Chapter 4

Ren

Isat in the leather recliner before the fire, a glass of bourbon in my hand, my focus on the flames. Another night alone. Another night staring into these flames until I got so fucking drunk I stumbled to my room before passing out.

I brought the glass to my lips and took a long pull from the crystal at the same time I heard an echoing boom from the very bowels of the castle. I closed my eyes and felt a deep-rooted sorrow as I listened to another maddening roar pierce through the thick stone of the manor.

I opened my eyes and finished off the bourbon, curling my fingers tightly around the glass, knowing I should leave him be, but I found myself rising and making my way toward my only living relative.

After going through several doors, taking many hallways and corridors, I descended into the depths of the castle. The scent of moisture and earth filled the air. I stopped at the wood-and-wrought-iron door that kept me from my brother.

Luca.

Another roar came through, shaking the very foundation. The pain in that sound so fierce it nearly took me to my knees. I placed a hand on the scarred and weathered wood, closing my eyes and willing my older brother to find ease, even though I knew that wouldn't happen. Not without his mate.

He'd gone insane... because he hadn't found his mate. It was that hollowness in the pit of his soul that slowly encompassed him until he was mostly all beast, hardly any human left in him.

"Luca, be at ease. You'll be okay." I whispered the lie gruffly, and although I knew he heard me, he said nothing. There was a stillness for only a moment, then the sound of his heavy panting, of his footsteps as he paced back and forth, came through the stone and wood.

Luca had locked himself down here so long ago it was all I'd known anymore. He refused to be near anyone, and I felt like it was because he thought he'd somehow infect me with his madness.

He preferred his solitude and his insanity—but more acutely... his pain. I knew he stayed away to punish himself further, feeling like he failed for not finding his mate—worrying she was forever gone already.

The servants brought him food, water, ale, and anything else he required. I constructed a bathroom, knowing that although he couldn't care less about any essential needs because his mind was gone with thoughts of being mate-less, I hoped he'd take solace and a small measure of pleasure in the simple comforts.

"Luca? Will you not speak with me?" Every night, I came down here to talk with him, just to connect with him, to let my only remaining family know he wasn't alone.

I too was without a mate, but it was possibly because I was stronger in mind, maybe because I was younger than Luca, or hell, maybe I was just lucky to not be riddled with that crippling insanity that took some of the supernatural.

"I'm sorry, brother," I whispered gruffly. "I know the pain you feel. I know you want your mate. I know you crave that connection. I know you want that peace. I'm sorry I can't give it to you, brother mine."

"Leave me," Luca said in a guttural, inhuman voice. His tone was low, animalistic. It was distorted, and I knew although he was still in his human form, he was changed... possibly forever.

I couldn't see him, but I could imagine his once starkly handsome face took on more of a Lycan appearance, his canines permanently distended, his nails claws. His body was bigger and stronger despite his mind and heart being forever weaker.

I heard him scrape those vicious claws across the stone of the walls that he voluntarily imprisoned himself in, no doubt gouging great chunks out of the centuries-old stone that surrounded us.

"Will you not come out? Drink with me? Eat a meal with me?" My forehead rested on the door, my eyes closed. Despite the pain I felt for my brother and my need to help ease him, my thoughts were forever on her.

My mate. The female I had never met, never even seen.

She would forever be my priority, the only solace to calm me. She would always be at the forefront of my mind, and once I found her—if I ever found her—my sole goal would be to please her.

"Leave, brother, before I drag you down to this hell with me."

I exhaled and moved back, seeing the tray of partly eaten food left from earlier today. At least he ate—albeit not enough. Not nearly enough. But that fact told me Luca wasn't wholly lost.

There was hope, even if it was small.

Now, I just hoped we both didn't go to the depths of darkness for good, because then there would be no one to pull us out.