Chapter Twelve

Lillian's shoulders dropped as she walked into the ballroom, finding her spirits sinking low as she saw the dancing, heard the laughter and took in the extravagant décor around the room. This was something that was meant to bring her joy, something that she should delight in but instead, her heart was doing nothing other than sinking low, almost to the very depths of despair.

Seeing the Duke of Wrexham walking with Lady Vivianne and hearing the whispers of society – and indeed, reading it in society papers – that he was now courting Lady Vivianne had brought her more pain than she had anticipated. It was not as though there was anything between them, not as though they had shared intimacies and the like and were now desperate to find a way restore their connection but yet, all the same, Lillian's heart was deeply pained. There had been a beautiful moment where she had thought that the Duke might take her into his arms, that wondrous excitement which had filled her mind with hopes for the future, only to realize that there was nothing for her now but sadness. Yes, he had promised her that this was not a courtship which would lead to any sort of engagement or the like, but Lillian was not as certain as he. Courtship very often led to engagement and even though he had told her that it was not his desire to marry Lady Vivianne, given what had happened thus far, was it not possible that such a thing could happen? The Duke might well be forced into it, might find himself in a position where he had no other choice but to marry the lady and then what would happen? Her own hopes would be dashed, her heart would be quite broken and her Season would be ruined.

And yet, I cannot help how my heart feels.

Taking in a deep breath, she sighed loudly – garnering a look from her mother.

"You must smile, Lillian! No gentleman will look at you if you stand there with such a sour disposition and, recall, given that the Duke of Wrexham is now courting another, you cannot waste your time considering him !"

Lillian looked back at her mother steadily, wondering if she had somehow known what Lillian was thinking of. "Mama, I am not putting on a sour disposition, as you call it. I am simply standing here, considering."

"Then consider something a little more cheerful, if you please," came the sharp reply, "so that you appear to be happy to be at Lord Jenkins ball!"

Seeing that she had no other choice but to do so, Lillian forced a smile she did not feel and took in another breath, relieved when her mother turned away. The smile fell to the floor and Lillian wrapped both arms around her waist, feeling a little vulnerable and upset. Her mother had not asked her why she was in such a sorrow but instead, had only insisted that she alter herself and that made Lillian a little sad. Why could she not ask Lillian what the trouble was instead of simply demanding that she do otherwise?

"Come now." Lady Galesbury gestured for Lillian to come forward, though she only glanced at her rather than looking back directly. "And do hurry, I can see a gathering of gentlemen and ladies that we could attend."

With a heavy sigh, Lillian followed after her mother, all too aware that she had no interest whatsoever in being present with these gentlemen and ladies. She did not want to smile, she did not want to converse, she did not even want to dance. Her heart was much too heavy.

Which means, she considered, her eyebrows lifting in surprise, that I must have greater feelings for him than I ever considered.

"Good evening, Lady Lillian."

Lillian snapped her attention back to the group near her, forcing herself to smile. "Lord Drayton, good evening." She smiled and greeted everyone in the group, seeing her mother smile in obvious relief that Lillian had chosen to do as she had been directed and had not stood there in silence instead.

"I do hope you will dance this evening?" Lord Drayton asked, holding out his hand for her dance card, clearly expecting her to agree – and from the sharp look that her mother sent her, Lillian knew she had no choice.

"Yes, of course." She offered Lord Drayton her dance card and, once he signed it, he then passed it to the next gentleman who did not even ask if Lillian wished to dance. Her spirits dropped all the lower. Did any of these gentlemen care about her, truly? Would any of them have any sort of genuine interest in her? Or would it be that, the moment she started speaking about her love of arithmetic and all that she had learned of late, they would run from her?

"I do hope that you have been enjoying the Season thus far, Lady Lillian?" the third gentleman asked, taking her dance card from the second fellow who had signed it.

Lillian looked at him, seeing his easy smile, his dark eyes flicking towards her only to then dart around the group so that his smile went to every young lady. One hand curled into a fist as she battled a wave of frustration, seeing how little these gentlemen truly considered each lady that they seemed so eager to dance with. "I have been enjoying the Season thus far, yes," she said, lifting her chin just a little.

"And what do you do when you are not dancing or taking tea?" Lord Drayton asked, his smile warm but his gaze on another young lady even though his question was directed towards Lillian. "Is the pianoforte your delight? Or is poetry something that I might entertain you with one evening?"

Lillian's lip curled, seeing just how insincere the gentleman was and despising it. She was not about to be like the other young ladies, delighting in his questions and hoping that they might show even the smallest measure of genuine interest. "I prefer to sit and work through some mathematical difficulties, given opportunity," she said clearly, watching Lord Drayton's face freeze into an expression of astonishment, though her mother let out a small but almost inaudible exclamation. "I am sure that I will soon be given some accounts to go through and I very much enjoy such things as that."

Lord Drayton blinked rapidly, then, much to Lillian's annoyance, let out a bark of laughter. "Accounts? Are you truly trying to say that you are given accounts to work through? Why would someone do such a thing as that?"

"Mayhap because I am trusted and I am skilled enough to do such a thing without difficulty," Lillian answered, bristling a little. "That is why."

A ripple of laughter moved from Lord Drayton to the next gentleman, and then to the next. "I can hardly believe that," the third muttered, as the ladies in the group simply looked at each other, perhaps astonished that Lillian had confessed such a thing willingly.

"I think that you are being a little insulting, Lord Souter."

Much to Lillian's surprise, it was her mother who stepped into the breach, her eyes flashing as Lord Souter's smile quickly cracked and fell away.

"Lady Galesbury, I did not mean any insult, I assure you." He put his hands to his heart, then inclined his head. "It is only an astonishing thing for a young lady to say!"

"And yet, it is quite true and I find myself remarkably proud of my daughter in that regard. To know that her father trusts her above his own paid accountants is quite remarkable, is it not?" Lady Galesbury put one hand to Lillian's shoulder and, despite her astonishment, Lillian let herself smile, her chin lifting a notch. "I am sure that none of you would be willing to go through your accounts and declare them all correct, no? Instead, you send them to your solicitors or your accountants and have them do such things for you. Why, then, would you mock a young lady for having a skill that you do not?"

"Unless it is that these gentlemen are jealous that Lady Lillian has such a gift?"

A familiar voice had Lillian turning her head, only to smile as Lady Dinah came to stand directly beside her along with a gentleman that Lillian did not recognise though he had a pleasant enough expression.

"Lady Lillian, I presume?" The gentleman besides Lady Dinah smiled and bowed. "Lord Huxley. Lady Dinah has just been telling me about you and about your remarkable gift when it comes to arithmetic and the like. Quite marvellous, I must say."

Lillian smiled at him, liking him immediately. "I thank you, Lord Huxley."

"Though I would agree with Lady Dinah that it does appear the gentlemen present are jealous. How very strange!"

"I do hope that is not true," Lady Galesbury said, her hand dropping from Lillian's shoulder. "Envy is a trait that makes a gentleman ugly. I am sure that the ton would agree."

Lillian heard the warning in her mother's voice and her smile grew as all three gentlemen blanched and then dropped their gazes to the floor. It was clear that none of them wished for her mother to speak to anyone else within society of their reaction and response to what they had learned about Lillian and therefore, they were doing all they could to take back their laughter.

"Of course, no insult was meant at all, Lady Lillian," Lord Drayton said, as the third gentleman cleared his throat and then handed her back her dance card. "You can understand my surprise, however, I am sure."

Lillian's eyebrows lifted. "Surprise?"

"Well," Lord Drayton replied, spreading out his hands and shifting from foot to foot. "It is not often that a young lady such as yourself would pursue such a skill. I understand that every young lady of the ton is educated, of course, but to have such an interest in arithmetic and the like is certainly unusual."

"Though that in itself is not a criticism," another gentleman added, quickly, as Lillian shared a glance with Lady Dinah, seeing the twinkle in her eye as the gentlemen fought to cover their foolishness with words of appreciation instead. "You understand that, I am sure."

"Of course." Lillian offered them all a small smile, though she said nothing else, keeping her expression steady. There came silence to the small group for a short while and Lillian found herself smiling inwardly at it. Lord Huxley, with a nod to her, stepped away and as he did so, Lillian caught the twinkle in his eye. Evidently, he had rather enjoyed seeing these gentlemen mortify themselves and now, it seemed, no-one knew what to say. All of that, she considered, had come about simply because of the gentlemen's foolish words and in that regard, they had no-one to blame but themselves.

"I suppose you have all heard about the Mad Duke?" Lord Souter puffed out his chest and grinned broadly, though he avoided Lillian's gaze. "That is quite something, is it not?"

"The Mad Duke?" one of the ladies asked, as Lillian looked to Lady Dinah, seeing a lack of understanding in her expression also. "Who is he?"

"Well," Lord Souter began, rubbing his hands together as though he were greatly delighted at being able to dispense this information. "This gentleman has been doing nothing but experiments, or so I hear, involving himself in all manner of strange things!"

Lillian's stomach twisted and she snatched in a breath, a deep and terrible fear taking a hold of her heart.

"I have heard that he was working on some kind of contraption which would burn a person alive!" Lord Souter finished, as some of the ladies gasped in horror. "It seems that he is more inclined towards spending time on his experiments instead of attending balls and the like, though he must do, it seems, because of his responsibility towards his cousin."

Lillian closed her eyes briefly as Lady Dinah's gasp of shock rang out beside her. "Lord Souter," she said, as loudly as she dared, hating the broad smile on the gentleman's face. "I do hope that you are not speaking of the Duke of Wrexham, given that his cousin, Lady Dinah, is standing beside me?"

All at once, the color ran from Lord Souter's face and he opened and closed his mouth in an obvious attempt to find the answer to the question though nothing came from his lips. Instead, he closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and waved one hand, as though to dismiss all that he had previously said.

"I also think it quite dreadful that you should be so willing to share such a thing," Lillian continued, slipping her arm through Lady Dinah's in the hope of offering her strength. "I know the Duke of Wrexham and I can assure you, he is not mad in the least!"

"Though does he do experiments, as Lord Souter has said?" asked one of the ladies, her eyes rounding. "Is he attempting to find a way to burn people through with his contraptions?"

"No, he is not," Lillian answered, firmly. "I have seen what he has been studying of late and it is nothing to be concerned about."

The ladies exchanged a glance with each other but said nothing.

"You say that you have seen the Duke's work?" Lord Drayton asked, as Lillian nodded. "In what capacity?"

"I was calling on my dear friend, Lady Dinah," Lillian answered, narrowing her eyes just a fraction. "Given that I have an interest in arithmetic and the like, I was very glad to see what the Duke is considering at present, though I can assure you it will bring no harm to anyone. What I understand, the Duke of Wrexham is much more interested in being of assistance to those around him. All that he studies, all that he learns is so that the lives of others might be made a little easier. That is all. It is not something to be feared but, mayhap, to be celebrated."

"All the same, he is involved in natural philosophy, is he not?" one of the young ladies asked, a somewhat bold look on her face as she ignored the stricken expression on Lady Dinah's face. "I must say, I have heard a little about such things and I find it all rather unsettling. In that regard, mayhap it is fair to name such a thing as madness?"

Lillian did not know what to say. Lady Dinah stiffened in clear upset and though there were a few glances and a few mumbles, no-one else said anything. "How could you say such a thing as that?" Lillian asked, her voice a little hoarse. "That is utterly disrespectful."

The young lady shrugged, laughed and then turned away, her arm going through that of her friend. Lillian closed her eyes briefly, then turned to take Lady Dinah away from the rest of the group. "I do not think there is any need to stay," she said, knowing that her mother would be staying near. "I am sorry that you had to hear such a thing. I did not know that he was being spoken of in that way."

"Nor did I." Lady Dinah blinked furiously, her eyes a little glassy. "I did not imagine for a moment – "

"Ah, Lady Dinah." A loud, cheerful voice broke through the strain and Lillian recognized, with relief, her brother's arrival. "I have been hoping to see you this evening. Might I ask if you are dancing? And, I hope, that you have saved me the waltz?" His smile faded as he looked from Dinah to Lillian and then back again, though Lady Dinah remained silent, leaving Lillian to explain.

"There were some gentlemen and ladies speaking ill of the Duke," she said, as Harry scowled. "Somehow, they have discovered his love of natural philosophy and his experiments and are now mocking him, calling him ‘the Mad Duke'."

"I am sorry to hear that." Harry shook his head and then reached out to press Lady Dinah's hand. "That must have been difficult to hear."

Sensing the desire from both Lady Dinah and her brother to be together without interruption, Lillian released her friend's arm. "Why do you not walk with Harry for a time, Dinah?" she suggested, as her friend looked to her with a grateful smile. "I might go in search of the Duke, so as to make certain that he is already aware of this."

"A wise thought, sister," Harry agreed, as he took Lady Dinah's arm. "Though do be cautious. Mother might not be particularly pleased."

Lillian glanced over her shoulder, only to see her mother distracted in conversation with another young lady. Though Lady Galesbury had been defensive of Lillian's mathematical mind, she might not be enamored with the idea of Lillian going in search of the Duke of Wrexham so she might converse with him, given all that had been said thus far. With a small sigh, Lillian shrugged her shoulders. "I shall do so regardless of what she thinks," she answered, determinedly. "If she asks where I am gone, do make some excuse for me!" With a quick smile, she hurried away, silently praying that her mother would not spy her and follow after her and, at the same time, that she would quickly find the Duke.

Her heart began to hammer as she made her way through the ballroom, already a little afraid of what she would say when she saw him. That intimate moment that they had shared, followed by darkness and disappointment, lingered heavily in her mind. To know that he would be courting Lady Vivianne was one thing but to see him with her was quite another. Would she be able to speak to him freely, if Lady Vivianne was there? She could not exactly ask him for a few private moments, given that she had already lost her mother as her chaperone!

There he is.

Lillian's eyes fixed upon the Duke, seeing him twirl Lady Vivianne about the floor. Her mouth went dry, her hands clasping tightly together as she watched him, her heart aching suddenly, the pain so intense that she wanted to cry out. They had been so close to something, her heart revealing to her the true depths of interest she had in the gentleman, only for Lady Vivianne and her brother to steal it all away.

I cannot speak to him now.

Lillian closed her eyes, shutting out the sight of the Duke and Lady Vivianne. She wanted to be the one dancing with him, she wanted to be the one with his arms wrapped around her, the only one who would be looking up into his eyes. Over and over, she reminded herself that there was no interest in Lady Vivianne from the Duke, nothing that would pull him towards her… and yet, that fear lingered. Opening her eyes again, she saw the dance come to an end and, with relief, saw how the Duke immediately dropped his arms from Lady Vivianne. He bowed low and thereafter, offered his arm so he might walk her from the floor but there was no smile on his face, no warmth in his eyes. Steeling herself, Lillian walked towards him, hoping that he might see her, hoping that she would be able to speak with him – and that Lady Vivianne would not think to dismiss her, as she had so callously done before. She caught the moment that he saw her, seeing the flash in his eyes and the way his lips curved. Happiness poured into her heart, chasing away her fears, driving back her worries and instead, replacing it with a sense of relief.

"Lady Lillian." The Duke inclined his head. "Good evening."

"Good evening," she answered, "and to you also, Lady Vivianne."

Rather than responding, the lady's lip curled and she looked away from Lillian directly, making it quite clear that she had no interest in speaking with her.

Lillian ignored her.

"I wonder, Your Grace, if…" Trailing off, she sent another glance towards Lady Vivianne though she was still not paying attention to her.

"Oh, how rude of me!" the Duke exclaimed, releasing Lady Vivianne's arm at once. "Might I ask to see your dance card, Lady Lillian?"

Her heart lifted. "How very kind, Your Grace. Yes, of course."

"I think I see my brother." Lady Vivianne sniffed and then walked away without another word. The Duke shook his head but took her dance card and, throwing her a smile, looked down at it.

"I must speak with you, however," Lillian continued, her voice low. "Mayhap while we are dancing?"

The Duke looked at her, surprised. "If you wish. Or we might take a turn about the room? No-one will think anything of it, I assure you."

"I should like that very much."

The Duke held her gaze for a very long time, a small smile touching the corners of his mouth, heat in his gaze as he let their connection linger. It felt as though fireworks were exploding in Lillian's frame, making her tremble gently as her heart began to pound. This gentleman was, she realized, more dear to her than she had ever realized. Ever since that first meeting out in the wild, furious storm, there had been something about him which had connected to her heart. She simply had not realized the strength of it.

"You cannot know the joy that comes from simply being in your company, Lady Lillian," he murmured, so quietly that she was sure no-one else could hear. "I wish I could have come in search of you sooner, but there are expectations at present which I must fulfill." The smile faded to something like a scowl and he took his gaze from hers, looking down at her dance card. With a sigh, he wrote his initials down and then handed it back to her. "I wish that I could have taken the waltz, Lady Lillian, but there is nothing that would make the ton 's eyebrows lift more!"

"I – I am afraid there might be," Lillian answered, a nervousness twisting around within her as he looked back at her in surprise. "Your Grace, there is something that I must share with you, something that I have heard which is of concern to me."

He nodded, smiled briefly though his eyes remained grave as he offered her his arm. "Shall we walk, Lady Lillian?"

She accepted it at once. "Yes, thank you, Your Grace." With another breath, she looked up at him. "And I shall tell you all."