaled the smell of my skin and traced a slow line across my throat until he reached the base of my ear.

“Reminding you just how human you are,” he whispered.

The words washed over me, settling on my skin like a warm rain. My body trembled under his breath.

His fingers ghosted my arm and caused the fine hairs to raise, as if every part of my being was desperate for contact. His hands settled at my waist, palms placed on my hips, and he walked me back until I was pressed firmly against the outer wall of the Manor, facing him.

“You can touch me,” he said, pulling his head back. His blond hair was messy against his forehead, and his bright green eyes danced with the colors of the sunset behind him.

“Koen,” I stumbled over my words, unsure how to explain to him that it had been a long time since anyone had touched me and, when they had, it had never been in such a heartachingly gentle way. He brought one hand up to brush away the hair grazing my throat, and with each small gesture, the temperature in my body rose.

“It’s been a while,” he exhaled, and his breath tickled my lips, so close now I could count the stars in his eyes and the freckles that speckled his heart-shaped face. His hand danced across the loose collar of my blouse, never straying too far but leaving a line of warmth in their wake as his eyes flickered down to my breasts and back to my lips. “For both of us.”

“Well, that I don’t–” My disbelief was quieted as his head ducked and his teeth grazed my collarbone, nipping at the skin and pushing the sleeve of my blouse over my shoulder to continue his exploration of my flesh. I melted into his touch, unable to resist, clenching my thighs together to hold back the soft throbbing response that built between my legs.

“If you aren’t quiet, they’ll hear you,” Koen chuckled with a wiggle of his eyebrow. “And then we’ll both be in trouble.”

We are already in trouble, I thought as my back arched against the cold stone, and the only thing holding me from floating off the balcony was the force of Koen’s closeness. Wesley and Clay fought below, but now they were fighting about Koen.

“See,” he whispered and undid a number of small buttons on my blouse, opening it so far that the front of my corset was exposed. “They argue about everything. Now, pay attention to this. To us.” His lips brushed over the swell of my breast, and the contrast of the night breeze and his warm mouth on my skin sent my heart thundering into my ears.

“What of the consequences?” I found my courage and brushed my fingers through the thick strands of his honey-coloured hair.

“Only rewards,” he huffed, and his teeth pulled at the fabric of my blouse, exposing more of my breasts and sending a sharp ache echoing through my core. Koen’s fingers curled down and gripped the underside of my thigh so it wrapped around him, sliding his taut excited body into the space he created. “You taste like fresh air and peppermint.” He laughed and pulled me closer.

The charged feeling that surged through me wrapped around my muscles and tugged at my arousal playfully, urging me forward into his touch. I let go of the anxious thoughts that plagued me and gave in completely to Koen’s hunger.

Even when Matthew and I had been consensual, it had never been like this.

It had been rough and quick, only providing Matthew with what he needed.

Koen was careful and purposeful.

His mouth pulled at an invisible string of my reactions. With each noise, giggle, and gasp, he would test a spot repeatedly to feel the reaction garnered. His hands were tangled in fabric, daring to inch closer to what felt like forbidden areas that had been left untouched for so long. My breath caught in my throat as his knuckles brushed over my thighs. Even through my skirts, he was pure heat against my skin.

A new feeling blossomed in the pit of my stomach as his mouth covered mine, his bottom lip taking my top one against it with such a languid gentleness. His finger cupped my chin, raising it to deepen the kiss as his tongue slipped into my mouth.

Koen’s body trembled alongside the throaty moan that he pulled from me.

“Do you understand now?” He asked, pulling away briefly, his eyes tracing over my features. His fingers ghosted my hot skin and tucked my hair behind my ears before kissing my lips. I opened my mouth to argue, but he stopped me.

“Wes doesn’t,” he said, “but he hasn’t felt you. Your skin, your smile, your warmth.” A thumb brushed over my bottom lip.

“A monster can feel just as real to the touch.” I furrowed my brow.

“But a monster doesn’t feel .” Koen’s mouth curled into a bright smile, sending the butterflies in my chest into a flurry. “And I know you felt that.” His eyes danced across my face, landing on mine.

I stopped momentarily, taking myself away from the idea that maybe I was a monster, and truly let myself feel everything. The heat of my skin and how it tingled as the breeze licked at my neck, my heart pounded when his eyes met mine, and every spark of fire danced through my bloodstream at the thought of his lips.

My hand touched them, fingers resting against his bottom lip.

The feeling of heartache, longing, and existence beneath my fingertips.

“I’ve never been kissed like that.” I inhaled.

“I can keep doing it if you want?” Koen smiled as he kissed the tips of my fingers in demonstration. “I really don’t mind. ”

“It was a silly thing you did,” I said, with my fingers preventing him from keeping good on his words. “Kissing me.” I sighed. “It was easier to protect you all at arm’s length. This changes everything.”

“Let it.”

Arrogant .

All of the window panes on the back side of the Manor rattled in anger.

“Koen.” I swallowed down the frustration and the fear.

“I knew you were human the moment I saw you. I could feel your heart, like it was calling to mine.” Conviction poured out of him. “I’m not afraid of you or what they’ll say.”

“It’s not me you should be afraid of.”

The Manor.

Each brick, floorboard, and tile vibrated in silent displeasure.

Koen was wrong. Monsters could feel.