Chapter 16

Larkin

Imust have fallen asleep, because I was roused by the feeling of fingers caressing my cheek and the scent of Odhran filling my head.

I shifted in the car's seat and blinked open my eyes. The passenger side door was open, the cool, fresh night air wafting in. Odhran had his face buried in the crook of my neck, the sound of him inhaling pulling a smile at the corner of my lips.

Sleep still tugged at my consciousness as I lifted my arms, which felt too heavy, and I slipped my fingers through his soft, short dark-blond hair. He smelled so good, felt so nice against me, warm and big and strong. I let my nails slowly scrape over his scalp, and he groaned, his hands on my upper arms gently clenching, as if he was trying to be gentle.

I blinked open my eyes fully and waited a second before my vision cleared. I could see how dark it was outside, no more hints of dusk teasing the horizon.

I'd clearly slept the rest of the way to his home, night fully fallen over the land. The light from inside the SUV created a glare, which made it almost impossible for me to see the surroundings clearly.

Or maybe it was because my mind was hazy as the comfort and pleasure of being surrounded by my mate filled me. He pulled back slightly, and I shifted on the seat so my legs were now outside of the car, my feet braced on the frame. I spread my thighs slightly so he could move in even closer, and I wound my arms around his broad shoulders.

He still had his face buried in the crook of my neck, still intermittently smelling me. The feeling of his lips brushing up and down that spot where my throat and my shoulder met had goose bumps forming along my arms.

"You feel so good," he rumbled out, his accent seeming thicker. "Smell like mine."

My breath caught at the sound of those words.

"I'm no' keen on moving away anytime soon."

I laughed softly and continued to drag my fingernails gently along his scalp. "I'm okay with staying like this." And I was.

In this hazy moment where sleep still slightly clung to me, and where the night enveloped us, and where there was nothing but the sound of our combined breathing, it was as if nothing else could touch us; nothing else could touch this experience.

He held me for another second before he pulled back, his expression showing disappointment and reluctance to let me go. I let my fingers slide off him and ran my palms over his scruff-covered cheeks, then moved my thumb along his bottom lip. I stared at his mouth, this hunger filling me.

He was just so big and strong, still standing between my thighs. I noticed the change in him instantly, the way his breathing increased, the fact that his pupils dilated, his mouth slightly parting. Gods, his canines were getting longer, his eyes flashing blue.

I shifted on the seat a little bit more, moving closer to him, feeling the hard, massive length of his erection pressing right against me. I felt my entire body flush, felt heat and wetness saturate the area between my thighs. His nostrils flared as he inhaled, and I knew he smelled my desire for him.

But he didn't move, didn't touch me back. So I found myself kissing him gently on the lips, nothing too deep-delving, just the lightest brush of my mouth against his before I pulled back and smiled at him.

"It's late. Let's get ye settled."

His voice was husky, and it felt good knowing he sounded that way because he was aroused… because of me.

"First thing in the morning, ye let me know what ye want tae do, and that's what we'll do." He cupped the side of my face and stroked his thumb over my mouth, then gently pulled the flesh down before letting it go so it went back into place.

And then the moment was broken as he stepped fully back and held his hand out for me. Once out of the vehicle, he led me toward the sprawling estate. I felt my eyes widen, my mouth going slightly slack at the house in front of me, if something so big could even be called a "house."

It was massive, with three stories, and the structure was made of stone and wood with an arched doorway and stained-glass windows. I could see the lush forest and rolling hills of the highlands spread out all around the property.

We walked up the landscaped pathway, small pebbles being kicked up by the soft soles of my shoes. Decorative lighting lined our way, and although I couldn't see anyone else, I sensed others around, hidden within the shadows, tucked away behind the thick trees.

Guards, protectors.

"Lycan sentries," Odhran answered as if he read my mind.

I had a feeling they were here because of me. It was doubtful Odhran had Lycans watching over his property on any other occasion. He was strong enough to handle that himself.

"You're taking extra precautions with me." I didn't phrase it like a question.

"Aye, lass. I will no' fail ye again."

Once inside, I found myself frozen in place as I looked around, my head tipped back as I took in the large cathedral-style ceilings, the exposed wooden beams, the rustic, lodge-like feeling of his estate. There were massive furs covering the floor, and a huge staircase right in front of us that curled and wound its way up to the second and third levels. The walls were decorated with his family's tartan and stuffed animal heads, boars and deer, pheasants and an array of Scottish themed decor.

There were doors upon doors on either side of me, and my gaze landed on the large opening to my left. I felt the heavy weight of Odhran's hand on the small of my back, and it didn't move as I walked forward. My constant protector and shadow.

I stopped when I got to the entrance, the library unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Shelving lined each wall, reaching all the way to the arched ceiling. There was a massive fireplace situated in the center, leather chairs and couches in front of that. A roaring fire was already blazing in the hearth.

"I've never seen so many books," I murmured, not moving from my spot, Odhran's hand still on my back.

"Would ye like to explore?"

I turned and tipped my head to look at him. "I'm tired, and I know we'll have all the time to explore all the things."

He didn't speak, but there was a soft look on his face and a small smile on his lips.

He led me to the stairs, and I spotted a few staff moving around, some carrying vases of fresh cut flowers, others holding laundered sheets and blankets. They smiled politely at me, showed respect to Odhran by inclining their heads, but otherwise they kept to their task.

Once on the second floor, we walked down the grand hallway, over the hardwood floor that was covered with a thick, plush rug, and finally stopped in front of twin doors at the end of the hallway. He pushed one of the doors open and allowed me to enter first.

The first thing I noticed was the scent. It had a dark and spicy aroma that saturated the slightly chilled air. It was Odhran's scent, and it was the most incredible smell. The curtains were drawn open from the large picture window, and although I couldn't see much outside because it was so late, I could envision the view would be spectacular in the morning.

A second later, Odhran turned on the light, and the room was washed in a warm glow. The color scheme was a rich navy and soft cream, which accented the natural wood of the floor and the beams that ran along the ceiling.

A large four-poster bed sat in the center of the room, and a marble fireplace was situated across from that, with a single leather chair and a small end table positioned before the mantel.

Aside from those two pieces of furniture and a small nightstand, the room was barren of decorations.

"This is your room." I stated it instead of asking, because I knew without having to be told.

I spied a closet that was larger than any one I'd seen before now. There was a bathroom across from that, the white granite flooring peeking out from the shadowy interior.

When he didn't respond, I turned and faced him fully.

He lifted his hand and ran it over the back of his hair, and for a second, my mate looked… sheepish.

"I will no' stay here with ye, but I'd be lying if I dinna admit I want ye in my room, in my bed, and surrounded by my things." He looked at me fully then, and there was so much possession in his expression I felt it.

He pulled his shoulders back, and his expression was one of pride at the very thought of me in his space. And that pleased him to no end. I couldn't deny that a part of me wanted that too, that I'd been secretly hoping this was where I'd stay.

Odhran cleared his throat and ran a hand over the back of his neck once more, and I felt myself warm at the sight of him looking so bashful. He started explaining the room as if he wanted a change of subject, and I let him divert the conversation as I followed him.

I stepped inside the closet and took a look at one side of the interior, where the upper and lower racks were filled with feminine clothing. He answered my unspoken question by telling me with pride he'd had clothing bought for me. The other side of the closet was clearly his clothing, slacks and button-downs, jeans and shirts all hanging perfectly.

I glanced back at "my side" and then at Odhran, knowing my eyes were wide. "You bought all of this for me?" My voice sounded breathy, far too soft for anyone to actually hear. But his expression softened, and he smiled.

"After we landed, I contacted Banner's mate, Luna, because I had no clue what tae get for ye. She then got in touch with Darragh and Evie, Caelan and Cian's mates, and the three of them went shopping for ye."

As I stared at Odhran, I couldn't help but smile and feel my heart swell at how bashful he looked in admitting that.

"I wanted tae get the things myself, but trust me when I say I'm all thumbs with anything that has tae do with fashion."

I found myself laughing softly.

"Also, I probably would have ended up getting ye things ye hated."

"Oh? Why do you think that?" I walked over to one of the shirts hanging up and ran my fingers over the soft material.

"Because I'd have picked the least attractive things for ye tae ensure no other male looked in yer direction."

I glanced at him and lifted a brow.

"Because then I'd have tae gouge their eyes out if I caught them admiring ye, lass."

Now it was my turn to feel bashful as I felt my face heat. It was just clothing, sure, but the level of thoughtfulness that had been given by Odhran squeezed my chest almost painfully.

For a second, we didn't move or speak, and then I whispered my thanks, not trusting myself to not sob from emotion.

He had that bashful expression on his face once more before gesturing us back into the room and leading me to the bathroom.

The bathroom was, like the rest of this estate, absolutely spectacular. Large enough to be a bedroom on its own, it housed a massive clawfoot tub on one side of the room and a glass-enclosed shower at the other end. A double sink and vanity was parallel to those with rose gold fixtures and white marble.

A vase of fresh cut flowers was situated between the sinks, and the scent and bright colors were enough to almost make me moan.

"Everything ye need has been bought and stored under the sinks and in the cabinet. Soaps and oils, lotions and an array of other feminine products I donna know much about but was assured by the staff was what ye'd need."

I could have chuckled at how shy he once again became, talking about it all. I moved almost automatically as I followed him out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom.

"I have some things tae take care of, reports I have tae give Banner about what I learned from my time with…" He stopped, and his jaw clenched. "Of course I want ye with me always, but I can sense ye're tired and want ye tae rest. I can bring ye up some food?" I shook my head, unable to find words, because I felt so suddenly overwhelmed. "Would ye like tea, something warm tae drink? I can have the staff start a fire while I'm gone. Although the house has been modernized and stays warm, if ye're still too cold…"

"It's all perfect, Odhran. It's absolutely perfect." We stared at each other for long seconds, the kind of gazing that caused your blood to rush and your body to warm because of it.

I could tell he wanted to come to me, but he kept his distance, maybe thinking I needed it. I certainly gave him enough reason to think I might break down once more.

"I'll leave ye tae it," he said in that sexy, deep voice of his. "But if ye need me, pick up that phone." He pointed to the phone in question. "Dial two, and it'll transfer ye right tae my office, which is where I'll be for just a short time. I will no' stay away longer than I have tae."

I licked my lips and nodded, wanting to say something but unsure how to word it.

"Okay," he said softly and smiled, a flash of his straight, white teeth and slightly pointed canines.

I clenched my thighs together at the sight, the strange sensation moving inside me as I thought—imagined—him biting my neck, sinking those teeth into the supple flesh of my throat, and marking me in the way I knew his kind yearned for.

He went to turn, and on impulse I reached out and curled my fingers around his thick wrist. He stopped and looked over at me, his body heat spearing into me just from that small touch.

"Will you come back?" I saw the softening of his expression, the warmth entering his eyes. "Will you sleep with me?" The very idea of being alone in this big room terrified me for reasons that had nothing to do with my trauma. I just wanted to be close with him, even if he was just holding me, even if he just whispered goodnight in Gaelic.

"Lass," he groaned and turned, instantly enveloping me in his big, strong arms. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be." He cupped the back of my head and kept me pressed to his chest.

We stayed like that for long seconds before I was the one to step away.

"I'm going to take a bath, but I'll be here when you get back." It seemed so silly to say that. Of course I'd be here. It wasn't as if I was going anywhere else. But I also knew he liked hearing that, the confirmation that I wasn't leaving. And I liked seeing that pleasure on his face.

With one more lingering look, one more touch of his thumb across my cheek as if he couldn't help himself, Odhran left and shut the door behind him.

The room suddenly felt vast, too empty, too lonely. Although I was surrounded by his things, his scent in my nose, the memory of his touch fresh, I still felt as if the empty space would swallow me whole. I closed my eyes and let the pleasurable tingling of the arousal he gave me with just a glance move across every exposed part of my body.

And even though we hadn't solidified anything, although we hadn't fully consummated being together, and he hadn't given me his mark, this sensation, this bone-deep need and wanting would only grow within me.

This need to be close, to touch him, for him to touch me… would grow until it consumed me, and there was no stopping it, like a raging wildfire eating up everything in its path.

I lifted a hand to run it over my brow, feeling drops of perspiration. A mated connection was intense, and now that we were back together, it would only burn us both alive until it was completed. And the more we fought it, the more painful it would become.

My mind was in survival mode, fighting with my body over what was good and right and exactly what I needed.

"I'm losing my mind," I said to nothing and no one as I glanced around the room.

I tried to clear my head of all the "what ifs" and moved toward the closet, looking at all the clothing for a moment. I turned and glanced at the other side, seeing Odhran's very masculine clothes lined up. Everything felt so strange, like I was in the middle of the ocean, nothing to be seen for miles but the vastness of… nothing.

For so long, I'd been trapped in a cell, the walls unbreakable. The only company I had were my thoughts and my memories, my dreams and my fantasies. And now I had all this space and could see and do anything I wanted.

My heart started racing the longer I stood there, the more that vastness filled me, the more I couldn't breathe. The room spun, and sweat beaded my brow. I grabbed the first things I saw—a buttery soft pair of pants and a long-sleeved shirt. I stumbled out of the closet and made my way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it.

For a second, I just stood there with the lights off, my eyes squeezed shut. I blindly reached out to my side until my fingers touched the light switch, and I turned it on.

When I opened my eyes and looked around, my heart started racing a little bit faster as I took in all the unusual things, the modern technologies that were so strange and foreign, yet beautiful and frightening all in the same breath.

I exhaled and walked over to the bathtub, thankful Odhran had explained how to turn it on. Once I had the water adjusted to the right temperature, I turned and looked at myself in the large mirror that hung above the vanity. I'd seen myself since escaping, but I'd been in so much pain and so tired that I hadn't given much thought to my appearance.

I walked up to the mirror and curled my hands around the granite edge, staring into my blue eyes, taking in my black hair that hung lifelessly over my shoulders, the locks a little bit tangled from sleeping during the car ride.

I lifted a hand and ran my finger under the fading dark circles under my eyes. Over the past few days, I'd eaten better than I had… in far too long. My skin was still pale but didn't have the translucent effect where I could see the blue lines of my veins underneath from being malnourished and starved in more than one way.

I straightened and took a few steps back, still staring at myself as I started to get undressed. As I removed the layers of clothing, I felt a sixth sense of horror and dread. Aside from the all-but-healed bullet wound on my side, I hadn't inspected my body in far too long. But now under the glow of the lights, nothing hidden from view, I stood in shock at what was revealed.

Numerous tiny scars littered my abdomen and arms, my thighs, even the tops of my feet. I stared at that nasty brand, one that although had healed and faded some, brought me right back to the beginning when I'd gotten it.

I lifted my hair and turned around, looking over my shoulder at my back. I could see the whip marks covering my flesh, remembering each strike they'd given me over the years.

I dropped the heavy fall of my hair and faced the bathtub, watching as the water flowed out of the spout. At that moment, I felt hideous, didn't know how Odhran could possibly find me attractive when I couldn't even stand to look at myself.

How can he ever love me when I can't even love myself?

After shutting off the water, I climbed into the tub. The water was a little too hot, but I welcomed the sting it brought to my body. It reminded me that I was alive.

I rested my head back and closed my eyes, letting my arms float out on either side of me, the tub so big it swallowed me whole. The lavender oil I'd poured into the water rose with the steam and surrounded me.

My hair stuck to my neck and chest, and my face became dewy from the moisture in the air. I hadn't felt relaxed in a long time, and for some reason, that made this awful sort of pain settle in my chest.

When I opened my eyes and looked around the bathroom, I thought about the grand room just on the other side of the closed bathroom door, how it felt too big… was too much.

I gasped suddenly, this wave of panic filling me as my pulse beat in my ears and my stomach roiled. I sat up and covered my mouth with the back of my hand as sudden nausea rose up.

I frantically looked around again, then glanced at my body, the water sloshing around me from my sudden movement. My ribs stood out, my belly was concave, and my skin far too pale to look healthy. Oh gods. I ran my fingers over my scars, felt tears fill my eyes before they spilled forth and slid down my cheeks.

And then I was sobbing, and pulled my legs up to my chest as I wrapped my arms around them and dropped my face to my knees. I cried for so long and so hard it hurt.

That was how Odhran found me, the scent of my mate and his wolf filling my head. He was talking to me, but I couldn't hear him clearly, just watched his mouth move and this pained look cross his face.

The water was now chilled, goose bumps covering my arms and legs. Yet I didn't feel much of anything but this heavy weight of discomfort. My head was a rush of sorrow, waves filling my ears, so I didn't even know if he spoke English or Gaelic.

I hated the self-pity I felt.

I didn't stop him as he gently washed my hair, then rinsed it out. I said nothing as he lifted me easily out of the tub, and didn't protest as he dried me off with a thick, white towel before wrapping it around me.

I curled against his chest as he carried me into the bedroom and sat me on the edge of the bed. I was this doll he dressed in one of his oversized T-shirts. I felt inner shame that he'd seen my naked form with all the proof of how ugly they'd made me.

"My sweet girl with the softest heart," he whispered as he moved behind me on the bed and started to brush my hair gently. And then he was braiding the strands, his fingers slow and careful as he intermittently kissed the back of my head before going back to his task at hand.

And when he was finished, he tucked us into the bed and pulled me in close.

I didn't know when he'd taken off his clothes, but I felt the solid, warm heat of his bare chest at my spine, the soft tickle of his undergarments along the back of my thighs. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me impossibly close to him, surrounded me with his body so I knew there was no chance for me to pull away, to withdraw into myself.

I felt myself still crying, but it was silent tears, the kind that you could never stop no matter how hard you tried.

"We'll figure this out," he said softly, his warm breath smelling faintly of whiskey and brushing along the shell of my ear. "We can get through everything, anything, lass." He tightened his arms around me for a second.

I squeezed my eyes shut and lifted my hands to curl them around one of his thickly muscled forearms. I felt the scars on his flesh, warrior marks from him fighting, from his strength and power.

Then I thought of mine.

How can you find me beautiful?

I felt his muscles contract right before he whispered, "Ye're beautiful. Ye're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen." He exhaled softly. "I'm no' worthy to even look at ye, let alone have ye as my mate, but I'm too selfish tae ever let ye go."

I didn't realize I'd said the words out loud until he spoke, and it just made me cry harder, because I believed him. I may not have understood how or why he could see past all the things that tormented me on the outside, but his words were sincere, pulled from his heart with all the anguish that surrounded us.

"We'll get through this," he said again and harder this time, his voice sounding more determined, as if there were no other options.

He kissed the back of my head, and I closed my eyes.

"I hope so. I really, really hope so."