Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"NOT," SHE REPLIED, ignoring Octavian's muffled curse as he stepped away from her and began to pace. All she saw through her tears was his gorgeous body and all its perfect musculature, which was the very reason she could not get too close to this devastatingly handsome man or she would lose her heart to him.

Was she not in dire enough straits?

He stopped pacing and paused in front of her. "Are you suggesting you did not like the kiss? I want the truth, Syd. Do not give me hogwash."

She let out the breath she had been holding, which was a mistake because she breathed him in again. The scent of his skin was intoxicating. Hot. Male. Bergamot that blended so beautifully with his warm skin. "I liked the kiss."

He raked a hand through his neatly cropped head of dark hair as his tension appeared to ease. "Then where is the problem?"

"What if I fall in love with you and it turns out you do not want me?" In fact, she could not understand why he had developed this protective attitude toward her. This man could have any woman he wanted and did not need to be burdened with her. Her heart had died a little when rumors began to circulate of his courting the Duke of Renfield's daughter, Lady Clementine.

Nothing had come of those rumors…yet.

If his feelings for Lady Clementine were true, then how could he ever grow to love her ?

It was not going to happen.

Syd knew enough about Octavian to understand he was a one-woman man.

Besides, men did not fall in love with her. She chased men away because she was too outspoken, too independent, too smart, and too much of everything a man did not want in a wife. At some point over the course of their nine months as husband and wife, she knew Octavian would grow disillusioned and rue his mistake.

Was it not better to make the inevitable break now?

But that kiss…her very first.

It was everything splendid she hoped it would be, a wonderful and exquisite kiss filled with promise, but one she knew would never be fulfilled because of who she was.

"Syd, do you really think you could fall in love with me?" He was staring at her quite intently as he wiped the tears off her cheeks with his thumbs, and now gently cupped her face in his hands so that she could not turn away from him as she answered.

She stared into those deep, silver-gray eyes of his that seemed to draw her into the mists of time. "I don't know, Octavian. I don't even know what love is because I was not raised in a happy marriage. Oh, I've seen how good it can be now that Adela and your brother, Ambrose, are married. They are so kind and loving toward each other and yet maintain the essence of themselves. The same for Marigold and Leo, and how devoted they are to each other while still allowing the other to shine. How do I achieve this? Do I dare? What happens when you decide I am a huge mistake and cannot bear to be around me any longer?"

"Syd, you are thinking too hard about it. Let's just take it one step at a time, the first step being getting us up to Gretna Green. You'll have a full week in my company–"

"And you'll have a full week in mine," she said with a nod, for he was right. This plan they were devising was not carved in stone. It could change over the course of the next few days. No matter what happened, Octavian would not abandon her penniless in the wilds of Scotland. If anything, he would be generous with her and ensure her safe return to London.

Why was she so worried?

This protective nature of his was the essence of who he was. Strong, compassionate, always going to look out for her whether he cared for her or not.

"What's your decision, Syd?" He still held her face cupped in his big hands while awaiting her answer, obviously hoping she had changed her mind. Why he should care was beyond her, but if he was willing then so was she.

Well, she was willing for now.

She would get a better sense of the situation as they traveled up to Scotland. She released a soft breath and nodded. "Yes, it is a good plan. May I send notes to Lady Withnall and Lady Dayne letting them know I am safe and will be traveling with you? I would also like to let Marigold and Gory know. I don't want them to worry about me."

"Of course," he said, releasing her to rub a hand across the nape of his neck as the impact of what he had proposed and she had accepted now fully hit him. "I'll leave word here for Ambrose and Julius. I don't want my brothers worrying about you, either. We can write our missives before we retire. But I am sleeping in here with you, Syd. I want to be clear on this. You do not leave my sight from now until the end of our journey."

"Whatever that end may be," she muttered.

He strode to the fireplace, turning his back to her as he warmed his hands by the fire. She skittered over to join him, for her insides were still chilled. More than that, she was not used to having anyone take care of her as Octavian had been doing ever since they met, and she quite liked it.

She enjoyed being near him.

Perhaps one day she would admit it to him.

He wasn't overbearing, just went about the business of protecting her. Why could her family not be like this? Instead, they all used her. She had a mother who did nothing but moan and complain about her lot, always seeking pity but never doing anything to help herself, and a father who was reckless, foolish, and kept repeating the same mistakes.

She fervently hoped she would not turn into them as she grew older. In truth, she wasn't sure how she had been born to them, for she was nothing like them. For one thing, she adored books and learning. The medical research she and Gory conducted at the Huntsford Academy was a dream come true for her. Had she been a man, there was no doubt she would have studied medicine at some distinguished college of higher learning and contributed to advancements in medicine for the greater good.

But her parents disapproved of her volunteering at the Huntsford Academy and would have stopped her from pursuing all academic endeavors if not for the fact that they were distracted with their own problems. Of course, it appalled them that an earl's daughter should be devoting all her efforts to gaining forensic knowledge, but they got around what they perceived as a scandal by telling friends and acquaintances that she was a devoted and tireless fossil hunter.

Apparently, hunting for dead bones was all right.

Studying cadavers was not.

What right did they have to judge her? Her parents never read and did not seem to ever learn anything from their life experiences. At times, she believed she was a faerie changeling because she could not understand what she had in common with her own family.

In truth, she was ashamed of them.

What good was a vaunted title and fancy homes when her father was constantly running from his creditors? Their elegant life was all a facade. None of the supposed privileges of being an earl's daughter had ever felt real to her. Nor did it strike her as fair that her father escaped most of his creditors because he was an earl and those creditors could not touch his entailment.

"Syd, you are lost in your thoughts again."

She turned to Octavian as the deep rumble of his voice invaded her musings. "Sorry, I was just thinking of my parents."

He frowned. "Are you afraid they will worry about you? We cannot tell them what we are doing or else your father and Sir Henry will try to stop us."

"I know. I would not be so foolish as to write him a note and alert him. He thinks I am spending the night with Lady Withnall at her residence. He'll know the truth by tomorrow, but it will be too late by then. As for Gory and Marigold, they know better than to tell him anything beyond that I am safe. Octavian…"

He turned to her. "What is it, Syd?"

She threw her arms around his waist and hugged him fiercely. "I don't know how to thank you."

He closed his arms around her, obviously surprised by this show of affection because she held herself back so often. "This is thanks enough."

His hold was light, allowing her to draw away whenever she was ready. In truth, it was uncanny how well this big man seemed to know her. She smiled up at him when she did finally step back. "Shall we write our letters now?"

He cast her a devastating smile in return. "Yes, we had better get them done and then try to get as much rest as possible. I want to leave at first light tomorrow."

She watched him stride to his writing desk and take out paper, ink pot, quill pen, blotter and sand. "Octavian, I think you ought to sleep in your bed. I'll take the pallet on the floor."

He removed the stopper off the ink pot and turned to her. "No, Syd. You take the bed. I'll be fine."

"But–"

"It will be like being on board my ship, only more comfortable because I'll have a fine, thick carpet beneath me and a fire to warm me." He pulled out the chair by his writing desk and motioned for her to take a seat.

"All right, but we'll take turns with the bed when we are on the road and sleeping in coaching inns." She sank onto the chair and took the quill in her hand.

She was about to dip it into the ink to start her first note when Octavian cleared his throat. She turned to him with a questioning arch of her eyebrow.

"I would like to make a rule," he said.

"Besides the first rule of always keeping me in your sight?"

He cast her a boyishly endearing smile, although he was no boy but a dangerously handsome man. "All right, rule number two is that we take it one day at a time. Stop thinking ahead and trying to account for every detail. We'll make our decisions as they come upon us."

She pursed her lips. "Shouldn't we plan a little ahead? We cannot wait for things to just spring on us."

"We'll plan out the important details," he conceded. "But these little matters are not anything we need to fret about. Are you hungry? Or thirsty? Shall I have tea and a light repast brought up here for you now?"

And have the entire Huntsford staff aware she was sleeping in his bed?

She would never live down the humiliation.

"No, Octavian. That would require waking your staff. It can hold off until the morning." She set down her quill pen. "They won't understand how it is between us. I couldn't bear to have them see me here tonight. Come morning, they'll know I shared your quarters. That is bad enough. But by that time, we will be ready to leave and I will only have to endure their disapproving looks for a short while."

Once again, he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck as he regarded her. "This cannot be helped. I'm sorry, Syd. Truly. Even if you were in a room down the opposite end of the hall, they would still believe we spent the night together. But we will soon be married and no one will think less of you when you return as my wife. Besides, they will take their cues from me. If I treat you with respect, they will do the same."

Assuming she returned as his wife.

But she was not going to bring up this issue again.

Octavian was right.

One day at a time.

As she sat down to write her letters, Octavian went behind the screen to change out of his wet trousers and don a clean pair of dry ones. He then took one of the pillows off his massive bed and a blanket stored in his wardrobe to make a pallet for himself in front of the fireplace.

His makeshift bed looked rather inviting by the time he was done.

Since her hair was still damp when she finished writing her letters and they had exchanged places, she borrowed his comb and sat beside the fire to brush out her hair. Octavian glanced over a time or two, but she merely smiled at him and made no comment.

This silence between them felt perfect.

There was no tension, just acceptance of their plan to travel to Scotland, and the comfort of being in a safe place for the evening.

Her hair was dry by the time he finished writing explanations to his brothers. She watched as he stacked all of their letters in a neat pile and then pursed his lips in thought. "Is something wrong, Octavian?"

He shook his head. "I was just wondering whether we ought to pack tonight rather than wait until the morning."

Syd was exhausted and eager for bed. "May we hold off until tomorrow? It would not be right for me to just take whatever I wanted from Adela's wardrobe. Her maid ought to be the one to assist me with that and I could not face her now. Besides, it is very late and I can hardly keep my eyes open."

He nodded, watching her as she practically dove into his bed. "I'll wake you at dawn, Syd. We'll take care of packing then. The staff will be up and about, so they can attend to most of the task while we have our breakfast. Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams, Octavian. Thank you for everything."

He stretched out on the pallet and casually folded his hands behind his head. "My pleasure, Syd."

She wrapped her arms around her pillow and fought to hold back her tears. What a useless thing these tears were. In truth, she had cried so much while growing up but they never made anything better. Why did she feel like crying when she felt truly safe and happy for the first time in as long as she could remember?

Being with Octavian gave her such a feeling of contentment.

She cherished this moment and reveled in it, for she knew their friendship would not last. They were both too strong-headed.

How long before they got on the road and were at each other's throats?

Oh, how lovely it would be if they weren't.

But she knew herself too well.

She would do something to rile him. The only question was, how long before she had him boiling mad and retracting his offer of their make-believe marriage?