Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty-Six

Rosie

The air seemed somuch lighter when we pulled back into Crenham, still in the dick sprayed car. We were all loving life as we unloaded the cases and went upstairs to the apartment. Peter was smiling at Lola, as though some kind of cloud had been lifted, and it was great to see.

“We’ll do it again,” Julian said as he brought the coffees out from the kitchen. “Maybe we could head to the coast next time? A paddle in the sea. Ice creams. Perfection.”

“That would be epic.” Lola grinned. “We’d have to get buckets and spades.”

Julian laughed. “Yes. Although I have to say I’m not much of a sand sculptor. I’ll dig the moat as you three build the turrets, how about that?”

The idea made me smile. I’d love to be building a crazy castle on the beach. It had been years since I’d been near the sea.

Lola and Peter stayed for their coffees then got a cab back to Dine’s Green. Julian didn’t think delivering them back to their front door in a pervert sprayed car would help convince Peter’s neighbours to stop being assholes about him, but at least now we were all laughing about it, and Peter wasn’t hanging his head in dismay. I just hoped it would continue. As they hugged us goodbye, I got the feeling that would be true. Peter’s shame seemed to have eased away. And with it, so had my boyfriend’s.

Boyfriend.

Seemed an odd word for the man nearly old enough to be my grandad. Manfriend maybe?

Nah, if anything, he looked ten years younger than when I first set eyes on the man upstairs. Boyfriend would do nicely.

“Thanks again,” Peter said at the door. “You’ve no idea how much you’ve helped me and Lola.”

He hugged Lola tight before they walked out the door.

My boyfriend hugged me tight once we’d waved them off, letting out a long, contented sigh.

“Thank you for saving me, sweetheart. You’ve given me a new sense of life I never expected to be feeling.”

“In what way?” I asked, even though I knew full well. Julian was a new man, no longer gaunt and haunted, confidence sky high.

“Hmm, one word… emboldened,” he said.

“I think it’s called love,” I said, running my fingers down his shirt. “True love gives you that. I feel the same.”

“Emboldened by love,” he said. “I like the sound of that.”

“And I like the feeling,” I said, “you give me that, Julian. Confidence to… I dunno, be myself.”

He stroked a hand down my arm. “Confidence to have the courage of your convictions. That’s what it is. What we give each other. It’s wonderful to see it in you. I’m very proud of you.”

“Thanks,” I said, his words bringing a tear to my eye. “I’m proud of you, too. Talking about having courage. You’re just… amazing.”

“Look at us, getting all soppy.” He dropped a kiss on my nose. “Maybe we should unpack.”

“How romantic,” I said. “Let’s not.”

I took his hand and dragged him to the sofa, resting my feet up on the coffee table, and Julian joined me, no more words needed, just the easiness of silence. Of love.

Julian was right. He’d given me the courage of my convictions. I had no sense of fear at the prospect of college tomorrow. I felt invincible in my own skin, and I had Julian to thank for that. He could say I gave thanks far too often, but as far as he was concerned, I could never say it enough.

“Good job we managed to get the ink off your face,” Julian said, smirking. “That would have received quite a few looks from the other residents at breakfast this morning.”

It had been quite a scrub job in the shower. I’d used every tiny scrap of hotel body wash, trying to get my face and neck clear. Luckily, we’d managed it, but we hadn’t had enough left over for the rest of my body, or Julian’s chest.

It felt way cool to know he had the remnants of MINE across his chest, under his shirt, blotched in ink. And it made me feel kinda special, still having all his filthy scribble on me, hidden beneath jeans and jumper.

I was his and he was mine, and thank fuck for that. I squeezed his knee as I admired him.

“I’d happily walk around with slut written on my face for you,” I said.

He laughed. “Lovely, thank you. Hopefully not in this apartment block, though. I doubt it would endear me to your mother or her friends.”

I got a horrible pang in my stomach at the thought of Mum downstairs, wishing, WISHING she could just get a glimpse of how much Julian loved me. How he treated me. How he looked at me like I was his world. Because then, surely, it couldn’t be so bad?

Maybe one day.

“Should we hit the shower and get scrubbed clean before bed?” he asked.

The thought of a refreshing shower was nice, but no. I wanted to see the MINE ink marks again, knowing they’d already been there all day.

“Let’s not wash it off just yet. I want to see it there, lingering like an old tattoo as you fuck me senseless.”

“You’re incorrigible, Rosie,” he said, and he needed no further encouragement.

It was heaven, lying on his pristine white sheets, the MINE on his chest as fucked me.

Made love to me.

I slept like a dream, my college alarm buzzing and rattling on the bedside table as I reached for my glasses. I turned to Julian but he wasn’t there, which wasn’t unusual, but he wasn’t in the kitchen making a coffee, or getting ready for breakfast. He was wrapped in a bathrobe, sitting at the table on his laptop, his fingers typing in a frenzy.

“Hey,” I said, still naked as I wrapped my arms around his neck from behind.

I expected to see another dirty scene unfolding, but he minimised the app before I could see.

“Is that going to be a surprise?” I asked him, and he tapped his nose, turning to face me.

“Wait and see.”

“Is it a particularly dirty one?”

He grinned as he tapped his nose again. “As I said. Wait and see.”

“Well, I’ll be looking forward to it. I’ll be skipping all the way home.”

I was practically skipping as I left, actually. The lightness in the air still continuing, even on a Monday morning. I was immune to all the sneers, and the whispers, just as I had been. But there was a quietness in my mind that had changed. I felt calm. Calm and happy.

The courage of your convictions.

I liked that a lot.

Lola looked so happy, too, when I saw her at lunchtime.

“That trip did Peter loads of good,” she told me. “He hasn’t stopped smiling. He’s been looking up restaurants in town, says he wants to invite you and Julian out with us, a treat from him.”

“That would be amazing.”

“Yeah, it would. So will sandcastles and ice cream.”

“I’m thinking Tenby. I went there as a kid.”

She high-fived me. “Mind reader. I was thinking the same. So did I. I went there, too.”

Somehow, I doubted Julian had ever been to Tenby. It could be a new experience for him. I’d make sure I showed him the awesome amusement arcade. He could grab me a little teddy with the claw.

The afternoon’s lessons went by easily, despite the fact we were approaching exam dates at lightning speed now. Revision was on the cards, sure, but I had someone to help me if I needed it. Julian was a college professor, after all.

I wished I’d be seeing Lola when the afternoon was done, but she was at a digital exhibition in the art block, so I left on time. The sun was bright, and my mood was light, and I was buzzing, keen to get home to find out what dirty treats Julian’s fingers had been working on this morning, but no. My route home wasn’t going to be clear.

It wasn’t the block seven idiots outside the garage today, it was Jayden, sitting on the bench. I wondered with the faintest hope if he was waiting to apologise and make things up with me after Mum had shouted at him, but his eyes were even more hateful than before, and I should have walked on by without a thought, screw what he would shout after me, but fuck it. I sat by him. I was done with bad feeling, from all sides.

He wasn’t expecting that. He looked awkward, staring ahead across the street and not at me.

“I know you were waiting for me,” I told him. “Don’t pretend you weren’t.”

“How could you know that? I could have been waiting for anyone. You’re not normally out of there for ages now anyway.”

“Stop trying to fool me, Jay. I know you were.”

I found I was smiling, remembering all the times we’d spent together. I could read him like a book.

“Whatever, Rosie. I do have other mates you know.”

“I know that, but you were waiting for me. I could tell.”

“How?”

“You always have a particular scowl when you’re angry at me. Your eyebrows pit, like this.” He turned to me as I pulled a face, and despite his terrible mood he couldn’t help himself. He shook his head, but he was smiling.

“I was going to tell you to fuck off.”

“Again? Wow. Aren’t I lucky.”

“Guess you’re getting immune since the whole of the estate wants you to fuck off right now.”

“Ouch.” I faked a heart wound.

“Yeah, well, true, isn’t it?”

I leant back against the bench, not letting his words get to me.

“They can want me to fuck off if they want to. Maybe I will one day.”

His eyes were piercing. His smirk was a bastard. “Maybe you’ll fuck off in that cute little car of yours. I bet it was fun going away in it.”

Ah, of course. I smirked back at him, still immune.

“It was you, wasn’t it? You’re skilled. You should be an artist.”

“Skilled enough that people know a fucked-up pervert was driving it.”

“Yeah, well. Get another can of spray paint if you want to. Do the other side.”

I got up to leave, but he grabbed my arm, but this time there wasn’t any violence in it.

“Wait a minute, will you?”

I sat back down.

“Fuck,” he said, and put his hands over his face. “Things are so fucked up.”

“With your dad? There’s a surprise.”

“Don’t be a bitch. I’m being serious. Dad’s not coming back now, for real.”

“I didn’t think he was anyway.”

Jayden dropped his head at that, and I realised he’d had dreams. Of course he had.

“He’s met someone,” he said. “Some stupid bitch from up in Wrexham.”

“Wrexham?”

“Yeah. He went to hang out with some loser mates of his, and met her.”

I wasn’t surprised. I wouldn’t want to even guess how many partners Scottie had had in his life. Largely behind people’s backs. But that wasn’t Jayden’s fault. I felt sorry for him. He’d had as many mothers as I’d had fathers.

“He says she’s different,” Jay said. “But he’s talking bullshit, as per. She’s got four kids, and went to prison for dealing last year. He already says they’re his world and call him Dad.”

“Sounds worse than here.”

“Yeah. And he’s staying there.” He sucked in a breath. “Could have at least picked somewhere posh to go. Might have had a rich stepmother.”

“Maybe.” I paused, then asked. “Does my mum know?”

“Yeah. But she doesn’t give a toss.”

“Really? Who said that?”

“She did, and everyone knows it. She’s seeing Tom Mackley now. The guy from Blackpole.”

“What the – Tom Mackley? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Tom Mackley. Old guy. Daughter called Char who moved to Ronkswood.”

I looked at him, trying to digest it.

“Mum is seeing Tom Mackley?”

“Yes. She’s singing his praises every chance she gets.”

“At the Brewery?”

“Of course at the Brewery. That’s where she is every night, when she’s not at his place.”

My mum had a new boyfriend… and I didn’t know about it. A wave of relief washed over me, to know that Mum was with someone that wasn’t Scottie. But it was still weird. Horrible. I’d had no idea.

I knew Tom Mackley, kind of. Mum was friends with his daughter, Charlee, or used to be. They worked in the same care home when I was still in primary school. I couldn’t help but smile, because Tom was older than Julian. He had to be at least fifty-five. Probably older. He’d been married from eighteen, but his wife passed away a few years ago, which was awful. I remembered Mum going to her funeral. I also remembered how Mum had said life would have been mega different if she’d had people around her like Tom and Debbie growing up, and not her own mum and dad who’d thrown her out like she was nothing.

How ironic. Mum going for a big age gap herself…

Maybe, one day, she’d begin to see the strengths in mine.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Jay, and put my hand on his shoulder. “I know things must be hell for you.”

“So you’re sorry for me now?”

“I’ve always been sorry for you.”

“Wasn’t quite what I was imagining when I sprayed your car with a dick.”

“I’m sure I can forgive you.”

“I hope the prick you’re with doesn’t.”

“I think you’d be surprised. He’s not quite like you think he is.”

“Whatever.”

It was the same kind of crap as always, but I didn’t flare up, or walk away. I just sat there with him. It took him a few minutes to break the silence.

“I don’t know why you haven’t fucked off yet.”

“Because I care about you.”

“Despite the fact I hate your boyfriend and sprayed your car?”

“And threatened to kill me?” I added. “Yep.”

He laughed a sad laugh. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Sorry I told you about your mum, if you didn’t know.”

“That’s ok. I’m glad you did. Tom’s nice.”

“Yeah, he seems it. Better than my dad.”

I pushed my glasses up my nose to get them straight, and looked at him fresh.

“Wow, that’s quite something.”

“It’s true, though. We all know it. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

“You still don’t, I’m sure.”

“Nah, but there’s only so long you can lie to yourself before you know it’s bollocks, isn’t there?”

“I’m sorry, Jay.”

I saw him choke tears back, kicking at a stone on the ground. “Your mum isn’t a piece of shit, though, so I hope you make up with her. She deserves it.”

So did I. It hit me then, how Mum was moving on. I just wished I could be a part of it.

“You should go now,” Jay said. “I’m sure you’ve got sick prick waiting for you.”

“Sick prick? That’s got a ring to it.”

“Maybe I’ll spray that on his car next.”

“Would have matched the dick on the bonnet pretty well.”

He smirked. “Yeah.” He rubbed his eyes and took a breath. “Seriously, Rosie, I’m alright now. Just go. I’m heading over to Mum’s soon. She’s cooking dinner.”

“Is she doing her onion mashed potato special?”

“Sure is.”

“Best get to it, then.”

I knew his mum would be waiting with open arms.

I hugged him before I went, wishing I was heading over to my mum’s for dinner.

Again, maybe one day.

I almost cried when I walked past the front door, holding back the tears as I took the banister rail for the next floor, but I couldn’t do it. I had to try. I took a breath and walked back there. Pausing outside, daring to hope. Please. I was holding my breath as I waited, pulse thumping as I knocked. Please. I hoped there wouldn’t be screaming, or crying, just a chance to talk. Just one little chance.

Please.

I knocked again, listened out for her, pressing my ear to the door.

Please.

I didn’t know what I’d say, just something. Anything.

Please.

But she didn’t answer.

I knocked louder. “Mum? It’s me.”

I knew she wasn’t at work. It wasn’t her shift time yet.

“Mum! It’s me!”

Still no answer.

I put my ear back to the door and there was silence. No sound of the TV, or her talking, or anything. Just quiet. So maybe she wasn’t in. I called up a message on my phone, and saw she was online. I dared to type.

I saw Jayden. He said about Tom. I’m really happy for you. I’d love to meet him one day.

I hoped for the typing icon, but nothing. She went offline.

Fuck it.

I paused at the top of the stairs before I went back home to Julian. I didn’t want him to see me crying all over again, but it didn’t make any difference. He still saw the tear marks when I stepped inside.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

His arms were so warm.

“Mum’s got someone. A guy called Tom. He’s nice.”

“That’s good. I’m very glad for her.”

“Me too. I just wish she’d told me herself.”

“Who told you?”

“Jayden.”

“Ah.” He stroked my cheek. “Maybe she will tell you herself one day soon. Who knows? Fate can be very kind.”

I grinned. “Yeah, sometimes. It brought me you.”

He held me tight, rocked me, soothed me. Made sure I was stable on my feet, and had let out the hurt.

“Fate’s very, very kind,” I said, when I’d gathered myself.

“And so are you. You’re an angel.”

“Thanks.”

“On that note, take a seat, please,” he said, and gestured to the laptop on the table.

“For the scene?” I managed to laugh. “Not sure I’m feeling all that horny right now.”

He laughed back. “No, no, I wouldn’t expect so, but this isn’t a dirty scene, don’t worry. It’s something rather different.”

“Different?”

He had a strange look on his face. A beautiful one. Majestic, and loving. And nervous. Weirdly nervous. Something was going on.

“Sit down and take a look, please,” he said, and I did.

He followed me, and called up a document. One I hadn’t seen before.

The Girl Downstairsthe header said.