Chapter 18

Mikalina

Lycan.

Able to shift into a wolf-like creature.

I'm his mate.

Was I dreaming? I had to be, because this was the most fantastical—maybe even ridiculous—thing I'd ever experienced in my life.

I thought over and over again about what Ren just told me, my heart thundering, my body still awake from the intense pleasure he'd just given me. But not even this truth, this unbelievable reality, could douse the fire still simmering in me. And I felt like I was traitorous to myself for feeling this hard need for a man that wasn't really a man at all.

I exhaled, thankful he stayed by the fire and didn't make a move toward me. He seemed… heartbroken at having told me, knowing I was terrified. But as I stood there, I felt some of the shock start to leave. I felt reasoning and rationalization start to replace all the confusion.

Another species.

Think. Think.

"You're taking this better than I expected."

I snapped my head up to look at him. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his big, wide chest. God, he looks so good. I shook my head and told my thoughts to stay at the task at hand.

"I envisioned this going a lot differently."

I lifted a brow at that, and it was my turn to cross my arms. I tried to appear stronger than I felt, but I knew the act was all about protecting myself. "How did you envision it going?" My voice was surprisingly strong and clear.

"You running away and never looking back," he said matter-of-factly.

"I thought about it," I responded honestly. That had been my first inclination. But even if the fight instinct had been strong in me, I hadn't been able to leave. "I figure you're either batshit crazy, or… this is pretty damn real." I shook my head. "I contemplated running," I murmured and gave a humorless laugh.

"Why didn't you?"

I repeated what he said in my mind for long moments and came up with the only thing that made sense out of all of this. "Because it felt wrong to leave you."

He sucked in a breath, as if shocked by my words, and then I heard a low sound come from him, a mix between a growl and a purr. I looked at him, taking note of everything about him.

"As crazy as this entire situation is, I'm not all that surprised." I shook my head again at how freaking insane that sounded coming from my mouth. "I mean, the first time I saw you, I felt like you didn't seem like any other man I"d come across in my life." I licked my lips as that pleasure started to heighten once more. "You seemed inhuman, in a way. I guess I know why I felt like that."

He pushed away from the wall, and involuntarily I took a step back. "I won't hurt you. I'd never hurt you."

I swallowed. "I know."

He lifted an eyebrow. "So you believe me, understand what I am?"

No. Yes. "I don't know what I understand or believe, but everything in me is screaming that you're telling me the truth, that you won't hurt me." I didn"t bother bringing up the whole Mini story she told me. It wouldn't matter at the end of the day.

"Given what I am, how can you not assume I'm some crazed beast wanting to harm you?"

I shrugged half-heartedly. When he put it that way, I supposed I didn't know shit. But... "You've had plenty of time to do that if you'd meant to. And—" I nibbled my bottom lip. "—given what we just did, I can't see hurting me is your intention." My face felt hot as my pussy became wet once more at the memory of how good he made me feel.

He growled again, his head lowering slightly, his eyes becoming hooded as he stared at me.

"Can you…" I breathed out slowly, knowing I should feel embarrassed for what I was about to ask. "Can you smell my desire?" My voice was so low, breathy, but I knew he heard me anyway by the way he groaned.

"Oh yes." His voice sounded different, deeper, huskier, and his eyes kept flashing from blue to brown.

"Why do they do that?" I swallowed, this little part of me still saying I needed to run, that this wasn't normal or safe. But the much stronger part refused to leave him.

He closed his eyes, squeezing them as if grappling for control. When he opened them again, they were normal. "My inner animal pushes through at times, far more now that you're in my life. The blue coloring is his eye shade."

It's the same as mine.I didn't want to think too deeply on that, but then again, the fact that they were a perfect match just seemed to bring about the whole mate situation.

I cleared my throat, trying to focus on something other than the fact that even though things had definitely gone into the fucked up category, my body still hummed with arousal. "Are there more of you? Different species?"

He inclined his head, and I was taking that as a very old world, aristocratic gesture from him when he agreed with me. "Many. Hundreds."

"Vampires?" He nodded. "Witches and warlocks?" Ren inclined his head again.

"Demons too, but they are an aggressive bunch of bastards and thankfully keep to themselves most of the time." He took a step toward me, but I held my ground, even though I was still a little nervous about all this. "I hope to tell you about all the different kinds of creatures that make their homes amongst humans."

I want that too.

I swallowed and smoothed my hands down my thighs. "How old are you?"

He paused for a moment, and I was pretty sure what he was about to say would be another shock to my system.

"Over three centuries old."

And yup… the air went right out of my lungs, and I staggered back.

An over three-hundred-year-old werewolf… Lycan… whatever he called himself, was standing in front of me, claiming I was his mate.

"Do you live forever?"

He shook his head. "Some of the species in the supernatural world do possess immortality. My kind is not one of them. The oldest known supernatural is rumored to be over a millennium old, but we have our own folklore within the supernaturals, so I couldn"t tell you if that's just rumor, what his species is, or if it is true if he's actually out there still."

I felt my eyes widen.

"Although I'll live far longer if I have my mate by my side."

I felt my brows lower at his use of that mate term again. "What does that mean when you say I'm your mate?" Did I really want to know this?

He exhaled and ran a hand over the back of his short, dark hair, then he turned and faced the fire. "I wanted to go slow with you. But I'm running out of time." The last part was muttered so low I wasn't quite sure I heard him clearly. But before I could ask, he faced me again. "I have one female born to be mine and mine alone." He stared at me right in the eyes as he let that sink in.

I swallowed, knowing this was fucking insanity, but another part of me felt like what he said couldn't be anything but the truth. I felt something the moment I'd seen him, this pull, a weird connection that was undeniable. Could what he said actually be the truth, actually make sense? Or was I allowing myself to be pulled down to some crazy world where this man needed to get professional help.

But his eyes. The size of him. The way he seemed so… not human.

"And if I… don't want to be your mate?" It felt so very wrong to even utter those words. It was physically painful to say them, like acid being poured down my throat. I noticed how tense he became after I said it, as if the very thought of me not wanting to be his was too unbearable. "What if you don't want me as a mate?—"

"Not possible," he cut me off. "You were made for me and me alone." I swallowed at hearing those words again. He sounded so final. "There isn't any part of you that I don't find desirable above all else."

And there went my heart, just plummeting into my belly.

"And every part of me—especially my Lycan—wants to claim you, Mikalina," he growled my name, and I took a step back, sensing he was changing in this moment, becoming more primal, animalistic.

"What happens when you claim me?" That question was barely a breath from my lips, but I found myself desperate to know the answer.

"If I told you, I'd frighten you by the intensity."

"Tell me," I breathed out.

A moment of silence stretched, before he growled out, "I'd become more animal, my canines lengthening in preparation to bite you, mark you." He was breathing harder—the same as I was—as if speaking these words turned him on. And I was shocked to find they were arousing me. "My nails would lengthen to claws, my body becoming taller, bigger."

"Would you turn into a wolf?" My voice was so breathless. Oh my God, was I actually entertaining any of what he said?

He growled low but shook his head. "I'd never fully change when I took you."

When he took me.

That sounded so erotic.

"But it's getting harder and harder, Mikalina, to stop myself from making you mine." He took a step closer, his eyes flashing blue. "My beast wants you so fucking much." His voice didn't sound normal. "And the full moon is coming, teasing me, tempting me. It's the one time I'll let him dominate… because he wants you."

I took another step back, shaking my head, afraid of what he said, confused… needing it like I needed to breathe. I closed my eyes and ran my hands over my face, feeling like the world had just opened up and swallowed me whole.

"I should probably go." I was surprised I could say anything in that moment. I let my hands fall from my face and looked at Ren again.

He stayed back, thankfully giving me the space I desperately wanted right now. I could see on his face he didn't want that, but he didn't try to talk me into staying, and didn"t come any closer either. And for that, I was glad. I needed some time to think. I needed to understand what exactly happened tonight.

I need to calm down from the intense pleasure he gave me.

It took several moments of him breathing in and out slowly, as if trying to gather his bearings. "I understand, although I'd be lying if I said I don't want you to leave." His voice was still husky but sounded normal again.

My heart started speeding up at that, and as much as I didn't want to, I had to put some distance between us. "Yeah, I should go. I need to go."

"Will you let me walk you home?" Those words were tight as they came out of him, as if the very idea of me leaving him was painful, as if he were stopping himself from pouncing on me.

God, there was this man—this non-human man—being so kind and good, and had been like that from the very first moment I'd met him, but then he dropped this massive truth in my lap, one that sounded more like fantasy, and I was utterly confused. I wanted to just say, yeah,I'm cool with all this. I just want you and nothing else matters. But was I understanding any of this?

Right now... no; no, I wasn't understanding any of this, and I think getting away from Ren would help, and that even meant just walking home. Maybe that was stupid, and maybe I should have been smarter and taken him up on his offer, because wild animals and shit. But being around him scrambled my brain, and right now, I needed to get it level.

I didn't know what else to say, so I started heading toward the front door. He didn't stop me, and I was thankful, because I wouldn't have had the willpower to deny him if he asked me to stay again.

Once the door was open and the cool breeze rushed over me, I looked over my shoulder and saw him standing in the same spot, his hands tucked into the pockets of his slacks, his gaze seeming very wolfy in that moment. A shiver skated over my skin, and I faced forward and left, shutting the door behind me.

And as I followed the trail back to town, the entire time I knew I wasn't really alone.

I knew Ren followed me in the shadows to make sure I got home safely.