12. Patrick

Chapter twelve

Patrick

A n entire week went by with little to no progress.

As much as I hated doing it, getting Allan into the kiddie pool and throwing rocks at him until he snapped seemed the only way to trigger his abilities.

Poor kid was covered in bruises, and this was not the way I wanted him to learn where the source of his magic lay hidden within him.

If he could only access the trigger, acknowledge the spot within himself where his magic lay waiting, he'd be able to go back repeatedly and pull on that resource whenever he needed.

Everyone had different triggers and described their source within their body in different ways. One witch I knew said hers resided under her skin. Another told me the magic felt like tension behind his eyes.

For me, a pinpoint at the back of my head would swell and expand until the energy ran across my scalp.

But for Allan, we struggled, and my lawn looked like a gravel pit. Discarded and forgotten stones lay all over the place. We'd have to harvest the tossed pebbles and rocks before the lawn needed mowing. Allan looked dejected and frustrated, and my arm was sore from all the throwing.

It wasn't like I flippantly tossed a stone in his direction. I targeted him and pitched the rocks with velocity. I needed him angry. He needed to feel under attack.

But the end result wasn't working as well as I needed it to, and in the long run, wasn't tenable.

I'd lost a whole week and hadn't got much further than triggering Allan's self-defense mechanisms.

I was, however, pleasantly surprised with how fast he picked up the theory behind magic. He retained information quickly and could apply what he learned. But the intensity of the study also withered away his attention, and I frequently had to engage him in menial tasks to refocus his mind.

Discipline.

Magic required discipline. And Allan, for as cute as he was, and as much as I liked him as a person, lacked discipline.

More than once, in the late hours of the night, I'd be sitting in my chair near the hearth, with a fire roaring away, Argus and Kaos in their usual spots, and I'd steal glances at Allan at the kitchen table.

Muttering to himself as he ground up herbs, or polished crystals, or attempted to memorize incantations and tarot card meanings, I began to wonder if my methods were making him resentful of the process. If Allan couldn't find the reason behind the methods, we ran the risk of him developing bitter and angry emotions and his magic would take on a taint. Essentially, his powers would turn foul. I wanted him to see the wonder and the joy in being able to wield nature's energies.

Most fledglings had a full year of intense training. Then they were tested, and if successful gained a rank to an adept.

I didn't have a year.

I had three more weeks.

And I still hadn't told Allan about the fae.

I needed help.

I planned to go back to The Magic Shop and see Reginald again. Perhaps I could make him understand the direness of my situation and he could reassign some other witches' tasks so I could have some backup.

After all, the stakes were high.

Part of our job was to ensure that magic mishaps were explained away and covered up. A mass disappearance of a human population would be impossible to sweep under the rug, and with all the cell phones in society, there was a looming guarantee that someone would video something of significance and our magical community would be thrust into the global spotlight.

No one wanted that.

We would be scrutinized if not cut apart to figure out what made us tick.

And in the end, magic would be used for all the wrong reasons.

I desperately needed help.

Glancing up from my book, which I really wasn't reading, I studied Allan and I felt like I was failing him.

Such a sweet kid. A handsome as fuck kid. And an angry young man. Life hadn't given him an easy path. He needed my help and help from other witches within our district.

I had to persuade Reginald.

"Come on. We are running out of time, and this isn't going to end well. Surely you can shift some things around to give me some extra help!" I was almost yelling at the man who held the highest seat of power in Western Canada.

Reginald's eyebrow rose high on his forehead.

"May I remind you—"

"I'm sorry, Reginald. I am. I'm just at a loss here, and I don't know what else to do. You should see him. He's so talented, but only when he's provoked or angry. There's a world of hurt behind his eyes, and yet every now and then, he does a kind gesture, treats Argus with respect, or does something nice for me, and you know there's a huge heart in there full of compassion and love."

Reginald's palms lay flat against the Council's round table. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"You don't need additional help, Patrick. You're not seeing, or you refuse to see, what's right in front of you."

"I don't understand."

"Exactly. Are you listening to yourself? Have you listened to your own heart? You both have lessons here to learn. This is as much on you as it is on him. He needs to pay for his transgressions, and you have a new path before you that should really be travelled. But I cannot make you take the first step. You must choose it."

"You're being archaic and most unhelpful."

"I'm sorry. But my mind is made up, and this is final, Patrick. The council cannot assist you in this. But let me ask you one thing before you go."

I was utterly deflated. In a time when I needed the most help, my peers were unwilling and unable to provide any support.

I shrugged my shoulders as my head hung. "Yeah, sure."

"Patrick—" Reginald reached across the table and put his warm hand over top of my own. "—have you told the boy you're attracted to him?"

"What? No. Why? How could you even—" I stammered.

"How long have we known each other?"

"Years."

"Do you think I would ever let one of my friends and colleagues suffer and feel betrayed by their own community?"

"No. I guess not."

"What is holding you back from opening yourself to this young man? One who has obviously captured your attention."

"I'm not saying I am—" I cocked an eyebrow at Reginald and gave him a dirty look. "—but regardless of my feelings or attraction to a pupil, it's completely inappropriate."

"How do you figure?"

"I'm his teacher!"

"Patrick, don't be ridiculous. You're a mentor, yes. Absolutely. But the man is of age. He can make his own choices. From what you've told me, he is as attracted to you as you are to him. You are showing him the way of the witch, but you have no sway or power over him. You will not be grading his abilities or granting him Magician status. You will not assign him his territory once he's ready. You are simply being a guide along a brand-new path in his life that is awkward, unfamiliar, and scary. Frankly, it's nice to have a friend who knows the way. So instead of just a friend, why can't it be as a lover?"

I glanced up at Reginald in shock.

"Never in all my years would I have expected you to tell me to sleep with a pupil."

Reginald laughed. "It might do you both some good to fuck and get it out of your systems."

My jaw dropped, and Reginald continued his mirth. "All I'm saying is to simply acknowledge your attraction to him. Let nature take its course. I am telling you to be honest with yourself and how you feel about this young man. Perhaps if you come out of your shell, dispense with your hermit-like lifestyle—albeit for a short period of time—you too will learn and grow. Besides, you're not the first person I've had this conversation with, and I highly doubt you will be the last."

"What?"

"Patrick, what are the three witch laws?"

"What does that—"

"What are they?" Reginald prompted with a bit of authority.

I rolled my eyes.

"Witch, know yourself."

"Right. That's the first one. Do you currently know yourself? Or have you fallen into a rut of who you think you are. Perhaps you've broken the first law? What's the next one?"

I hated when Reginald was right. He was leading me to see the error in my ways, and I hated him a little for doing it.

"Witch, what you do comes back to you."

"Again, you have blocked yourself from embracing your true feelings. You have shut yourself off to the most natural of all energies—human love and affection. And what is being returned to you?"

"Allan is also blocked and can't find his way."

Reginald tossed me a "told you so" look.

"And finally, Patrick, what is the third law?"

"Witch, harm none; then do as ye will."

"Are you harming anyone right now?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Myself."

"Exactly. And perhaps Allan as well. Throwing rocks? Good god."

"Well, it worked."

"Patrick, go home. Show Allan what magic is like when you're free and true to yourself. You're going to have to give in to your own attraction for him. But I promise if you do, the entire world, and your outlook on it, will change. That change will have a ripple effect on everything you touch.

"Think of the pebble thrown into the pond. How far will that ripple travel? How much good do you think you can do? Is it time, perhaps, to give up the life of a hermit?" Reginald patted my hand a couple of times and graced me with a comforting smile.

My heart ached. I was flushed with embarrassment. And the grumblings of anger rolled around in the pit of my stomach.

I knew Reginald had just told me everything I needed to do to fix my current situation.

My problem now was if I was willing and capable of leaving my very comfortable rut and putting myself into a situation where I knew my heart would be broken.

I had three weeks left.

Three weeks with Allan until the Fae ripped him away from me.

Giving in to my feelings for him meant that the inevitable separation looming over us would hurt even more.

But was I hurting Allan by not sacrificing my potential heartache for his well-being?

Sending an untrained fledgling witch to the Fae would be disastrous.

Sending a young man who, at least, could command his own element gave him a fighting chance.

I needed to make sure Allan had every tool possible to survive his trip to the Fae lands.

And in order to do that, I needed to heed Reginald's words and sacrifice any pain I might experience in losing Allan to the Fae so that he would have the greatest chance for success in the Fae lands.