Chapter 14

Odhran

Ihadn't had a full night's sleep since… gods, since Larkin was taken from me. And even though I now had her back, protected and safe with me, and would never let anyone hurt her again, I still couldn't rest.

I'd made it my normal to stay in her room and watch her sleep, something that helped calm me because she was within reach. I couldn't lose her again. I wouldn't.

I was a strong male, powerful, an alpha. I'd won countless battles, became a warlord. I was known for my savagery and brutality on the battlefield.

But when it came to Larkin… I was weak.

I was a coward and felt like I had no control.

I scrubbed a hand over my face, feeling my scruff and knowing I needed to shave. When we'd first gotten here, I made a pallet on the floor, but when all I did was toss and turn, I brought in the leather chair from the living room.

For hours, I'd just read, intermittently watching her sleep, hyper-fixated on the steady rise and fall of her chest. Then I said fuck the reading when she had her first nightmare. I couldn't concentrate anyway, but knowing she was reliving her trauma while she should be at peace and resting was like someone taking a spoon and digging out my heart.

I leaned forward and braced my forearms on my thighs, just watching her, thinking about the heinous shit the Assembly did to me in the short amount of time I was there. She had been in their clutches for decades, had dealt with that horror for so long.

My girl was strong, had survived, but the pain was still clutching at her.

The guilt ate at me, shame that if I'd been a stronger male and kept them away, then my female would never have been hurt.

Her words echoed in my head, whispers about how she felt she was broken, that she was ruined. It had my eyes prickling and my chest becoming uncomfortably tight.

I hung my head and ran a hand over my eyes, knowing I'd spend the rest of my life proving to her that fate had given her a worthy male.

She made a soft sound, and I glanced up, seeing her fingers twitch and her eyes moving back and forth behind her closed lids. When she settled again and made a soft sigh, I scrubbed my hands over my face. I was running on pure adrenaline, so tired yet unable to rest.

I hated this for her, hated this for us. My vengeance and turmoil had fueled me for so long that now that I had her back, all I felt was this draining energy. I wanted to be the best mate I could for her, to lavish her with the affection and love she deserved. But in my heart, I still felt like I didn't deserve her, that I'd forever let her down.

For I'd broken the sacred trust between mates.

She had since buried herself inside my heart, had been a part of me for so long that the very idea of her not being mine made me physically ill.

I leaned back in the chair again and rested my head on the cushion, closing my eyes and feeling the heaviness of exhaustion start to weigh down on me. It was when that elusive sleep was so close—that I was jolted back to reality at the sound of her screaming.

I was up and out of the chair in seconds, cradling her small body in my arms as she gasped, waking up from her nightmare. I ran my hands over her hair, the scent of sea salt and coconut from the shampoo in the bathroom clinging to the silky raven strands.

Although she wasn't crying this time—thank the gods—she was gasping, clutching at my shirt, murmuring incoherently. I started singing to her softly in Gaelic, a song my mother used to sing to me right before I went to sleep.

When I first sang it to Larkin, just last night, she calmed relatively quickly. I'd felt the same way when my mother had done it to me, drifting off into the serene comfort until I felt like nothing could get me because she was there, because the words of the warrior protecting his family made it so. And I was glad I was able to offer some kind of solace to my mate.

"I'm so tired, Odhran," she finally whispered after long minutes of me just holding her.

I knew she wasn't talking about sleep. I knew she was talking about everything else.

"Odhran," she whispered again.

"What is it, my girl?" I kept stroking her hair.

"Can we leave here? Can you take me to see if my family's home is still standing? Can you take me home?"

I kissed the crown of her head and wrapped my arms more tightly around her. She curled her tiny body against mine, and my heart lurched in my chest. I wanted to be her shield, to ensure nothing and no one ever touched her again. I wanted to make her invincible.

"I'll take ye wherever ye want tae go. I'll follow ye tae the ends of the earth. Ye lead, I'll follow." There were truths I had yet to reveal, truths I hoped would ease her, make her happy.

I knew getting to our happily ever after wasn't going to be easy. Hell, I didn't even know if I had that ending in my story, but I hoped. I hoped like hell, prayed to the gods, bargained and pleaded, begged and sobbed.

I might be physically stronger, double her size and weight, and could level anything that stood in her way, but she was the one with all the power. I was putting it all in her hands.

All I wanted was Larkin. That was all I'd ever wanted.